Party Of One (Sad Ending)
Party Of One (Sad Ending)
Pinkie Pie sat alone in her room. She had just received the worst news of all. Her friends didn’t like her anymore. She didn’t know that wasn’t true; she had just jumped to that conclusion. She had set up inanimate objects, pretending they were alive, to help her celebrate Gummy’s after birthday-birthday party. She tried to keep the charade up by moving them and talking in their place but, she knew it wasn’t real.
*****
Twilight and the others were setting up Pinkie Pie’s surprise party at the Apple family’s barn. If Pinkie were there it surely would have been done by now but they lacked such convinces. It was taking especially long because Rarity was a bit of a perfectionist and would not let the party be anything but spectacular.
“Hey Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said as she positioned some balloons which Rarity was quick to fiddle with, “Can you go and get Pinkie Pie?”
“Sure!” Rainbow Dash was quite eager to get away from this work as it was extremely boring.
“And there’s no need to rush,” Twilight looked over at Rarity who was still working on the same balloons, “It might take a while.”
“Okay,” Rainbow Dash said a little upset. She had hoped she could fly.
*****
Pinkie Pie laid the note down on the table in her room. She had finally made her decision. It was on she had considered once when she was a filly. She almost followed through with it but then she saw the most amazing rainbow ever. Now she had decided to follow through with that thought she had as a filly.
“Goodbye, Gummy,” she said as she patted the alligator on the head.
She quietly exited out of the back door of Sugarcube Corner; she didn’t want anyone to know where she was going.
*****
Rainbow Dash walked over to Sugarcube Corner. She hated the slow pace but she needed to stall so the others could prepare. She arrived at Sugarcube Corner and opened the door. She saw Mrs. Cake at the counter scribbling something down on a piece of paper.
“Is Pinkie Pie here?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“She should be up in her room,” Mrs. Cake replied.
Rainbow Dash walked up the stairs. She reached the room and noticed the door was slightly open. She pushed the door forward with a hoof and looked inside. She saw miscellaneous objects placed on chairs around a table. But there was no Pinkie Pie. She checked in the closet, just to make sure Pinkie Pie wasn’t playing some game. She wasn’t in there either. Rainbow Dash saw a small piece of paper on the table and picked it up. She read the note aloud even though it was only one word.
“Goodbye.”
Fear instantly struck Rainbow Dash. She knew what this meant.
*****
Pinkie Pie walked somewhat slowly towards Ghastly Gorge. The walk was a long one; it gave her plenty of time to reflect. Reflect on her life. The choices she made and what occurred because of them. She thought of what she would have liked to do again if given the opportunity.
But none of that mattered now. Soon she wouldn’t have to think about those things.
*****
Rainbow Dash flew quickly around the town, asking if anyone saw Pinkie Pie. Each time she received a “no” and asked the next pony. Rainbow Dash flew nervously trying to think of where Pinkie Pie could have possibly gone. There were so many places though. Any place high up, any place with trees or even any place with water. Where was she?
*****
Pinkie Pie stood at the edge of Ghastly Gorge. She looked down at the hard ground below. She began pacing along the edge contemplating whether she was really going to do this or not. Was it really the best choice? She knew it wasn’t the right choice but that didn’t matter to her. She wanted to know what would be best for her and only her. At this point she didn’t care about others. She didn’t care what impact her choice would have on their lives.
*****
Rainbow Dash flew around franticly. She had checked almost everywhere in and near Ponyville for Pinkie Pie but had no luck. Rainbow Dash was the only one who could stop her. She was the only one who knew. Her next decision had to count. She took off as fast as she could for Ghastly Gorge, hoping she was right. If she wasn’t, it would be the end of her friend.
*****
Pinkie Pie was still thinking but something forced her to decide on impulse. She saw Rainbow Dash speeding towards her. If she didn’t act now she would never get the chance again. With one fluid motion, she fell off the edge.
*****
Rainbow Dash was flying as fast as she could towards the falling pink pony. Did she have enough time? She couldn’t afford to think; thoughts would just slow her down. She got even closer but Pinkie Pie was falling fast. She was so close. There was only a hoof between them. She could catch her! But… she was too late. Rainbow Dash speeded over her friend who had just landed and she crashed into the ground. She quickly got up and raced over to Pinkie Pie’s side. She tried to think to herself that maybe Pinkie Pie had survived, but she knew they were lies. There she sat before her friend, lying lifeless. Tears began to build up in her eyes. She didn’t cry often but now she didn’t want to be happy.
“Pinkie Pie… I’m sorry.”
She didn’t want to have to deal with this sadness. She had never felt like this before. She just wanted it to all go away. A thought quickly crossed her mind.
What if… I did the same as Pinkie Pie… No! That wouldn’t make things any better. If...if I did that then everyone else would have to feel like this!
And so she sat, beside her friend until the sun had set and Luna’s moon had risen high into the sky.
“Goodbye, Pinkie Pie.”
Rainbow Dash flew off to find her friends.
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Lulwat?
Senseless at some points, lacks the logic of MLP world, isn't too well written and the characterization of Rainbow Dash is pretty bad. Not to mention there is nopony and nothing Rainbow Dash can't catch in the midair if she really wants to.
THIRD
The heck is this? Pinkie Pie suicidal? Out of character! RD being too slow? Possible--but simply giving up and saying "Oh well! Pinkie die! I go way-way now!" and zipping off ain't her style.
There's no real flourish to the writing, the pacing is too rushed, the characters are OOC except for Rarity, there's barely any description to damn-anything...
Dude. Fail. Try again.
I agree with Klabautermann, but it was okay. Sad though.
needs to be better.
385322
With your profile picture being Discord I find it hard to be affected by you comment...
385409
If that's your attitude then you'll never improve.
The premise was overdone like hell, yet such things can still be saved.
I find myself lacking empathy towards the characters, and that's not even because of their OoC-ness. The scenes lack emotion and a gripping writing. They are merely descriptive. Minimalist if you may.
There is absolutely no explanation as to what happened. It wouldn't even need one if the fic could've been developed in a proper way.
This is pretty much like Cupcakes. Except that, instead of KIll RD -> Profit, it is Kill PP -> Profit.
And there are pretty awkward scenes, like this one, for instance:
I can accept the fact that Pinks couldn't be saved, for one. But get this: Dash is speeding after Pinkie. They are one hoof away from the other.
Pinkie is in free-fall.
Dash is accelerating after her (ergo, in a speed greater than Pinkie's own).
Pinkie hits the ground and dies.
Dash crashes on the ground and lives.
Unintentional Deus Ex Machina?
Actually no, because it doesn't push the story forward, because there isn't any...
385481
That's not what I meant.
385571
What did you mean?
I have to agree with the other posters. Pinkie Pie would surely have (and did) get upset about her friends not coming. However, she would never have jumped to the conclusion that suicide was a must. And IF she had saw Dashie coming to help her, you'd think common sense would dictate that her friends DID care, and that the thought that suicide would only cause them horrible pain would come to her mind. Being the holder of the Element of Laughter, that is so OOC it's completely preposterous. And what DID she spent her life doing? She spent her life making others smile and laugh. She helped save Equestria at least a few times! That's what I know. Now if you want to come out and say there was something underneath her smile, something that always haunted her, then MAYBE you should of said something and elaborated on that. This story could of had potential, but by rushing through it and straying completely out of the ponyverse, you totally blew it.
Nor would Rainbow Dash not be fast enough to catch her.
385578
Well for one just let me get this out of the way: I know that this is bad. It wasn't meant to be good at all. My gift/curse is that I get a lot of ideas, probably too many. Once I had a new idea but rushed to finish a fic I was working on and it basically crashed into the ground and turned into an incredibly rushed waste of time. This was one of my new ideas and I had to stop what I was working on because I did not want what could be good to be absolutely awful.
And personally I just can't take Discord seriously for some reason.
Umm... suicides warrant a teen rating btw
385602
So let's see if I got this straight.
It's an intentional piece of trash, that you happen to be defensive about. If it's intentionally bad, then it's a trollfic meant to get a reaction out of its readers, good or bad. But I don't get that vibe, mostly because it's not bad enough to be considered over-the-top or way too mean-spirited, like "Derpy's Finest Hour".
The fact that you are trying to excuse your failure here, instead of just shrugging and saying, "Oh, it's just a trollfic, it ain't nuthin special" tells me that you intended for at least someone to enjoy this fic, but don't know how to handle criticism. I got that idea from dismissing my critique simply for the character in my avatar. If my avatar was Jesus would you have listened? Doubtful, as Klabautermann also has a Discord avatar, and had many of the same gripes as I did, yet you said nothing, dismissing her critique silently.
So here's what you did wrong.
>You wrote a fic that has... no... point. If you actually had all these ideas in your head, you would have written them down into a "bible" you would use for possible plots for future stories. You wouldn't just rush in, write down the bare-bones of the story's structure, not edit it, and not get a friend to "test read" it. In this sense, it's a drive-by badfic.
>You did absolutely nothing to make sure your fic could be good. I understand not every idea is a good one. And even some of the best artists in the world, whether it's Stephen King or Chuck Jones, get a real stinker occasionally. BUT! If you knew it was gonna be bad, why didn't you try to improve its mechanics? The writing style, the descriptions of the situation and the environments, the overall plot of the fic, all of it was in dire need of improvement before being submitted for the Internet denizens to read. If you HONESTLY thought it was going to be bad, then why submit it in the first place as it is?
>You are becoming defensive regarding criticism. You did not claim it was a trollfic before, but only NOW are you stating it's meant to be bad. Somehow, I don't believe that's the case. You're not fooling anyone here. You are making up excuses, instead of tackling the problem like you should be doing.
>In conclusion, this story stinks, it needs a rewrite since it could have been a good, dramatic story if its author could have just put forth any effort, and you seriously need to improve your attitude in order to become a better writer.
well, i suppose it's a halfway decent story idea, i mean i've seen suicidal fanfics before. but this one is just totally out of place and out of character. granted pinkie pie did jump to the conclusion that her friends didn't like her parties anymore, but i don't think she would've tried to kill herself. (then again i can't really say much in that respect, i tried a similar matter when i thought i had no friends) anywho, it's not the worst story i've ever read, but i can't honestly say it's going in my favorites.
385722
I guess I chose my words poorly.
Edit: Oh and thanks for explaining what a trollfic was. I honestly had no idea what one was.
385755
Before replying to a critical comment, read it over, beginning to end, at least twice. Take in everything they say. Consider it, mull it over. Don't rush. If they give you good advice, advice you know you can use, then thank them for their critique and try harder the next time.
I read your bio on this site, and I should probably tell you, your Asperger Syndrome will not excuse your behavior to most people. They might consider you quirky (which is good), but they're not going to stand for any rudeness, and they're not going to care for excuses--people just don't have the patience for that. So be patient with others, and they'll be patient with you. Everything'll turn out peachy-keen in the end.
385788
I know that nobody will excuse rudeness for that reason. And they shouldn't. It just isn't a good reason.
I need to practice patience though. I am rather impatient and most of the time that's just terrible.
385085
Thank you, I would have wasted my time reading this crap if not for you.
385602
Perhaps in future you can learn to distinguish between terrible idea's and decent ones, hm?
Am I a bad person? I laughed when she died.
Since you ignore constructive crit, I'm not gunna spend a lot of time.
Characters that are OOC, especially here, are not good. You might as well have created new characters. However, I have read worse stories than this one. This story isn't as bad as everypony says in the comments. It actually has potential. It just needs more detail is all. I hope you add more detail to your stories in the future! It'll make them super awesome. Especially because you get a lot of ideas.
I don't...
what..
I don't get it. You claim it's bad, and on purpose, yet after that you state you had no idea what a trollfic was.
1. I'm pretty sure that Pinkie would get upset, but just jumping to 'I HAVE NO FRIENDS I MUST DIE' just doesn't make it seem right.
2. Pinkie literally saw Dash speeding to her. Why would she want to die if she would probably know that her friends care about her since Dash was speeding to her?
3. I don't get how one of them dies falling to the ground, and the other is just...alive.
4. Rainbow Dash can catch anything. Hell, she's catched a baby falling in a well, what would stop her from saving her best friend?
5. I especially don't get why Pinkie dies and Rainbow Dash is just like 'oh well, best friend is dead, so what.' and flies off.
This could've been a good fic, but because of several reasons (those are just the start) it fails.
Everyone struggles with show vs. tell. But this one shows the reader nothing at all, to the point, were one to desire it, could be revisited and easily changed into a wikipedia article on the event.
troll.me/images/fluttershy-is-shocked-and-appalled/why-would-you-post-that.jpg
387182
Thanks, haha.
As for your question, um, I suppose not - I dont entirely understand your question either though, so I'm not sure if my answer here is right, hahahah
If it is about you considering me harsh, I don't think I was harsh at all. 
Pinkie Pie sat in her room. She sat there, her eyes welling with tears. She sat there, her straight mane flowing down the left side of her face. She sat there, her mind filling with sadness and cold fury. Her friends didn’t like her anymore. They hated her. Her real friends had told her: deep-voiced Mister Turnip, the gruff but charming Rocky, courteous Sir Lint-a-lot and the ever-so-classy Madame LeFlour.
They told her her friends weren’t her friends. Not really. Not ever.
After a few minutes, she began to believe them.
Her ‘friends’ were avoiding her. Why else would they lie to her when she tried to invite them to Gummy's after-birthday party? They avoided her and they hated her, so she had her real friends join her party instead. They’d never leave her. They could be trusted.
Still, even given the cake and streamers and silly party hats, Pinkie was sad. Sure, the four were nice friends, but even though they were top-notch party guests, she was aware that they weren’t real. If a bucket of turnips, a pile of rocks a dust-bunny and a sack of flour were the best she could do for friends, then maybe she’d be better off dead.
Pinkie’s eyes widened. Perhaps that wasn’t such a bad idea...
sequel? i wanna see everypony's reactions
EPILOGUE!!
386047 ??? That's all I've got to say. I'm pretty much neutral to this story until my mind processes what just happened.
This was a good sad ending for Party of One. Although I would like a continuation.
387640 .....yours was better.