• Published 25th Apr 2014
  • 15,988 Views, 406 Comments

Instant Mom - SeasonTheWiccan



When Rainbow Dash takes in a baby Pegasus left on her doorstep, she learns what it means to be a mother to a child with special needs when it's revealed that she is completely blind.

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*Final Chapter I Promise!* My Playlists For the Story

I felt that I needed to pay homage to the music that kept me inspired and even a sneak peek into the songs I'm planning for the Audio Drama *Yes, it's gonna happen!*

Music is one of the many things that has kept me inspired during this entire project, and I hope you'll listen to the music that inspired me if you give the story a re read.



Inspiration for Each Chapter

Chapter 1 - Innocence by Avril Lavigne
Chapter 2 - The Forgotten by Green Day
Chapter 3 - Start of Something Good by Daughtry
Chapter 4 - No One by Alicia Keys
Chapter 5 - You'll Be in my Heart by Phil Collins
Chapter 6 - Broken Arrow by Pixie Lott
Chapter 7 - Bully by Shinedown
Chapter 8 - Good Life by One Republic
Chapter 9 - See You Again by Carrie Underwood
Chapter 10 - Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Chapter 11 - Possibility by Lykke Li
Chapter 12 - Breath by Breaking Benjamin
Chapter 13 - The Reason by Hoobastank
Chapter 14 - You and I by One Direction
Chapter 15 - A Thousand Years Part 2 by Christina Perri and Steve Kazee



Story Overall

Hero by Mariah Carey
How To Save a Life by The Fray
Miracle by Shinedown
Call Me by Shinedown
Unstoppable by Rascal Flatts



Character Themes (Main Characters ONLY)

Rainbow Dash - She Is by The Fray
Cumulus - The Climb by Miley Cyrus
Relationship Theme - Everyday by Rascal Flatts


Instrumentals

Liz on Top of the World - Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack
Rivers of Light - Stanton Lanier
Dreamcatcher - New Moon Soundtrack
Lyra, Roger and Billy - The Golden Compass Soundtrack
I Need You - New Moon Soundtrack
.....To Die For - The Lion King Soundtrack
River of Tears - Emotional Music
Edward at Her Bed - Twilight Soundtrack
Itsumo Nando Demo (Piano Instumental) - Sprited Away Soundtrack
All These Mothers - The Secret Life of Bees Soundtrack



Songs I'm Planning for the Audio Drama!

One Day (Trading Yesterday) - *Opening Credits of Each Episode*
Far Away (Miika) - *Ending Credits of Each Episode, Except the Last One*
Cumulus' Song (Written by Rainbowdashisbestpony100, Brush Stroke, or wildrumpusstart *I have so many names out there!*) - Performed by Rainbow Dash *Chapter 11*
I Dreamed a Dream (Glee Version w/ Idina Menzel) - Performed by Rainbow Dash (Raechel's Lines) and Cumulus (Idina's Lines) *Chapter 12*
Angel's Lullaby (Reba McEntire) - Performed by Rainbow Dash *Chapter 13*
Butterfly Fly Away (Miley Cyrus) - Performed by Cumulus *Chapter 15*
I'm Gonna Fly (Kiki's Delivery Service Soundtrack) - *Ending Credits of Final Episode*


I've already gotten a head start on the sequel (while the power was out) which I will be working on in my spare time so I'll see you then. And if you would like to help write the script (I've started on this, but I'm clueless as to if I'm doing it right) for the audio drama, be an artist (I have 3 right now) for the project, help compose some original scores and songs, or be a voice actor or voice actress...look out for Cumulus' announcement on my Youtube channel (Brush Stroke) and she'll give you the info!

This has been rainbowdashisbestpony100 aka Brush Stroke, being 20% cooler!

Comments ( 59 )

i loved this story a lot and i can't wait for the sequel and the Audio Drama

This was a cute fic. Nice ending, but I'm sad that you didn't build on Cue getting her sight temporarily. I mean that was a huge event, but barely got a foot note.

You do the same thing I do! Most of my fanfic, Armor of Justice was actually based off of the Aladdin soundtrack. Really cute! Probably one of my favorite Fanfictions I have read.

4511008 Well, get ready! Because in the fall I'm hoping to make this into an Audio Drama like Bride of Discord

4511182 I plan to do a sequel but first I'm gonna do an Audio Drama for this story.

NOOOOOOO I DONT WANT IT TO END

4511196 Go ahead. I liked the story. Soundtrack? You and me have different musical tastes.

But maybe this could be part of the story, I like this song and I hope you ilke this as well. It was on my head when I was thinking little Cue flying with Rainbow Dash

[youtube=co6WMzDOh1o]

Or this one too: [youtube=1VQ_3sBZEm0]

4511328 Thanks for these! I will listen to these while doing the audio series!


4511468 Mmm, not really, look


4404452

4511196 are we going to learn where cue came from?

I donĀ“t expected this as their theme songs, for me the one for Rainbow maybe not fit all the time but then i read one sentence in the song and was ok with it.
The Song for Rainbow somehow is mirrored in what she feeled for Cumulus i think. (I hope again my english is bearable^^):twilightblush:

4514273 okay, to be fair, that was a lot harder to spot than the others

Great story sprinkled with so many awesome references, and I loved every minute of reading it.

There's not much I can say that hasn't already been said, so my rating for this story is a perfect :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:/10

:coolphoto:

Great job :D

4513724 Maybe...maybe not...I don't want to spoil things!

This was beautiful story I really enjoyed it! I know how you feel when it comes to disabilities. I also have ADHD and Dyslexia. Remember don't let anything stop you from doing what you love. :heart::heart:

Comment posted by nodamnbrakes deleted Jun 14th, 2014

Was so-so. Not too bad.

Edit: whoops, double-posted.

One of the best I've ever read but I was pretty upset for it to end I loved it

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: MLP Forums Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Instant Mom

Grammar score: 5/10

Pros
-Lots of heart in this fic, very obvious that it came from a sincere, personal place.
-Character personalities for canon characters seemed accurate for the most part, and original characters, especially Cumulus, had their own distinct personalities.
-Overall story nicely covered major highlights of Cumulus's childhood without getting bogged down in needless sequences without ever dragging or feeling rushed, at least as a whole.

Cons
-Aside from spelling, which was good for the most part, lots of wonky and very noticeable grammatical errors. Lack of colon/semi-colon, ellipses in narration, sentences that were too short/long, lack of commas where they should've been used. Most of them were minor, but sometimes they disrupted the rhythm of the reading itself if the errors resulted in a confusing enough of a sentence.
-Some pacing issues, not so much in the story as a whole as in individual sentences and paragraphs themselves.
-Too much telling, too little showing.

Notes Section
Before I go into the details of my review, I just want you to know that, if concerning any of my critiques I get a little detailed, I am in no way, shape, or form trying to be mean-spirited or jerky. On the contrary, I'm giving you as honest a review as I can because you earned it; I immensely enjoyed this read and your clear enthusiasm as a writer, and I believe that those who show a passion for their work are most deserving of a completely honest review of it. So let's cover the good first.

As I said earlier, it's clear that you have a passion for this story you are telling and that it's coming from a very personal place for you, and that's what really hooked me from the start. I think any author, in order to tell a story they really care about, needs to in some way, shape, or form draw from their own life or experiences, and you clearly did so here. The result was a story that clearly had heart from start to finish, and I very much enjoyed that quality of it. Your character interactions, especially between protagonists, seemed on for the most part. Certain dialogue from the Mane 6 sounded just like things they'd say in the show, your OCs never sounded too old given that most of them were younger (except for anytime the school crushes got brought up, that subplot seemed just a tad needless), and overall character interactions were great. Finally, in less than 30,000 words, you managed to cover a filly's life from when she was a foal through her 11th year quite nicely if I do say so myself. The story's overall pace seemed quite nice, and you devoted attention to chapters of Cumulus's life that deserved it. All in all, you had a compelling story here with a very lovable OC, and you didn't tell too much or too little as far as the story's contents go.

Now, onto the cons. First, as I said, there were a lot of grammatical errors. Seeing as I already listed most of what I saw, I'll just say this; don't let something like that discourage you. If you love writing, keep at it, but always aim to improve, for yourself as much as for your readers. Practice makes perfect, and I have no doubt that you could produce far more polished fics in the future. Next, let me explain what I meant by pacing issues. As I said, the overall story had none. But sometimes, some sentences were too short, others too long, and certain breaks/pauses were not incorporated correctly (i.e., ellipses in narration, lack of commas/colons/semi-colons when needed, etc.). It's hard to describe, just, sometimes in the execution itself the pace seemed a bit off in individual sentences and paragraphs. Finally, let's talk about showing vs. telling. Far too often you TOLD us exactly what a character was feeling, how we were supposed to feel about something, heck, even events that were going to happen that didn't need to be revealed then and there (the example that sticks out most in my mind was when you revealed right at the start of a chapter that Cumulus was going to learn about Rainbow not being her real mother). Flat-out telling is never as effective as showing, and I would highly encourage you to work on that in your writing just because it could benefit from it in so many ways. For example, compare these two sentences:

"Cumulus cried and was so sad that Shiny Bit bullied her and didn't like her."

"A steady stream of tears poured down Cumulus's cheeks. She just couldn't understand what she'd done to deserve this. Why did Shiny Bit find so much pleasure in tormenting her?"

The first tells, the second shows. Keep practicing and I have no doubt that you'll be able to master the latter and incorporate it into later writings. Thank you again for the pleasure to read this lovely fic; it was a lot of fun, and I hope you're still writing as I'd love to read more from you in the future! This fic was very sweet, sincere, and touched my heart quite a few times even, and I commend you for it. Keep up the great work, and remember, practice, practice, practice.

Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Batmare Begins

4578063 Thanks! And check out the sequel Instant Teenager:rainbowkiss:

Imma re read

With a little tweaking this could be a really nice story. Got a little time warped as 11 years pass & Spike's still in a basket, & the mane 6 are static:pinkiegasp:
( That's my Sparity poking it's head out) After lunch Cue returned to her seat as the whispers of "freak, Bat " taunted her....:trollestia:.
"Enough of that!" As Charalee called the class to order " We have a new student transferring in from Canterlot his name is Garnett"
A collective gasp crossed the room, Cue could hear the new student enter , Something dragged along the floor with each step scratching the floor.
New whispers of "lizard lips, freak, Scale face" carried through the air, Cue wondered who or what was the new one?
" Oh um HI, I'm Garnet I'm a little special as you can see, My Dad & Mom had me schooled in Canterlot " The class only stared no words no movement.
He had a white coat of fine fur, Scales of purple & spines of green, His short legs were tipped with little claws ,
He continued " I'm different but that's no reason we can't get along" Cue asked " What makes you different?"
My Dads a hero of the Crystal Empire, Aid to Princess Twilight, My Moms a Unicorn, I'm a Dracony? Part Dragon part pony.:facehoof:
" Ask Auntie Pinkiy Pie she's the one who started it".:pinkiegasp:

Just thought I'd ask, haven't read this yet, might read it later, Are you using the Tragedy tag correctly? Because a Tragedy is:

a Story dealing with tragic events and having an unhappy ending, especially one concerning the downfall of the main character.

And this story has a sequel, and stories with unhappy endings usually don't get them.
I was just wondering, because Tragedy is a bit of a major turn-off for me, Because nothing ruins my day worse than an unhappy ending.

If it simply has tragic elements then a sad Tag would usually do.

I'm asking because this story looks interesting, and I'm wondering if I could survive reading it.

5337318 It's fine, there's just one scene where a character almost dies, that's why I put the Tragedy tag on there

5337511 Ok, Read it now...
...
...
...And I loved it to bits.

While the beginning was a little to fast for my liking, it was more than made up for later. I can just feel the raw emotion coming off it, a heart-warming tale from start to finish.

Still, you might want to drop the Tragedy tag, the aforementioned scene was more bitter-sweet than tragic, I think the sad tag will do. And the ending was too wonderful to even be associated with the word 'tragedy'. But that's just my opinion.

i've never read a story where rainbow dash was a mom that didn't suck. this story really surprised me
the love rainbow dash showed for Cumulus was shown through the story and i must say was heartwarming.
a little sad to see Autumn's little crush going no were. but this story was an absolute pleasure to read


i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr289/axlthehedgehog_2008/responses/waveoffeels-1.gif


stay classy:moustache:

5346089 read the sequel, Autumn's crush on Cue goes somewhere

5346100 oh holy shit there's a sequel awesome, although i won't read it until its complete (i'm weird like that)
i'm looking forward to it can't wait





stay classy:moustache:

This story is good... i like the plot of it and the situation that having a special needs child puts Dash in, the only really big issue i had trouble with was the rate of speed in which you used to progress the story... it made this seem like it was an everyday occasion in Equestria, it kinda botherdd me, but going back to the pacing issue..., that was just yeah. A normal story with this many chapters with the same original publish date would still be incomplete. I am going to look at your other stories and see where it goes from there, but keep in mind that I still likeed this story due to the plot idea and the like.

And now I shall read the sequel!!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

"Mommy Dashie"? :rainbowderp::raritystarry: Insta like and fav!

5653123 Actually no, It started when I first started on writing MLP fanfiction and I tried to write something like DisneyFanatic2364's Bride of Discord only with Frozen, but it didn't turn out that great and I wanted to put my best work out there so I came to the conclusion that not only did I have to turn out better stories, but I had to turn them out FAST! So I started scrounging the internet for ideas and I found it in My Little Dashie after watching it 5 times in a row and came up with the idea of what if RD was put in that situation? And eventually I started writing.

5653139 I am sorry for being so harsh and completely rude to you in the comments of the last chapter :ajsleepy: I feel like a dick for getting so mad, you didn't deserved any of that:fluttershysad:. Its just that i was literary crying when cumulus got her sight for an hour and then........ nothing:rainbowderp:. And the sudden change in emotion got the better of me (or the worst of me, for that matter:pinkiecrazy:) and I ended up saying stuff i shouldn't have.

This is you fanfic and only you decide how it gets played out and I am no one to tell you how to run your series. I am completely and honestly sorry and i hope you will find it in my heart to forgive me. :fluttercry: Although i wouldn't be surprise if you didn't:ajsleepy:, i was a real jerk to you.

Lastly would like to say that over all, in total it was a good series full of love and emotion, i can really see you pour your heart in making this (which makes me feel even worst with myself for being a jerk :facehoof:) You are a good author with a wonderful imagination, keep it up you are gonna go far.:twilightsmile:

Yeah! I can't wait for the audio drama! Is there any way I could help?

5665826 We're all set for now, is there anything in specific you can do?

5666025 I can voice act, I can sing, and I can draw.

5666040 We have enough VA's, but we do need artists, can you send me a sample of your artwork to my DA? My DA username is wildrumpusstart

5666049 Ok, what scene do you want me to do?

5666060 Any one, basically your favorite scene and be sure to link me to the pic

I love this story. If you do make a sequel you should make it where cue is all grown up ans as a baby of her own. I would love to that.

You've stabbed me right in the Feels! :heart:

Seriously, this is one of the sweetest stories I've read. It made me smile, it made my blood boil with rage, the works!

5/5 Hearts.

:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:

This is a personal story for me, because I am adopted and I do have ADHD, Organic Brain Syndrome and I'm Emotionally Impaired...and trying to get through life with a disability is not an easy ride.
Wow I didnĀ“t knew that really? wow

This was absolutely amazing. It was such a heart warming, touching story to read. I read it all in one sitting! Just...Daawww, so many parts that just made me want to cry. I'm excited to read the sequel.

6706470 I'd prefer not....even if it is in the same universe...my reason is that the genre you're writing and that this story is are two completely different and I don't believe it would work...

6718204 they don't have that emoticon. sorry

I just loved this story from start to end! it hit me in the feels! I have a disability myself.. autism... but.. from where I was when I was little... to where I am now?.. I have a ton of people to thank.. from a child throwing things and unable to touch things..to not being held back in school and graduating with honors... and even throwing the first pitch at my senor baseball game.. I just... I am beyond thankful... for everything... my old teachers... my friends.. my team mates new AND old... and..my family.. and I went into rambling mode.. AGAIN.. but really.. I just loved every moment... thank you... for this great story..

This story is amazing u are amazing. I'm so happy I can't stop smiling now:pinkiehappy:

OMG I FEEL TERRIBLE! JUST TERRIBLE FOR NOT COMMENTING AT ALL FOR THE ENTIRE CHAPTER!

either way, the only reason why I decided to read this story was because of audio drama Instant Mom on YouTube. And the voices were REALLY good! and it is so awesome how you got DisneyFanantic2364 to play as rainbow dash and some cumulus baby voices! You are really lucky to have
DisneyFanatic2364 for your audio drama! She was also great for Bride of Discord! Anyway... here's a moustache my friend. :moustache: FANTASIC WORK!

if the mane six read your story I bet they would be like....

It was AWESOME! :rainbowdetermined2:
It was super amazing! I can't wait for the next one!!!!! :pinkiehappy:
Yeah.. I loved it... b-but maybe make Diamond Tiara nicer...? if that's okay with you....:fluttershysad:
Great job sugarcube! keep the work up and you be typin' stories faster than ma great great ma Writer Hoof! :ajsmug:
Everything else was simply FABULOUS darling! :raritystarry:
Your story was very insightful! I can't wait to read more! :twilightsmile:

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