Hello there! Just somepony who likes to write fanfictions. I am hoping to improve my writing with every chapter/story written.
Rarity decides she wants to become a better friend towards Rainbow Dash but doesn't really know how. When Twilight Sparkle asks the two to help her find something in the Everfree forest, they both agree eagerly. It was the perfect chance to bond with Rainbow Dash although not everything goes to plan... They are very different after all.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Let's see, do I help the author by leaving constructive criticism? Or should I just act like an ass and scare this budding author away...
Eh, guess I'll play nice.
First things first: Your paragraphs are inconsistent. You either start a new paragraph with an indent, like so:
Or you space the paragraphs apart, like so:
I would recommend sticking with the later, since it's easier on the eyes.
Second: Spelling and capitalization. You made several mistakes, like this:
i'll should be I'll, just like i should be I.
Also, it's Apple Bloom, not Applebloom. There is no such thing as Applebloom. It's two words. And it's not Apple Jack, it's Applejack. Applejack is a real word and it is spelled as one word.
And also there is this:
Pretty sure that should be "more to her than meets the eye", and speaking of meets the eye...
All in all, the story needs work. I recommend reading the writing guide located in the FAQ. Pretty sure there is a pre-reader/editing group on fimfic too, if you want to look for help there:
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/197236/overly-extensive-editors
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/199898/editors-for-struggling-fan-fiction
Those are three I found, and I'm sure they're all vastly superior than me in terms of writing and editing, so they'll be able to get your story from "meh" to "great"!
4436326 Thank you, I've sorted out what you've told me or at least as much as I can for now! I will certainly take your advice though. Before I do anything with the second chapter I will find a proofreader. Also, is the story idea just flat and kinda poop or is it more the grammar that lets it down?
4436467
I'd say the grammar is the biggest problem. The story itself...I'm interested in where it's going. You can do so much with the Everfree forest it's ridiculous, especially if the main characters are RD and Rarity. Gonna hold off on liking, but I'll def. follow.
4436499 Awesome! Thanks for the advice, I'm waiting for an editor to reply so I can hopefully step up the grammar! Glad you are liking where the actual story might go, hopefully it will be a good story!