Stone Cold

by M_D_Quill

Chapter 11

“Your Daddy?” Did Twilight never tell her who her father was? I might be off the hook! Yay!

“Captain! It is her!” A moderator blurted out. I turned and faced his funny expression. Eyes wide, pupils pinpricks, his jaw opened and closed as he tried to push his head back. Not that it helped him; his entire body was covered in the pink stuff that was holding me.

“So you’re the pony that has been breaking into the gardens the past year,” the lead moderator muttered.

“Shut up and tell me where Daddy is!” the pink pony cried.

Ya know, I’m getting tired of calling her Pink Pony...

“Ya know, It is rude to ask questions without introducing yourself.”

Are you trying to get us killed?

Of course not. I’m trying to bring some manners into the conver-Dear God! What is with these ponies and hitting me!?

The pink pony just punched me with her front leg! It looks like a marshmallow, but it feels like a brick! It is official, I don’t like pain. It is time for me to get serious, no more Mr. Nice Guy.

“Now what is the big idea, Miss Pink Horse?” I growled, grabbing the sticky substance. I pulled it off me and stood up to glare at the pony in the eyes. “All I am asking for is to be shown some manners. Even that large snake thing that shoved me into the rock gave me his name!” I grabbed her ear and yanked it downward. She squealed and tried to force me to let go. “Now I want your name and an apology for hitting me.”

The pony squirmed and and pleaded for me to let her go, but I was not going to have any of it! I have been kicked, prodded, punched, and bent all day and I’m tired it! The more she squirmed, the more I pulled her ear.

“Stop it!” she cried out. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry...” Large tears started running down her cheeks. “I just want my Daddy...”

“I’ll let go if you promise to behave.” She promised and I let her go. She clutched her ear tenderly, flew a foot away from me, and glared. “Now, what is your name?”

“I-I’m Screwball...” she sniffed.

I put on a wide smile. “Glad to meet you Screwball. I call myself Paradox. It is a pleasure to meet you.” I stretched out my hand to give her a handshake before realizing she didn’t have any fingers. Thinking fast, I made a fist and gave her a fist bump... or fist/hoof bump... whatever you call it. “Now, who are you looking for again?”

“My Daddy...” Screwball whispered. “He was locked in a statue in the garden. When we went to the garden to save him, we found his statue broken.” She turned her head toward the moderators. I followed her gaze and noticed that every moderator was surrounded in what looked like transparent pink marble. He was glaring at both of us through it. “I thought the guards would be after him since he is considered a bad guy around here,” Screwball continued, “but I only saw you with them.”

I turned my head and began to scratch my beard, which was quite interesting because I didn’t even know I had one. I can’t believe I didn’t look at myself when I was in front of the mirror! I guess that changes my plans a little. I had to find another mirror and see how I look.

“I would love to help you look for your Daddy, but I need to do something first,” I told her. Her large swirly eyes drooped down and more tears began to leak out of her... what is wrong with this horse? Is she part sprinkler or something?

Promise to help her?

Why would I do that?

Because it is the right thing to do! The girl has lost her father, she needs someone to help her.

Humph... sounds boring. Why would I spend my valuable time looking around for some stupid horse for another horse?

Did I mention you can pretend to be a detective as you look?

… A detective you say?

Yes, just like Sherlock Holmes.

Then my dear Watson, what are we waiting for? We have a damsel in distress to assist!

“Now, can you tell me what your father looked like?” I asked the sad filly.

“Huh?” Screwball glanced up at me and wiped her eyes.

“What did your Daddy look like?” I repeated. I hate repeating myself. “Come on, girl, we are burning daylight!”

She flew toward me and raised her hoof a few feet above me. “He is about this tall, has a horse face, white beard, and eyebrows. There is a goat and deer horn on his head. He has yellow eyes with red pupils...” she trailed off as she glanced down at me. She flew down and hovered only centimeters from my face as she gazed into my eyes. “Similar to yours...” she murmured.

Busted.

Shut it!

I quickly pushed her away and smoothed out my kilt. “What else did he look like?” I asked.

She kept staring at me as she flew back to continue her description. “He has two arms and two legs, all from different animals. His body is long and curly, like a snake with a dragon tail.”

Snake body? Wait a minute... “Did he also fly around and laugh evilly a lot?” If he is who I think he is...

“Yes!” Screwball cried out. “So you have seen him!”

Yes, I have... he is the one that took me from my world and shoved me into that statue.

I think fun and games are over for now, what do you say?

Oh, I quite agree.

I could feel a smile creep onto my face. “Yes. I have met your ‘Daddy’,” I answered, “And I would very much like to meet him again.”

“Yay!” cheered the pink spawn. “Then let’s get to looking together!” She flew above the moderators and through the street. They looked to be listening to something, but what that was didn’t matter. I had a pony/serpent to find.

I walked through the pink marble, causing them to pop like bubbles. I could see the pink pony hovering near a corner of a building calling out for me to hurry, but there was no need to run. I was here and free, and nothing was going to keep me away from ‘Daddy’.

x.X.x

Captain Strong Shield watched as the creature and flying earth pony turned the corner. He turned and glared at his superior officer.

“Guard Captain Armor, why did you stop us?” he growled.

A white unicorn strode out of the building he was taking cover in and made his way up to the soldier. “If you charged in there, you could have been seriously injured,” he stated.

“We are guards, our job is to take pain so civilians don’t have to.”

Shining sighed and glanced over in the direction the creatures went. “You saw how easily the creature broke through my shield?” he said, “Even my sister, the Element of Magic herself, was unable to touch him with a single spell when we made first contact.” He turned and glanced at the unnerved soldiers. “And that is just the creature, not to mention the Pony Touched by Chaos is now with him as well.”

“Are you telling me we have two monsters roaming around the city?” Sergeant Brightblade gasped.

The white unicorn winced as he faced his troops. “Unfortunately... yes.” He stood tall and looked each of the soldiers in the eye. “Even if you had him in your custody, you did not have any control over him. It was safer for all of you to let him leave so we can keep an eye on him and keep the citizens away. Buildings can be repaired, but if anypony else gets injured, then the guards will be disgraced. We have already had one casualty, and I won’t let that happen again.

“We are evacuating and closing off this section of the city. I want all pegasi ponies to watch the creatures and keep track of their movements. Earth ponies are to evacuate the citizens. And... unicorns are to leave because the situation is too dangerous.”

“Hold it!” Strong Shield shouted, “Are you telling me we are fighting these creatures without any magical artillery?”

Shining groaned. “Yes, I am. The creature cannot be touched by magic, and the pony is full of chaotic magic.”

“Then what are we to do? Let them run free just watch them terrorize the city?”

“No,” replied Shining, “We wait for the Elements of Harmony to be gathered.” He gave the unit one last glance before turning away to find the next. “Once they arrive, they can force these monsters back to whatever hole in Tartarus they crawled out from.”

x.X.x

Twilight and Rainbow Dash watched the white unicorn breath lightly as she slept. She tossed and turned, while on occasion she cried out and clutched her horn. If it wasn’t for the sleep spell that was cast on her she would be suffering a lot of pain at the moment.

“What is wrong with her?” Rainbow Dash asked, “What did that thing do to her?”

Twilight could only sigh and look at her friend. “Something that all unicorns have to be careful of,” she said as she turned back to the suffering pony, “What she is suffering through is a severe case of magical exhaustion, which occurs when a unicorn uses too much of their magic and depletes her magical reserves to a dangerous point. It is not fatal if you can get medical help quickly, but... I’ve never heard of a case as bad as this. That creature somehow sucked all the magic out of her, there is nothing left.” Twilight felt a chill run down her back, she couldn’t imagine how much pain the poor unicorn had to have been going through at the moment.

“Is... is it permanent?” Rainbow Dash blurted out.

Twilight glanced back at her friend, a small smile on her face, “No, it isn’t. All it takes is rest and she should be back to her normal self again.” The smile disappeared as she looked back to the green pony, “It is a good thing the guards got her help quickly, this could have been a lot more serious.”

The sound of the door clicking turned the two ponies attentions to the entrance. It slowly opened, revealing a grim faced Cadance. The pink alicorn trotted into the room and stopped in front of Twilight.

“Shining has the creature monitored, and ordered nopony to confront it except the Elements of Harmony,” she announced, “I told Auntie about the situation as well, and she has sent for your other friends. They should be here within the next couple of hours. By then, Auntie should have the Elements out of the vault and we will be ready to confront this invader.”

Rainbow grinned and spread her wings out, “Finally! we can send this monster back to where he came from!” she cheered.

Twilight shifted her hooves and glanced between the other two. The creature was trouble, that much was certain, but she was not sure if he needed to be treated like an enemy. And, if her suspicions were true and he was actually Discord harmonized by the Elements, wouldn’t it be better if they at least tried to talk to him before attacking?

Twilight nodded as she made up her mind, “I’m going to try and talk to him,” she announced.

Cadance and Rainbow snapped their head toward Twilight in shock.

“What?” they blurted together.

“I’m going to talk to him,” Twilight repeated, “It is always better to try and find the diplomatic solution before taking up arms.” She quoted, “Cadance, please go inform Celestia my plans, and tell big brother I’m going out to meet him, and Rainbow,” she looked at her rainbow maned friend, “I want you to watch from the skies and come to my rescue if he tries anything hostile.”

“Twilight, you’re nuts!” the pegasus practically shouted.

“I guess you have to be to try and be a friend with chaos,” Twilight murmured as she teleported out of the room.

_______________________

Midnight: Well, we are back and ready for action! Chapters should be coming back on a (near) weakly basis, depending on if I am going to be actively writing some of my other stories.

Paradox: Is that your most recent excuse?

Midnight: Hey! How did you get out of your box?

Paradox: Well, I was bored, so I started to play with fractions. I got a full one, broke it in two, the two halves made a hole, so I crawled out!

Midnight:... That makes no sense? Things don't work that way!

Paradox: Really? It sounds good to me. Well, I guess it is time to call it a day! Until next time Reading people!

Midnight: Hey! You can't do that! That is my... Don't touch that but-

_______________________

There might be some errors in the fic still since most of my editors are either not answering or having troubles and cannot edit at the moment. So if you see any, send a PM or comment and I will fix them. Thanks everyone, and thank you for your patience as I got my life back together.

Comments

[SouthernmostDogs]

YES!

EDIT: Cool I got first.

[Saveer]

I understand the frcation thing

[LightningtheBro]

Is it so bad that clicking on the story just based off it's title, that I thought there was somehow Stone Cold Steve Austin in the story.

[kingtiger666]

1052558 Yes. Yes it is.

[warpd]

Paradox is so casual, he doesn't even care. To bad the ponies expect the worse from him.

[Hlebby]

Honestly from the title I was really hoping this would be a story about Stone Cold Steve Austin in Equestria.

[p0nypanda]

FINALLY!!! I hope Discord somehow came back to Equestria so Paradox can kick his scally ass.

[Destructorspace]

Twi's conversation should be very interesting! Paradox has so many totally erroneous beliefs about how their world works... Will he run away once he discovers that she's the "sun-tyrant's" student? Will his alliance with Screwball fall apart once he finally tells Twi that he plans to find Discord, and promptly punch him 37+ times in the face? Or will it end up being hilarious in a way that I will never predict?

[Thardoc]

chapters should be coming at a near weakly basis (weekly)

and yay

[OutrageousOstrich]

Glory glory hallelujah, an update!
cdn.cutestpaw.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/s-Hallelujah.jpg
This wasn't too bad for grammatical errors. The only noticeable one was:
“And that is just the creature, not the Pony Touched by Chaos is now with him as well.”
Should probably be:
"And that is just the creature, not to mention the Pony Touched by Chaos is now with him as well."

Don't think I saw much else.

[M_D_Quill]

1052558 1052662 1052662 yeah, I actually didn't put two and two together when I started this story. So sorry for the confusion.

1052797 We will just have to see, won't we?

1052842 Hopefully they will come weekly now as long as the editors can fix up the chapters quick enough. So keep your fingers and hoofs crossed that we have an update next Wednesday.

1052871 Your picture made me smile so much! That is obviously King of the Squirrels!
Also: noted and corrected. Thanks!

[Thardoc]

1052915
well if you need an emergency editor i'm here,
references

I want to run!
and
winged wolf phenomenon

so if like your editors die or something, lol

[M_D_Quill]

1052952 I'll keep you in mind! You're now on the list in case I need an editor!

[Thardoc]

1052969
sweet, look forward to wednsday

[LightningtheBro]

1052915 Tis okay, though now that I've said that I actually want something like that to happen.

[faren455]

oh paradox... you are so silly! I think you deserve a pie, but your fractions broke it in half and as everyone knows, 1.57 isn't pi anymore! or is it?

[M_D_Quill]

1053111 You have just made my day with this comment.

[Harpsanimation]

moarrrrrrrrrrrrr

[graphicalerror]

YES! I've been looking forward for this.
Another great chapter, good sir.

[OminousTen]

So quick question, Paradox here has been stabbed a lot and punched, how serious are his wounds?
Also if Paradox is a Paradox, doesn't that mean he isn't a Paradox?
assets03.blog.usabilla.com/wp-content/uploads/paradox.jpg

[M_D_Quill]

1053357 The wound thing thing will be explained shortly, but him being Paradox? I'll just leave that question untouched.

[Crisis]

1053357

That's the exception that proves the rule.

[Adam95F]

And now for the finale:

Paradox+human ingenuity vs Discord+Screwball vs EoH+Goddess Sisters=

I love this story.

[MrSpartan]

static.fjcdn.com/comments/Deadpool+approves+_03d1c0524934bf2ea6d64455455c0058.jpg
jasonmckinney.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/deadpool_cool_story_bro.jpg?w=640

[The Gargoyle]

Hmmmmmm... What's this?... HOLY SHIT!!! It's this story!!!!!!
Glad to see you back my friend. I really this story, but its been so long since an update I forgot what the story was when it poped up in my favorites.

Still like Paradoxs insanty (though he misses how the sub-consious was in italics) Ya, what the parantheis said.
And also really enjoy how anti-magicy he is.

I'm personally hoping that everypony keeps confusing him for discord, and that Screwball thinks he's her dad.
After all the principle of it is sound if you ask me. If you take a being of pure chaos and make it non-chaotic what do you get? A paradox!

Looking forawrd to more!

[totallynotaunicorn]

Hehe. "Dont touch that but-" Sounds like 'don't touch that butt'

[Mondays Dawn]

YES! ITS UPDATED!! ... Now to read it, I just wanted to let out my excitement...

[MyLittleBurger]

And the plot thickens to the point of Oatmeal.... ah the action/payback that will happen once Paradox finds Discord again.....

[mistaque1]

We have you now, Discord
Paradox: I'm not Discord. I'm actually looking for him.
Twilight: Why?
Paradox: He stuck me in the statue so I want to introduce him to my friend, the stick. Repediatly. On his head.
Screwball: What?

[Quanti]

The elements of harmony better not have any effect on Paradox. I mean seriously that would be far too boring and I would love to see Celestia freak out over Paradox "wanting to see more pretty colours"

[Paladin Redflare]

DAMN THESE SHORT ASS CHAPTERS!

[kajisora]

Busted.
Tagging this as Relevant.
just saying

[Pelakka_wurm]

“Are you telling me we have two monsters roaming around the city?” Sergeant Brightblade gasped.
The white unicorn winced as he faced his troops. “Unfortunately... yes.” He stood tall and yes one fly/floats and the other runs/walks

[Paddle Steamer]

“Ya know, It is rude to ask questions without introducing yourself.”

Capital after a comma, tsk tsk.

The pony squirmed and and pleaded for me to

Repeat word.

I wonder how Twilight will react to him not actually being Discord like she thinks he is. I guess I'll find out soon.

[Pinklestia]

Short chapter is short.