Prelude- Things I hate

<3 Diary of BonBon <3

To Twilight Sparkle

Ponyville stopped being peaceful a long time ago. I blame Twilight Sparkle, Twilight sparkle… I hate you so much; I hate you so much it gives me energy. I hate you so much that I have to wake up early in the day to hate you, because there is not enough time in the day TO hate you.
I have found my mental health in a position where I have become cynical, hateful and downright full of bad thoughts. I call this being messed up. Not just messed up… Criminally messed up. I mean last night I was welcomed back home from a day of my shop- do you know my shop? You know the one… The one you have destroyed countless times, whether it was with your friends or during one of your psychotic experiments.

But yes, I returned home to see my room-mate having a party. Before you call me a stick in the mud, here’s the thing: 1. she is not allowed to have parties without telling me, and 2. she was making out with some random mare in front of the television.

In any other day before you came to this town and royally - and I do mean that literally now - ROYALLY screwed over mine and many other’s lives, I would have just yelled at her and locked myself in my room.

But this time I just stared, I looked on as drunk stallions and underage fillies walked about stinking of booze as they made out… watching the TV thump and shake to the deafening sound of the music… praying, watching that it would fall onto her head and explode like a rotten pumpkin.
You have made me into this mare, Twilight sparkle. You have made me into this and I swear by the stars and sun that something horrifying happens to you. I hope that one day that sonic boom causing winged buffoon flies to your home and knocks in a beehive to sting out your Celestia damned EYES.

~~~

To Fluttershy

I don’t trust you; no pony in all of Equestria should trust you. I’m an earth pony and I am saying that you are far too hippie to not be suspicious, and I was right. Oh I was so right when I saw your true colors; acting so sweet with your friends and being polite and shy to the townsfolk. BUT NO! I have seen the true face of evil in your fur, in your eyes and in your home. You fraternize with the one thing on this plain of existence that can and has quite literally, taken all that I have loved and behold and made it shit on my dreams. You cuddle up with Discord. You are rubbing up to the deity of chaos, destruction…

You have filled me with shame and made me lose all hope in pony kind. And I really hate how everyone likes you, I want to… kill and eat the ponies I overhear in town say “Oh wow, fluttershy is so nice” Or “Fluttershy is so cute” I want to see them, watch me, EAT THEM of how much I HATE you and anyone that thinks nicely of you.

Did I mention ‘literally’ in terms of shitting on my dreams and belongings?

~~~

To Rarity

Please stop screaming…
You make me want to kill colts and fillies.
I will come to your house and personally amputate all your limbs and cut out your eyes.
So please, stop screaming. Or else I will be the worst possible THING.

Sincerely, a very sleep deprived pony.

~~~

To Pinkie Pie.

On behalf of my household, I would like to say thank you for the years of such amazing service, excellent pastries, and desserts and of course catering. What else I would like to say is that you are simply the life of the party, party incarnate! Always there to celebrate anything big or small and forever make a memory for a certain somepony.
However there is one thing you did that had me a little annoyed.

What on this blessed earth made you think that a “First time inviting your date in for coffee” party was appropriate, especially as we were ‘having coffee’ And the said cake was horrifying to say the least… shaped in my date’s private parts. Colors and all.

I can never look at a dessert ever the same again, and I hope every piñata you break open is full of scorpions. I hope they go inside of you, sting you to death, and make their new home out of your confetti filled corpse.

P.S I think it’s time for you to throw a death threat party!

~~~

To Applejack.

You know, farmers aren’t really ponies. I just want to start off saying that. I don’t know if you can read this, since with all the “YEE HAW” And your incredibly racist inbred family tree. I mean I’ve seen you eye Zecora like you’ve seen her eat a filly. You make me scared I’m going to be beaten and worse when I step out my home, knowing you and your relatives are nearby… I thought this town was going somewhere but then one day you come by and spread the mud and STENCH of your kind to set this town back further than the dark ages.

This is me being honest here, you love honesty don’t you?
Well honestly we all at Ponyville know that we just need your mindless lot to get the apples and kill pigs. Yes, kill pigs. Don’t think we don’t know, how else are you going to feed half of Evilshy’s animals and your strange dog. WHAT’S WRONG WITH HER FACE.

P.S Your brother is hot, is he good in bed?

Sincerely, the collected community that hopes we will be more than just Equestria’s butt sweat.

~~~

To Rainbow Dash.

You make me wake up, in nearly every nap or early morning… screaming. I scream thinking we’re being attacked and that there is no hope for us. I can’t see out my window and I begin having panic attacks. And then I hear your voice, pumping yourself up like the jocks back in UCC.

I've seen you take naps upon clouds, I've watched and wondered how you get by in your life doing that so much but keep such a sweet job, it’s the talk in our little sewing circle.

Sometimes I still have the adrenaline from my abusive wake-up call still quivering my limbs as I watch you. And then on cue, the little orange fan of yours comes galloping towards you, bouncing for attention and calling your name. Sometimes you return a gesture, or even tell her to buzz off… And I wonder to myself, with what little sleep I do have. What are the chances that one day I am going to grab that little filly… open her up, plant a bomb inside her and tell her, “The only way to get out of this alive, is to go to Rainbow dash.”

I’ll do all this just as you’re having your regular nap, and they’ll come running to you like always… and right as you ignore them as per usual, I’ll detonate it. And only THEN you will feel how I feel every DAMN time!!!

Sincerely, PTSD suffering nap enthusiast.

Author's Note:

The journal and start of a grand adventure! yaaay.

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Comments ( 14 )

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SiIver Spoon

SiIver Spoon #1 · Nov 25th, 2014 · 2 · 8 ·

Expect a review soon. XD I'm not gonna review this story.

Ernest Wood

Ernest Wood #2 · Nov 25th, 2014 · · 1 ·

This was... The funniest shit I've seen all afternoon! I love stories like this because the're so rare nowadays! Anyways onto the story itself: The story is good and had me laughing through it, and there were no grammar mistakes or atleast any I could find. Our main character Bonbon was interesting and who knew she hated that many of the main six? Anyways I really did enjoy this story allot, and I hope you have a good day and write many more great stories.

Sincerely: Ernest Wood

Perteks

Perteks #3 · Nov 25th, 2014 · 3 · ·

BonBon is clearly not amused

Ginja_X

Ginja_X #4 · Nov 25th, 2014 · · ·

that was... confuzzling. it was humorous, nonetheless

Samey90

Samey90 #5 · Nov 25th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Bon Bon needs to get laid... Alternatively, she deserves a well-placed kick in the butt.

To be honest, I've seen this concept many times before (Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student, RainbowBob's Dear Princess Celestia: I hate you, Aku's Alcohol's Effects on Friendship come to my mind). In comparison with those, this story falls kinda meh so far.

I think the main problem with writing the frustrated characters, like Bon Bon here, is showing their frustration while making them at least somewhat likeable to the audience. They need a reason to do so (maybe everyone else is stupid, or they're constantly stressed for some reason), or have to be written in so over-the-top way that it crosses the line twice (just what Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Students does). Bon Bon here is neither; there's barely any build-up; she just sounds like a boring, sad jerk, complaining about everything. Applejack's part is the worst offender: I've read it a few times and I can't stop think what the fucking problem Bon Bon has with Applejack? Rarity at least annoys her with her screaming and I can get that Bon Bon lacks a distance to herself enough to get offended by Pinkie Pie's cake, but Applejack? All Bon Bon does is sounding pathetic, offending Applejack for some imagined reasons, because she apparently has wet dreams about Big Mac.

Genjen

Genjen #6 · Nov 25th, 2014 · 5 · ·

This started out amusingly enough but the quality of wit involved slowly degraded as swearing and gratuitous violence increased. It had some clever moments I truly enjoyed but overall it felt underwhelming by the last half. I'd say Pinkie's and Twilight's parts were the best the story had to offer.

As a side note, considering she's talking about ripping a filly open to plant a bomb inside her, amputating a certain someone, along with other murdery type stuff, you might want to consider a dark tag.

Jman14102