the curse of the rainbow

Rainbowdash and Scootaloo lived a peaceful life however, when Scootaloo finds out Fluttershy is her mother she leaves. Rainbow stops at nothing to get Scootaloo back.

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 9 )

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Comment posted by flutterdash_o3o deleted Jan 23rd, 2015

fastnbulbous

fastnbulbous #2 · Oct 14th, 2014 · · · chapter 1 ·

It's an interesting concept... But dat grammar

kudzuhaiku

kudzuhaiku #3 · Oct 14th, 2014 · · · chapter 1 ·

Rainbow looses Scootaloo to Fluttershy and stops at nothing to get it back

Scootaloo is an it?

I'm confuzzled.

Samey90

Samey90 #4 · Oct 14th, 2014 · · · chapter 1 ·

5139297
That was what brought me to that story, actually...

"Why didn't you tell me you were my mom sooner? Why did you give me up for adoption?!"
"I-i don't know." Fluttershy said quietly.
"WHY DONT YOU KNOW?!?"
"YOU GAVE ME UP YOU LEFT ME! YOUR NOT A MOTHER YOUR A DISGRACE!" Scootaloo screamed.

i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
Also, wtf, Fluttershy? Scootaloo is, like, a teenager (judging by her constant use of caps lock), and you already don't remember what happened when she was born?

Well, the good thing is that you're aware that the first chapter is rushed. It's barely over 1k words and it covers quite a lots of events, most of them barely making sense either due to how briefly they were described, or how strange the behaviour of the characters was. The thing is, if you know the chapter is rushed, you shouldn't have posted it; it's better to wait and develop it a bit rather than publish something that is barely a sketch of events, with rather OOC characters (especially Dash) and grammar that definitely needs proofreading.

Don't give up, however. This was your first attempt, and actually, it wasn't the worst story I've ever seen. With some exercise, you may improve greatly.

SpookyPrincesssa