Secondchancer
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This story seems good, but I suggest an editor, as there seems to be punctuation problems. Also, you may want to reduce the pacing of the story. You didn't introduce to the readers the idea that Equestria had a queen in the beginning, thus making them wonder who you're talking about. Then, you bluntly revealed to the readers that Lumina and the Princesses went incognito to spend time socializing with three students, without explaining their reasons for doing so or giving any foreshadowing beforehand. The queen's revelation of Kronos' parentage seems like a good idea...though that revelation could have waited a few chapters when the guy had bonded with everybody rather than finding out in the first meeting. Don't get me wrong, I like the chapter, it's just that I felt confused with all the downpour of information. Anyhow, I wish you good luck with the story.
4934990 I understand all of that............but I never explained his parentage only that Luminas sister had taken care of him
4934990 seems? Not one comma... Anywhere.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
5136791 FINISHED !!!!
Good so far! Next please!!
Finally. I have been waiting THREE weeks for this. Nice job, and keep it comin.
5224508 Sorry about that I had it in my brain but every time I would type it would be off slightly in my perspective
I can't read this any further, I like the idea but the pacing is far to fast for my liking. I hope this doesn't discourage you, as you definitely have a lot of potential.
5224974 It won't and understood I can never in my own sense find the right pace
Ugh now I that I know that Cerberus is a girl my mind is stuck with a Woman that has the voice of Tartarus from halo two. Damnable you killagotosrs.
5354071 Yep I figured since she is the guardian of tartarus (You know which one) her voice should carry power.......sorry
Yesh its the next Chapter. Kronos is in some much trouble with the girls. But they still love him.
What the fuck?
5478717 What ?
5479570 I have absolutely no idea what's going on
5481791 About what ?
Congratulations you lost me I loved the story up till you just changed it to a revenge story I was loving the whole romance with Lyra and twilight and the whole controling you power thing.
5761643 Oh yeah I couldn't really think up anything new and I was trying to go for a more Terminator better future deal
Is there a continuation for this book?