I’m bored…
Not that being bored is a new thing for me nowadays, but you really can’t help but feel it when all you do is sit in the garden. Don’t get me wrong, the flowers and bushes are beautiful this time of year! The gardeners who take care of this place have plenty of reasons to be proud of their work. I just don’t think it is very exciting to watch the flora grow. Not that I have much of a choice since I am part of the garden decorations...
Oh, did I forget to mention it? I’m a statue. The most masterful and beautifully-crafted work of art in this garden if I do say so myself. I mean, if you're going to be trapped in stone, you might as well have a good attitude about it!
Now, I don’t want to come across as a complainer, but being stuck in stone is not all it's cracked up to be... I think the worst part is the discomfort. The best way to describe it is like being buried in sand, only instead of sand it is cement. And the cement hardened as I was being folded into a pretzel. Though I do admit, I never thought I was this flexible. It took awhile for the pain to fade, but when it did it was pretty cool to feel how my body twisted and turned in the design without my breaking my bones...
Oh, and there are a few perks being a statue too! The wildlife adores me. The squirrels tend to come by and play at my feet... or to be accurate, at my hoof and claw (still trying to get used to that). I have had many birds fly onto my shoulders and arms and sing wonderful tunes that help me pass the time. Sometimes when I am in the mood, I try to sing along with my horrible gravelly voice. Don't judge! When you sit around doing nothing for as long as I have, you would be doing it too!
I don't scare the birds with my voice anyway. I am the only one who can hear it since statues can't talk... wait a minute? That means I am talking to myself now, doesn't it...
...Crud...
At least when I am talking to myself I can guarantee I will have an intelligent conversation, right? It doesn't mean I am slowly going crazy because I can't talk... or move... or eat... or breathe... I never thought I would miss breathing. It is kind of something you take for granted. And only when you can no longer do it do you realize how comforting it is. Then again... when most people stop breathing, they really don't have time to realize it’s comfort before they... well, they just don’t have a lot of time left for anything really...
But now I am rambling. If I am going to talk to myself, then I will spend it discussing something important. So what do I want to discuss today... Something smart and entertaining!
…
The sky is really blue today...
…
Ooook, that was embarrassing... Time to forget that ever happened... Forgetting... now!
…
I'm still bored...
Being bored is not so bad considering the alternative. I could be forced to meet that creature again. I am still trying to figure out what it was because it sure wasn’t anything I had ever seen before. I was never really a big fantasy person when I was flesh and blood, so my knowledge of mythical creatures is kind of limited. All I know is that it is something I hopefully will never have to meet again. You know what they say: “First impressions are always the most important,” and boy did it give me an interesting first impression...
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I was walking on the wooded trail, admiring the new growth of spring. It rained recently, so there were large puddles of mud covering the trail. Not that it bothered me, my love for the scent of newly fallen rain far outweighed any discomfort I gained from walking through those puddles. While walking through one such puddle, my foot snagged against something which caused me to trip. I picked my face out from the grime and grumbled a curse. I looked behind me to see a claw clutching my ankle. Fear coursed through me as I watched it slowly sink back into the mud, dragging me with it. I reached into the mud and attempted to pry the claws off me, but they held on with an iron grip.
I felt myself angle steadily downward, until my entire body was vertical. I sank down further and further causing my fear to change into panic. I gave up on prying the claw free, and it didn’t take long until only my head was above the mud. I took a deep breath and began to pray. Once my head sank beneath the mud, I realized that there was something different. I was hanging upside down in the air. I opened my eyes to see if I was in heaven and the first thing I saw were two large red and yellow eyes staring at me.
"Hello."
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Now don’t get me wrong, that creature was very nice to me during the short time we were together. Well... as nice as a serpent, dragon, pony thing could be. I have only met one, so my knowledge of how they normally act is limited, and I don’t see me finding any others anytime soon to learn more about them.
After I finished screaming in terror, it was considerate enough to give me a glass of chocolate milk and even asked if I was feeling any better. Being the gentleman I am, I accepted the glass and we had a very enlightening conversation.
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”GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MONSTER!” I croaked. My throat felt as dry as a desert, but I wasn’t going to accept any offerings from this creature. I threw the glass at the creature and started to run away from it as fast as I could. In my escape, dived behind a bush in a vain attempt to hide.
“Oh wow! I didn’t realize the hairless monkey could talk!” the monster exclaimed. “This is sooo much more fun than I originally hoped.”
“You will never take me alive!” I grabbed a broken branch and prepared to defend myself.
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I must say the creature has a major temper problem. All I did was beat it on the head a few dozen times with a branch, which is by no means a reason to get cranky or rude. I mean seriously, what is a concussion or two between friends? It grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and rudely slammed me into the statue. I mean, the creature could have at least asked if I wanted to be imprisoned in stone. I would have said no, but asking is a polite thing to do. All in all, I am glad it is gone.
Oh! The bluejays are returning! I wonder what they are going to perform today!
So Discord replaced the being in the statue with a human? Cool.
i'll pre-read.
387411 Coo! Thanks.
It's a bit goofy so far, but it certainly does grab attention. Talk about being 'stoned'. What stature! He;s- okay, I'll stop now.
387487 Don't worry, we might be off to a rocky start now, but I am sure things will smooth out later!
387494
this has potential. stil havent seen either twi or tia
cant wait till next chapter
Stone Cold Crazy - Queen
...... Meh. tracking. why not. it has potential..... wait. Im a little slow, whych statue is he stuck in? Random generic statue or Discord's statue?
Good story
What's a concussion among friends? lol
Interesting looking forward to seeing where this goes.
That idiot egged on Discord... just kept freaking out... he gun go crazy.
This chapter Amuses me!
Our dear Protaginist certainly seems to be treating the situation with remarkable levity.
Not much else to be done i suppose...
For some odd reason i can't stop imagining the voice of sheogorath coming from the main character. I am thoroughly enjoying the inner monolog.
Have you ever heard a bluejay? They squawk worse than crows.
2001928 shut up it equestria
2358661 Please. Cease your irrelevant insolence.
2573035
It's magic. He ain't gotta explain shit.
Spoken like a true human being! Die standing!
That "my" doesn't belong. Boot him out.
Interesting start. Eaten by a puddle, what a way to get into Equestria.
3512818 Valour amongst all else.
Disrespect not Discord, for he has a short temper, a vast imagination and the power to make it stick!
considering more than a few people I've had to deal with, I KNOW THAT FEELING!!!
2573035 IT'S BUCKING MAGIC DON'T QUESTION IT!
2001928 I think that was the joke.
So he is a human inside Discord statue? Poor man.
5788935
Why do I see you every time I read a story?!
The first few chapters are confusing and I didn't get it
This is actually fking funny and I love it
9623276
Yeah, im also comfused