A/N: Okay, I may have said this before, but I absolutely detest author notes. I personally feel that they should only be used to disclose information which the author is incapable of conveying in their work. However, I am willing to make an exception in this case.
I am leaving this here because I hurt someone very much, without meaning to. For that, I would foremost like to apologize once more. I am sorry.
For those of you, pretty much everypony save he and myself, Genjen was the first person to take a serious look at my work from a proofreading/editing standpoint. I don’t know what he does for a living, but judging by the quality of his reviews, I would expect a student of English grammar, or maybe even a professor. He is the reason why most of, well, this story, is intelligible.
Between his amazing help with my absolutely appalling grammar, and his thoughts and opinions, ‘Is Immortality Really Worth It?’ grew wings. Originally, it was meant to be a short series, in which a disgruntled Twilight kills Celestia after her rejection, before taking her own life. I wanted to show the way that I, personally, feel about true love, that it is not something you are willing to die for, but to kill for. It was never meant to be a happy story, but along the way, it took off. Characters like Nolux and Empathy (my name for the Twilight simulacrum) were heavily influenced by what he said, and they have become an integral part of the story.
But I hurt him. I never thanked him for editing, I just took it in stride. In part, it was because of how I feel about editors myself, that they are an invisible hand holding yours. But thats no excuse for forgetting him. He helped me more than anyone else in, well, kicking my ass into high gear.
So, Genjen, I am sorry for what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was just a stupid foal who wasn’t thinking about anyone but herself. I was greedy, self assured, and an idiot. I wish you well in whatever you do with your life, and I am appalled that I caused our relationship to end on such bad terms. This isn’t a plea for your return. This is a plea for undeserved forgiveness, and to finally show, both you and everypony else, just how much your support meant to both this story and me personally.
Nolux woke on the cold stone of the deep passages in the Castle. Her body ached, her muscles locked in place after the long rest on the granite. Groaning, she slowly sat up, looking about her. The stone passage was just as she remembered, stained and dark with ages of neglect.
There was no longer any sign that there had ever been the kind of opulence she had seen in her.. dream? Was it a dream? It had felt so real, and the way that thing had looked at her...
Nolux shuddered, remembering the bloody gaze of the pale creature, and the way she had casually held court over slaughter. At the memory of the violent death of the gryphon, Nolux struggled to calm her stomach. Her gorge rose against her will though, and the zebra shuddered.
Then she shook herself, shakily levering herself to her hooves. Her body protested loudly, her stiff muscles making their discontent quite clear. She had grown up on the harsh grassy plains of the Sarahi though, and she had suffered far worse pain. Gritting her teeth, she set off, knowing that as she moved, the tight joints would slacken, and the pain would lessen.
“Who’s there!”
Her voice cracked as she whirled about, trying to find the source of the flicker of motion she had seen. Behind her though, nothing stirred. The passage was just as empty as it had been when she had first arrived. The doorway framed the desiccated husk of the hall where grisly feasts had once been held, but inside the large space there was still not even the slightest movement.
Gritting her teeth, knowing that it might very well show her something she would have nightmares about for the rest of her life, Nolux invoked her Sight.
The sight that met her was a shock. While the stone walls of the hallway were the same as they had ever been, the doorway shone a blinding white light. Its brilliance sent Nolux ducking behind one of the broken remnants of a statue, hiding behind the stone edifice. Peeking a single eye around what looked like the shattered torso of a dragon, Nolux squinted.
Though the light was still brighter than the sun, it was no longer quite as overwhelming as it had been a moment before. Through it, Nolux was just able to make out a vague movement, like the sight of a shadow passing the doorway, a flickering vision of the past.
Nolux ducked back behind the statue, panting. It was real, everything she had seen, it was all real. Her breathing became even more erratic, as the horrific visions of her ’dream’ swam back to the surface of her mind. Blood, so much blood.
Nolux slammed her head against the wall, trying in vain to block the repeating cycle of vile memories. The pain seemed to alleviate pressure, but there was no blocking the memories. So the shaman did what anypony would. She went to look for her friends, to find help through this nightmare.
That same morning, as dawn broke, Luna came tearing through her sister’s window. The younger pony had very nearly broken through the windows itself when she landed, her momentum too much to stop with metal shod hooves on slick stone. The crash had brought Celestia out of her bath in a moment, her horn already leveled at the intruder.
“Luna? What do you mean by this?” Celestia demanded, lifting her horn and letting the accumulated power begin to dissipate.
“We could ask you much the same, sister.” Luna growled, pushing into the room. Her midnight blue wings were flared around her, making her seem much larger than usual. It was a sign of blatant anger, and not one that Celestia missed. “For instance, what were you thinking, bringing that thing into the world?”
The golden light of Celestia’s magic began once more to slowly gather about her, though now it began to encase her entire body. The last time, the only time, that she had ever seen Luna this angry, the mare had attacked her. That had begun the long, spiraling descent into the monster that came to be known as Nightmare Moon. That same light of self-righteous fury burned in the teal eyes, and Celestia was forcibly reminded of just how powerful her sister could be at need.
If she wanted to avoid another similar conflict, then she would have to proceed carefully.
“What do you mean Luna? Bring what?”
“That thing you pulled out of the Mirror.”
Celestia’s eyes narrowed, and her tone became something ice could learn from. Her head arched back on the long neck, cocking to the side as she glared haughtily at the smaller alicorn. For a moment, even Luna’s fury broke, seeing the glare her sister shot her. She was not one to be dissuaded though, and took a step forward.
“You know what that Mirror holds sister. You know the evil we trapped their. Even Discord was not fool enough to break the seals. But after a single look in it, you disregarded everything we ever swore to each other. You brought something out.”
“You were there Luna. You saw what was happening to her. You know what she looked like. She was in torment sister, did you expect me to ignore that? To walk away?”
“YES! WE SWORE SISTER! We swore to never break the seals. Do you really want that evil to escape? Even a moment is all she needs, and then the Queen will rise once more. Nothing is worth risking Equestria sister. Nothing. You didn’t even bring your precious student back.”
At this, at the infuriating, mocking tone, Celestia sped forward. Before Luna could even register the movement, the white alicorn had slammed into her, knocking her to the floor with a thud. Whipping her head about to find her sister, Luna felt a red hot point pressing into her neck.
“Don’t you dare. You are never to speak of her that way, do you understand me, little sister? Sending you back to your precious moon is a parlor trick by comparison to what I will do if you EVER speak ill of her again. Do I make myself clear?”
With each snarling sentence, the tip of the solar mare’s horn pressed harder into the blue throat. Luna could smell the soft sizzle as her skin torched under the extreme heat of her sister’s ire. This was a side to Celestia that Luna had never seen. Even as Nightmare Moon, Celestia had always looked on her with kindness and respect. There was no softness there now. Only the black fury which threatened to immolate the Princess of the Night.
With a flash, Luna disappeared. The teleportation was sloppy, and with an even bright flash and a muffled bang, the mare reappeared a few feet away. Rubbing her neck gently, she winced. Her hurt gaze made Celestia relax slightly, her body losing the pose of imminent execution.
Taking slow, deep breaths, both Princesses calmed themselves as their mother had taught them so long ago. After a few second, they both looked up from the floor. The energy suffusing the room began to fade as the volatile emotions of the pair calmed, and as they looked at one another it vanished entirely.
“Luna I, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking clearly. Are you badly hurt?”
The white mare stepped forward, but Luna held up a hoof to stop her.
“No. Tia, I have to ask you something. And you must swear you will answer me truly.”
“I swear.”
“What does she mean to you?”
The question made Celestia pause, thinking hard. It was obvious who Luna meant, but it was not nearly as easy for the Princess to identify just why the little purple mare incited such reactions. In the thousands of years that she had lived, nothing had ever caused her to behave like this. Not Luna, not their mother. Not even that evil thing had inspired her so much.
“You risked the world when you took her out of the Mirror sister. You attacked me for even suggesting that you shouldn’t have saved her. I only want to know... Celestia. Do you love her?”
Post Scriptum:
Sweet Light, I can’t believe how long it has been since I touched this. I swear to you, I will never let it go this long without an update again. Well, I hope it won’t. If it does, either my computer destroyed itself, college is as nightmarish as I think, or I’m dead.
If you are wondering, this chapter is more to get the characters moving once more, so I actually remember who they are and how they act. Don’t expect anything steller for now. (Granted, you are reading this fic, which was not that great to begin with).
Again, I would like to apologize for the wait, and hopefully promise updates on a semi-regular timetable. Until next time I suppose.
Post Post Scriptum:
If you want to blame somepony for the revival of this monster, I will nobly point my finger towards crADHD for you to burn at the stake now.
Hugs and Kisses
Nadake
oh my Celestia yes!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
Holy crap an update!
WHEN DID YOU WRITE THIS AHHHHHHH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH
EDIT: you have no idea how happy I am to see this continue. I wants more, pweese.
By the by since you and you editor have had a falling out, I, as a reader will help where I can.
Do you mean: The last time?
Is need suppose to be there?
could be written more clearly. Probably my personal preference...It just feels like the sentence is missing a word.
Other than that, I see no stand out problems.
Wow, I've really missed this story!
crADHD eh? So he comes back from the beyond and brings back this excellent story. Nice.
radiojean.com/blogs/ahora-suena/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Frank.png
It lives!
It's good to see this come back from the presumed dead, I greatly enjoy this story! Sorry to hear about your falling out with your editor, though it somewhat disappoints me to hear that you didn't think very highly of editors. But that doesn't change that I'm glad this story seems to be back.
All I can say is Holy Crap your back in the saddle as it were. As for finding grammatical errors in the story, from here on out I cant say much for the reason is I don't really notice them. I have read far worst than you could wright and still made it work. Good luck and I hope you keep it up. I really did like this story when I first read it.
I kind of forgot this even existed
oh well, if it updates it updates, whenever it happens so be it.
1690626
I do think very highly of them. I think that the editor has more to do writing the fic than anyone else. But I was an idiot and assumed that everyone felt like I did, that they did it without the desire for acknowledgment. And it bit me on the ass.
It took me a solid five minutes to remember which story this was.
I'm glad you decided against doing that, because not only would it have hit my Suspension of Disbelief hard, but it would have seriously rustled my jimmies (blegh [Grimdark] and angst).
...you did decide against doing that, right?
1690663
Oh, sorry, seems I misunderstood your message then. Good to hear! Should always appreciate your editors.
1691098
Haaah, yeah, I thought this was a completely different story at first. I had to go read the story description to correctly remember which story this was.
It updates!
*reads A/N*
Now I'm sad and the fic hasn't even started!
*continues*
Hmm...
their should be there, and there should be a comma between holds and sister
their should be there, and there should be a comma between holds and sister
incidentally, do you need a new editor? Because I'd be down to take that on if you want
OMG...an update 8D
Holy Hayzues Its been a while since this story updated.
I'm glad it's back.
1692711
How could you?? I KNEW IT, YOU ARE JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS!
I forgot most of this story already so I'll wait until you're done or until I see that you're getting back on a pace that I can just read right up through with some semblance of continuation guaranteed. From what little I do remember, this was a great story that made me very scared for twilight up until you had her rip out the corrupt hatred of herself or "Empathy" as I guess you're calling it now. I hope things between you and your friend get patched up with time. See you around.
UPDATE! YES!
As for the update itself, it's pretty good. I don't expect terribly much after such a long hiatus, but once you get the ball rolling it'll be great :)
i have been waiting for this for what feels like an eternity! and now it's back! (hopefully)
im sad to hear about the situation with your editor tbh. i've always felt that they almost NEVER get the credit they deserve.
Three cheers for editors! Those brave few who march onward against the eternal duress of plot holes and lacking grammar. You may be lost to the annuls of fiction, but you will never be forgotten.
Also, glad this is back. I've been waiting.
1710869 I'm assuming during the time I made my comment, the barking crazy pony in the episode "Read it and weep" (Daring do episode) was named Barking Mad. I'm not sure what people are calling her nowadays.
I feel really, really bad for ignoring this update. Reading this reminded me of how much I love both your style of writing and the fic in general. You deserve the place on my user page which i bestowed to you so long ago.
I'm glad you went away from the whole murder suicide angle. As soon as Twilight starts attacking the ponies she loves for reasons of unrequited love, I call BS. What you have here is what other authors should look at when trying to make a story about Twilight going bad over unrequited love. Twilight doesn't lash out. It's not in her nature to spite. Twilight hurts herself instead, be it through trying too hard to make the world love her, or through succumbing to her feelings of inferiority, Twilight is a pony of self-harm.
I'm glad to see this story back on the map, especially after taking a break from reading. Good to come back to.
Great story, have all of my thumbs, but damn, this needs update! Come on!
Oh you cliffhanging bitch, I love you.
(I wouldn't have known this note was here if oblivion2k hadn't said something on my page just today, so thanks to them for pointing me in this direction. I wish I had caught wind of this some month ago but life is as it is)
The whole thing had left a bitter taste for me and I'm not one for confrontations. As I had said in the message originally, I only even sent it because I did in fact think the situation was a result of inexperience, or a lack of foresight in social dynamics, as opposed to any purposeful attempt to cause harm. So I was trying to explain how things had turned out the way they had for future consideration.
I had accepted your apology when it was given and just wanted to part on my way and put this in the past quickly. It had sounded like you were understanding and accepting of things in the message you'd sent, as in speaking further on it would have been akin to beating the dead horse, but I can see now that not returning a note mentioning that I had accepted your apology was a cruelty on my part. For this, you have my own sincere apology. I had misjudged how things had turned out and left you dwelling on the matter.
I was still a little disgruntled about the whole thing though, in truth, so I appreciate your heartfelt note here. I hope you'll also forgive me and believe me when I say I wish I had messaged you back saying it was alright, and I understood. I have that difficulty at times, leaving others hanging in my haste to remove myself of a situation. I should have recognized the disservice I was doing to you and corrected it at the time.
I wish you well and hope your muse continues to treat you kindly. I'm afraid I've been having some issues with my own as of late.
P.S - I'm very flattered that you consider me good enough to be an English major or, especially, a professor of the subject, but I'm just a humble college tutor who manages to cover English when people need their essays looked over. So you were very close, but overestimating my capabilities. Not that I didn't appreciate that.
My dear 1690663, I only do that which is good and just. Just look at the wonderful response you have created
I wish I could edit things for you, but I can't.
1.I'm in Tech school, there's barely enough time to read, let alone search for grammatical errors.
And two did I ever mention how hard it is to use this site on a phone? Well it's a pain in my butt. Though I will be getting my laptop soon... Maybe.
I'm such a grammar Nazi. I really would like to help though, so ask and I will render any assistance possible.
It seems that you as well as the non-Empathy Twilight Sparkle have learned several lessons that would make good Friendship reports. And don't sell yourself short. This fic is enjoyable and has numerous parts that I've loved reading. I can't wait to see what happens next, and I can't wait to see the confrontation between good and evil Twilights.
I'm pretty sure there's a rule against not having author's notes formatted as Authors notes.
It's a formatting that puts the notes in their own greyed out box.