Filly Rainbow Dash Loses a Race

After losing a flying competition, Rainbow Dash throws a HUGE tantrum. And the worst part... she lost to Fluttershy

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Tennis Match Fan

Tennis Match Fan #1 · Mar 27th, 2015 · · ·

OMG IT'S UP!!

StarTwist

StarTwist #2 · Mar 27th, 2015 · 1 · ·

5787298 I know!!

Tennis Match Fan

Tennis Match Fan #3 · Mar 27th, 2015 · · ·

5787324 "Now everyone will come when you're asleep and downvote your story like a swarm of angry hornets."

OMG that kills me.

StarTwist

StarTwist #4 · Mar 27th, 2015 · 2 · ·

5787341 Hilarious

Mix-Tape Mare

Mix-Tape Mare #5 · Mar 27th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Filly Rainbow Dash Looses a Race
After loosing a flying competition, Rainbow Dash throws a HUGE tantrum. And the worst part... she lost to Fluttershy

"Lose" is the opposite of "win", "gain", or "find."
"Loose" is the opposite of "tight."

Also, when punctuating and capitalizing your dialogue tags, this:

"Hey, that's not fair!" She exclaimed indignantly.

is incorrect. When dialogue is followed by a who-said-it-and-how dialogue tag, they are always considered to be one single sentence, and the first word after the closing quote mark is never capitalized, unless it's the speaker's name (or the pronoun "I", if you're writing in first person). Even if the dialogue ends with a ? or ! mark, the tag following it is still considered part of the sentence and does not get capitalized unless it's a name.

(On the other hoof, you do get partial credit for knowing that when the character's spoken sentence would end with a period if written by itself, you use a comma to separate the spoken dialogue from the following dialogue tag. That bit, you mostly got correct , although I spotted a couple of slip-ups here and there.)

keaton-furman-prower

keaton-furman-prower #6 · Mar 27th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Well, I guess after losing like that Rainbow needed something to take her frustration out on. How fortunate that there were two perfectly usable punching bags in her general vicinity

VGI

VGI #7 · Mar 27th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Short and sweet.

Nice.

Thumbs up. Shelving. Done.

PS: You might want to consider putting the author's note at the top, not the bottom. I almost read the whole story thinking that RD and Flutters were already mares. Thankfully I realized immediately that they are still foals. The reader would appreciate not having to do that anymore by having the author's note on top.

StarTwist