chapter 1
"Good morning Scootaloo!" Rainbow said cheerfully
"Hey Rainbow you got a letter I put it on the counter." Scootaloo said as she took a bite out of her toast.
Rainbow dash walked towards the counter. Reaching her hand out to grab the light pink envelop sitting atop the dark brown counter. She looked down at the envelope debating weather yo wait to open it and have breakfast first. No it would bother her far too much she had to know what the letter was. Slowly Rainbow tore the letter open and pulled the letter out. She skimmed the paper instead of reading it she wasn't very fond of reading besides her Daring Do collection.
Rainbow dropped the letter on the hard wood floor in shock. Rainbow had no words for the subject.
"Are you alright Rainbow dash? You look like you've seen a ghost!" Scootaloo asked half concerned half curious.
All rainbow could do was shake her head. Quickly the cyan pegasus flew to her room and slammed the door. Even more curious than before Scootaloo went to retrieve the letter from the floor. Scoots scanned the letter and a look of shock fled to her face. "Fl-Fluttershy is m-my mom?!"
Scootaloo was now filled with surprise, anger, and fear. Scootaloo picked up the letter and grabbed a pen from the table and wrote down a note for Rainbow dash. After she ran towards the door threw it open and flew towards town. A million thoughts flooded her mind as she flew through the sky. The wind picked up a bit and threw off her flying but she managed to stay in the air.
Scoots landed on the edge of the Everfree and walked over to a cozy cottage. Scootaloo had remebered when her and her fellow crusaders slept the night here. Now they were too busy hanging out with each other to ever visit Fluttershy. Scootaloo sighed "I wonder what Sweetie belle and Apple bloom would say when they found out." Scoots asked herself.
Scootaloo approached the cottage door and loudly knocked on it. Behind the door shuffling and animal sounds could be heard as well as hoof steps. The door slowly opened and a soft yellow face peaked out behind the door. "Oh hello Scootaloo what brings you here?" Fluttershy said warmly.
"I came here to ask you something." Scootaloo said with more frustration in her voice. A look of worry flushed over Fluttershys face.
"Oh w-why yes come i-in." Fluttershy said nervously. Scootaloo entered abruptly almost pushing Fluttershy on the floor. Scootaloo stomped over to the couch scaring the animals in her path. Fluttershy followed her but her steps where careful and quiet. The yellow and orange pegasi sat on the couch in an akward science. Finally Scootaloo spoke up
"Why didn't you tell me you were my mom sooner? Why did you give me up for adoption?!"
"I-i don't know." Fluttershy said quietly.
"WHY DONT YOU KNOW?!?"
"YOU GAVE ME UP YOU LEFT ME! YOUR NOT A MOTHER YOUR A DISGRACE!" Scootaloo screamed.
"STOP!" Fluttershy yelled.
"I did it to protect you I-I couldn't k-keep you I-I was t-too y-yong I c-couldnt let you d-." Fluttershy was cut off she bursted out crying. Scootaloo felt horrible.
"You couldn't let me what?" Scootaloo asked concerned
"I COULDNT LET YOU DIE SCARLET!" Fluttershy blurted out but realized what she said and covered her mouth.
"Scarlet? Who's Scarlet?" Scoots asked.
"Your sister." She said all at once.
"I have a sister?" Scootaloo asked.
"Yes...but s-shes dead." Fluttershy didn't dare look at Scootaloo.
"How when?" Scootaloo asked. Knocking was heared at the door.
"I can't say now its not safe don't tell anyone about this not even your friends." Fluttershy said in a worried tone. Scootaloo could just nod and walk towards the door.
"Hi Rainbow." Scoots said as she opened the door.
"Hey squirt I saw your note." Rainbow said as she looked at fluttershy.
"Hey Flutters I saw the letter." Rainbow said. Fluttershy just nodded.
"Well we should get going squirt." Rainbow and Scootaloo walked out the door.
"You won't get this one Rainbow I will protect her."
"I will stop you." Fluttershy said
***********
Scootaloo and Rainbow flew towards home. The wind picked up along science she left. The once blue sky was gray and dark.
"Hey um Rainbow can I go to Sweetie Belle's house?" Scootaloo asked nervously
"Sure go ahead I need to plan some things anyways...." Rainbow said. Quickly Scootaloo flew towards a cute house near the boutique. Sweetie belle left the boutique only a couple of weeks ago. Scootaloo landed and knocked on the door. Sweetie belle didn't answer Apple bloom did.
"Hiya Scoots what bring ya' here?" Apple bloom questioned
"Hey can you let me in please I think a storm is brewing." Scootaloo said quickly
"Sure cmon' in!" Apple bloom said cheerfully. Scootaloo quickly stepped in.
"Hi Scootaloo!" Sweetie belle said.
"Hey um I need to tell you guys something."
**********
"Fluttershy's your what?!?" Sweetie belle asked.
"My mom..." Scootaloo said.
"But how could she be yer' ma'?" Apple bloom asked
"That could explain your weak flying when we were fillys." Sweetie belle stated.
"Hey!" Scootaloo said.
"Listen guys she's my mom OK?"
Sweetie belle and Apple bloom nodded.
"can I stay here tonight?" Scoots asked. Sweetie belle nodded yes and Scootaloo walked over to the couch and sat down. Tonight was going to be a very long night.
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It's an interesting concept... But dat grammar
Scootaloo is an it?
I'm confuzzled.
5139297
That was what brought me to that story, actually...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/353/279/e31.jpg
Also, wtf, Fluttershy? Scootaloo is, like, a teenager (judging by her constant use of caps lock), and you already don't remember what happened when she was born?
Well, the good thing is that you're aware that the first chapter is rushed. It's barely over 1k words and it covers quite a lots of events, most of them barely making sense either due to how briefly they were described, or how strange the behaviour of the characters was. The thing is, if you know the chapter is rushed, you shouldn't have posted it; it's better to wait and develop it a bit rather than publish something that is barely a sketch of events, with rather OOC characters (especially Dash) and grammar that definitely needs proofreading.
Don't give up, however. This was your first attempt, and actually, it wasn't the worst story I've ever seen. With some exercise, you may improve greatly.
That pic doe.
Umm...
10/10 best story I've ever read
5139917 when r u going to continue the story?