An story compiled of the Authors's experience with roleplay on the internet with different characters and OC
none part of the story is going fully canon while some parts might be canon, this is the Equestrian Tales
Brings you from the start of Equestria to the very outbloom of the ponies and life that has been appearing in the
Centuries of the developments. here you might meet near and dear ponies and new ones that you probably haven't met before, fall into the story of one's impression and story compilation after years of roleplaying
Chapters (1)
Can't understand either the short or long description.
*First*
Curse you, Spoiler Alert NET!
Anyways, I think this needs a bit of work. The writing style is a bit... rushed. Maybe you could tell it from the perspective of a kindly old grandma or grandpa.
Also, you should probably get a proofreader(I'd be able to do it, since I'm homeschooled and I have way too much time on my
hooveshands) and be sure to re-re-re-re-read it before you publish it.Here's an example of your work:
*You did not capitalize the beginning of the first sentence.
*You should put a comma between 'body' and 'flank'.
*A quill is simply a feather that has been altered to work as a pen. You could just say 'two feathers' or 'two quills' instead or 'feather and a quill'.
*'Cutie' should not be capitalized unless you're going to capitalize 'mark' as well.
*How did she find out it wasn't removable?
*The whole 'cutie mark popping in her mind out of nowhere' is a bit far-fetched. Maybe Faust could've been wondering about the mark on her flank when Destina noticed the mark and exclaimed, "Oh, that's a cute picture!" Thus, she would've some up with the name Cutie Mark. Just an idea.
Those are just concerning two sentences. I strongly advise that you get a proofreader and perhaps a co-author. After all, two heads are better than one.
I do like the idea of pony mythology, though. If the next chapter improves in grammar, I'll definitely like and favorite this.
4948579 i thank you for the feedback. and i know sometimes english grammar isn't my strongest beacuse of it's my second language
. and yeah i wished for having someone else read over sometimes for me but ill try to tweak on that. and i just copy pasted stuff from microsoft Word to the page so it was kinda hard to see the errors when it wasn't there. and about the rush maybe you are right i might have subconsiously rushed without knowing.
but still thanks for the feedback. i would like some more feedback from you when i give out next chapter