When Discord gets lonely the mane six set him up on a date with Princesses Luna. So Twilight turns him into a pony. What could possibly go wrong?
Chapters (2)
derpychic
Joined 3rd Apr, 2014 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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P.S. Sorry to those who ship Celestia and Discord, but I prefer Discord and Luna.
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I won't lie...it's pretty bad. It's EXTREMELY rushed, the grammar is in pieces, and the characters don't feel right. And that cover art...PLEASE, let me draw something better. I beg you.
4208787 I'm sorry, don't forget that Rarity gave Discord dating advice, at least it's not as bad as my other story Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt was before I went back to edit it, and finally, I drew the cover picture the same way as my profile picture, with a drawing app on a regular KINDLE Fire that can't do small details. I'm very good at drawing with a pencil and a piece of paper, but there's no camera to take a picture of a good drawing.
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4208787 Yikes. There's this thing called "Tact", you know. While I support constructive criticism, that was just brutal.
I have definitely read stories much, much worse than this. A few recommendations, if I may. For the cover art, you should find one of the art for fanfiction groups. See if anypony is taking requests, and if they are, PM (or whatever the group rules for contact are) them and give them the details.
I also suggest that you try to make the chapters a bit longer. Slow down, and describe the characters and environment. There's no need to rush through it. At the same time, they shouldn't be too long. Set limits for yourself when it comes to word count. My personal limits are at least 1,500 words per chapter, but no more than 6,000 per chapter.
This doesn't mean just make more things happen in one chapter. It means make the same amount of planned events happen, but being more descriptive and immersive in the story, characters, and plot.
Getting a pre-reader may also help, and they may also help correct grammatical errors.
Like I said, I have seen much worse, and I've also seen them improve. I will be keeping an eye on this. I wish you good luck.
Good story, maybe just more detail.
Sorry, I criticize all the tine.
4208910 you know you said everything sparkers16 said but it was more drawn out meaning that your comment is just as 'brutal' as his.
4208910 Sorry, but I don't sugarcoat anything. Like you said, it needs more detail. Having dialogue isn't enough, you have to describe the setting, the actions of the characters, the deep feelings that they're having. It's salvagable if you work on getting in the details.
While you have improved from your last one, this is still far too rushed. You seriously need to work on filling out your chapters.
Discord as a pony? Well that's certainly piqued my curiosity. Like the others have said, just more detail. But other than that there's nothing wrong with it. Nice job.
4216466 I came up with this idea a long time ago, but I found another story where he's a pony, but it was as a punishment. It's written by darandompony and it's called Discord is bored... again.
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Should I put this in rage reviews?
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Lol he took dating advice from Rarity. I don't get why some people are being so rude about your stories. Constructive criticism is good but putting people down is not. I know people have already said this but try add some more detail, you could try getting a partner to help you out. Hope to see some more of Discord's crazy antics!
This is nice but you just jump to it I kinda makes no sense
4218623 Are you making more?
4257659 Soon because...
1. I'm trying to make longer chapters.
2. Two I'm working on four different stories, two of which aren't even ready to be published yet. Just give me some time, I have some of the next chapter already written down.
Besides, I thought you didn't like it/it made no sense.
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4257718 No I said it just jumps to the point and I can't wait until its out
4257767 OK, like I said, just give me a little more time.
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4257828 Alright but I hate waiting for awesome stories
4257828 Alright but I hate waiting for awesome stories
Label who is talking. also you kinda jump into it which makes it confusing.
Isn't that title the name of a song?
Firstly, this is awesome because it's LunaCord. Secondly, would you like me to edit it? Thirdly, the art is cool too.