interlude-three's a crowd
"So… how old are you?" Adam asked. He glanced at the two foals next to him. One was a light blue earth pony with a darker shade of blue mane and light brown eyes, a lit cigarette hanging lazily from his mouth. The other foal had just the same color scheme. If it weren't for the fact that he was an alicorn, one would confuse the two as siblings. The alicorn foal was lying on the grass next to the two other foals, drawing in a coloring book.
"Twenty two…" the alicorn foal answered absentmindedly, not even sparing a glance up from his half colored picture, "Oliver Leaf," he added a second later.
"Thirty Two…" the earth pony foal replied. He took the cigarette from his mouth and released a cloud of wispy white smoke before sticking the cigarette back between his lips, "Bruce."
"Damnit!" Adam swore, "I'm the youngest."
"Yes you are," Bruce remarked.
"Shut up! At least I'm not sleeping with cocks in my bed."
"It only happened once! Once!" Bruce snapped, chewing off his filter.
"Can you two please shut it?" Oliver growled.
"Sorry," Bruce and Adam apologized simultaneously, lowering their heads in shame.
After a few more seconds in which no foal spoke up, Adam decided to break the ice. "So, how did you ended up in here?"
"Don't know," replied Oliver. He abandoned his coloring book and glanced directly at Adam. "One moment I was falling asleep, and in the next I'm lying next to a lake, looking like that."
"I don't know either," replied Bruce. "I just… appeared…"
"Well that's just fucking vague…" said Adam, looking rather bored.
"How did you ended up here, then?" asked Oliver.
"Sword Art Online rip-off and a bad author."
"I know the feeling man."
"Me too." the two foals nodded in agreement.
Bruce sighed before he stared expectedly at the castle in front of him. "I still can't believe we pulled that off," he said as he gazed at the painted towers. Each tower had a massive, crudely drawn cock painted on it.
Oliver smirked before looking down at the guards, whom had tried to uselessly scrub the paint off the walls. "I'm not that surprised admittedly. These guards have the collective IQ of fleas. I managed to give them the slip without them noticing."
"Yeah, stupid guards," agreed Adam. "I gave them a good run for their money before they caught me. Stupid bastards."
"So, you think my little ponies are incompetent, are you?" said a voice behind the foals that sent chills down their spines. A golden aura lifted the three off the ground and spun them around, forcing them to look up at a very upset Princess Celestia.
"Oh fuck," whispered Adam. He tried to squirm out of Celestia's magical grasp but it proved to be futile very quickly.
Celestia turned to look at the towers before glaring back at the three fear-stricken foals.
"Now, I want you to clean MY towers so there will be not a single stain of paint on them. Am I clear?!"
"Yes ma'am," the three said in unison.
"Good," Celestia replied, dropping the three unceremoniously to the ground. "Then I suggest you start working on it right now. I don't care if you have to throw yourselves over the windows the clean the towers! I want them spotless by sunset."
"Yes ma'am," the three replied again. Celestia nodded sharply before teleporting away, leaving behind her a bucket of water and three sponges.
"Tell me again who's the twat that thought painting cocks on the towers was a good idea?" Adam asked as he looked at the bucket, scowling.
"You are," said Oliver and Bruce at once.
The rest of the day was filled with Adam's cussing and foul-mouthing.
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Enjoyable to say the least.
... *giggles* Canterlot Castle guarded by Gourds.
I know it's just a silly intermission but you really want to spellcheck this.
lol
Hehehehe... Dis funny... Hehehehehe...
i.imgur.com/u243FyP.gif
5682078 What reference? I don't see a reference.
This chapter...I liked it. Another!
Replace "ran" with "run."
5682126
Oh, yeah. Sorry. What I meant was I read all those stories, so it's nice to see stuff like this every now and then
now if only those stories would update faster
If Adam is ever going to be in a music class, I have an OC for it.
His name is my very own, Silver Octave.
His twenty-six and is one of the only pegasi to learn how to play the violin with his wings. He has deep red mane with a yellow roots. His special talent is playing the violin with the skill level of Octavia has with the cello. He hates those who give up quickly and never try their hardest. He has a childish attitude, but can be serious most of the time.
Edit: His cutie mark is a constellation of a Treble Clef with ten stars and his coat color is gray
That was a funny chapter.
That was humorous xD and i agree, the guards are portrayed really really incompetent.
That should be "fleas".
Remember, try to keep everything in an active voice, unless a passive voice is used as a writing style.
You seem to use 'said' a lot, instead of synonyms like 'remarked', 'replied', and 'mumbled'. Remember to change up your words or otherwise your writing will seem robotic.
Question mark instead of a period.
Have them cringe or lower their heads in shame. Details, my friend. It can add dynamic to writing.
"Well that's just fucking vague," should be the answer, unless no one spoke for a few minutes afterwards. In that case, DETAILS.
So, that's it? They didn't laugh or nod their heads in agreement or anything? Details, man, details!
A better word would be 'admittedly'.
"down at the guards, whom had tried to uselessly scrub the paint off the walls"
Well, that's all I've spotted for now, along with the other comments that some people have pointed out. I await the next chapter.
...............................
I feel disappointed I thought this was a new chapter not a side chapter...
...Wait, what?
Ah, looking forward to the next chapter.
That's where I lost it.
Worlds Greatest chapter ever posted right here I love it LOL!
Oh god, the feels, I cannot stress the amount of spoilers, but this made me think of Yuuki's death. FFS, that was the saddest part in the entire series.
Bruce finally managed to meet Celestia, to bad for him that it was in the wrong story
lol I could see myself doing this..... Ahh good thoughts.........great thoughts....ok thoughts.....not so ok thoughts.....bad thoughts.....naughty thoughts.....no comment
5683371 I just wanna say that it turned out with a lot of black lines instead of words sooooo.........yea... *awkwardly shuffles away*
5684757
That's because I had the spoiler thing on. That was a HUGE spoiler in SAO II. If you really want to know. Just highlight it, copy it, and paste it in some random place.
i read all of these stories.
i know what story Bruce is from, but what story is Oliver Leaf from?Edit: I'm stupid and didnt read the authors note.
tell me he keeps leeroy the rock just please author please
Wonderful just wonderful
5687345 He keeps the rock don't worry
5687686
That was a brilliant crossover
5688094 Both stories had a huge impact on the creation of this one. I thought it would be a nice tribute to the authors
5688519 Nice. I love both stories as well, especially the one with Bruce. He's fucking hilarious
5688528 Yeah, same
5704120 genius
Snrrrrk- heh~!
read it again and still love it
stayclassy
Rainbow Dash is apparently Donnie Sexbang reincarnated.
No! Could it be!?! Could I have finnaly reached the end?! The Inevitable end that every reader experiences until a story is updated?
NOOOOOOO,!!!!
I NEED MORE STORY.
5910141 I take pride in my puns
Erm... update... please... soon?
DO IT NOW OR I'LL PERSONALLY COME TO WHEREVER THE HELL YOU LIVE AND TEAR OUT YOUR LARGE INTESTINE, BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT, WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SKINNING YOU ALIVE AND DROPPING YOU OUT OF AN AIRPLANE, AND THEN PROCEEDING TO TEAR OUT YOUR SPINE, USE IT AS A WHIP, AND TAKING YOUR SKIN AND MAKING A BLANKET OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
I'm joking, of course.
5911166 I think you'll be pleased to know that I have two chapters done already. I just need my editor to look over them, but if he doesn't start working on them soon, I'll just upload them and let you guys do the editing
5911635 Ah... yes, this does please me. I shall wait...
5912020 Worry not my friend
So there was a lot of negative reactions about the last two chapters and I realized that I might be pissing off too much people with the whole going to Ponyville bit. I know that some of you wanted to see how it might develop but as a writer, I understand that there needs to be some sort of balance between what I want to write and what you want to read, so I'll start again and try to keep it more sensible. I would like to apologize to my editor, that had to edit the last two chapters, sorry man, you did an amazing job and you're an awesome person and I'm glad we met in this community.
Other than that I'll try to make something more to your liking instead of throwing this story to the gutter just because I like where it was going when clearly the majority of you did not like it. But remember, just because I scrapped the last two chapters, it does NOT mean I'll change every aspect of the story from now on to fit each and everyone of you
5916371
Just so long as you keep the punching.
I'll say, though, that this kind of insight ("I'm not just writing for me," which is apparently surprisingly difficult for a lot of authors here to understand) is something I appreciate and find very admirable, even if I didn't have much of a problem with the actual content of the removed chapters.
5916376 When you start a story, it's sometimes hard to keep the same vibe throughout it. Especially when you have so little time to write. Sometimes you stir from that vibe, and it's the reader's job to remind the author of that. I now understand that this story should focus mainly of Adam, Celestia, and Luna. There's no reason to include the mane six or Ponyville just to squeeze a few half baked jokes
5916371 Dammit, just as I was about to read the last chapter you deleted it
Yeah, the transition to Ponyville would be jarring for Adam, but I for one would love to see where that'd end.
Ah well, can't wait for more anyway!
5916395
Can't say I disagree, although an exploration of how Celestia would've reacted to the separation could have been pretty interesting. Probably not quite fitting in with the tone of the rest of the story, though.