Enter the life of Portal Jet, a unicorn who was sent to a school that was more prison than school. Portal's life has been recently turned upside down by his own actions and now he has to get to El Ponidor as soon as he possibly can. Unfortunately, because he starts out in the frozen woods surrounding Vanhoover, he has to cross the entirety of Equestria.
Watch as he delves into the catacombs of guilt and madness as he crosses the wide wide land of Equestria with the police getting hotter and hotter on his trail. Will he make it, or will he be shot down in a mad dash for freedom.
Chapters (4)
All right, this does look promising, but you have a long way to go.
First of all, the thing that bothers me most is chapter lenght. Look around, and you'll see chapters from at least 1000 words. That is also the minimum length, and for a couple of reasons.
The chapters also feel incredibly rushed. Take your time to explain things. Who is Portal? What is Mana? What is going on? Just by writing this down can give you a longer chapter.
There are also a few misspellings... but they aren't that bad, though. I'm not the one to pick on that sort of things, since English isn't my native language and since I'm on my phone, there might even be mistakes in this comment, sooo.... anyway.
Keep on writing!
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Yeah, I have to agree with you. It's been bothering me about how short I end up making chapters as well. I'm actually going to be explaining more or less what Mana is, as far as science knows since that's the purpose of The Academy, in the next Diary Entry Chapter.
As for what's going on, that's something that I want to build up for suspense and have the details revealed around the end of the story.
Thank you very much for taking an interest in my first fanfiction. I hope that you continue reading until the end.