The Post-Breakfast Feud

Pinkie Pie and Rarity argue through lemony narration. Now, the only question is, what on earth are they arguing about?

Thanks to MLP Vector Club for the vectors of Rarity and Pinkie Pie in the cover art.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 3 )

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Batbrony

Batbrony #1 · May 28th, 2014 · 1 · ·

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: MLP Forums Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: The Post-Breakfast Feud

Grammar score out of 10: 10
I honestly saw no offending grammatical or punctuation errors of any sort whatsoever

Pros
-Unique, original, experimental style of storytelling that's really quite hard to describe, but wasn't too hard to follow and gave the story a fresh feel.
-Fun comedy that suited both main characters' personalities nicely.
-A sweet message and a story that I could easily see being featured in an actual episode, something you don't always encounter in fan fiction.

Cons
Honestly, I can't really think of any. I suppose it's a little weird not having any real imagery aside from a few sparse details like them opening a door, but that was just a part of the story's experimental style, plus it was less than 2,000 words long, so it really wasn't an issue here.

Notes Section
For a one-shot, this was a very clever deviation from the standard norm that you usually encounter in fanfiction. If it had just been dialogue, I would've thought it was lazy, like writing out a screenplay minus the imagery, but this was more like Pinkie Pie and Rarity were competing to write the story as we switched back and forth between their different POVs, all while getting the sense that they were somehow aware of what each other was saying/thinking/writing (as was Fluttershy). Given how short this was, it worked perfectly fine; I don't think this style of writing would translate well to a longer story, but here, it was short enough that there was no need to question just how exactly communication was working between characters. The message was sweet and something that seemed worthy of the show itself, not to mention the comedy, while not gut-busting, was very, very solid. Pinkie Pie came off as just a bit formal at times, but besides that every character was written perfectly fine. Your grammar being as squeaky clean as it was was so refreshing to encounter as well; even minor punctuation errors can drive me insane sometimes, I swear it. All in all, this was about as lovely, fresh, and unique as a one-shot of this nature comes, and I commend you on a job well done Stella. I look forward to reading more of your work, and wish you the best of luck in your future writing endeavors!

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Batmare Begins

EarthbendingProdigy

EarthbendingProdigy #2 · Jun 7th, 2014 · · ·

I found this fic though finding another one in my group updates and recognizing your name from MLP Forums. Nice to see you here and from the look of Batbrony's review you have at least one fic that is in the MLP Forums Authors Helping Authors group. So I am going to give a quick review.

Grammar: Not much to say, if there are any mistakes in this they are hardly noticeable.

Pros:
-Interesting choice of characters. We have seen plenty of fics and episodes revolving around Rarity and Applejack and Rarity and some of Rarity and Fluttershy but I haven't seen much of Rarity and Pinkie Pie.

-The conflict is believable and the characters are for the most part in character.

-I like the message. Stubborness is usually applied to Applejack and though she has indeed been guilty of it many times she is far from the only character guilty of it as we clearly see in this story with Rarity and Pinkie Pie's argument.

Cons

-The sparse detail and dialogue in certain parts of the story made it a bit hard to follow for me, the title and details I got gave me a general idea of what was going on. I had to re read a few things to get the full picture. The writing style itself is unique and probably can work but does need a bit more tweaking.

Notes

I have noticed that the nature of the argument was left heavily to the imagination which was a quite interesting approach. It actually seems to contribute to the message of the story because it seems to say that things like who started it or who is "right" dosen't matter because they were both wrong by stubbornly refusing to listen to each other and engaging in senseless bickering.

Here is my contribution to the group, a comedy called Rarity Gets Cockroaches.

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/114630/rarity-gets-cockroaches

Sleepy Panda

Sleepy Panda #3 · Jun 14th, 2014 · 1 · ·

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: The Post-Breakfast Feud

Grammar score out of 10: 10. I found absolutely no grammar errors.

Pros:

The way it is written is very unique and awesome.

The characters are perfectly in character.

It was hilarious overall very sweet and funny.

Cons:

I found it very hard to follow at first, but that's probably just me.
I really can't think of anything else. The things in your story that I would normally consider cons just work really well with your story. For example, the lack of description about the setting.

Notes Section:

I definitely like this. I particularly like how it is the same story written from two points of view.
At first I was confused, but once I understood how it was written, I reread it and really enjoyed it.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Fluttershy's Birthday

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