Kindness for a monster

My name is Kalokas. I am a monster of Ponyvillie but I'm no monster. But I wouldn't disagree as I do look like one. I mean they don't know about my hidden power...it's for the best.
But lucky for me I manage to make a friend.
A friend I never want to lose.
I would do everything in my power to keep her safe.
My friend.
My only friend.

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Comments ( 6 )

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thenamless

thenamless #1 · Nov 19th, 2014 · 1 · 4 ·

I have noticed so far that this story is getting a few dislikes. So I just want to say. Please feel free to tell me what makes you dislike it and I will try my best to fix it

Loganberry

Loganberry #2 · Nov 20th, 2014 · · ·

5289205 It doesn't flow, it just bounces from place to place like a series of disconnected lines without much explanation of what's going on. It also needs a lot of proofreading. For example:

I have a body of a loin.

That makes no sense at all. I assume you mean:

I have the body of a lion.

I advise you to look in some of the "find an editor/proofreader" type groups on the site, and ask someone to look over your story for you. If you could make it flow better and give the setup an explanation that fits with canon (since you haven't tagged this AU) then that would help.

Shadow-silver