Is Immortality Really Worth It?

by Nadake

A Tapestry of Memory... and Tragedy

Do you love her?

Did she? Could she? Did she even deserve to love? Celestia didn’t know; she wasn’t even sure whether or not she could even look behind the walls she had long ago raised to shield her heart.

It was her burden, her curse. To be an immortal, to wield all of the power of the sun itself. She was stronger, faster, and more magically potent than any mortal pony. To even compare the pair of them, herself to anypony other than her own sister, would be like comparing a spark to a raging, cataclysmic firestorm, likely giving far too much credit to the abilities of the others.

Celestia had felt her heart torn into shreds longer ago than even Equestria had existed. She had loved, and lost, and loved and lost again. Over and over, and each time, she had thought that her heart would be stronger this time, that she wouldn’t be hurt. The only pony she had opened herself to in thousands of years had been her sister. Her dear, beloved sister.

Luna had been with her through everything, since the beginning. The other alicorn had stood by her, no matter how foolish Celestia had been, no matter how much the other Princess’s heart had ached for a love she could not allow herself. Then even Luna, her dear, kind, sweet little Luna, had betrayed her.

Celestia had known the reasons, known the hurt her sister had suffered. Luna had opened herself. She had broken their promise, to never let themselves love. Celestia had watched her sister fall, fast, hard, and so deeply in love. But she hadn’t said a word, even knowing the doom looming before her sister. Celestia had been so happy to see Luna happy, to see her finally dropping her stoic, wise mask.

She should have warned Luna. Celestia had seen the danger, seen the obvious conclusion to her sister’s romance. When Winter Light had fallen suddenly ill, far from Canterlot, even the pervading sight of the sun had not told Celestia of the peril. Word had reached them days later, that Winter lay bedridden, her last moment’s nearing swiftly.

Luna had nearly lost control at the news, and only Celestia’s hasty defense had stopped the shellshocked alicorn’s magic from immolating the entire court. Even the might of the sun had been strained then, battered not only by the strength of the moon, but the furious, staggering intensity of Luna’s terror.

When they had finally reached the house of the small family who had found Winter, collapsed in their fields. To her great regret, it was Celestia who had forced them to wait, to stop Luna from haring off after her beloved. She had forced Luna to pause, and think about her actions.

It had been the worst decision she had made in centuries, before and since. Because of her, when they had reached Winter’s bedside, they had only had time for the mare to smile weakly at the Princess’s, and to whisper something in Luna’s ear. Then she had pressed a last, feather light kiss to the Princess. Then she was gone.

That had been where Nightmare Moon had first struck. Where her reign of terror had begun, and where her first victims, kind ponies whose only crime had been compassion, trying to save Winter’s life, had been destroyed.

Celestia hadn’t even had enough time to protect them; Nightmare Moon had struck so swiftly. The small cottage, all those dear souls had had in this world, had simply vanished. In an instant, the quiet fields surrounding the home had been full of comfortable, warm life. In the next, the cottage, the fields, every living thing and every inanimate object within a mile had dissolved into nothing more than a smoking crater.

It was magic the likes of which Celestia had never seen. There had been no heat, to burn the matter away. There was no residue of power, as though they had been only transported to somewhere far distant. There had only been a moment of mind-numbing power, and the vague sense of pressure as something dark and enormous and very, very powerful had rushed past her, then there had been nothing.

Celestia had felt something then, something she had not felt in eons. She had felt small. Small and weak; mortal. Celestia had been nothing to that power, as much of a resistance to it, as air was to water. She couldn’t stop that power, she couldn’t even slow it. She had failed to protect those kind ponies.

Nightmare Moon had screamed her rage, her pain, to the sky, before vanishing into the mist. All that had been left behind, when the mist had cleared, was a crystal dome. Winter rested within, peacefully held within the timeless space. A soft smile, her last smile, touched the mare’s blue lips.

To this day, Winter rested within her crystal prison, her body preserved eternally. It had taken on a life of its own in Nightmare Moon’s banishment. The soil had slowly filled in the crater, and soft green grass eventually springing up upon the untouched dirt. Then, when Celestia had very nearly forgotten about the glade, noticed by all only as an oddity, a circle where trees refused to grow, and wildlife would not stay. Until, one day, a spire of that same, clear crystal thrust out into the sky, a jagged testament to the mare resting beneath its soil.

Princess Celestia hadn’t spoken of Winter’s Tower to anypony, and would never tell her sister where it lay. The Mistress of Dreams had already suffered enough pain from her love of another, Celestia couldn’t bear the thought of returning that grief to her.

Do you love her?

Celestia sighed, letting her head droop on her long, powerful neck. One golden shod hoof flicked the water, sending a light spray skimming out over the surface of the pond.

She didn’t deserve even friendship, did she? Nopony had caused the heartache, the pain and sorrow that she had. Even the Scourge of Nightmare Moon hadn’t hurt others as she had. Celestia had commanded armies in times of need, sending thousands of good ponies to their deaths. For a good cause, to protect their friends, their families, but to their deaths all the same.

She had hurt others time and again, each time she had spoken softly to a young foal crying in the night, her kind words comforting the sweet thing. But foals grew older, remembering her soft words, her warm embrace. They remembered how the Princess had scared their fears away, replacing the darkness with her own, gentle light.

They fell in love with her, those stallions and mares. They grew to love her, not only as a kind, wise ruler, but with all of their hearts. A love she never could return. How could she? Knowing all the time that they would die, in little more time than a blink of her eye. How could she let her heart go out to them, when she knew that they would be ripped away, taking a piece of her heart with them?

So she hadn’t. She had let those ponies suffer in silence, never speaking of their confessions of love, never letting her own shield falter. She hadn’t let herself grow to love anypony as anything more than an acquaintance.

Except for one little filly, whose power had erupted from within, stronger than anything she had felt since her sister had been banished. She had seen that filly, and felt the power radiating from her. And she had felt the filly’s fear. Of failure, of disappointing her family. Most of all, the fear of herself.

Celestia couldn’t stand by, she had to act. She had broken the wild power flowing from the filly, releasing her from its embrace. Then she had done something she shouldn’t have, something she knew she had sworn to herself she would never do again. She had come to care for Twilight.

She had taken the young mage under her wing, literally and figuratively. She had opened her heart to a new friend, to a pony who felt as alone as the Princess herself. She had known that Twilight had grown to care for her, she had seen it in the way the unicorn beamed at even her smallest compliment. She had told herself that it was nothing more than awe, that the growing mare was only attached to her as a filly to her mother, or a student to her teacher.

She had been wrong. Twilight loved her as both of those things, but beneath them both, buried away in a dark corner of Celestia’s heart, she had known that the purple mare had loved her as deeply as any could. And Celestia had broken that battered, fragile heart.

Celestia had been everything to Twilight, her only family and her only desire. She had crushed the mare, when she had uttered those horrible, terrible words. She had told her that she couldn’t love her, as though Twilight wasn’t worthy of it.

Do you love her?

“Yes. Yes, I love her.”

“So what are you waiting for?”

---

“Tisk tisk,” Twilight murmured, circling the trio bound before her. “Honestly, Rarity, I expected more at least from you.”

A muffled grunt came from the white unicorn, struggling against the off-white threads binding her. The spell Twilight had cast, a variant on an ancient spell used to hold prisoners in times of war, had send thick, sticky strands of silk. They were made to cling to anything, holding whoever or whatever they attached to fast against whatever surface they were touching.

The added benefit that the wrappings provided was that they were indeed silk, and would dampen any magic that its captive might use. With as much silk as Rarity was bound by, Twilight herself would struggle to overcome the resistance it would offer. The fashion diva would have no chance against it.

“Did you think that I, when confronted, would just meekly comply? If I were guilty, which I am, by the way, that I wouldn’t try to subdue you? I expected the brash actions of Rainbow Dash,” Twilight giggled to herself. “She never could think before she acted. Poor little Applejack was never the brightest star either, and she didn’t even have warning. All that leaves is you.

“It isn’t a very powerful spell, in all honesty. You just can’t throw enough power at it to break through a decent shield without dissolving the silk itself, so even the most basic preparations would have spared you a few moments. Not an option now, of course, I simply thought you might like to know how and why you failed so utterly. Can’t blame you though, what I am... well. You can’t really imagine the power I’ve wielded before, the sheer enormity of my magicks.”

Azure eyes glared out over the tight binding, boring into the aloof, reptilian gaze. Aqua-green orbs quirked at the corners as Twilight smirked to herself, before turning and walking slowly through the cottage, humming to herself.

Once the mare had left the room, Rarity’s burning gaze shifted, softening as she looked at the rest of her friends, likewise bound.The only difference between them was that unlike Rarity, the others were unconscious, out cold when the force of their own silk bindings had slammed them into the walls.

Belatedly, Rarity noticed that somepony was missing. Fluttershy was nowhere in sight. Vaguely, Rarity could remember a flash of yellow and pink as the door to the cottage opened. Her blue eyes roamed back to the corner where Fluttershy had cowered since Rarity had arrived.

It was empty, without even a mound of webbing to signal the location of the buried mare. Nothing. Fluttershy had vanished at some point between the opening of the front door, and Twilight’s almost instantaneous attack.There had been only a few seconds between the two events for Fluttershy to have run, when Rainbow had screamed her accusation at Twilight.

After the pegasus had finished her screech, Twilight’s face had morphed almost magically. Surprise, shock, and alarm had flickered across her face in the span of only a few heartbeats. Then her face had cocked to the side, speculation entering her eyes. Flicking over the room, her lavender eyes slid around the room.

Now Twilight, and Fluttershy had both vanished. The cluttered room was in near total silence, only broken by the soft sighing of the other’s unconscious breathing. Rarity grunted, struggling against her restraints once more.

There was still no give in the tight silk, and she knew that it would be both excruciatingly painful, and utterly useless to try another spell. She was trapped here, in the same cottage where her friend; her loyal, kind, sweet friend, had tortured a pegasus. Rarity felt fear now, its chilly claws biting hard into her belly. It seeped in through her rage, through the indignation and disgust, settling like a weight inside her.

Comments

[BarrenBaron]

well they aren't going to be excited when there's two twilights in town...

[An Unimpressive]

Dat synopsis. How have I not read this yet?

[Xaldon Ajide]

I wan't to get to the confrontation. it is going to be soo much fun.

[HMage]

The synopsis of this fic reminded me of a track that fits this Twilight Sparkle's mindset perfectly:

I've been waiting
Living life in rewind
Like I'm frozen in time and place
And i'm fadin'
Falling further behind every step that I try to take

I've been hiding from the heat of the sun
Watching everyone come and go
Let some light in, 'cause I can't see a thing
And there's so much I need to know
I wanna know you better
I wanna take you for a ride
Go on a wide adventure
Not let a moment pass me by

Turn off the lights
Turn up the bass
I wanna be front and centre
Bring on the night
There's no time to waste
I wanna live forever

[Nadake]

2097182

...

That sudden feeling when you really really hope the crap you put out is not totally unimpressive.

[Impoxdragon]

attack.There had been

Missing a space between the sentences.

Good to see an update.

[-Brutus]

I would love for Celestia to tell Luna where Winter's body is, there is always a time for healing.

[Mossflower]

hm, i don't know why i was expecting the real twi to arrive before the false one, that would have been slightly anti-climatic. now we have the real twi arriving to find rarity and the girls bound up, i wonder how the news of there being two twilight's are gonna hit them, and that the one that they used to know hasn't seen them in quite a while. also, where is shy!

2097302
love your reaction to that simple little comment from a very not-so-little individual i don't think you need to worry though, this story is quite good

[Nadake]

2099757

ARE YOU CRAZY!!! This is my worst one on the site! Barring the fluff piece I wrote as a Sombra backstory cause I was bored, but SERIOUSLY!!! THIS ONE

[Mossflower]

2099920
i never compared it to your other works but seriously, it can't be your worst one, your fans doesn't agree at least, it has the second to highest amount of up-votes and favorites compared to your other stuff.

[cherryfourier]

By Celestia's sweet teats, please, please write a description of a location when you resume action from previous chapters. It's been a month since the last update - don't expect your readers to remember exactly where you left off. After reading twenty other updates in between yours, everything starts blending and coalescing into this lumbering mass of "I have no idea what's happening."

Also, I remember you pulling off some rewrites and reworks of a few chapters and now every time I read an update I have to make a conscious effort to remember in which future are we. Why do I remember these discarded paths? Ugh. Your writing is too memorable. How dare you.

[particle_pony]

Purple prose is too purple.

[Rhulain]

DAMN YOOOOOU! I want Logic!Twilight to destroy bad!twilight

[Mr-Dr-Prof Sweetness]

2097402
*shrugs* Eh... I just like fancy, usable swords.