They say that history is written by the winners. But what if an event so terrible happened that there was no winners to write about it?
This is the story of a Pegasus named StarChaser, who was born into a world that was tearing itself apart, and woke up into a world very much changed from the one that he left...
As this is my first story, criticism is highly appreciated, so long as it's CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Saying that it sucks doesn't help improve the story while saying WHY it sucks does. Also down voting without giving a reason why is not very helpful...
If I'm missing any tags or anything like that please let me know and I will do my best to fix that in a timely manner (when I get the chance).
All kinds of thanks to Requiem17 for helping me out on this story! Go check out his stories!
8/18 Just realized that chapter 7 probably warrants the use of the "gore" tag...
Looks at story title. Looks at author name.
i.imgur.com/uh5A6.gif
4767802 I don't know if you're serious about it going to be good or not... but I actually had the idea for the character name before I created an account here... don't ask how that works, it just does...
You should really make your chapter at least 1,000 words long. And you are saying that there are some sort of advance machinery in older times in which there are spears and etc. It would be believable if it was some sort of golem but with the AI, that will be a huge paradox. Plus it took me a long time to realize that this chapter is a flashback, thay's not a good thing at all.
In my conclusion, this story doesn't make that much sense.
4768268 Basically, the "incident" mentioned sparked off an Apocalyptic event, resulting in most of the technology being lost. This explains why there is a STEAM engine next to a full blown ELECTRIC DJ setup...
Also my mind doesn't make sense to me sometimes. :D
4768304 All that technology stored in one location, gone? Still makes no sense.
4767821
...
That's... not what he meant.
4768468 Think Dark ages, but on a much greater scale... The Equestria that we know has only recently gotten out of the Dark ages (pre-unification)
4768468 Super secret military design bunker filled with engineering records and the workers/creators blown up into absolute oblivion? If it's all there and the explosion was big enough I can see how top military stuff disappears. As for smaller stuff that a peaceful world would have like engines, not guns or high tech suits (would they even have the knowledge or resources to reproduce guns compared to crossbows if the tech designs were gone?) I can see that still existing. Plus factions fighting each other will cause a lack of resources and man power. Here's an example. If you have the paramount of human exoskeleton powered armor and a weapon discharged and killed off most of the human race, I can see bands of people forming and fighting. But they would have crappy junky stuff as they lack resources and the knowledge to replicate better things. You on the other hand have badass armor and training. You know what you're doing and thus the better survivor with better stuff. *Sorry went on a rambling tangent there. May have moved slightly off topic XD*
4768528 I was sarcastic on the first sentence.
4768519
You're story concept is original at the least, just needs to be less confusing.
(there was no mention of a steam engine or electric dj setup)
4768581 I didn't intend on being rude. Sorry about that.
4768581 The steam engine is the train in the show, and the DJ set up? also in the show...
Also, thanks for the constructive (somewhat) criticism! Now to go on a hunt for confusing points and see what I can do about them!
4768581 I plan on elaborating on the tech decrease both when he sees the tech level of the world he's waking up in and
when he breaks the language barrier(How do I black stuff out for spoilers?)
4768474 *In a perfectly calm voice* Then please enlighten me on what he did mean
*sees that this story was added to a group*
*goes and sees what that group is about*
*eye twitches*
*With extremely forced calmness* While I don't mind being told that my story is not up to par, I do mind that it has not been found to be up to par and I'm not told why.
4772035
Typically when the author has the same name as his character, it's indicative of a self-insert wish fulfillment story.
4772081 I understand the self-insert part, but the wish fulfillment part I don't fully understand, I know what those words mean but I'm not entirely sure what is meant, what kind of wish?
4772098
I'll let TVTropes explain.
4772105 So... basically an idealized me being put into the story? The story character is not going to be perfect if that's what you're worried about...
4771747
When I said there was no mention of a steam engine and dj setup, I was talking about in the story. So yeah, glad that my comment somewhat helps.
4772049
And which group is it added to?
4772264 Some group called "Plan 9 from Equestria: 2", it's supposed to be "the best of the worst stories"
4772264 Also, next chapter is currently under review from my editor, I'm not sure when I will get it back
But when I do, it will be posted in relatively short order
4772268
To be honest with you, I am trying my best to laugh. At least it's a better first attempt than my first attempt of writing fanfics, 9 likes 30 dislikes.
4772290 to laugh or not to laugh?
4772297
What do you mean? Read it again.
4772306 So you're trying to find it funny? usually when someone says that "they are trying ___ to laugh" that ____ is "not" so I wasn't sure if typo or not...
Also, at what? the group's soul purpose? Or that I got lucky with my first story?
4772314
The groups sole purpose to find "the best of the worse" the " ones that make you facepalm at the sheer badness of them but at the same time you are drawn to them like a train wreck". You're story is tied in likes (that's what I mean in luck). But plan 9? *snicker*
4772335
Either you're drawing a connection between "plan 9" and your 9 likes... or I'm completely missing the joke...
StarRunner, have any ideas?
Nope, same as you...
4772346 It's a joke a few will know.
4772346
Here's the joke.
And yet I just got another downvote without an explanation why...
Two updates in a row!!!! This story is great especially if Requiem17 is helping out! Just try to increase chapter lengths because the shortness makes it feel as if you are using lots of cliffhangers. Also when can we see the Mark V. in action? Because all it makes me think about is Halo Combat Evolved whenever I think about it's name!!!
4827119 I actually sent in three chapters at once to Requiem a few days ago so I have a small backlog, (now reduced to just one chapter). Don't worry, you'll see it in action eventually! It might be a few chapters though...
I'll try to increase the chapter lengths, no promises though...
I actually imagined the Mark V being more like Samus's suit, with it being modular (just add upgrade) and how the shilding is limited (by how much power is in the energy core). Mix that with Iron Man's suit and you have the Mark III. Upgrade that and Mark V... But hey! That's just where the idea came from...
Don't let the non explained down votes get to you. Stay strong and keep writing. This is an original idea as far as I can tell. You'll get there, trust me.
4827335 So... Carry on my wayward son?
4828611 What about it? You can have a link or YouTube video of it in your story.
4828800 For your advice, Another way to say what you did was that song...
4830681 ah I see
Awesome matrix reference!!!!
Update please! I verry much would like to see what happens next. :3
5035946 I want to, but it's approtching midterm in college and... well...
"oh ho ho, you like doing things other than studying? Well FUCK YOU! You're a college student now!"
Cool