The life of infant Howard Awesome Stark(1) followed a rather routine schedule. Early in the morning, he would wake up crying, hungry for mother's milk. A set of cyan hooves would immediately lift him up from his crib as his big sister would fly him to his Mother's arms, making funny faces the entire way for his entertainment. His favorite was when she waggled her face with her tongue hanging out while making nonsense noises. Once in his mother's arms, he would nurse his fill. His father would then burp him, talking about how big he was getting so fast.
After that, Howard rode his sister's back to the play area, where he bounced blocks and balls around the room with her. Occasionally, his blonde godfather(2) would come in and play with him, making his toy dinosaurs fight each other. "What a mighty warrior you are growing into being!" he would then declare. "Just like your Father!"
After that, he would spend some time with the jolly green giant, sitting in his gentle, massive hand as they rode around on the back of the real dinosaur that lived in the ocean in the basement. As he took in the sights as the great beast lunged around the buildings, he would laugh and clap his hands, never able to get enough.
Some time later, he would be hungry again, and the jolly green giant would take him back to his Mother for more nursing. The Metal Man would then take him. "Initiating gas expulsion procedure," he would say, lightly patting him on the back to burp him. "Chassis has suffered contamination, he would say if not everything stayed down, followed by, "Engaging cleansing process." Howard never got tired of watching the 'magic light' clean the Metal Man.
The Metal Man was also always nearby whenever Howard's diaper was soiled. Almost immediately upon Howard getting wet or stinky, the Metal Man would say, "Changing protocol initiated," and swoop in to begin changing the diaper. Generally, the Metal Man would have the dirty diaper off and disposed of, Howard's nether regions wiped clean, powder applied, and a fresh diaper on before Howard had finished trying to puzzle the meaning of protocol.
"Initiating play protocol," the Metal Man would then say. "Coochie coo."
The total monotone the Metal Man said that in always struck Howard as hilarious, and he would giggle uproariously as the Metal Man tickled him.
After another nursing, Howard would find himself in the arms of the quiet blue man. He would read to Howard, showing him the book and letting him play with it. Howard didn't quite grasp words yet, but he could tell the squiggles on the pages and the sounds the blue man made were connected based on how his finger moved.
Near Christmas, one-eyed Santa Claus would also stop by, complaining vociferously about the red suit right up until the moment when he saw Howard. Then he would Ho-Ho-Ho and scoop him up, blowing a raspberry on his belly to make Howard laugh. One-eyed Santa Claus showed up other times for similar interactions, but he only dressed the way he was supposed to around Christmas.
After another feeding and changing, and a full day of stimulation, Howard would then curl up to sleep through the night. His big sister, the cyan pony with the rainbows on her back, would curl up beside him, tucking him in between her wings. With a last kiss goodnight from everyone, he would sleep the night away, knowing tomorrow would be even better than today.
Sitting back after a full day of running the company, protecting the planet, being a family, and raising their infant son, Tony and Pepper sat back comfortably in bed, watching through cameras and via the baby monitor the slumber of their two children.
"We aren't so bad as parents, are we?" Tony said companionably, smiling at his beloved wife.
Pepper chuckled. "We have a lot of help," she pointed out.
"Most parents do, one way or another," Tony countered. "We do have a strange family."
Pepper sighed thoughtfully. "Tony, do you think this upbringing might...negatively affect Howard's upbringing?"
"In what way?" Tony asked, confused.
"Well...he's not exactly having a normal childhood," she replied.
"That depends on how you define normal," Tony countered. "It certainly seems normal to him. Besides, even without the Asgardians, the superheroes, and the pony sister, we're the one percent of the one percent. 'Normal' was never going to be in his lexicon. At least this way his weirdness and social awkwardness will come from who he knows rather than being a spoiled rich kid."
Pepper couldn't help but chuckle at that. "I suppose," she admitted. "But what about teasing? How is he going to deal with that? His name does leave the door open for it, right?"
Tony smirked. "And exactly how long do you think he'll remain a target for bullies when his counter for teasing that actually hurts his feelings is 'I'ma tell Hulk on you'?"
Pepper tried really hard not to laugh at the mental image of that poor bully's face. She really did. "As long as that doesn't get in the way of normal socializing," Pepper pointed out.
Tony lay back in bed. "I'm not worried," he said simply. "With everything he's got going for him, by the time he's in school he'll be the cool kid on campus. And Rainbow's stories of her own brief time in public school - and my own school stories - will help him recognize the difference between a real friend and someone just in it for his toys." He wrapped his arm around Pepper. "I know it's in your nature to worry, Pepper...but this time, everything really is under control. Howard may not have a childhood that remotely resembles 'normal' by the traditional definition...but it will be happy and healthy. I can guarantee that."
Pepper leaned into the embrace with a happy sigh. "I suppose you're right. ...I love you, Tony."
"Love you too, Pep," he replied, kissing her on the forehead.
They lay in silence for a time. "So how long until something happens to cause chaos all over again?" Pepper asked.
"I've got money on with Steve that it happens by Howard's third birthday," Tony replied without opening his eyes.
"As long as we're on the same page," Pepper murmured as she relaxed into slumber.
(1) Pepper would never live down agreeing to let Rainbow choose her baby brother's middle name.
(2) Thor was a good friend of the family after all, and Tony hadn't been able to resist the irony of Howard's godfather being an actual god, as far as mythology was concerned.
hadn't been able to resist the irony of Hoawrd's godfather being an actual god
1. Howard's. but yes, the irony of it.
I can imagine it now. Mr. Awesome to the meeting room. I repeat, would Mr. Awesome Stark proceed to the meeting room. And no, this is not me asking Howard you doing.
Howard "Awesome" Stark? You know what, because of the awesomeness of your April Fools chapter, I'll buy this,
How big is Zuki now? Doubtlessly smaller than Zilla if he can be allowed to be out in the city without his mere presence causing wanton destruction.
5816674
About the size of Zilla now, but with Asgardian repair tech available, anything he breaks is fixed by the end of the day, since New York is the base for the permanently assigned Warriors of Valhalla.
dawww
5816638 that was very punny
5816686
I'll swallow that for now since it's not worth trying to be overly realistic... but there is very little damage a creature the size of Zilla could accidentally do in an urban metropolitan environment that wouldn't be an immediate, acute danger to life and limb. In addition, NYC is the most crowded city in North America. There is nowhere safe to step.
5816724
Special inter-building ceiling height highway built specifically for Zuki to walk on.
5816732
5816736
When comic book physics reach the point of 'screw reality', anything is possible!
Alternatively, everyone uses underground transit that goes from building to building. Or has flying cars. Which do you think is most realistic given the setting?
Well, that was adorable! And, to Howard, Rainbow will be his BSBFF!
I don't know what's funnier; the thought of Odin dressed up as Santa, or Nick Fury. Both only have one eye, and both would probably dislike the suit...
Either way, I wonder how they convinced them to do it. Rainbow's weaponized cuteness, perhaps?
Edit: Still no mention of Banner.
See in the comics they would have just relocated Zuki to The Savage Land by now. Or Namor's realm if Zuki needs the ocean.
5816775
Zuki wouldn't let them. She's Rainbow's puppy, after all.
As long as we're on the same page? Their not even reading the same book writing one YES
At least Dash didn't name him Awesome. I know someone with that name.
Their life sucks.
5816777
Well that is a Tony Stark thing to do. You know, retrofit the city to be Kaiju-safe instead of just moving his main residence to Hawaii...
i wonder how they will deal with rainbow estrus?, she is around the age for it already.
5816777
Yeah, and can I just say everything in this chapter was Awesome? ...lol...ok, the heck with it!!
Yes...yes, I just did ALL of them because of that pun...I'm a horrible person.
That said, loving this fic, loving the chapters, and frankly you sir, rock out loud! Well done!
5816867
That...
...okay, I hadn't thought of that. That would be interesting.
"the quiet blue man," the only one I can think of is Cap, but he wouldn't be in uniform all the time, so who's this blue man?
5816838 That's assuming that Tatsurou goes by the impression that ponies have estrus cycles. Outside of certain well-done clopfics, though, I find it difficult to swallow that an entire sapient race has a specific season where their libido skyrockets, and they're in the mood to do just about anything to satisfy themselves. That's a mark of a baser animal, not a dominant species.
I have read all of this story, over the last two weeks and remained silent for the most part. Having seen TWO updates today, I would like to comment my say in this.
As is my usual style of criticizing, negative first. I was expecting more action, more suit flying and more butt kicking. The series as a whole seems to be more of a "Read how the avengers react to rainbow" over the idea of Rainbow being an actual crime fighter.
Now for positive, I'm not upset with this view, I just wasn't expecting it. I personally laughed so hard that I called my brother to tell him when I read that loki freaked out to some "Pink Devil". I have had many moments of smiles, WTFREAKS, and many other moments that kept me reading. Personally I almost rage quit when Odin saved Tony, screaming in rage "WHY IS THERE A DEUS EX MACHINA!" until I read the title of the chapter, facepalmed, and just laughed.
The only thing I would change is the hulk. While I enjoy the prospect of the hulk doing crazy things for rainbow, I really wanted to see bruce interact with Rainbow, and the idea of the hulk being turned into a comic cronk just bugs me a bit. But this bit is so small that I shrugged it off and kept reading.
Keep going bro. The Scootaloo dream made me laugh, and overall, I am glad I have read this. I am looking forward to more action, comedy, and awkward moments as Rainbow proves normal life sucks.
....well you got the nick part right buuuuut I think you're missing some saint.
5816932 I'll be honest, that sounds awesome, especially if you go with the Discord is Q thing which is heavily implied by the show because that would open up a ton of room for fun chaos.
5817016 An estrus cycle making ponies walking sex machines is really only used in lazy clop fics (and parodies of them) because it is a cheap excuse for pointless sex so you should not expect that in any serious story. Serious stories (and a few of the better clop fics) that use estrus simply treats it as a biological and by extension cultural difference between ponies and humans (and a very believable one at that because most mammals have an estrus cycle) which they are used to and fully capable of controlling themselves during in spite of the increased libido. Granted they are also usually masturbating relatively often during that time, but that is just a way of taking care of the biological urges without getting pregnant so it is to be expected.
Besides, Rainbow is going to have to hit sexual maturity at some point and that is going to cause changes that Tony and Pepper will not be able to fully predict because of the difference in species so there is really no way it will not be a major event in the story.
5816993 I'm thinking it's JARVIS's interactive avatar.
5816993
Steve prefers to wear blue even when not in uniform.
That's so sweet. Tony's naming his son after his father.
Hulk is going to kill you when he finds this.
5816331 Actually, Data had a pet cat, so the precedent is already there.
Compare to kids whose parents were hippies, Awesome is actually quite a decent middle name.
Or you know, Celestia being raised by Dumbledore.
Both are wise old teachers, both are powerful beyond imagining, and both are highly respected and revered throughout their respective realities.
Man! I wanted there to be twins, one human, one pony Scootaloo! Ah well.
5817016
To be honest, I hear this a lot, and it really irritates me. The reason being that this is not scientifically supported. I'm going to assume you mean 'sapient' and not just 'dominant' for this.
The problem with this is that we are the only sapient species ever known to exist, so we have no control group. You can't say "No sapient species ever has a heat cycle" any more than you can say, "Sapient species must be near-hairless upright apes". A heat cycle is very much a possibility in a sapient species. While it's true they wouldn't turn into psycho sex addicts, a heavily increased libido and the desire to procreate will be an issue. Hell, human women experience these things at their peak fertility, just to a lesser degree. Seriously, go to a club and you can guess who's the most fertile by how revealing their clothes are with surprising accuracy (only offset by the skanks).
The benefit of an annual estrus cycle over a monthly cycle is that the chances of successful fertilization are much, much higher as the body can afford to expend more resources on reproduction. It also reduces the total amount of time one spends in a state of hormonal imbalance. The fact is, if you ask me, we're likely the oddity, and an annual estrus cycle is more effective for sapient races.
The adorability of this fic has increased from 10 to 20000^9887742
Try to translate this: Sinä olet todella mahtava
Its written in finnish :D
I am suffering fro daww over load.
good chapter.
Harts Fire
5817729
translation- you are really awesome
Howardis so awsome is that the only people able to teach him we're Gods...and a talking pony, but mostly Gods!
This. So much this it hurts.
5818028 HAVE MORE THIS!!!!!
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5816744 In this case, the most realistic thing is that Zuki was trained to walk with the grace of a ballerina to prevent creating kaiju-sized holes in the ground and buildings
5818432
Assuming anyone could get Zuki to care.
You should have Squirt call RD Renboo Desh, or just Renboo.
KAWAII DESU!
5818750 If anyone could get Zuki to care, it would be Rainbow Dash
5819970
Assuming Rainbow doesn't think it makes more sense in the long run to teach the entire population of New York how to dodge.
5817708
Dood, I see you EVERYWHERE! not that that's a bad thing, though. Your fics are awesome.
Anyway, Yay! Another chapter! and Nick Fury is now "one eyed Santa"......Why is my brain saying this has to be a thing in an actual Avengers movie?
5821011
...that's Odin...
5817016 *Lord Alondro, the Deus Ex Insert, watches humans engaging in 'booty calls'* Define 'animal'...
5821011 Thanks . It's nice to be noticed.