A Child of the Night

by -TheStoryteller-

Hope Amidst the Ruins

A Child of the Night

Prologue

In the years immediately following the Princesses’ defeat of Discord, the land of Equestria was still ravaged by the struggle. The once prosperous kingdom was now in turmoil, and many of its population lived in poverty.

Because of her ability to see into her subjects’ dreams, Princess Luna’s heart was broken by the anguish the poorest experienced, and especially by the many colts and fillies made orphans by the War.

She proposed an idea to her sister Celestia: split the kingdom, and allow her to take personal responsibility over one part, thus allowing each to use its own resources. But Celestia forbade it, believing that the realm would be weaker if separated.

Therefore Princess Luna came up with a solution of her own.

******

Trotamundo’s little stomach rumbled. Barely old enough to have gotten his Cutie Mark, a hobo’s sack on a stick, the earth colt was one of many ponies who had simply fallen through the cracks, and now lived on the streets of the mostly ruined city of Canterlot.

It had been quite a while since his last meal, and his stomach was now punishing him for it. Rummaging quietly through some trash cans, he found a half-slice of some apple pie, which was just starting to turn. There was a time when the smell of near-rotten food would have made him turn away, but he was far past caring about that now. Bolting it down, he searched for more. That little slice hardly made a dent in his appetite.

Finding nothing else, he resigned himself to another sleepless night.

It was a lonely life, besides his few friends who lived in the city’s only orphanage. He would have been safer there, but he just didn’t like being inside enclosed places, not after what had happened to his family.

*****

Their section of the city had not been spared the effects of the mad dragonequus’ manipulations. One could never be sure of the hour, as day and night could happen at any moment, and sometimes did so at the same time. At first it had merely been annoying, all these changes, but then it had quickly become dangerous.

“Trotter, come away from the windows! You know it’s not safe!” his mother cried.

“But Mom…I want to go out, we’ve been in here for days!”

“You heard your mother,” his father said, “We don’t know what is going to happen next, not with that creature on the loose! We have to-“ he began as the house was lifted off its foundations.

“What’s going on?!” Trotamundo shouted.

“Trotter!” his mother called, reaching out for him. “Come to me!”

He tried to run to his mother as the house came crashing down. He got a brief glimpse of the walls caving in as he was struck on the head and darkness claimed him.

*****

When he awoke he was in a strange room with white sheets on the beds, and curtains on either side of him.

“You’re finally awake! How are you feeling?” asked a pony in a nurse’s cap.

“What…what happened to me? Where’s my mom and dad?”

“Shhh…it’s alright. You got a little bump on your noggin, nothing a few day’s rest and some bandages won’t cure,” she said. She smiled at him.

He didn’t miss she’d avoided his other question, so he asked again.

The nurse looked down, thinking for a moment, then said, “We don’t know. So many ponies got hurt, the hospital is almost full. I’m sure they’re in here somewhere.”

“I want to see them,” he said as he started to climb out of bed.

“Whoa, little guy. You’re not going anywhere until you’re well enough. Just lie still. Are you hungry?”

I want MY MOM AND DAD!” he shouted, trying once again to get out of the bed, but his head started spinning and he fell back on his own.

The nurse placed him properly under the blankets and said, “You’ll see them, I promise, but you’re not well enough to go cantering about on your own just yet.”

Trotamundo gritted his teeth and held his bandaged head. He knew she was right, but would have gone anyway if he only had the strength. Now she was bringing him a cool glass of water and some pills.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Just something to help you feel better,” she said. Reluctantly he took the pills and swallowed them down. Maybe it would stop his head from pounding, and keep the walls from feeling as though they were closing in. He lay back and sighed, already drowsy.

He gazed at the nurse with accusation in his eyes. “You…tricked…me…” The next moment he was fast asleep.

The next morning he awoke to find the nurse, a doctor, and another mare standing at the foot of his bed.

“Trotamundo, this is Mrs. Pettlerose, from the orphanage. She’s going to take care of you once you’re well enough,” said the doctor.

Trotamundo was still a bit groggy as he said, “I don’t need to go to the orphanage, I just need to find my parents. They’ll take care of me.” At this they all looked uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re going to find your parents. We looked in the wreckage where you were laying, but we didn’t find anypony else.”

“That’s not true! They HAVE to be somewhere! They have to…” he said as his head started pounding again.

Mrs. Pettlerose spoke up. “I promise we’ll take good care of you until they do return, just lay still.”

Right then and there he decided he would wait until he felt well enough, and go look for them on his own. It was obvious these ponies had no real intention of helping him do so.

*****

That had been several months ago. He had simply slipped out one night soon after his bandages had been removed, and never looked back. But now he truly was on his own, and besides being hungry most of the time he was subject to all the dangers a little colt on his own could face. So far, he’d been lucky, and avoided the worse things that could happen, but he’d seen and heard things he’d wished he hadn’t.

In the chaos created by the creature Discord, nothing was certain and even the very ground could change at a moment's notice. As a result many ponies’ minds had simply snapped under the confusion and turmoil, and had to be hospitalized, thus adding to the kingdom’s burdens. But not all of them were in the institutions. Some ponies of a darker mindset had actually enjoyed the chaos. These were the ones Trotamundo most feared, for they were unpredictable and dangerous. So the little colt kept to the shadows, venturing out only after the Princess had lowered the Sun.

Sometimes, when he had found enough to eat and therefore didn’t have to listen to his belly, he would find a lonely spot away from the noise and chaos and just gaze up at the stars. He loved the night. The darkness kept him safe, and the twinkling jewels overhead made him feel just a little less lonely. The daylight exposed him and made him vulnerable. If he had his way, he would sleep all day and only go out after dark.

But sometimes he did not have a choice.

******

He had no luck finding enough food one night, so during the next day he had tossed and turned as his hunger pangs grew sharper and sharper. Finally, he could stand it no longer and ventured out of his hiding place. There had to be something he could find quickly, and duck out of sight. He would have settled for plain grass if some grew in this place of hard walls and concrete, but any blades that appeared were quickly snapped up by somepony else.

As bad as things were, there still remained some places in the city where the ponies were better off than elsewhere, but he rarely sought them out. A lone colt would stick out prominently, and he didn’t want to run into any Royal Guards.

Still, it was his best chance at finding something soon. He could always run and hide if things got out of hoof.

There were only about two hours left to the day when he ventured out. He could have probably gone to the orphanage, but he knew they'd try to make him stay. Besides, he’d made this far on his own.

He found his way to a nicer section of town by dodging through alleyways and keeping out of sight as well as he could. Thankfully the streets were not very crowded as dusk approached, and the lone individuals that saw him must have assumed he was somepony else’s child making his way home. In any case, none tried to stop him and only a few actually said “good evening.” To these he was careful to give his sunniest smile and return the greeting. It would not do to act as if he was out of place.

Finally his nose registered what he had been seeking: a restaurant. There was always something to be had at such places, but as he didn’t have a bit to his name he was forced to settle on whatever they had thrown out.

As he made his way to the back of the establishment, his hunger must have made him careless for he was already halfway into the alley before he realized he wasn’t alone.

“Hey, kid! Whatcha doin’ back here? Lose your mommmmmy?”

Before him was a scraggly-looking male earth pony eating out of one of the trashcans. He was missing a few teeth, and his light coat was smudged with dirt. But what turned Trotamundo’s heart to stone inside him was the look in his eyes. Clearly he was one of them, one of the crazy ones. Without a word, he turned and started to bolt back out the way he’d come.

But the adult was too fast for him.

Catching ahold of his tail, the pony yelled, “Where ya think you’re goin’?! I ain’t gonna hurtcha, kid! I just wanna know what you’re doin’!”

Quickly Trotamundo turned and sank his teeth into the pony’s leg, causing him to let go.

“OW!! You little monster! I’ll teach you! Come back here!!”

But the colt had already cleared the alley, and was running for his life with the crazy one in hot pursuit. He knew he had little chance of outrunning an adult, so he ducked into the first store he could find and tried to lose him in the aisles. Before him a shop pony was carefully stacking a tall pile of canned goods, so he kicked these over as he ran past. Amidst the sounds of his pursuer crashing into the spilled cans and the shouts of the shop pony, he swiftly made his way out the back exit.

He put some distance down the street before he hid behind some trash cans in a shadowed opening between two apartment buildings. He tried to catch his breath. His hunger would just have to wait, for he first needed to get back to areas with which he was more familiar. The Sun would be lowered soon enough, and the darkness would cover him. He didn’t dare venture out before then, for the damaged ponies may be crazy, but they were also crafty. He’d just have to be craftier.

Sure enough, he soon heard ragged breathing and muttering as the scraggly pony made his way past his hiding place, clearly still searching for him.

“Whatcha doin’ down there?”

Startled, Trotamundo looked up to see a filly about his age leaning out one of the second floor windows. Holding one hoof to his lips, he quickly made a ‘shushing’ motion to her. He watched as she turned to address somepony inside.

“Hey, dad! There’s some kid hiding out here in the alley!”

His heart sank. Everypony for a mile must have heard that! He started to run out when his way was blocked.

“THERE you are!” The scraggly pony had an unsettling smile on his face as he approached his prey.

Trotamundo backed slowly away. He was trapped! He looked wildly around. There was nothing in the alley but the trash cans and a door at the far end. Hoping against hope, he turned and ran to it and tried the knob. Locked! The scraggly pony laughed as he watched his feeble efforts.

“There’s nowhere left to run, kid! NOW I gotcha!”

Desperately, Trotamundo turned to face his opponent. He was only a colt, but he was going to make this pony hurt as much as he could before he took him down.

Just then there was a shout from the window. “’Crazy Joe’! Leave him alone before I call the authorities!” An adult pony leaned out and was glaring down at him.

“Mind your own bidness, House pony!” he sneered. “This is between me and this brat!”

“That’s it! I’m coming down!” the pony shouted, and disappeared from the window.

‘Crazy Joe’ turned to Trotamundo, who had backed himself into a corner. “See, kid?! This is all your fault! I just wanted to talk to you, but you hadda go an' BITE me!” He held up his foreleg where he had gotten him, the teeth marks still fresh. “Nopony does that to me! NOPONY!” He was raising one hoof to strike him when the door burst open.

“I warned you!” yelled the adult as he barreled into him. Amidst the sounds of the fight windows opened and other ponies leaned out.

Hearing their shouts ‘Crazy Joe’ knew he would soon be outnumbered. He knocked the pony down and turned to run.

“I’ll get you, kid! You just wait!” he shouted as he took off.

“Come back here!” yelled the adult as he regained his feet. He was about to pursue him when a female spoke up.

“No, Gentry! Let him go!” she cried, as she and other ponies ran out the door into the alleyway.

Trotamundo was just about to sneak past in the confusion when he felt his leg being tugged. It was the first filly that had seen him and she said, “Come with me.”

Knowing he was probably safest right now with these ponies, he followed her into the building.

Soon he was in a small but clean two bedroom apartment. The walls were covered in a faded floral print, and the floor was wooden and bare, with only a thin rug under a sturdy table that was set for three. A few candles provided the only lighting. From the compact kitchen, the smell of a vegetable stew made his mouth involuntarily water as he followed his host into her room. The window overlooked the alley, and there was a single bed and small dresser. Various toys were scattered about, and at the sight of these Trotamundo felt a brief surge of envy.

“What’s your name?” the filly asked. “Mine’s Windrunner.”

He considered making something up, but finally said, “Trotter” the nickname he preferred.

Windrunner asked, “Why was that pony mad at you?”

“I don’t know, he just started chasing me. I’ve never seen him before.”

“You must be new around here, then. Everypony knows that guy, but I never saw him act like that. He’s weird, but usually harmless.” She got up and looked out the window to the alley, where the adults were still milling about. “Good thing for you my dad took care of him. My dad can do anything!”

Feeling another pang of envy he replied, “Tell your dad I said thanks, but I better get going.” He hesitated a moment before adding, “My folks will be worried about me.”

She looked back at him. “What’s the rush? I’m sure my mom and dad will help you and take you to your parents. Where do you live?”

He was just about to make up another story when he heard the front door open, and two ponies walked in.

“You could have been hurt! What were you thinking?” said the female as she closed the door behind them.

The male, Gentry, replied, “I couldn’t allow Joe to harm that colt, Blossom.” As he was speaking Trotamundo and his daughter walked out of her room. “There you are” said Gentry. “Are you alright?”

He smiled and said, “Thank you, sir. I think I’m fine now.”

“What’s your name?”

“Trotamundo, but just call me Trotter.”

“Pleased to meet you, Trotter. I’m Gentry Peddler and this is my wife Blossom. I’m sure Windrunner already told you her name.” His daughter smiled and nodded.

Trotamundo smiled back as her and said, “I should get home. It’s almost dark and…and my parents will be upset.”

Gentry and his wife studied him for a moment, taking in his unkempt mane and his scrawny frame. They exchanged a knowing look, and then Blossom said, “First let’s eat. Dinner is ready, and we were just about to sit down before my husband decided to be a hero.” This last she said with a smile.

Trotamundo started to further protest, when his stomach betrayed him and gave a loud gurgle. His cheeks flaming red, he replied, “Okay, only if you have enough.”

She smiled at him. “Oh, we’ll manage. Have a seat.”

Gentry and his daughter sat down on either side of him as Blossom brought a good-sized serving pot of stew, a loaf of bread and an extra bowl and spoon to the table. She served Trotamundo first. He tore into it, causing the parents to further exchange worried frowns.

“Slow down son,” said Gentry “there’s plenty, no need to rush.”

“You’re funny,” said Windrunner to Trotamundo.

Blossom scolded her, “Be nice! He just really likes my stew.”

“It’s good,” Trotamundo managed to say between mouthfuls. He finished his portion before the others were halfway through theirs. He gazed at the serving pot, but kept silent. Gentry refilled his bowl and placed it back in front of him, with a look of pity. If Trotamundo noticed his expression he gave no indication, he only continued to eat a little slower this time.

They ate in silence. After they were sure their guest had enough, the parents exchanged one final look before Blossom said, “Come, Windy. Time to brush your teeth and get to bed.”

“Aww, I wanna talk to Trotter!”

Gentry said, “You heard your mother. Go on,” he gently added.

After Blossom and Windrunner had gone into the bathroom and closed the door, Gentry turned to Trotamundo and asked, “Son, do you have a place to stay?”

He started to repeat the story about his “parents”, but something in Gentry’s face made him say, “My folks are gone. I’ve been trying to find them, but I don’t know where else to look.”

Suddenly a wave of grief hit him, and he clutched at Gentry and started crying. Gentry quietly held him and let him sob.

“It’s okay, little guy. You’re not alone anymore.”

Blossom walked her daughter to her room and gently closed the door as she joined them. She and her husband’s eyes met briefly, and then she said, “Would you like to stay with us?”

Trotamundo stopped crying after a few moments and thought about it. No more sneaking about, no more eating out of the trash, no more having to look over his shoulder. He glanced around the apartment. He could tell these ponies were not well off by any means. Despite the wonderful meal he’d had, he couldn’t know if they’d be able to provide like that again, and he didn’t want to be a burden on them. That, and he already felt the walls closing in on him.

He looked them both in the eyes as he gave his answer. “You seem like such nice people, but I can’t stay. I have to find my parents.”

Gentry and his wife were not surprised by this response. This wasn’t the first pony they’d seen living on the streets, for the War had caused suffering to all. They realized they couldn’t and shouldn’t try to make him stay if he didn’t want to, but their hearts went out to him.

“At least come here sometimes and get food, son,” said Gentry. He indicated the apartment. “It’s true we don’t have much, but we’re not about to allow a child to starve.”

Trotamundo smiled up at them, his eyes still wet from tears. “I will, I promise.”

Blossom said, “Why don’t you sleep here for tonight? It’s already dark out.”

He grinned as he said, “The night is my special time, and I feel safer in the dark. I’ll be fine.”

She wasn’t quite ready to give up. “But you’re so young! How do you take care of yourself?”

He smiled as he pointed to his cutie mark. “See this? I didn’t know what it meant at first, but after all this time I now understand: I am a traveler, and my place is always here.” He put one hoof over his heart.

Gentry sighed. “A traveler and a poet, I’d say. Alright then,” and here he got to his feet, “let me walk you out of the neighborhood at least. ‘Crazy Joe’ may still be around, but I’ll make sure he gets put away. As far as I know he’s never attacked a child before, but after our report to the Royal Guards he won’t get the chance again.”

Blossom had entered their kitchen while her husband was speaking, and quickly wrapped some food up in a bundle. She then returned to the little colt and tied it over his shoulders, then gave him a kiss on the cheek and a quick hug. He could feel tears beginning again, for it had been a long time since anypony had hugged him. But he blinked them back and said, “Thank you very much. I won’t forget this.”

Gentry kissed his wife, and then led the way out the door. They slowly walked down the street. The stars were shining bright above and the gas lamps had been lit, casting a soothing glow over the area. Most of the windows had candlelight flickering behind them, and here and there the shadows of the families within could be seen.

Gentry turned to him as they went along and said, “You’re a tough little guy. I doubt my own child would have done as well as you did facing such danger. But then, I guess you have to be.”

Trotamundo smiled at this, and then said, “You have a nice family.”

Gentry was silent for a moment, and then quietly asked, “Do you know what happened to yours?”

He shook his head. “All I can remember is being with my mom and dad in our house, when suddenly it flipped upside down. We were all lucky not to be hit by any falling furniture. When we looked out the windows, we were up in the air! Every other house on our street was the same, and then they all came crashing down. I must’ve blacked out because when I came to I was in a hospital but my parents weren’t there with me. When I asked about them, nopony knew where they were, so when I got better I went looking for them. I’ve been doing that ever since.”

Gentry again grew silent, remembering the chaos. He also had a pretty good idea where the colt’s parents were, but didn’t have the heart to tell him. Instead he replied, “Those were bad times indeed. My family and I lost our home as well, and had to move to that apartment.”

They both walked on, each lost in their thoughts. Finally Trotamundo looked up and said, “I know my way around here now. Thanks for walking me, and for dinner.”

Gentry sadly smiled at him and said, “You are welcome anytime, but I still wish you would come and stay with us.”

He nodded and said, “I know you do, Mister Peddler. I just like to be on my own.”

With that Gentry sighed, and gave the little guy a hug. “You take care of yourself.”

“I will,” said he as he turned and melted into the shadows.

After a few minutes he found one of his favorite places, made a lean-to out of a sheet of cardboard against a wall for the wind, and promptly went to sleep.

******

Princess Luna’s preparations were now complete. She dearly loved her sister Celestia, but she felt she was wrong not to accept her proposal. Therefore she had prepared a place far away past some mountains. The next task that remained was to take the children that needed her help the most.

Through their dreams she had selected twelve: six colts, six fillies. All but two lived in an orphanage. One was a unicorn filly who had been taken in by relatives, but was not truly welcome there. The other was a little earth colt who lived on the streets.

The time was now. She walked out onto her balcony beneath a full moon and a blanket of stars, and began softly to sing.

She would only have one chance for this to work.

As her magic grew, her eyes changed to white as she cast the spell she had been preparing. A deep sleep fell upon her sister and the Royal Guards.

Spreading her wings, she took off and swooped low over the ruined town. She came to a circular courtyard with a fountain, all the time quietly singing as she called to the children.

******

The little colt slept soundly as he was bathed in soft light and beautiful music entered his dreams. Suddenly he felt as if he were flying. The dream seemed very real as he watched himself rise out of his sleeping place, awkwardly at first, but then more steadily. He saw other colts and fillies he knew join him in the air, which was impossible as only four of the others were pegasi. He looked down. They were all high above the clouds, but they were not cold. Then he looked and saw her, the embodiment of all he loved about the Night. It was she who was singing, and it was she who was leading them all away. Then he realized this all wasn’t a dream. He was going home.

******

Epilogue

The Princess cared for them all and kept them safe and secret. Her deed went undiscovered for many years, until the tragic events that led her to become Nightmare Moon. While other ponies spoke her name with dread her children, her special ones, never forgot her. In time they grew into sturdy, wise adults, but they kept her memory sweet in their hearts.

Comments

[DismantledAccount]

All right. To be honest, your story is one of those mediocre ones where you didn't do anything explicitly bad, but you didn't do a whole lot of good either. These stories are the hardest to review, so bear with me.

First point: You have a lot of exposition in this story. Probably more than is healthy. Most of the first and second segments are exposition—assuming that the scene breaks divide segments. You have to try asking yourself how this can be described without beating someone over the head with it. Look at this:

It had been a few days since he’d had a decent meal, and at this point he wasn’t too picky.

Now, tell me that without telling me it. Seem impossible, right? Let me give you an example:

His stomach growled and burned, clenching repeatedly as it tried to digest food that wasn't there. He lifted a broken, food-encrusted pet dish up to his muzzle and took a deep sniff. The smell of rapidly decaying animal food filled his nostrils and caused him to recoil rapidly, but seconds later, he moved closer once more, his tongue tentatively outstretched.

See how that says the exact same thing but much more powerfully?

Second point: Your characters felt cardboard at certain points of the story. They didn't feel real by either reacting in a way that didn't seem realistic, or by not acting at all—also not realistic.

Knowing he [Trotter] was probably safest right now with these ponies, he followed her into the building.

Wait . . . didn't you just say this?

Therefore he shunned most adults, trusting to his own luck and limited abilities.

Huh? Instant trust was given? I'm fairly paranoid myself, so I know that I wouldn't trust them immediately. I'd assume that they only wanted to get me away from Crazy Joe so that they could have me for themselves.

The dinner scene feels especially poor character-wise, to me, as well. The dialogue felt unnatural. And the crying out of nowhere? It all combined to make your characters feel flat.

Third point: Also Windrunner. Quite honestly, she played no part in the story. She said maybe a couple of sentences. I would either give her a larger role or cut her out of the story completely. As it stands, she felt rather pointless, to me: anything that she brought to the story could have easily been done by the parents. Basically, she didn't have a unique personality. I would also imagine that she would bond a bit better with Trotter than the parents would, seeing as she is his age.

Fourth point: The pacing in this story is rushed. But when you fix the first two problems, I'd imagine that this would get better, if not fine.

Fifth point: You've got little grammatical errors scattered about the story. Not too bad or too localized, but they are there.

Overall. This is quite honestly a "Meh" story. You read it and go, "Well, it wasn't bad, so I won't downvote it, bit it wasn't great, either. "
I would recommend recruiting a good editor, if you can. (There never seem to be enough. )

[-TheStoryteller-]

4470375 Thank you for all your points! It seems I still have a ways to go, because I still have the blinders on when it comes to my own work. Thanks again!

[DismantledAccount]

4471354
No problem. Always happy to rip a story a new one help!

[Snowfall1775]

SO, I liked the story. I agree with Nightwolf's comments. But, you picked an awesome 'base' off which to build your story
As for editing. I've edited one or two stories. It's been some time, but, I could offer my services.

[-TheStoryteller-]

I did a slight rewrite, closed the plot holes and streamlined the story.