I am a simple writer of some relatively unknown skill. I am also insane, mentally unstable and with limitless creativity. To an extent.
Shining Armor has a good friend. This friend and his sister are moving into ponyville and Twilight was asked to give them temporary housing. Twilight agrees to house them.
Not a daunting task, right?
Well, this friend is very unusual.
Join as the two begin their lives in Ponyville. Let the hijinx ensue!
(Sidenote: there is a relatively good reason for the Alternate Universe tag in future chapters.)
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Wow. Arriving in Ponyville and then, BAM ! In jail. Just because you're looking weird.
That kinda sucks.
> There stood a cocoa brown coated earth pony mare with a short amber mane and matching eyes. Twilight noted that she wore the blue uniform of the Equestrian Police Force. Her cutie mark was a shiny gold and silver badge. “Pardon my intrusion, but are you Ms. Twilight Sparkle?”
> His sister also seemed to live there. Twilight Sparkle. The name was not unknown to me, even without Shining telling me about her. Element of Magic and a local hero. I had to admit I am a bit anxious that Shining set up temporary housing in her home. I hope I don’t intrude.
Are these guards Skyrim grade in quality?
I was going to point out other things, but then I realised it might be because plot. I'm intrigued. Let's carry on
4803901 The EPF is... interesting. Well get to know about them later.
As a sidenote, the EPF and the Royal Guards are not the same thing.
Very, very amusing
Like + fav + waiting for more! I do hope you do something interesting with these characters
4803928 Ooooh, you have no idea.
4803936
Don't get me riled up unless you are clicking the publish button right now
But in all seriousness, I have no idea why, I always imagine Smile as Jeff the Killer:
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140211145019/spam-landia/pl/images/f/fd/Jeff_the_killer_by_zyari-d620dfy.jpg
As a side note, You should be writing for Bethesda. They appreciate starting a story off with the protagonist being in captivity. One way or another.
4804038 That... is disturbingly actually sort of accurate. Only sort of.
4804138
Imb4 Smile leads a double life as Jeff the Killer, and Coral is some kind of other ghastly entity, like some nymph that entices ponies with her wide smiles to do her bidding
I recall a Manga where a kind well mannered kid gets treated differently due to having a face of a killer/Yakuza. Can't recall the name, though.
Adding to read later!
4805143 ... Gods, you're right. Blast!
Good, good, let the confusion flow.
c1.staticflickr.com/1/64/227818368_243e7f6d85.jpg
There is something great when Smiles just appears in the narrative and I as a reader have this giant grin bubble up on my face
Well this story is rather on the odd side but I like it hope you get more views for this.
4825091 It's your common sense telling you something must go wrong.
4825171 I just hope those who read it enjoy it, even if minimally.
I wonder what is in the cookie. If there's no drug, then maybe it can be useful.
I enjoy the police running gag.
This is a good story just wish you could make them longer but you make up for that by putting tem continuously. I really like how Smiles is the nicest pony ever and yet he gets the looks of a serial killer.
4928029 If I made them longer they would take longer to write. Not to mention all my other side projects slowing me down a tad. I do my best though.
I'd use the word "subordinates" instead of "underlings". The latter sounds kinda gangsta and demeaning. Just my opinion though.
Yeah. I'm giving it one chapter.
I love it when this story updates.
4957985 He's the Chief. He needs to run a tight shift or else things go haywire. And Badge did screw up, so a few rough words are to be expected.
4957992 Appreciated.
This is pretty good but it could be longer but it is pretty funny how people react to him. Never get tired of those.
Nice to see fan girl Rarity
. Also, the chapter was fun.
Be careful with OCs and having them know very important people just because plot
There is much more fun in gaining a friendship than muscling it in through a plot element that won't be explored later and just left with "X likes Y because X is meant to like Y"
Other than the fact I don't think a little filly would say the word "posh", you have a good chapter here. Although I think I did spot some grammatical mistakes.
4971989 It will be explored, though it will take a while. I have quite a convoluded plan in my head and will do my best to deliver.
4973544 I do not doubt that, my grammar is a bit flaky. Still, thank you.
Chapter mismatch.
In chapter one, your glorious police were perfectly willing to place a pony under arrest based on their appearance alone.
In chapter two we find out that same police allowed the same pony to waltz out of the jail with unconscious celebrity in tow unimpeded.
It`s... kind of stupid, don`t you think? Besides, I find it rather amusing that Twilight had not even considered for a second WHY she had to recover her guest from jail. One would think she would at least inquire as to why someone was put to jail to begin with... And one would think she would also have some choice words for police who would arrest anyone based on their appearance, ne?
5036780 The officer on watch was dead scared and was put on toilet duty for a month for his lack of spine.
And yes, it's stupid. I realize it. All I can give is a crap excuse that Twilight was a tad confused at the moment. She got around later.
5039068
You could have handled it so much better. For example, have Twilight chew out everyone within earshot for acting without thought, have her scare the police stiff with the idea that only their unquestioning and unmitigated obedience could save them from Celestia personally looking into the matter and having them all publicly fired (out of cannon) for committing with illegal arrest. Then, have them continue being scared and compliant when Twilight herself faints, having had persuaded themselves that they ended up bothering a person of "interest to the crown" unwittingly.
Also, second arrest is even stupider. I mean, what kind of moron you need to be to arrest someone on the "looks suspicious" grounds if you just did it yesterday and Twilight Sparkle herself came to spring them out? And more importantly, for what bloody reason Twilight did not interfere with the second arrest?
Comedy is fine, so is slapstick. But you`re going beyond both - that level of stupid is not funny, it`s innerving.
5039720 We all make mistakes. So... Eh. Logic is overrated.
5040110
Making mistakes is fine. Not correcting them? That`s a different can of worms.
5040169 Rewriting the thing would perhaps fix certain things, but it'd be a lot of extra planning if things were to change in a larger scale.
I will take it into consideration, but currently I am working on some other projects.
5040185
It`s more of "think things through before you put them to publish" sentiment. Seriously, get a beta-reader to spot those inconsistencies for you.
Please update soon!