Spikenberg

by SoulofLegend

Let's Cook!

The yellow droplet of mustard consumed Spike's attention. It sat on Twilight's cheek as she chewed and continued talking. Spike didn't hear her, though. All he saw was that bright and annoying speck of mustard. His entire mind was fixated on it.

"Uh... Spike, did you hear what I said?" Twilight asked as she raised a quizzical eyebrow at her assistant.

The zoned out dragon blinked once, a blank expression upon his face as he inwardly scrutinized every facet of that intolerable mustard drop. In a monotone voice he replied, "Yeah. Put away the stuff you bought. Right on it."

He hopped out of his seat at the dining table and walked into the main room of the library, leaving a rather puzzled alicorn to finish her lunch.

Pushing the insufferable mustard blot to the back of his mind where it could be ignored, Spike knelt on the floor and started rummaging through Twilight's saddlebags, pulling out the books he found. Twilight had spent all morning going from yard sale to yard sale and it showed. Her keen, intellectual mind had sifted through the refuse of picture books and mushy romance novels that plague such events to find a veritable gold mine of unappreciated scientific bliss beneath the surface. Books covering every subject from astronomy to geology had been purchased and would now be appreciated by a loving and nerdy caretaker at the Golden Oak Library.

Spike easily found a spot for every book on the packed shelves using the categorization system Twilight strictly adhered to. "A place for every book and every book in its place," she would cheerfully say from time to time.

Spike reached for the last book out of the massive stack that Twilight had acquired and looked at it with surprise. It was a plain notebook with an image of several lightning bolts descending from clouds on the cover, the words 'lab notes' splayed across it. Spike curiously flipped through the book, wondering why in the world Twilight would buy something so useless. It wasn't at all like the books she usually bought.

The yellow pages were filled with a wealth of different formulas and equations that the little dragon couldn't possibly comprehend (science is confusing like that, after all.) He stopped at a page that caught his attention and as he read on, his eyes widened in wonder. Blue crystals? That can be cooked? Spike stared in a jewel-crazy trance at the words merrily skipping across the page in front of his enamored eyes, a long strand of saliva dangling from the corner of his mouth. He eagerly licked his chops and rapidly read the recipe for this amazing jewel the notebook referred to as "Blue Sky."

"Could it be turquoise?! Maybe it's sapphires!" Spike excitedly whispered to himself. "The only way I'll find out is if..." - he squinted at the words on the page - "... I build a 'meth lab!'"

---

Glorious visions of glimmering, blue crystals engulfed Spike's mind. Plates upon plates of exquisite azure shards would be piled high in the kitchen! Never again would he have to dig for gems, to toil and sweat beneath the hot sun or to traverse dark caves! He could have gems whenever he wanted now!

"Oh, uh... Spike?"

Crunchy, delicious gems...

"Spike, you know you have to pay for that stuff, right?"

Spike snapped out of his daydream and stared at Tool Belt, the owner of Nuts and Bolts Hardware. The scruffy, brown stallion scratched the stubble on his chin and gruffly said, "All of that stuff's gonna cost ya fifty bits, little guy." He pointed his hoof at the cascading wealth of tubing, glassware, and metal containers the dragon had clutched in his claws.

"Oh, right! Sorry, Mr. Belt! Here you go!" With a clatter, Spike set his supplies on the ground and fished the little golden coins from a small, leather pouch. Handing them to the patient stallion, the dragon made his way out of the store's exit, skipping joyously as he went.

"Have a nice day, Spike! Stay outta trouble," Tool called after him.

"You too! And your eyebrows!"

"Wait... what?"

---

"The notes say I need this stuff called... well, I can't pronounce it but I have it written down here."

"Uh-huh..."

"Anyway, I've tried every store in town but I can't find it! You're the only other pony I can think of that might know where I can get this stuff, can you please help me?"

"Hold on, I might have some in the back!"

"Phew, thanks!"

"Yes, indeedy! One barrel of methylamine! Anything else I can do for you, Spike?"

"No, this is perfect! Thank you so much, Pinkie!"

"No problemo! Don't forget, I get two pounds of your super-special rock candy!"

"How about four pounds?"

---

Spike whistled a happy tune as he leaned back in his chair and waited for the last batch of Blue Sky to finish hardening. He twirled a little mallet in his claws as the anticipation flooded through him. He'd never felt so proud of himself in his entire life!

The timer on the table next to him loudly rang, signaling that it was time to begin!

He hopped out of the chair and grabbed the sheet of hardened, blue glass and stared at it with hungry eyes. Mallet in hand, he eagerly broke and chipped the large rectangle into little, delicious shards.

He couldn't believe it, he'd done it! The purple and green dragon had successfully produced his very own gems and according to the instructions - if he'd followed the recipe correctly - he should now have a product of ninety-eight percent purity!

Beaming with pride, Spike grabbed a pair of tweezers and gently lifted a single shard into the light to inspect it, lifting the heavy goggles he'd been wearing. The little sliver of blue shimmered as light filtered through it and waterfalls poured forth from Spike's open mouth.

He gazed down the long table at the rows of shattered crystals he'd previously completed. Though it had been excruciating, he had somehow abstained from tasting the fruits of his labour until the very last tray had been dealt with. Now, it was time to taste blissful, blue success!

---

Twilight trotted into the library after returning from the marketplace and stopped cold in her tracks. She crinkled her face up in disgust and held her nose with one hoof. Something smelled really bad. "Spike?" she called out as she dropped her saddlebags and walked to the kitchen.

The odor grew stronger as she approached and she reluctantly peeked through the doorway.

A complex lab had been set up in the library's kitchen, unlike any lab Twilight had ever seen. Large metal tanks were packed tightly in the small room, a mess of crisscrossed hoses ran everywhere, and glass beakers of every shape and size sat upon the dining table.

Trays and trays of blue crystals lined a table in the corner of the room, gleaming as the light hit them.

Twilight saw a huddled figure on the floor by the table and rushed to it. It was Spike, lying unconscious among flecks of blue.

"Spike!" Twilight cried, grabbing her assistant and vigorously shaking him, "Spike!"

---

Spike blinked and slowly opened his eyes, his head spinning like a top. He was in his bed, tucked in tightly with a hot water bottle sitting on his brow. Next to him on the floor was a curled up alicorn.

"Tw-Twilight?" he slowly asked, his voice tired and heavy.

Twilight stirred and turned to the dragon. Upon seeing him awake, she quickly sat up and grabbed his hand in her hoof. "Oh, thank Celestia! I was so worried, Spike!" Twilight smiled and wiped her eyes as she affectionately squeezed the the little dragon's hand.

Spike rubbed his head with his free hand and muttered, "What happened? The last thing I remember... I was trying my gems, the ones I'd cooked."

"I found you on the kitchen floor, Spike. What you cooked... I don't think they were jewels. Why were you trying to make your own gems?"

"I found a recipe, in that notebook you bought at the yard sale."

Twilight raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Well," she said, shrugging, "that raises more questions than answers. That notebook disappeared while I was taking care of you, as well as that stuff you cooked." She scratched her chin with her hoof, a puzzled look on her face.

Spike smiled. "It's okay," he said, "they really didn't taste good anyway. Kind of a waste, huh?"

Twilight chuckled and got up to prepare a meal for her assistant.

"Twilight?"

"Yes?" she replied, turning back to Spike.

"I need to tell you something."

A concerned look came over the alicorn and she leaned closer to the dragon. "What is it?"

Spike pointed a claw at his cheek. "You've got mustard on your face, right there."

---

"And you're sure you recovered all of the... product?"

"Yes, indeedy!"

"The notebook too?"

"Trust me, it's all safe and snug!"

"Good, at least you didn't bungle this one, Pinkie."

"Hey, I love bungles!"

"Now, we need to begin cooking as soon as possible..."

"Okie dokie lokie! Haha! Silly me, I never did get your name!"

"It's Walter Whinny... but you call me Hoofenberg."

Comments

[darkkoi]

more dude.
so pinkie is the new jesse

[ArthurHucksake]

Mother of God, this is absolutely BEGGING for a continuation. If this story was a show, I would watch the SHIT out of it.

You get a like and a fave, good sir!

Well done!

[SoulofLegend]

4132799

I'm glad you enjoyed the read!

Yeah, Pinkie seems the most likely pony to cook meth, doesn't she?

[SoulofLegend]

4133020

Thank you so much! I'm glad to see people like it so far.

I honestly just intended for this to be a random one-shot, but I might consider spinning it off if enough people want me to...

[ArthurHucksake]

4133461 Well count me as one of them. This is the first MLP/Breaking Bad crossover I've actually read- I'm not aware of any others, so as far as I'm aware, your story is unique.

[SoulofLegend]

4134228

Well, thank you! I know there are other crossovers between MLP/Breathing Bad, I was just trying to put an original spin on it. So far, it looks like people like it!

[JakeAndDollars]

Raises eyebrow. "Well if anyone needs me, I'll be over at sugar cube corner. "

"Getting my notebook back."