Time is running out... Gotta get going now...
A rather boring day for princess Celestia becomes a day of worry for her as one of her guards come in with news she wishes she never hears, but being the princess that is concerned for the safety of her ponies, she sends the mane 6 to free the Crystal Empire.
Meanwhile, the ex-ruler of said empire is busy pursuing his hobby: Expanding his Sombrero collection
Just a silly one shot fic that I decided to come up with because hey, why not? Sombrero is best pony, right?
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Oh sombro the best kinng in all of equestria
5146229
Haha yes indeed...
Any comments on how I can improve? Not planning on stopping my fic writing at this one so I need to know how I can make it more interesting.
Hmm, this story turned out to be interesting. I can't see if you have the romance tag on my phone, but if you don't I think you should add it.
You have quite a number of grammatical mistakes throughout the story.
I can't really quote them for you, but one would be were you wrote,"and the foals had quietened down" You may want to replace that with 'quieted' instead? I don't know, never heard it use in a sentence before.
Also, for future stories, you may want to leave out certain sounds made with certain actions, like when Sombra was waiting at the door and Sweetie Belle opened it and you put the word *click* is not a good thing to have in stories. It usually shows a lack of... well creativity.
But i'm not sure how much that advice would work in a story that is comedy so...
Regardless, your story was an interesting read nonetheless, and I hope you do write more stories. :3
5146917
Thanks for the comment!
I'll do my best!
Xylophone.
There's my word of the day.
Good story, also. Have a fine day.
King Sombra¿ Nonono Doctor Sombrero.
Well, this was some pretty good shit, eh. I really do enjoy stories of comedies and romances with Sombra, eh.
I just can't wait to see more of this...
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GOD DAMMIT!
5149981
Heheh yeah I was torn between writing a scene where they shoot Spike's confidence down when they realized that Sombra was still alive, but I'm just seeing the response first before I start writing in vain.
I'll probably end up writing it, more as a surprise chapter.
5150650 Write whatever you wish, but shooting down Spike's confidence is always a good thing to do...
Well, I guess I'll be waiting for a while, bruh
pony.cscdn.us/pic/user/2013/12/58927b75da0f3d05bd03d6ac64dcab0e.jpg
Quite a surprising chapter. You did however miss a few commas, and other thing I should tell you. Although you didn't do it much in this chapter, you should avoid using black stallion or lavender unicorn to describe Sombra or Twilight like the wind.
I didn't see anything else, but might want to look over some of the sentences and drop down some of the commas you left out.
It's also unnecessary to use this "/" within stories so just omit them entirely. Besides that, nice chapter.
Thanks man, appreciate the help!
edit:
Commas dropped, most errors corrected, story revised once more and...
We should be good to go! Guess This would be worthy enough to get out then!
Oh my Luna. This was hilarious.
You're welcome bruh, and thanks for writing more shit for me to eat with my eyeballs!
White mares love black stallions.
sombraro lol to funny!
Arrrriba!