After saying his goodbyes to Thor, Tony leaned back to look down at Rainbow Dash, who was once more sitting happily on the examination table, staring up at him adoringly. "Okay, JARVIS, what now?"
"Your inquiry is rather vague," the computer pointed out. "Do you mean what now in general, what now in regards to investigations regarding Rainbow, or what now in regards to today?"
Tony rubbed his chin. "All three, but let's start with today. I mean, I've got a tiny Pegasus filly here from who knows where who sees me as her father. I wasn't exactly planning on parenthood any time soon, so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with her."
"Hug?" Rainbow offered helpfully, holding up her forelegs.
Smiling, Tony scooped her into an embrace. "While enjoyable, it's not a very productive suggestion." He felt her stomach rumble against his chest. "Was that hunger or indigestion?"
As he set Rainbow back down, she rubbed her tummy. "Hungy..."
Tony nodded. "I don't suppose you can tell me what you eat?" he asked hopefully.
Rainbow looked up at him in confusion. "...food?"
He stared at her flat-eyed. "Can you be more specific? What kind of food?"
Rainbow scratched her head, her face screwed up in concentration. "...tasty?"
Tony sighed. "JARVIS?"
"Perhaps calling down to the kitchens for a wide variety of food in small portions?" the computer suggested. "With any luck, we'll determine her preferred diet by trial and error."
Tony nodded. "Alright. Have the kitchen send up a little of everything we've got." He turned back to Rainbow. "What should we do until the food gets here?"
"What ghost voice?" Rainbow asked.
"Ghost voice?" Tony repeated, momentarily confused. "Oh, you mean JARVIS? He's the artificial intelligence computer I have here, linked into all the computers in the tower and my houses."
"Where?" Rainbow inquired, looking around.
"I am in all the machinery around," JARVIS replied.
"...where face?" Rainbow wondered.
"I do not have a face," JARVIS explained.
"Why not?"
JARVIS was quiet for a time. Eventually, the quiet became oppressive.
"Alright!" Tony relented finally. "I'll work on giving you a physical projection so you can put a face to your voice."
"That will be a unique experience," JARVIS commented.
Moment later, various mobile mechanicals exited the elevator, carrying a number of covered trays. The trays were conveyed to the table, where they were set down and uncovered, revealing a number of small portions of everything from filet mignon to filet of sol, from eggplant parmesan to eggs benedict, from apple strudel to avocados.
"Alright Dashie," Tony said with a relieved sigh. "Eat whatever you like." As Rainbow flew over to the food, he continued, "JARVIS, record observations."
"Recording."
Tony watched Rainbow sample the dishes as he spoke. "Subject Rainbow Dash's diet, assuming she knows what is and isn't okay for her to eat, seems to consist mostly of fruits and vegetables, although she also eats heavy grains, eggs, and fish. She seems to dislike red meat and chicken, although her body shows no signs of rejecting it. She also shows a great fondness for sweets. As far as beverages, water, milk, and fruit juices seem perfectly fine. Her preferred diet would appear to be lacto-ovo-pescetarian. ...she is also eating the flower centerpiece."
"Flowah tasty!" Rainbow said happily.
Right at that moment, one of the windows shattered explosively inward as a large, heavily muscled green figure burst in, landing heavily on the floor, shaking the entire room.
"Hulk!" Tony shouted in surprise. "What are you doing here? Why'd you come in through the window?"
"Doc detect stuff," Hulk explained, referring to his other persona of Bruce Banner. "We come check for danger."
Tony sighed. While it was good for Bruce and the Hulk that the two personalities had come to a truce of sorts after joining the Avengers, the Hulk was never exactly easy to deal with. "By stuff, do you mean the dimensional anomaly not too long ago?"
Hulk nodded. "Stuff!"
Tony rubbed his head. "Well, it's nothing to worry about. I have everything under control."
"Okay." Turning, Hulk saw the spread. Walking over, he grabbed a few trays of food and downed them, trays and all.
"Hey!" Rainbow complained, buzzing up into his face. "My food!"
Hulk chuckled. "Hulk's food now!" he said, reaching for a cake.
"I kick you butt!" Rainbow announced, zipping rapidly around him and kicking him repeatedly with all four hooves.
Hulk reached over and caught Rainbow in one massive hand. "Tiny pony fly fast," Hulk said. "Hulk make fly very fast!" He pulled his arm back.
"Hulk, don't!" Tony shouted. "She's just a-"
Hulk threw Rainbow towards a window. The window shattered. There was a massive explosion.
Sometime later, as Tony blinked to clear his eyes, he spoke. "JARVIS...what just happened?"
"Recounting events," JARVIS began. "When the Hulk threw Rainbow Dash, her body began generating energy that shaped a protective barrier around her form as her speed increased towards Mach 1. This protected her both from the window - which shattered before she impacted it - air friction, and g-forces. This field also allowed her to gain velocity in excess of what is allowed by physics as it is currently understood. When she exceeded Mach 5, the energy her body was generating underwent an explosive surge, represented by a vertically expanding circle of Rainbow colored light, shattering every window on this side of the building and cutting a gouge in the street below. A rainbow colored contrail also remains suspended in the air behind her for a great distance."
Tony stared out at the distant speck of Rainbow Dash. "Well, I hope she has the strength to come back-" He let out a startled oath. "JARVIS, did she just make a right angle turn upwards at those speeds?"
"Negative," JARVIS countered. "Scans show she executed a 91 degree turn into a parabolic course at a single point in the air, maintaining speed as she did so and suffering no after effects from the g-forces involved. Her arc will have her coming in for landing soon."
Rainbow finished her arcing flight as she came in for a landing on the table, burying her face in the contested cake from earlier. A seemingly solid rainbow arced through the sky to trace her path.
Hulk reached forward and grabbed the end of the rainbow as it disconnected from Rainbow. Finding he was able to grasp it, he pulled it towards his mouth and took a bite. "...spicy." Hulk lipped his lips. "Hulk like!" Sticking the end in his mouth, he then proceeded to slurp the rainbow up like an incredibly long noodle.
"JARVIS?" Tony asked, his voice on the verge of panic, "explain?"
"The rainbow contrail left behind by this feat appears to be pure energy of the sort she generates in flight, stabilized in a physical form." JARVIS was silent for a time. "I am unable to determine how or why the material energy is edible. I would not recommend attempting to duplicate the Hulk's actions."
Hulk smiled as he slurped up the end of the rainbow. "Hulk like!"
"Again!" Rainbow yelled happily.
Grinning, Hulk grabbed Rainbow and threw her out the window again, creating the same effect as before.
"I have done a deeper analysis of the energy given off by Rainbow Dash during this event," JARVIS spoke up.
"We need a name for this...whatever it is," Tony pointed out. "Hmm...it's like a sonic boom, but it makes a rainbow...let's call it a Sonic Rainboom for short. So what have you discovered, JARVIS?"
"The energy of the Sonic Rainboom appears to have identical wavelengths to part of the energy given off by the dimensional anomaly that Rainbow Dash arrived in."
"So the Sonic Rainboom played a part in her getting here?" Tony asked. "Then in time, it could be the key to figuring out where she came from."
"There is more," JARVIS continued. "It is also the same wavelength that the Ten Rings have in common."
Tony frowned. "...I see."
As Rainbow returned from her second assisted Sonic Rainboom, she giggled as she watched Hulk slurp up the rainbow from her perch on his shoulder. Once he finished slurping it up, she nuzzled his cheek. "Again!"
"Okay!" Hulk said happily, picking Rainbow up again.
"Wait!" Tony said, running in front of Hulk. "When you do that, Rainbow gives off energies similar to the Rings of the Mandarin! If you keep doing it, he might pick up the energy signal and come looking for her!"
Hulk blinked. "Angry green orange man want hurt tiny pony?" he parsed.
"If not hurt, he'd likely try to find a way to use her to make his Rings stronger," Tony pointed out.
Hulk snarled. "Hulk not let angry green orange man hurt tiny pony! Hulk break angry green orange man if he tries! Hulk strongest there is!" To emphasize his point, Hulk brought his fist down on the table, smashing it to bits.
Rainbow stared at the ruin of the table. "So awesome!" she squeed.
Tony stared at the remains of the table for a moment, then turned back to Hulk. "There's no telling when he might show up if he did detect the Rainbooms."
"Then Hulk stay!" Hulk insisted. "Hulk protect little pony!" Taking Rainbow in one massive hand, he stroked her mane with one finger of his other hand. "Pony cute."
"Not cute," Rainbow pouted. "Awesome!" Hulk merely chuckled.
Tony blinked for a bit. "Hulk...are you saying you want to hire on as Rainbow's bodyguard and...nanny?"
Hulk snorted. "Hulk not nanny!"
"Nanny?" Rainbow gasped, her eyes wide as she smiled up at Hulk.
Hulk stared at that face for as long as he could before the distilled adorableness broke him...exactly 3 seconds. "Fine! Hulk be nanny."
"Look paht?" Rainbow suggested, just as excited as before.
Hulk groaned.
Pepper Potts finally stepped out of the stairwell at the top floor of the tower, the elevators having been knocked out by whatever experiment of Tony's that had created that rainbow explosion. She stormed up to his office, ready to give him several pieces of her mind. What she saw when she swung the door open, however, left her stupefied.
Rainbow Dash and Tony stood on one side of the room, Rainbow suppressing giggles and Tony looking thoughtful. Following the line of their gazes, the reason for their reactions was obvious, as the Hulk filled the other side of the room...wearing a French maid outfit.
Tony finally spoke up. "Maybe the Mary Poppins look would work better."
Hulk tugged at the maid outfit. "But...this make Hulk feel pretty. Hulk...like feel pretty."
Rainbow Dash fell on her back, laughing uproariously as she rolled back and forth.
Pepper leaned against the wall. After a time, she sighed. "It's going to be one of those days," she said at last.
That... was almost too adorable for words.
Must have more...
Until next time...
Anon e Mouse Jr.
'snort'
Hulk the incredible Nanny and protector of cute little ponies
i wonder which hero is next to show up and fall for tye adorableness of filly Rainbow Dash
Isn't the hulk too unstable to really be around Rainbow, never mind be a part of any team> Also, why doesn't Bruce got to Xavier, maybe he can help him not be... well, himself
seriously, am i the only one who feels like Tony is not in character? or am i the only one bothered by it?
5184248
Keep in mind all characters are a mix of all representations of them I've seen, especially Tony, who is a mix of original Iron Man/Avengers Tony, Tony from Iron Man: Armored Adventures, and Tony from the first new Iron Man movie.
5184247
The Incredible Hulk is a creature fueled by rage and created by all of Bruce Banner's suppressed mental issues. However, several continuities have shown Hulk to actively seek out peaceful settings in nature where he is unbelievably gentle with animals, everything from bunny rabbits to deer.
H: "Hulk be Mrs. Doubtfire now. Hulk need wig, old lady dress, and two beach-balls."
TS: "Ooooookay... Is anybody else weirded out by how much the big green guy is getting into the nanny role?"
H: "Arrow-man be Teddybear and Spy-lady be puppy on leash!"
CB: "What?"
NR: "There is no way I'm going to..."
H: "ARROW-MAN BE TEDDYBEAR AND SPY-LADY BE PUPPY! ON!! LEASH!!!"
NR: "Just the leash or full costume?"
H: "...Puppy costume fine, if Spy-lady have one. Otherwise, just leash."
CB: "And suddenly I'm okay with being the Teddybear."
SR: "Well, Tony, since you're going on the wagon, how about I dispose of that alcohol for you?"
T: "Verily! I shall assist the good captain in this endeavor!"
TS: "Congratulations, Big Guy, you just drove Captain America to drink."
H: "Hulk tries."
5184288
oh yeah... banner's ad killed his mother
5181286
Oh..
Nvm...
Uh? Wut?
HAHAHA!
5181286 I found you!
wow, Hulk makes the perfect nanny. Rainbow Dash is so adorable.
Oh...My...GOD!!! Even now, I can't stop laughing, this is glorious Bull Manure as Dear Derpy Hooves once said in MLP Time Loops fic. Not gunna lie, this sounds like an extremely entertaining plot line if nothing else. Add in that it's well written and you have me on board sir/mam!! As an additional point, Hulk is gunna be our analogue for Pinky....isn't he? Moment he starts breaking the Fourth Wall along with everything else, I'm going out and eating a WHOLE DAMNED CAKE just because of REASONS!!
Seriously though, well done so far and I cannot wait for more. Especially how Cap and the other Avengers react to this. ...and when she grows up, I hope that title picture gets some screen time!
5184325 Yeah, the Hulk is a bundle of issues. More so after he loses his powers. Hulk is perfectly safe for Rainbow. Banner isn't.
Pfffff okay yes very funny. I was in a bad mood till just now but not anymore.
A word of caution though, try not to rely too much on this sort of absurdist humor, it's real easy to have reader fatigue develope from too much of a good thing. A touch or two per chapter but no more would be my recommendation.
All this needs to be perfect is a little pic of a filly rainbow dash! hey look I have one right hereth01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/297/1/8/filly_rainbow_dash_by_lazy_joe-d5iis1k.png
daaaaaaaaaaaaaw
5184764
Wait... what!
Too cute. Hulk would make for a good nanny to Rainbow Dash
5184315
Think you could give me the meaning of each set of initials? The only ones I recognize are 'TS' for Tony Stark, 'H' for Hulk, and 'T' for Thor.
5184859
I don't plan on using it for the entire story. Once everything's fully set up, there won't be as much.
That is one epic nanny, and he wont be taking any of your shit.
Next up on the crossover list: this and Fortresshy: The Nine Fathers. If it happens, then I dunno what anything will be anymore. Great chapter!
5185152
H = Hulk
TS = Tony Stark (Ironman)
CB = Clint Barton (Hawkeye)
NR = Natasha Romanov (Black Widow)
SR = Steve Rogers (Captain America)
T = Thor
PP = Pepper Potts (No speaking lines in the skit)
RD = Rainbow Dash (No speaking lines in the skit)
J = JARVIS (No speaking lines in the skit)
L = Loki (Not present, but likely to be blamed for the whole thing...)
5184285 oh that's right! sorry, that must have slipped my mind.
A whole three seconds. Hulk really is a badass. Most people do not even make it to two.
(also, that number should be spelled out as "three", not "3")
5185232 Yes, yes he will be blamed for the whole thing. His luck does seem to dictate that it will be assumed he did the whole thing to create chaos for some evil scheme while no one gives him credit for bringing the little lump of love into their lives.
I like it please continue! XD
5185138 Yeah.
Because Banner is one of the five smartest people in the Marvel Universe, and at one point stole missiles that were fired at him, after they were fired. Hulk hasn't killed anyone. Banner's body count keeps going up.
5185232
Thanks. And your little Alt-script there was hilarious and I am sorely tempted to use it in the story, or at least write it up in a blog post in story format tagging this story, making it a Blooper/Outtake and crediting the idea to you.
5185381
The thing is, despite what people seem to think, the Hulk is a lovable Green Giant. Yes, he's incredibly powerful and fueled by rage...but in literally every continuity, whenever Hulk rampages, it's because he was attacked and he fought back. When he's left alone, even when he remains in control he'll feed birds or pet deer...which are drawn to him when he's not rampaging.
Uhhhhhhh what the...........
5185410
Never heard of that one.
Well, I am so sold on this. More Marvel Adventures stuff, please.
So which pony gets to hang out in the Sandman/Lucifer universe? I vote for Pinkie.
Okay, my previous comment is unneeded now. This is way too Played For Laughs for me to remotely care about how silly one person acts, because this is hilarious.
Also, I could swear the maid Hulk reminds me of a Justice Friends skit with Crunk.
By Odin's beard that was hilarious! These shenanigans amuse me! I demand more of this to bring the smiles!
5185152
Good to hear. I hate to see a story go down that path, real shame when it happens.
5186196
No argument against him having the capacity for absolute destruction...but unless he's provoked, he's gentle by nature.
5186261
Except there are three types of individuals who'd interact with him where he'd be sensitive and considerate.
Females.
Children.
Animals.
Rainbow Dash is all three. She's the ideally designed being to open up Hulk's soft, fun side.
Keep going keep going. I can't wait to see what captain America does when he sees rainbow dash. You get ten dash laughs
5184248 I agree, Tony would've most likely been less "apt" to hug filly Dash, among other things. Remeber, this is the party animal guy who doesn't like to be handed things that can only be played by RDJ
5187142
Keep in mind this is a mixture of multiple continuities. Meaning each character's behavior will be a mix of how they are portrayed in various continuities.
...for example, Hulk right here, I'm ashamed to admit, is based mostly off his behavior in The Superhero Supersquad cartoon.
5185396 I think it would be best if expanded a little as a mad-lib Out-take Scene, but if you can figure out how to put it in your story and really want to, then go for it.
5186196 Actually, he was coming back to Earth because the wife he married on a distant alien world died when the ship he arrived on that world in exploded and he thought that one of the "so-called heroes of Earth" was responsible. He only stopped right before destroying the Earth because he found out that one of his new allies had been responsible for the explosion instead.
And now, like many other big red letter events, the writers in Marvel are pretty much ignoring that it ever happened. Mostly so that they can get on with their other stories.
5188613
It takes place in its own distinct continuity that incorporates both the movies and several of the cartoons into its continuity. They have dealt with Loki, so it's post "The Avengers", but Hulk referred to the Mandarin as "angry green orange man", indicating it is the Mandarin from the old Iron Man cartoon (his skin is green, and Mandarin is a variety of orange). Exactly when in continuity it occurs doesn't really matter. What matters is which events from movies and cartoons have already happened, and which ones haven't happened yet but will. The first will be answered when said events are referred to in the story, and the second will be answered when they happen.
5189057 Close only counts with horseshoes, hand grenades, tactical nukes, and Hulk rampages.
...
Nevermind...
5185350 Actually Hulk has caused, indirectly and/or accidentally, quite a few deaths. That is part of the reason for why the Illuminate Council had him exiled into space. The catch is that Hulk, as far I as I know, has never directly and/or intentionally killed anyone. Banner is fully capable of cold blooded murder, and as I recall, he has proven it.
Why? Why can I not thumbs up again?
There, take that instead.
5196164 Yes, and with the exception of the Illuminati members, Hulk mourned everyone he accidentally killed. (Except the Red King, but he was a douche).
Banner cheerfully stole missiles that were already on their way towards him, and rerouted them back at the launchers. He was also the source of this
5198009
For reasons, I find this hilarious.
...she is also eating the flower centerpiece."
"Flowah tasty!" Rainbow said happily.
Ah, good times.
Hey, if she does a Double Rainboom, would she and the Avengers get to Townsville?
fc06.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/163/b/2/powerpuff_avengers_by_cristina_corruptive-d537qrd.png
Well when you are dealing with super heroes, it tends to be those days every single day they happen.
Hulk.. aka Reverse Fluttershy.. Big, green and mad but LOVES his animals