I was rather over-cheered when writing this story XD, listening to Pinkie Pie PMV - Caramelldansen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldpEjax_INc
This story is about Scootaloo, her scooter and her adopted mother - Derpy Hooves. Scootaloo is shocked, and even more so when she learns that Lyra Heartstrings was her birth sister.
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Read the first few paragraphs and I could not continue. It's hard to tell what they are talking about. I know it's supposed to be idle chatter, but generally idle chatter means something.
I get the feeling you put absolutely no thought into it.
...no offence.
What is it with all these nice Scootaloo fics?
This site needs more Scootabuse.
Good day.
403961 err so more child abuse
img.ponibooru.org/_images/13b0063ee5836689ee55fe5bef888bea/118076%20-%20artist%3Acoyoterainbow%20derpy_family_tree%20derpy_hooves%20dinky_hooves%20equestria%27s_best_mother%20new_headcanon%20scootaloo.png
"Despite popular belief - she's NOT my own little filly. We're just friends! Even though she's younger than I am."
idawindahl.blogg.se/images/2011/close-enough_178921561.jpg
Keep going with this - I'd like to see more!
A little too randomly stupid for Derpy, she's suppose to be mature enough to raise a foal.
Radom like Pinkie is fine, but randomly forgetful or dumb just does seem right.
A little too brief and uncoordinated in some dialogue
BTW, the whole muffin thing left me flat, yes fandom Derpy has a muffin obsession, I can see muffin wallpaper, embroidered muffin towels, some fresh baked Muffins, but not a muffin hoarder filling every room with nothing but muffins. Find an orginal way to show Derpy's fondness for them, not just a so over used cliche that almost made me quit reading.
hmm... too confusing and I dont really like the way Ditzy was done.
I hope it will become a bit better in next chapters. I do hope you will update them.
keep up the good work, and I hope you'll improve.
You have an interesting idea here, but SLOW DOWN!!! Everything is happening so fast, and it's pretty tough to follow in places. I'm very interested in seeing where this goes, and this has the potential to develop into a wonderful story, but don't be afraid to slow the action down a bit and give more detail and background. I know that it's very tempting to get to the meat of the story as quickly as possible, but if no one has any idea what's going on, it defeats the purpose. Good overall, but do focus on pacing yourself!