Two years ago Luna returned from the Wasteland to find that her home had shifted dramatically from what she remembered. Even now she attempts to find a way to transport her lost love, Sarah, to her side, but a chitinous foe seeks to tear them apart.
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This was hilariously dark, and it gladdens me to see Nim and Sarah get a few good hits in before the hammer truly comes down on them. For the record though "kittens" and "bigger boot" would've been amazing to behold. Please, update again soon!
Pure utter genius in this update. You made my day!
I feel like Nim wants to keep Sarah all to herself and keep her away from Luna.
Loved this chapter :)
I burst out laughing there.
*rolls on the ground, wheezing with laughter*
Ah, well, at least Chrysalis is now prepared to play Dark Souls.
Oh, oh, if you are going to add more deaths, add the Dark Souls Mimic - it's a chest that eats you the moment you open it. Or the Gaping Dragon. Or cursed and petrified by Basilisks.
Please, PLEASE tell me the Erlking is the Erlkonig from German lore. That would be AWESOME. Also, fantastic chapter, and it would be a great idea to train Sarah in mental defenses in their spare time, both as a distraction and as a useful action.
Bug zapper... Lol
DEATH BY BASS!!!!!
Bravo!
I give you 4 out of 5 mustaches!
Now that's what I expected the Lone Wanderer's mind to be like! Though, she DID have the help of an alicorn whose specific area is dreams. Part of me expected Crysalis to be tormented by Fluffle Puff.
While I'm enjoying watching this... (Sarcasm is thick with this one.) In the ancient words of Monty Python please GET ON WITH IT!
I mean no offense but, one can only see so much torture and helplessness from The Lone Wanderer or Courier Six before growing bored of it. And I think three chapters is about that limit for most people.
All that was missing was her losing control of her body as it drove a knife into her own eyes.
For irony and such.
4638731 Or just a random Raider Rape party to show off the darker parts of the hell that was the wasteland.
soo..... did nim just put Chrysalis through her version of Dark Souls 'prepare to RAGE X' edition?
I think there is a phrase from a certain movie that properly describes what Chrysalis did wrong hear, and my joy of seeing her take the punishment that was coming to her.
BROKE INTO THE WRONG GODDAMN REC ROOM DIDN'T YOU YOU BASTARD!
Just replace "Rec Room" with "mindscape" and "Bastard" with whichever feminine insult you feel fits best.
fucking kittens, grats man, the cotton candy was genius
-posts comment.
-sees some one already made Dark Souls joke.
shit.
it would have been beeter if it said "You Died" each time though.
4638756
Hmmm... with people mentioning Dark Souls would this be the Theme Song of the chapter?
4638692 that was the plan, yes
4638784 Miracle of sound is fucking boss, i got this song downloaded.
And yes, this is a good theme song for the chapter. (to me any ways)
4638784 pretty much, though the raven from Painted world wasn't picked up on as much as I would have liked.
Should have added Liberty Prime blowing her up with a nuke while roaring about how Chrysalis should embrace democracy
Aww I want to see more deaths. Like librty prime or aliens or a undead Sara constantly hunting you down like pie amid head ect.
Side-story? A million ways to die in Sarah's Mind.
Ooh, this chapter is definitely a step up from the last few. You and Blackwindinsocks did an excellent job of setting up the dreamscape, and your way of executing it was eery, dark, and almost evil. It almost reminds me of Dark Souls. The only error pertaining to spelling and grammar I could find was how you denoted Chrysalis's possession. No matter how the name is spelled, possession always results in an apostrophe S ending. There were several other errors, all of which had to do with the biophysics of animals. [EDIT: You did denote possession correctly; I'm just an dumbie.]
Well, you aren't entirely wrong here, but sliding isn't the best choice. Most venomous snakes (around 86%) have grooves in their fangs that allow venom to drip down. However, venom is a non-newtonian fluid. What draws venom into blood is the suction created by the wound and fang, because of venom's high viscosity and low surface tension. It doesn't just drippity drop into the tissue.
Now, I'm assuming that you're referring to Deathclaws, and if you are, then you shouldn't have killed Chrysalis via bite. You described the creature as a giant crocodile-esque creature, which does sum Deathclaws up in a nutshell, but that's not the problem.. Saltwater crocodiles can have a bite force upwards of 3,700 PSI. By comparison, you can bite something at around 200 PSI, and a dog at 400. The bite force you had is very low, not nearly enough to chew through a Chrysalis.
You did do a good job of describing how the giant spider killed Chrysalis. Spider venom is generally a neurotoxin, but some species' (Wolf Spider) venom can, in fact, liquify you. But, I digress. The rest of the chapter was great. Many evil laughs were had at Chrysalis as she bumbled through the maze. The scene with Double was great. Sarah's smug satisfaction was contagious. I will say that Double is a complete cunt. The closing scene with Sarah and Nim was decent. As I said before, you seem to be making a habit out of it. But, yeah, they screwed. All in all, this chapter gets a Do Your Research Before You Write/10. But srsly, fact checking is an important part of writing.
4638810 DIE, CHANGELING COMMUNIST SCUM! FEEL THE RIGHTEOUS WRATH OF LIBERTY!
4638859 My thoughts exactly
Couldn't she have been eaten by ravenous parasprites?
And also just as a thought, wouldn't holding Chrysalis captive and repetitively torturing her rather than letting her die be more effective? Sure it's amusing watching her die, but if they have Chrysalis captive and at THEIR mercy, couldn't they reverse it and start brainwashing her while she was trying to brainwash Sarah? From the outside the hive would never have been aware of it since clearly Double didn't know anything was wrong until she closely examined Chrysalis's face.
4638872 "People think they can outsmart me. Maybe. Maybe. But I have yet to see one who can outsmart homing missile barrage fired in the name of LI-BER-TEE!"
And for others viewing pleasure
Don't Wanna Go Down To Blight Town
Lordvessel By: Tanooki Suit
Any ways, great chapter Ed, it was great watching that bitch die. is there a possibility that you could post a sub chapter with all the extra deaths. or maybe a link to the google docs with them, Ehhhhh?
4638850 No. If a name ends in "s", possession can also be denoted with only an apostrophe, as it would with a plural word that ends in "s".
my sides!
You need to create a little oneshot for this now. "101 ways to die inside a mind!" Please?(I know the name sucked. I suck at naming but you still got the gist)
4638888
Thanks for the correction. Edited comment accordingly.
4638685 encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSUv-M0grcg7PhL-2TUzmmD4hJM6nrj3nyilO3pVQlSCISjKEdUVJTxuU0
learn to dark soul bitch
normally i would not post this here but if you need a hand my summon sign is around. summoning phantom./.. Phantom craner have appeared to help if you like the idea then go ahead and summon me ;] also love the chapter
4638850 nopony likes a knowitall
4638907
drat, I forgot a zero, that's a typo not a research error
As for venom... I consider that a 'more you know' moment because i'm honestly not concerned about that sort of thing as I write. *shrugs*
4638907 I wonder how i passed english with a 90-98 on average every year yet i still don't always remember these things...
4638918
Know-it-all, or biology major. Take your pick, friendo.
4638923 dealers choice
just how many times she died. on the if you need group torment, you know that little big robot with a healthy little hate for all things you program to.
4638899 I like the title "ed2481 is a sadist", with the short description, "And so is Blackwindinsocks."
4638720 Just those who haven't crossed paths. I'm straight but I wouldn't refuse the captain
When the Changelings try to gang up on Sarah's mind, the last stand in the mind -if you plan for them to lose- or the final `fuck you stay out of here` -if you plan for them to win- should be like the mental Fortress being build like the Pentagon that the brotherhood of steel uses. With mental constructs of Liberty Prime, the Brotherhood of Steel, Fawkes, and so on being there to help try to fight off the attempt.
Just give the bugs a taste of Sarah's memories of her friends and allies...and Liberty Prime there cause well who wouldn't want a giant nuke chucking laser spewing robot to help them in a fight?
Best death ever.
Is bigger boot a spongebob refrence
I would like to belive that one of the not shown deaths was Chrysalis walking into a room that looked empty onto to suddenly have her brains blown out by a crimson dragoon stealth unit from the Anchorage simulation.
Or another time being her suddenly finding herself face to face with Celestia in full on rage mode, I am sure Nim has a few painful memories of that:
Or have her get her horn shot off then to have gotten raped to death by wasteland raiders.
Or to have gotten a chance to meet Liberty Prime, a weapon truly worthy of legend.
Or a super mutant behemoth
Or to have walked into a room with harmless looking giant ants that should be no threat to her, only to be cooked alive.
Or Enclave viritbird airstirke, or Enclave orbital strike for that matter
Or Cerberus
Wow there really were a lot of options here.
.... Can we get a side fic detailing more of the deaths Chrysalis went through???? PWEASE????? The Bug Zapper was definitely my favorite, but I could have also seen Celestia and Luna crushing her individually and then together. Maybe Jonathan as well. Also, no Liberty Prime???? I is sad now
4638819 SECONDED!!!!
4638880 Now THAT would have been interesting to see.
4638810 I was hoping for something similar to that to.