Thousands of years has passed. The Covanent has taken over earth in need of its resources. Dashidor journeys through a quest to the core of the main control room to destroy the deadly weapon known as 'Halo'.
Chapters (1)
FANsparkledash
Joined 22nd Jan, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Walls of text, spelling errors, grammatical errors, homonym errors, and disjoint sentences.
I don't know of an error that this doesn't commit. I can't comment on the meat of your ideas, it is literally too painful to read. Spend some time with a literary style guide, a spell checker, and a dictionary. THEN send it to an editor, then run it past a copy editor.
tl;dr: needs work.
what is this
I can't honestly tell if this is just an attempt at a troll or a very young child's afternoon writing things on his mothers computer.
406842
its a serious fan fic. It tells a story! Its suppose to be awsome... 
This is not suppose to be a troll fic!!
408291
Well I wasn't trying to be mean.
I'm just going to be honest with you, it's not very well written at all.
If you correct the obvious grammical and words used at wrong times, then mabye you'll get a like.
409618
I Dont EVEN Care about this FanFic anymore!!!! InFACT i don't Care AT ALL!!! I am DONE Hearing These Comments!!! Its bad enough someone stole my Title!!! and Now i Haft To listen to this!!!!!
409618 Dear Rainbow Dash756, I sevierly appologize for my comment. I am soooo sorry
its just i dont know what came over me. A lot was going on at the time.. and i honestly dont mean to expload on you. Im extreamly sorry, and hope you can accept my appology. 
Hey mate;
I really didn't think was as awful as the comments made it sound. Perhaps re-work it with Word and fix it up ( Pro tip, put in paragraph breaks ) And it would go a lot further towards getting some more positive feedback. Also, if writing is something you really love doing don't quit!! Just keep trying :)
406445 This is a fan fiction. This is also a Fan-fiction site. You read Fan-fiction here.
409805 Apology accepted. I'm not the type to hold grudges.
In fact, I'm changing my dislike to like.
What?! My Halo/MLP:FIM fic is more popular than yours?!
I feel sorry for you.
Nah, they must've thought dislike meant dis I like.
Now I think you should get MORE ATTENTION. Halo fics are popular but how come only 85 people noticed THIS?
425233
Ty soooooo much for your intrest in my story!! I'm not sure why its not that popular. 
I think people are just not seeing it for some reason. But Im really glad you want it to get for attention! 
425233 I have been editing this, and working on chapter 1. I do admit though, I have been kinda lazy about writing it. After two paragraphs of writing I got a kinda side tracked. But I think you might be th motivation I need to Finnish it.
so I'm dedicating chapter 1 to you! 
I shall Finnish it by Friday.
Not a bad idea, and not awful delivery, just needs some work. Think about practicing writing a bit more and studying other people's writing. Also you need a kick-flank editor ( like the one I have ) without one your work won't be as good. In lack of an editor try to get pre-readers, they can give valuable input and good ideas before you put the fic up for public view. I dunno, that's what I do, and I think my stories turn out okay, not the best, but okay.
Shortened version. Work on grammar and style, break up paragraphs and make new paragraphs for dialogue. Also get other people to check your grammar for mistakes you miss, and to give you input on how to improve. Spend time writing and take some time to read your own work, you have potential but sub-par delivery.
oh god... i wanted to be nice... but this... i don't even know.
If you are trying to make this ANYTHING like halo, this needs work.
First of all, the Beretta M9 is a pistol used today. If your looking to use a Halo pistol, try using the M6G Personal Defense Weapon System. Also, if he is a SPARTAN, that would mean he never enlisted, rather was stolen as a child and trained, bio-augmented, and actually knew how to use his armor. You make him look like a brain-dead zombie. Also, what is a filly doing on the Pillar of Autumn. If your basically using the one from Halo 1 and Reach, this isn't going to happen. It was not a ship used for evacuation, and don't tell me it was bring your child to work day. Also, it was destroyed with Halo Alpha.
If he is the Spartan you say he is, he would know that grunts can speak English. The war has been going on for 27 years, this isn't going to be his first battle. I mean, come on. He didn't know he had a bloody flashlight. That's like not know your car had a steering wheel.
Don't go whining because people tell you this sucks, because it does. I see you have apparently been working on it from the comments, but this isn't going to work. The reason people are not noticing it is because it has already failed. The dislikes overpower the likes to much for it to be fixed. I would scrap it and start over new if I were you.
I was 15 (maybe 16) years old when I wrote this. I'm 19 now. I look back at my replies and see how dumb and fragile I was. Lel.