Exercise in Absurdity
Tony lay back happily as the first rays of the morning sun began to penetrate his sleeping quarters near the top of Avengers Tower. He couldn't really call it early morning, since by the time the sun rose high enough for its light to clear other buildings and come in the window, the day was almost half over. But then, he didn't actually have anything planned for today for once, so he could afford to take it easy.
Besides, with his wife Pepper curled up in his arms, he had no urgency whatsoever to move from the warm, comfortable bed.
Just to make sure he could take this time to relax and take it easy, he went over a mental checklist of anything that might get in the way. At this time of day, Rainbow would still be in her cloud bed. Short of an emergency or exciting activity she was looking forward to, she rarely rose before noon unless someone insisted or something big disturbed her sleep. Hawkeye and Black Widow were patrolling today to give everyone else the day off. Nick Fury had reduced Avengers activity so as to give time for Ultron 19 to adjust to living at Avengers Tower, and for the Avengers to adjust to Ultron 19. The Stark Industries employees knew not to disturb Tony in his sleeping quarters for anything short of the end of the world - or anything Rainbow related - if Pepper was staying over from the night before, since their busy schedules didn't always leave them time to properly enjoy married life.
"What puny robot think he doing at Rainbow's room?"
"It is my turn to accompany her on her morning sojourn through the city."
"Was robots turn yesterday! Is Hulk's turn today!"
...And Hulk and Ultron were arguing over who would get to take Rainbow out for her morning walk around the city. Groaning, he put his hand to his face as Pepper covered her head with a pillow.
"You have had several years more of turns with Rainbow. I must catch up."
"You get late start! You no get to catch up, or Hulk never have turn again!"
"I can fly with Rainbow, should the fancy strike her."
"Morning walks not for flying! For meeting people!"
"And if she should desire to exercise her wings instead of her thrusters?"
"She always fly circles around Hulk's head!"
Tony groaned in frustration. Ever since Ultron moved in, he and Hulk had engaged in a strange rivalry for Rainbow's time. Pepper had told Rainbow to take notes, as that would be good experience for when she had to deal with men fighting over her. Rainbow had promptly asked why Hulk and Ultron weren't using mud pits. Clint Barton was promptly forbidden from hanging out with Rainbow unchaperoned.
"I am far better at blending in with other humans than you are. I can create a human holographic disguise."
"Hulk not need disguise! People like seeing Hulk and Rainbow together!"
Tony shook his head. Sometimes the reasons they used to argue who should have a turn today had merit. Sometimes they were completely pointless.
"I look better in a dress than you do!"
"HULK'S BEACH BALLS BIGGER THAN PUNY ROBOT'S!"
And sometimes they were so patently absurd that Tony and Pepper couldn't help but laugh.
"Would you two stop arguing?" Rainbow butted into the argument. "You woke me up too early!"
"He started it!" the two super powered beings shouted, and Tony could easily visualize them pointing accusingly at each other.
Rainbow scoffed. "I don't care who started it! I'm getting sick of you two arguing like children over who spends more time with me. Last I checked, I was the 12 year old here!" She could be heard snorting in disgust. "Both of you act like the mature adults you're supposed to be, or you can both stay here and I'll take my morning walk with Steve!"
Hulk snorted in disbelief. "Hulk not buy bluff. Captain not dress up as nanny for you!"
"Care to wager on that, Hulk?" Steve Rogers could be heard saying rather defiantly.
The only hint Tony or Pepper had of what was going on was a strange clang - Tony jokingly speculated it was Hulk's jaw dropping - and Rainbow's snickering. Then they got confirmation. "You seriously plan to go out wearing that?"
"You two do," Steve replied.
Tony and Pepper both looked at each other in surprise. "This I've got to see!" they said together, quickly scrambling for their clothes before rushing out to the main room.
Hulk, as usual, was in his Mrs. Doubtfire outfit. Ultron was dressed as Nanny McPhee. And Captain America was wearing a Mary Poppins dress over his usual costume. Rainbow, for her part, was struggling not to laugh. However, the moment she turned to face Tony, she fell onto her back in peals of laughter. Steve, for his part, raised his eyebrow. "You want to be Rainbow's Nanny today, too?" he asked jokingly.
Looking down, Tony realized that in his and Pepper's scramble for their clothes, they had accidentally put on each others - save undergarments - and he was now wearing Pepper's dress from last night, while she was wearing his shirt and pants. "Now wait," he began. "This wasn't intentional-"
At that moment, Thor stuck his head out of his room. "What manner of ruckus awakens us this morning?" he demanded. He glanced from one of his companions to the other. "By Odin, is this some new celebration where we dress as the opposite gender?" Before anyone could respond, he grinned widely. "What jocularity! I shall join you!" He ducked back into his room. There was the sound of rapid clanging, and when he came back out, his armor had been temporarily altered so that he resembled the stereotypical fat lady from Wagnerian Opera.
Rainbow laughed even louder, then squealed happily as an idea hit her. "Let's all go out today like this!" she said happily, quickly donning her little modified pants suit for formal occasions. "A family outing!"
"You're kidding, right?" Tony asked worriedly.
She wasn't kidding.
It didn't take much to get Tony going along with things. A single suggestion from Pepper that it might be fun - coupled with Rainbow's cutest begging pout - wore down his resolve in under a minute. As a result, he now walked down the streets of New York in a dress, alongside his cross-dressing superhero allies, his wife, and his daughter. Thankfully, attention was drawn first to Hulk, then to Ultron, then to Thor, then to Captain America, so few people actually recognized him before their brains refused to interpret what they were seeing anymore. Those few who did, Tony dealt with by pointing at Rainbow and mouthing, "Her idea." With luck, he would gain the reputation of an overindulgent father rather than a closet cross-dresser.
Any thoughts of escaping so unscathed were abandoned the minute they hit Broadway. Grinning widely, Rainbow pointed right at Hulk and said, "Hit it!"
Grinning widely, Hulk took hold of his skirts and proceeded to prance down the road, swaying his skirts as he attempted to dance. He also...well, calling it singing would have been an insult to musicians everywhere, Tony chose to mentally refer to it as "bellowing in harmony".
"Hulk feel pretty! Oh so pretty! Hulk feel pretty and witty and gay~! And Hulk pity, any girl who isn't Hulk today! FA LA LA LA LA LA LA-LA!"
Hulk then proceeded through the entire song and dance routine, the Captain and Thor acting as his back up singers, his dance steps leaving divots in the road.
At the end of the song, Ultron stepped forward. "You do not understand proper music. Allow me to demonstrate." Ultron then proceeded to perform the entire number again his way. Tony was forced to admit that Ultron's singing voice - despite sounding somewhat auto-tuned - had a much more pleasing timbre, a more bearable volume, and his dance steps were far more graceful and didn't damage the pavement.
Captain America - and, at Pepper's cajoling, Tony as well - each then took their turns at the musical number, each singing in a slightly different style. Thor finished off the round by singing the song in an Operatic mode that matched his attire, resulting in heavy applause from a rather large gathering of civilians. Without warning, many more young men and women came out onto the road - each dressed in the stereotypical clothing of the opposite gender - and the entire amassed group began performing all the musical numbers of West Side Story, the women singing the male parts and the men singing the female parts.
The spontaneous musical flash dancing didn't end there, as the entire group got so into it that they continued into other musical performances. At one point, even Hulk sounded precocious. The entire routine continued unabated for several hours.
Nick Fury leaned back, watching the security feeds over New York. The cameras were programmed to automatically feed him any activity that was excessively unusual. This was not what he expected to see when he turned on the urgent broadcast.
After a time of staring, he simply groaned and buried his face in his hands. "What the hell are you thinking, Tony?"
In a place between places, somewhere on the near side of Nowhere and the far side of Everywhere, Loki stared at the view of New York City on the world Thor loved so much. His eyes were wide, his brow was twitching, and he clutched his spear like it could protect him from what he was witnessing.
"Perhaps I should leave Earth alone after all," he murmured to himself. "If even the Hulk and that machine have fallen to that pony's whims...I do not think I would look good in a dress..."
"Okie Dokie, Loki!" drifted on the ether winds from somewhere.
"Stay back, Pink Devil!" Loki cried, throwing himself away from the source of the voice.
The next morning, the entire team was gathered around the breakfast table dressed more normally. Tony, having come down from the high that somehow had consumed the entire city during the musical, feared the possible press related repercussions of their absurd antics. Glancing around, however, no one else seemed worried. Thor was eating his food without thought. Ultron was watching them all inscrutably. Hulk was stuffing his face without concern. Steve was calmly drinking his coffee. Rainbow had her face buried in her cereal bowl.
Sighing, Tony picked up the newspaper. He started to sweat when he saw that the picture of the five of them dancing down the street in drag covered the entirety of the front page. When he saw the headline, however, he could only groan.
Avengers Show Wholehearted Support of Rainbow Pride Day
He showed the article to Rainbow, pointing at the headline. "Did you know about this?"
"Well, if they were all so eager to meet me, I could hardly stay away, could I?" Rainbow asked jokingly.
Tony groaned. Hulk snorted in amusement. Steve tilted his head in confusion. Ultron said nothing, but seemed amused.
Thor started waving his arms around wildly, slamming his face into the table repeatedly.
"Thor!" Tony asked quickly in concern. "What's gotten into-"
"Buk-KAK!" Thor crowed loudly without warning.
The entire table save two burst into uncontrollable laughter. Ultron stared at the Asgardian, into whom he was directing a steady stream of the encephalo-ray to directly manipulate his actions, rather than implanting hypnotic suggestions. "I fail to see the humor," he said sadly. "Perhaps I have become too highly evolved to appreciate such comedy." He glanced around at everyone else's enjoyment. "A pity," he said at last. "They look like they're all having...fun."
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Never thought I'd see the day... Ultron is good again.
Ahahahaaha! !!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pink Devil, indeed.
I...I have no words to describe how off kilter this chapter is
pinkie:but you like my cameo tatsurou said I can be in the story later as a comedic foil for loki...or maybe THE VILLIAN BWAHAHAHA
loki:(from far away) I SAID BACK FOUL PINK DEVIL
DS:uhh again no words on how weird this chapter is...in a good way one thing tony, hulk, ultron, even thor I understand but you should never put the cap in lady's clothing (shivers)just not right
Uh oh they have Pinkie! Um I think their Equestria is screwed, two of the elements are not their anymore
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahabahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i fucking love this story! it's amazing!
NO. FUCKING. WAY. This is BRILLIANT.
fuck........ PINKIE GET OUT OF THERE!!!!!!!!!!!
I...I...I am so confused...
Achievement Unlocked: Creep major Super villain out.
on behalf of the collective of faceless ninjas, we have the following demands
1. we want to know the actions that lead to Clint Barrow A.K.A. Hawkeye to be banned from being alone with Rainbow Dash, the after and before of such banishment
2. we also want to know what activities does Natasha Romanova A.K.A. Black Widow performs around Rainbow Dash
3.WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO DEPRIVE US FROM RAINBOW DASH BIRTHDAY PARTY she was eleven when she meet Ultron 19 and now she is twelve, we demand an answer or we will unleash the full party horrors of faceless ninja Pinkie Pie...
smile smileeee........
5731781
1. He's the reason she asked why the guys fighting over her weren't mud wrestling.
2. She hasn't interacted with Rainbow much yet. She's worried Rainbow will dull her edge.
3. I haven't written a single birthday party chapter with her yet. I was saving that for her 13th birthday.
5731698 you know after few watching avengers then rereading this chapter I'm now convinced that Loki had blue eyes not because of the mind control staff, but because pinkie pie made him ride the crazy train, crash it, and run from the wreckage in the nude screaming.
5731655 ULTRON IS BEST ROBOT IN THIS STORY!
Jarvis doesn't count. He's best AI!
5731786
1. the collective would like to know if that was the only offense from said individual or there were more, and how is his behavior around her now
2.understood
3. she is watching you while waiting for the thirteen.... for your own good dont disappoint her
5731833
1. Honestly, I don't have a good enough grasp of him to write him well. Besides, this cast of characters is crazy enough as is.
3. As that's the next chapter...
This just gets better and better.
I'm suddenly very curious whether Pinkie was actually there, or if she's tormenting Loki long distance from Greece.
Loki: leave me alone, Pink Devil!
Pinkie: Not until you introduce me to Sleipnir! I like em leggy!
5731844
1. the collective understands
2. she waits...
5731858 42 pounds? Why does 42 seem to be the answer to everything?
Every now and then, fanfiction writers surprise me with just how ridiculous we can be. I love that the freedom we have without official publication creates these bizarre results! On this site alone, I've seen members of five different European heavy metal bands repel the 'Conversion Bureau' invasion with the magical power of rock, Celestia run off lovestruck after Terry Crews barged into the Canterlot throne room screaming about 'double sun POWER!', and a crystal-superpowered Spikezilla beat Tirek to a bloody pulp while shouting rejected Hulk Hogan quips as the Equestrian Royal Guard looked on in amusement. This? This just joined my Top Ten List of all crackfics of all time.
You done good, Tatsurou. You done real good. Thanks for that!
- Headwind
5731953
Except for this chapter, this isn't meant to be a crackfic...
5731955 That's what I meant by my comment, the chapter. The story as a whole has been amusing as well, but in a more mundane manner. Sorry for the confusion there.
5731795 Seems about right.
when I read that Pepper, Ultron and several Avengers would be cross-dressing, I didn't think it could be any funnier
until they singing started, now I'm struggling to breath because that's just down right beautiful
also the image of Pepper, Ultron and several Avengers would be cross-dressing is now burned into my brain, thank you
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5728209
I just now noticed the 42 reference. According to marvel the hammer is made of uru, an Asgardian ore, and it weighs exactly 42.3 pounds. Now if it were to actually be made of a dying star, then the hammer would weigh nearly twice as much as the Earth. Being hit with it would be equivalent to the Little Boy bomb dropped on Hiroshima times three billion. You die. Period.
Then there's the laws of Gravity from our friend Newton. Any two bodies of mass will attract each other. Because a dying star is the densest known material(in theory), anything nearby(by nearby, I mean within a few hundred miles) would be pulled into the hammer. In the process of being pulled to the hammer, you would ripped to shreds,, exactly like how it would happen if you were nearby a black hole.
But then again, Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, is made of(thank the Asgardian gods) Uru and weighs only 42.3 pounds.
Guys, iron Man armor is in the later versions, basically magi-tech, even if the correct term would be more like superscience. Also, considering the fact Thor tends to trow his hammer around, deflecting it is not that hard, it takes a minor amount of energy to slighty change the trajectory of an object already in motion, as long as you dfont' try to make it go in the opposite direction. Plus, read back chapter one, Tony had included anti-Thor defenses in his armor, and Thor was not "playing" at full power. It was a friendly fight, not a death-match.
Also, Pinkie Pie is probably in the Warner Brothers universe, amending Tinny Toons Academy.
... So that happened. Also, I approve of the fact a large part of New York shrugged their shoulders, and went with it, while the other parts just assumed it was it was a weird (different) day and just kept on moving once their brains restarted. Because normal New Yorkers have seen some shit, but even they would stop and stare at this.
5731955
Marvel does crack occasionally, and some of these events are canon. Like Squirrel girl beating Thanos.
Omake!
Squirrel Girl looked at the pink pony, the pink pony looked back.
"Mommy?" Squirrel girl said, and the pink pony with poofy mane hugged her. "Nutsie!"
******
Instead of Pinkie Pie being adopted, she did adopt Squirrel Girl when she had become a child. Also lets face it, it would explain sooo much...
I love your writing. I can read it when I'm having a bad day and the is no way in hell that my day can stay bad because Im in to good of a mood.
OI! Pinkie! Let th' Asgardian be! Ye've got parties tha' need pannin'!
5731655
Not that the new one isn't amazing as well, it's just that Captain Janeway is 20% cooler! 
I mean, white-robed Raven is the epitome of kicking a**, but Captain Janeway went up against the Borg and WON, and she got her crew back to the Alpha Quadrant from the Delta Quadrant! 
In other news, this chapter was hilarious! I didn't quite get the ending though. 
Aw, what happened to your old profile pic?
I love this!^_^
This is good!^_^
Really great fanfic!^_^
It's so awesome!^_^
I want more!^_^
Actually according to my wife Tom might look good in a dress. And given that Loki is a known shapeshifter and mater of illusion, he could certainly pull it off. And yes I can see even Loki being scared of Spartan Pinkie.
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER give me MOAR
just,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,good,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,can't......................breath,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,to,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,much,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, laughter,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
a vary good chapter grate work.
Loved this chapter also can someone point me in the direction of the displaced pinkie foal story.
5732025 it's the magic of equestrian ponies, you have at least one in a crowd, you can get the entire crowd involved in a perfectly choreographed musical number.
You have to know that if the God of Pranks and Mischief is freaked out, you know you've won for life.
5731953 What kind if fanfics have you been reading?
Seriously. I want to read them too
5732553
I've read the Spikezilla fic he is talking about if you want to read it.
You have made me burst into laughter pretty much every time I read a new sentence in this chapter.
This is pure comedy gold! Not gold, platinum! Seriously, my whole body is sore from laughing so much now
Laughter is supposed to extend one's life. In that case, thanks to you, I am immortal now. Thanks!
I want to understand the last joke, I really do.
5732745 Re-read Rainbow meeting ultron again. They discuss his ray-thing.
…You're brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. How am I ever to top this?!
And why is Pinkie wherever Loki is? Is all this her doing?
5732840 Now I get it.