Crazy love

by derpychic

Chapter 1: The date

"Why hello girls, who's the handsome stallion with you. Wait, is that Discord" said Luna.

"In the flesh" he said as he bowed before her.

"I turned him into a pony so nopony gets scared" said Twilight.

"Well, we better get going" said Fluttershy.

"Remember what I told you" whispered Rarity as she pulled Discord in so he could hear her.

Then Discord took note of Luna's dress, it had a long train with lace selves that had ruffles at the end and was purple with white stars surrounded by a blue glow.

The restaurant itself was quite fancy, the tables had silk tablecloths that varied between red and blue on each table, the curtains were made of red velvet that were tied back with gold ribbon, there were golden chandeliers with crystals hanging from them, and the floor was covered with marble tiles.

"May I take your order" asked the waiter with in a English accent.

"I will have the spaghetti and grass balls" said Luna.

"And I'll have the salad" said Discord.

"Can I get you anything else" asked the waiter.

"So why me" asked Luna.

"Because you have a chaotic side" he said.

"OK, how do you like being a pony?"

"It has it's ups and downs, mainly the lack of claws and getting used to this horn."

"Your food" said the waiter.

"Hey, Luna, watch this" said Discord as he used his horn to pick up one of Luna's grass balls with a fork and flung it at a grey Pegasus mare with yellow hair, but instead of hitting her, it landed in her dessert, a muffin.

"My muffin" said the Pegasus. She got up to get another, only for Discord to ruin that one too. "He keeps squishing my muffins" said the Pegasus to the waiter.

"Now look at trouble you've gotten us into now" said Luna as she watched the Pegasus talk to the waiter.

"I'm sorry, but I must ask you to leave" said the waiter.

---

"I'm sorry, please slow down so I can talk to you" pleaded Discord.

"Why, so you can insult me" said Luna as she stopped to look at him in disgust.

"I promise that I'll never do that again, just please give me another chance!"

"Fine, take me home, there's a little café near the castle."

"OK, how can I teleport us to the castle?"

"Think of where you want to be, then use your horn."

There was a bright glow surrounding them the faded away to show them their surroundings. They were in Luna's room. It was dimly lit with midnight blue wallpaper, black carpeting, a black ceiling with golden constellations, navy blue curtains tied back with black ribbon, and stained glass windows that showed Luna raising the moon.

"I did it" said Discord excitedly.

"Come on, I'll show you where the cafè is."

They didn't say a word on the way there, making them both feel awkward.

"Hello ma'am," said Luna " We need two cups coffee and a dozen doughnuts."

"Here" said the cashier in a Brooklyn accent as she gave Luna a paper bag full of doughnuts and two large cups of coffee.

"I'm truly sorry that I ruined everything earlier, but I'm the spirit of chaos, the king of chaos, it's just my normal behavior" said Discord as he paid for the food.

"I forgive you, I was just embarrassed that I got kicked out of a fancy restaurant" she replied.

"Hey, is that the pony from Canterlot's finest" asked Discord.

"Yeah, I think it is."

"I'll go buy her a muffin" he said.

"Get away, muffin waster" said the Pegasus.

"I'm going to buy you a new one to make up for what I did" he said

"OK, I want a blueberry muffin."

"Here, aren't you going to pay up" said the cashier.

"Here, keep the change" he said.

"That was real nice of you" said Luna.

"Thanks."

"Well, I better get going, that was fun, bye."

"Do over tomorrow?"

"Sure. Here at two o'clock?"

"Sure."

They then departed, already missing each other.

Author's Note:

For those of you who think that Discord's personality didn't seem right, then let's not forget that Rarity gave him dating advice.

Comments

[derpychic]

4208787 I'm sorry, don't forget that Rarity gave Discord dating advice, at least it's not as bad as my other story Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt was before I went back to edit it, and finally, I drew the cover picture the same way as my profile picture, with a drawing app on a regular KINDLE Fire that can't do small details. I'm very good at drawing with a pencil and a piece of paper, but there's no camera to take a picture of a good drawing.

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[FrozenInTime]

4208787 Yikes. There's this thing called "Tact", you know. While I support constructive criticism, that was just brutal.

I have definitely read stories much, much worse than this. A few recommendations, if I may. For the cover art, you should find one of the art for fanfiction groups. See if anypony is taking requests, and if they are, PM (or whatever the group rules for contact are) them and give them the details.

I also suggest that you try to make the chapters a bit longer. Slow down, and describe the characters and environment. There's no need to rush through it. At the same time, they shouldn't be too long. Set limits for yourself when it comes to word count. My personal limits are at least 1,500 words per chapter, but no more than 6,000 per chapter.

This doesn't mean just make more things happen in one chapter. It means make the same amount of planned events happen, but being more descriptive and immersive in the story, characters, and plot.

Getting a pre-reader may also help, and they may also help correct grammatical errors.

Like I said, I have seen much worse, and I've also seen them improve. I will be keeping an eye on this. I wish you good luck.

[Commander Rainstorm]

Good story, maybe just more detail.
Sorry, I criticize all the tine.

[TheMagicalBrony]

4208910 you know you said everything sparkers16 said but it was more drawn out meaning that your comment is just as 'brutal' as his.

[Sparkers16]

4208910 Sorry, but I don't sugarcoat anything. Like you said, it needs more detail. Having dialogue isn't enough, you have to describe the setting, the actions of the characters, the deep feelings that they're having. It's salvagable if you work on getting in the details.

[Muffin Cake]

Discord as a pony? Well that's certainly piqued my curiosity. Like the others have said, just more detail. But other than that there's nothing wrong with it. Nice job.

[derpychic]

4216466 I came up with this idea a long time ago, but I found another story where he's a pony, but it was as a punishment. It's written by darandompony and it's called Discord is bored... again.

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[derpychic]

Should I put this in rage reviews?

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[Dashieluvzcandy]

Lol he took dating advice from Rarity. I don't get why some people are being so rude about your stories. Constructive criticism is good but putting people down is not. I know people have already said this but try add some more detail, you could try getting a partner to help you out. Hope to see some more of Discord's crazy antics!

[Poppyman65]

4218623 Are you making more?

[derpychic]

4257659 Soon because...
1. I'm trying to make longer chapters.
2. Two I'm working on four different stories, two of which aren't even ready to be published yet. Just give me some time, I have some of the next chapter already written down.

Besides, I thought you didn't like it/it made no sense.

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[Poppyman65]

4257718 No I said it just jumps to the point and I can't wait until its out

[derpychic]

4257767 OK, like I said, just give me a little more time.

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[Poppyman65]

4257828 Alright but I hate waiting for awesome stories

[Poppyman65]

4257828 Alright but I hate waiting for awesome stories

[ShadowblazeCR]

Isn't that title the name of a song?