Is Immortality Really Worth It?

by Nadake

The Monster of the Mind

“Well my dears. I have an announcement. I think that I shall be married.” Rarity said, breaking the quiet peace of the group. There was a collective gasp, and almost a look of pain on Applejack’s face. The group was huddled around a small tablecloth Spike had laid out in the field behind the Library. Every week, they made absolutely sure that they would meet at least once, all six of them, and just talk. Everypony fell silent at this announcement though, Spikes carefully prepared lunch falling forgotten to the wayside.

“Why?” The quiet voice came from the orange mare. Nopony heard her in the ensuing ruckus, mostly composed of Rainbow’s screaming “WHAT?” and Pinkie’s ecstatic grin, as she threw confetti into the air.

Twilight’s eyes widened, surprise evident, but lurking somewhere behind the shock was something deeper. Deep within the mare, something stirred. Something that had lain dormant in the unicorn for years was awakening. Burning with a frozen light, the monster’s eyes shone from Twilight’s own. Nopony saw the gleaming light of the… thing, the light forced back into the small corner of her mind. The creature growled in frustration, before curling up, settling to wait its chance to attack.

“Oh my gosh, this is so great! Oh, I know, I can host a party! But what kind of party? I could throw a marriage party, oh and a reception. And a bachelorette party. Oh! But how am I supposed to prepare for this. Who is the lucky groom? Oh, do I know him. I need to have everything color coordinated so that I can-“

“WHAT!” Applejack stood, towering over the unicorn. Rage and hurt warred across her face, tears streaming from her eyes.
“WHAT THE BUCK! HOW COULD YOU!” She screamed, thrusting her face into that of the unicorn. Applejack was panting from the effort she farmer was expending simply to stand there, without breaking down in tears, or throttling the little whoring chit in front of her.

“A-Applejack, whatever is the matter? Come darling-“

“Don’t you ever call me that again! So how long ago did you meet this ‘perfect’ stallion? Couldn’t wait to raise your tail and spread your legs for anything that moved after your Prince could you?” The mare screamed in her friends face. Rarity’s
eyes clouded, tears flowing at the harsh words.

Rainbow slammed into her friend, knocking her away from the unicorn, afraid that true violence was about to ensue. “AJ, what the hell.” She asked, shocked by her usually stoic friend almost attacking the unicorn. If there was one thing that Rainbow would not stand for, it was watching one pony attack another, not after all the years she had spent suffering under the thumb of others. “For Celestia’s sake, calm down!” She shouted, holding the mare in place by main force.
“YOU LIED TO ME! EVERY TIME, YOU LIED!” The farmer screamed, the words broken by sobs.

“But… I didn’t. I would never lie to you Darling. You have to know that.” And Twilight understood. In an almost literal flash of understanding she knew. She leveled her horn at Applejack, and a blast of magic silenced the mare. The orange mare continued sobbing, though no sound came from her.

“APPLEJACK!” Twilight shouted, drawing the earth pony out of her misery for a moment. “Shut up and listen to this. Rarity, who are you marrying?” She asked, turning to the still sobbing mare beside her. Pinkie had wrapped a leg comfortingly around her friend, and the fashion princess was almost hiding beneath it, quivering.

“Applejack, Darling, you. I was asking, you. Please, don’t be angry. I, I should have asked you in private, I know, I just… I thought it should be better if everyone finally knew about us. Please, my love, don’t be angry.” Rarity stood, head to the ground. Applejack knocked Rainbow off her and slammed into Rarity. Rarity went down, hard, beneath the orange ponies weight, grunting as the near wall of hardened muscle slammed into her side, bearing her to the ground. She landed with a hard thud, her weight pushing most of the air from her lungs. She was almost glad of the attack, glad to finally share some of her beloved pain. What she had not expected though, was the shower of soft kisses that met her on the ground, rather than the crushing weight of Applejack’s muscled form.

Twilight watched, lifting the spell on AJ, letting the mares stammering, broken apology be heard, interrupted by the almost constant kisses that continued to rain down on the mare beneath her. The group watched, tears in every eye at the sweet scene. If Pinkie and the Cakes could manage to bake something like this, they would be rich beyond the wildest dreams of a dragon.

From the back though, different tears fell. Yes Princess. This is the terrible fate you wanted so desperately to avoid. How could anypony ever want a love so pure and sweet in their lives? It seems to horrible, I am ashamed I ever thought you could ever want such a thing for yourself. Why? Why is it so wrong for me to love you? Why is it good for every other pony, but not for me, not for us?

Twilight bit her lip, hard, to stop the sobs from escaping. She tasted the metallic sheen of blood on her tongue, but didn’t stop, only biting harder as her shoulders shook in silent agony. While the others crowded around the happy new couple, congratulating and commiserating over the misunderstanding. Among the well-wishing and happy talk of the upcoming event, nopony noticed as Twilight slipped away, tears slowly following their familiar track down her face.

The door to the library shut almost silently. Twilight leaned back against the door, resting her weight on the oak wall she had made her life inside. There was little to be said about the mare. She simply appeared empty, as if only the barest hint of life still stirred within her. A nearly overwhelming, physical force of her sadness washed over the area. For once, no tears were shed. The mare was tired of crying. It never helped, it only made the pain worse. She simply sat there unmoving. Each breath came out short, cut into a fine edge from the internal war she was waging.

For hours, Twilight sat there, staring blankly ahead. Every now and then, her body would act, drawing in a fleeting breath, letting the air flow out her nose once more. Her eyes shut and reopened in precise movements, completely without thought. Blink, breathe, blink, blink, breathe. Over and over, the pattern flowed, the only constant in her life. For much of the time, the mare simply sat there, unthinking, and uncaring. Every so often though, a thought shattered her serene peace.

It must be you.

Every other pony can find happiness. It can’t be that you are a mare.

Or maybe, that was just an excuse.

How many times do you think she has taken a student under her wing?

How many times did a student fall in love with their teacher?

How many times had Celestia been in love? Could there only be one true love in a life, even an immortal one?

Is there some rule I broke?

How long has she sat waiting to hear a confession from her students?

Does she see me as anything more than a child? Or am I just a pet?

Why doesn’t she love me?

Is there somepony else?

An unknowable time passed between each thought, much of it spent in a numb haze. Exhaustion bit at her, stinging pain lancing through her body. It was protesting, vociferously, at the strain it was under. It needed sleep, it needed to rest, it needed to not be locked into a single position.

But that last thought was different. It wasn’t sad, it wasn’t lonely. Unlike all the others that had passed into her mind over the time she sat there, this one was not frozen.

No. There is nopony else. The Princess said that she couldn’t bare to lose another love. That’s all. There isn’t another pony. THERE ISN’T!

But there could be. After all, who knows how the alicorn mind works? She could have a covey of lovers waiting on her beck and call. Compared to that, what is one insignificant little mare. You are barely more than a foal by any standard, and compared to hers, you must seem barely weaned. Who’s to say she even needed to hide them. She could be using the Palace Guard. All those nice strong stallions, trained to endure rigors and hardships, to be able to do anything. I doubt it would surprise you much to find she took a few to bed her every night, spreading her legs like some common who-

“SHUT UP!” Twilight roared, frozen apathy instantly changing, becoming black fury. “SHE DOESN’T! SHE WOULDN’T!” The mare screamed at the empty library, her horn spitting off random sparks of energy in her anger.

Oh no? Then why does it make you so angry? You are afraid that she does. You are afraid that she doesn’t want you because she can find true satisfaction elsewhere. What can a little mare like you give her that a nice big stallion can't give her, and more besides? Or maybe she doesn’t raise her tail for the commoners. Maybe only her sister can see her writhing, panting and moaning under her.

“Even by your faulty logic, that doesn’t work. Luna’s been gone for a thousand years, so she can’t be sleeping with her.”

And what is to say that the ever noble Princess Celestia wouldn't go to the moon every now and then to... reinforce, her sisters punishment? More to it than that, they are immortal. Time matters little to them, and they do say absence makes the heart grow stronger. But you must admit, now they have a lot of quality time to catch up on. I mean, you have so much more control over your head. That long horn must be able to reach places no stallion could with his mindless humping into her, trying to dominate her, force her to bear his children. They could go for hours on end, never stopping. Horns don’t go limp after She’s forced it into her enough times.

“What do you want? Why are you insulting her? I should kill you for even thinking things like that.”

Ha. As if you haven’t dreamed about it while you lived there. A little adolescent filly, alone in a tower. So secluded. You dreamed of plenty of nasty things didn’t you? You are almost as much of a slut as your Princess. You just used you hoof while you thought about your Princess bound and gagged, raped over, and over, and over again. Ponies taking turns, until the noble Princess of the Sun was lying in a crying heap.

“Shut up.”

Then her dear Twilight Sparkle would reach out to the beautiful Princess, removing the gag.

“I said shut up.”

But instead of freeing her Princess, she would force the ruler of Equestia between her legs. Force the noble, beautiful ruler of the country, a virtual Goddess, and use her like some common toy.

“DAMN IT!” Twilight screamed, tearing her throat open once more. The wound had barely closed the night before but in her anger the little mare simply didn't care. The pain would come, and she would revel in it. As the blood flowed into her mouth once more, she stalked forward. Across from her was a mirror. Mocking laughter echoed from nowhere as she approached the mirror. “I will kill you, you pathetic monster. I will rip you in half. I will shatter every bone in your body, and let the shards fester. Then when you have had so much pain that you can’t even remember your own bucking NAME, I will kill you. Slowly. I’ll tear your legs off, snap your horn, destroy your wings. Whatever I have to do, you sick little foal, I will make you suffer. I will throw you on a fire, and roast you slow.”

Oh dear Twilight Sparkle. Don’t you know yet? Ahh, what a pity. And I thought you were so clever. Maybe that is the trouble though. You are too clever, too wise and smart to see what is right in front of you. How do you think I know so much about you, you silly little foal? Why do you think I speak only to you?

Twilight stood before the mirror. She simply stared at her own reflection. She had been sure that the mirror would show her who was speaking. It had too. Everything pointed to the mirror. Mirrors were always the answer. In every book, the hero looked into a mirror and got help, or some insight that let them win. They never looked in and saw… nothing.

Maybe you should try True Sight? I hear the spell is so uplifting, seeing oneself for what they truly are.

Twilight closed her eyes, and fed power into her horn. She had no idea why she was listening to the hated voice, the evil monster that lived inside her. She touched her horn to the mirror, and the surface of the reflection shimmered, like a pool of molten silver disturbed. She pulled back, and looked.

Inside the mirror, the library looked the same. Books and shelves, and the soft tone of the woods, the gentle colors calming as ever. The background was expected, even comforting. What stared back at Twilight was not.

The thing looked like her. It was her height, and looked identical in every aspect. Save that the mare in the mirror was darker, almost violet, not the gentle sweet lavender of her own coat. The creatures horn was jet black, twisted to a cruel point, jutting from her head, the white gleam of skull showing from the base, the skin torn away from the bone. Large portions of flesh had been simply been ripped away, leaving the muscle and bone showing clear in contrast to the dark coat. The mare’s eyes were the masterpiece. They were black, pitch black, without even a reflection of light within them. And from the bottoms of those deep wells, blood slowly trickled, leaving tracks of crimson on the dark coat, staining it black.

“Dearest Twilight. I am you. The real you, not that sad, weak, foolish little mare that you show the world. You lived the lie for so long, you started to believe it didn’t you? Take a good look. This is who you are, but these,” she gestured at the holes that littered her form “Those are from your darling Princess.”

*************************************

Okay, I think this needs to take a break for a little while. Both because I'm playing with another idea, and because I think I need to get things straightened. It just seems (with this chapter especially) that the quality of the chapters is getting erratic. I'll come back to this later, both to revise and continue this, but right now, I think it needs a vacation. If it takes longer than a month for me to get back to this, someone smack me and make me work,okay?

Hugs and kisses.

Comments

[Anquietas]

Smacking will commence in one month's time if writing has not started up again.

Good chapter, Twilight is going

[-Brutus]

I can't help but think the process is like for Luna that turned into Nightmare Moon.

[LastLight]

Take all the time you need, as I have always said to authors slow updates are preferable to bad ones.

On this chapter, the biggest thing that I can see is that twilight is a smart pony. She is both logical and analytical so she will approach this with logic at some point. Either before she panics preventing said panic or after calming down from her panic. I can't see her failing to notice that this is probably how it started for Luna and that Luna didn't get the appreciation she wanted, she instead became a monster. Twilight still loves her friends and I don't think she hates Luna so that's six different ponies to go to for help. I only hope that she goes to some pony, I just can't stand watching characters do clearly stupid things that get themselves in horrible situations. I do get that this is dark but I'm crossing my fingers that you'll get her to the horrible place in a creative way if we do need to go there. Also crossing fingers that there is some light at the end of this ride and it doesn't end like cupcakes did. HATE that story.

Oh and you get my thumb

[Nadake]

507569

Oh my dear. I LOVE YOU! ThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyouThankyou. That's what I needed. *Happydance* I knew what I wanted, but had no process. You conveniently gave me that on a gilded platter. Here, take my hugs and kisses!

That said, It will still be a little while before I get the next bit done, because I really do need a break before I get to wrapped up in scitzo Twilight and lose the story thread. On the up side, I'm posting something new in a few minutes, I just need to reread it.

Hugs and Kisses

[LastLight]

507825

You're welcome.
I'm just glad I could be of some help.

[frieD195]

wow, taking a slightly morbid turn there towards the end. but then again, that's what makes this story good.

[Bubbler]

I like this story, and I like your writing. This is the disclaimer.

I did not want to see this. "This" being some inner demon talking to the protagonist, arguing with them. It makes it so the writer can blame it and not the protagonist for thinking a certain way or doing something bad. Is it so bad for Twilight to just be angry? Be hateful, spiteful, unfair in this situation? Do we have to have an inner demon personified to be the antagonist? It just seems, with taking this route, she isn't taking responsibility for her thoughts. But I guess it's just me.

[Anonymo]

Woo, shes going physco, I have been preparing and waiting for this moment for quite some time now. Yay, maybe she will rip off Celestia's fucking wings and stab her eyes out. Perhaps filling the eye sockets with blood.

[Nadake]

512122

How could you be so mean to Darling Celestia? She should be loved and petted as we worship her on our knees.

[Anonymo]

512455
She refused most precious Twilight Sparkle.

[Nadake]

512545

Twilight is best pony

Celestia is best alicorn We bow and kiss her golden hooves.

[Anonymo]

512625
Okay, now we came to an agreement.

[Mossflower]

awesome chapter!
i was confused for a time when twi was talking to that 'someone' inside her head, i had to go and make sure there wasn't a NMM tag or something.
to bad about your need for a break, but as other has said before me: i prefer that you take a break to straighten out the story in your head and on paper rather than having you release something with lacking quality!

[Pleaseworkforonce]

hmm i am bored so im going to throw a guess at this story is twilight going to become the next nightmare moon? and perhaps wins

[Pleaseworkforonce]

529090 wait when did you do that

[cuck]

And the plot thickens....

[Starknight619]

DAMN!

campuscircle.com/Books/images/020416.jpg

[Orkz]

This is disturbing.....And yet I can't tear my eyes away.

[Nightshade Dawn]

779034 and twilight likes celestias plot :D trololololololololololol

[MustacheMerlin]

779034 Probably because of cloud cake.

[Fallen Knight]

Applejack was panting from the effort she farmer was expending simply to stand there

the