It was a typical morning for Rainbow Dash...she got up, got herself some breakfast and went out for a morning flight. She stopped to say hi to her friends along her flight to give herself a breather, for she was flying as fast as she could go as if nothing could stop her. This was the life for her...worry free, loose and most of all, exciting!
But on this day, when she went home, she decided to rest for a bit before going back to Twilight's and having a picnic with the others at Fluttershy's cottage. She pulled out the latest Daring Do book and read for a few hours...then there was a knock at the door, she marked the page she was on, got up and went to answer it. But when she opened the door, no one was there...there was, however, a basket on her porch. There was no note or anything! Rainbow looked around, trying to see who had left the basket there...she went up higher to see if she could spot the Pegasus flying away...she saw nopony. She came back down and picked up the basket and carried it inside. When she set it down, it started making funny noises. It was a small squeal and a coo, it sounded like a...Rainbow quickly removed the lid on the basket to see if her theory was correct.
And it was!
It was a baby!
It was a baby blue Pegasus with a white mane and tail, and a clean diaper; it looked no more than a few months old. It opened it's eyes and Rainbow was immediately in love she carefully picked it up and began rocking it while it sucked its hoof. Though it was a beautiful moment for her, she then came to a realization and panicked, 'I don't know anything about babies!' she thought to herself.
Though she knew some ponies who did!
She then got her baby blanket and had to do guesswork to swaddle the baby correctly, after 3 tries she gave up and left for the picnic flying slowly as to not upset the infant. She wanted to be the one to care for her, but, she would need her friends assistance. She hated asking for help, but there was a young life at stake right now, she couldn't and wouldn't send it to an orphanage. It would break her heart to part with the infant now that this foal had touched her heart. But a question came to mind...Why? Of all the ponies in Equestria...Why her? She thought about it for a moment but brushed it aside. The infant was all that mattered now to her. She saw the picnic in the distance and her friends looking around confusedly for her. The baby pretty much slept the whole way there, Rainbow looked down at the foal sleeping peacefully and her heart melted like butter.
Awww, Rainbow Dash feeling affection! Cute chapter you have here, even if things seem rushed.
I'll check and see if the next chapters aren't rushed, though, but I won't take it hard if they are. I'm a very forgiving person. Don't worry.
All right. Not bad. Couple of basic things here:
1) Ellipses are not your friend.
2) Ellipses are generally not used in narration.
3) Generally, you should keep chapter lengths above one thousand words.
Well a bit short but good
Seems really out of character for Dash. I could see her eventually getting to this point of affection for the foal, but right away is too out there. Maybe pace things more and build the "feelings" more. Other than that, I like this so far and will continue to read ^_^
*its
No gigantic pictures in description pls. Annoying.K?
though a bit rushed
4336976
I tried going to look that fic up and fimfiction says it no longer exists. Anywhere else it could be found?
Cute.
Cute.
Love it (found the video story on youtube that's what bourght me here)
And I agree with Rainbow that her friends have experience with babies
Applejack - Apple Bloom
Twilight - Spike
Pinkie - Pound and Pumpkin
Fluttershy - her animals (even though babies and animals are different)
Not quite sure on Rarity though, but I get a feeling she'll do her best (Sweetie to me doesn't count since they both still have parents)
Look forward to seeing how it goes
U-D123
4426617 Rainbow Dash may have a tomboyish attitude but she has always been shown to let down her guard and display moments where she's let it slide.
We've had moments like this in episodes like Swarm of the Century, and Read it and Weep. One of her biggest character-defining moments was her sitting alone on her cloud in The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well.
4304282 Why a thousand words? I'd rather read a short story that understands the meaning of context than an epic that pads it's chapters with paragraphs that relates to nothing in the grand scheme of its narrative.
Describing the world and appearance of characters is good, but having the narrative explaining about the history of the environment and what a character is thinking without either context or participation of the reader is not what I consider entertaining. I've had to put down a few good fanfics because I couldn't get through the excess padding.
Besides, the story's only started. We're establishing the main focus of the tale and introducing the characters. Just wait until we get to the meat of it.
Just read the first Chapter, and so far, I think it is pretty good, though I am no writer myself, you only have to see my one sorry excuse of a story to know that. But I do enjoy reading and I am a Poet, so, I do have a poets eye when I read, when a story "sings" to me, I feel it is good, and to me, it sings.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! this makes me feel so giddy and good inside! are u a therapist? you should be if you make people feel good.
I think this is cool to think that RD could raise a foal on her own. Much less one that was left on her doorstep
This is my third time reading it. Why was it Rainbow to be the foals Mother??
Feels kind of hasty to immediately be like "Welp, I suppose I am a mom now", rather than spend a few hours, if not a day or two, wondering what to do first.