The Manehattan Project

by Bronio Kröger

Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynmane!

The Manehattan Project
Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynmane!
Bronio Kröger

For days, the Cutie Mark Crusaders Superconducting Supercolllider Data Collators had been poring over numerical readouts from Twilight's particle accelerator. Simply put, the numbers did not make any sense; the calculations showed that a supermassive particle briefly appeared and then immediately decayed into a number of smaller, lighter particles in a spectacular flash. While obviously not scientists themselves, Twilight trusted them to be a second set of eyes and asked the Crusaders to corroborate the instrument readings between the different sensors. And indeed, after four days, it appeared that every sensory instrument in the barn-turned-Supercollider registered this strange particle simultaneously. The Crusaders even asked the power source of the particle accelerator, an especially magical sea serpent whose helical undulations were the source of energy for the Steven Magnetron supercollider. "Oh yes, it was marvelous, I saw those fabulous particle decay trails... how they looped and curled just like my moustache! Isn't science fabulous?"

Based on this, the Crusaders realized: whatever Twilight and Spike measured, really existed. "But what is it?" a flustered Sweetie Belle asked. "I dunno, but it seemed cool! We should smash more particles together until we figure out what it is!" Scootaloo responded, smashing two pebbles together with her hooves for emphasis.

"Now now, my little ponies," Twilight chided, "while I normally agree that repetitive destruction is good sense and the fundamental basis of science, in this case we need to talk to a theoretical physicist."

"What's a theoretical physicist?" Applebloom asked. "Mah great-uncle Apple Newton was a physicist, but he wasn't theoretical, he was real!"

You're so adorable when you're ignorant, thought Twilight Sparkle to herself.

"Hey! I heard that!" shouted an angry Applebloom.

"Sorry, Applebloom, I keep forgetting which is my interior and which is my exterior monologue," said Twilight. "Anyway, a theoretical physicist is a physicist that is so bad with people that Princess Celestia locks them up in an ivory tower in Canterlot. There, they aren't allowed access to other ponies, and slowly drive themselves insane, becoming friends with imaginary concepts and desperately seeking tenure. No one ever hears from them. They are the most solitary, ill-paid academics in all of Equestria. Well, except for pure mathematicians. " Twilight sighed and got a distant yearning look in her eyes and mouthed the phrase category theory silently.

"That sounds ... terrible," Sweetie Belle said, a tear forming in her eyes.

"Huh? What?" Twilight Sparkle was snapped out of her reverie by the innocent filly's words. "Sure ... yeah ... yeah ... terrible, that's right," she said, looking shiftily from side to side. "Anyway, I'm going to need to recalibrate this machine and rerun the tests a few more times to see if the figures are right, but are you guys able to head over to the Los Palominos Nuclear Research Laboratory and talk to their head scientist, Dr. Richard Feynmane? He might be able to make heads or tails of this."

"CAN we?" the fillies responded. "CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS SUPERCONDUCTING SUPERCOLLIDER DATA COLLATORS ARE GO!" they shouted at the top of their lungs.

A groan met them in response, as Spike shambled from behind the reactor core. His normally thick scales had begun to fall out, with strange growths and tumors peppering his small frame. "Are you sure you want to run this again, Twilight? And can I have a radiation suit this time? Please?" Spike appeared to be begging, though his eyes were nearly swollen shut and it was impossible to tell for sure.

"For the last time," Twilight hissed through her teeth, "You're the control group. So why don't you be a good control group and control your whining!" As Spike dejectedly shambled off to his doom in the radiation chamber, he turned back to the Crusaders and imparted one last piece of wisdom that has since become a proverb in Equestria:

---

The good of the many outweighs the good of the few, or the one. -- Spike

---

Meanwhile, Twilight's countenance changed once again to that of excitement and joy. "So yes, go talk to Dr. Feynmane, and tell him what you've seen. Show him these figures, and tell him I'll have a separate set by the time you come back!"

"Yay!" the fillies said in unison, as young ones are wont to do, and they headed off to the Los Palominos lab on the edge of town.

Los Palominos, at first glance, seemed very jejune. A series of small, low-story, square buildings, the entire complex seemed rather nondescript. Only the grim-faced guards and the multiple levels of barbed wire gave a sense of foreboding, and even then, Los Palominos seemed no different from the average Equestrian military base. The history behind Los Palominos, however, added a palpable sense of dread to the entire complex. It was here that the Hay-Bomb was developed and the war between Celestia and Discord was finally won.

However, rumors persisted about the complex and its role in development of weapons of war. It was here, legend said, that Dr. Manegele performed his unspeakable experiments under the codename of Operation Centaur. That name was spoken in hushed tones, if at all; the Cutie Mark Crusaders had only heard it from Lyra's conspiracy theories. Still, the complex had a checkered reputation. Only Area Filly-One had a more ominous past.

As the fillies approached the gate, two gruff guards stopped them. "HALT!" one said. "Who goes there?"

"Uh, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders Superconducting Supercollider Data Collators, and Twilight Sparkle sent us to speak with Dr. Feynmane!" Apple Bloom confidently said, pulling a government-issued ID from her saddlebag. The guards examined it closely, eyeing the fillies carefully, and after verifying that it was in fact a valid CAC (Celestia Access Card), they were allowed into the receiving area of the base, where they were seated in a featureless and windowless room for what seemed like hours.

"I'm so bored, Scootaloo whined, while Sweetie Belle rolled around on the floor. Clearly, the fillies were strangers to government bureaucracy and access protocols; also, as youngsters, waiting more than thirty minutes was an unbearable torture for them. Suddenly, the sound of... bongo drums was heard in the distance. Bongo drums? Apple Bloom thought to herself. What ... drums? Scootaloo thought. My sister is the best! Sweetie Belle thought.

Slowly, the door opened, and a thin, nondescript-looking unicorn stallion entered the room, flanked by armed guards. With a nod, as the guards stood as still as statues, the stallion eyed the fillies. The fillies eyed the stallion in return; he was thin, and smiling, with a cutie mark that resembled a model of an atom. "My name is Richard Feynmane, and I hear Twilight Sparkle sent you."

"You know Twilight?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Why, yes, we've been corresponding regularly for years, and peer reviewing each other's work," Feynmane answered. "Plus, I dated one of her showmare friends... Pinkie Pie, was it?"

"Pinkie Pie was a showmare?" an incredulous Scootaloo asked. "Yep ... till she, uh," Feynmane nervously tried to figure out how to phrase the sensitive concept for fillies, "she, uh ... cracked an O-Ring in a burleseque number, and decided to become a baker instead, Nice gal. Always up for a joke."

The fillies eyed Feynmane warily. "Anyway, changing the subjects, let's take a look at these numbers, shall we?" Levitating the results, Feynmane skimmed through them, his face becoming graver and graver with each turned page. "No... No.... No... oh this is ... this can't be ..." he mumbled to himself.

"What is it?" Applebloom asked, nervously. "Is it bad?"

"Not so much bad as ... unexpected. And really, really big. Incredibly important to science big," Feynmane responded.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders Superconducting Supercollider Data Collators beamed in unison, about to cheer and check for their cutie marks, when Feynmane continued. "It looks like Twilight has discovered the Higgs Boson, which is something science has spent years searching for. But ..."

The but put an end to the grins and dancing by the fillies, as their ears perked up. "But -- these other readings indicate that Twilight Sparkle may have found a way to create a black hole. This can be a very bad thing if in the wrong hands."

"Oh no!" Sweetie Belle said. "My sister said black is out this season."

So this must be the 'special' one Twilight mentioned, Feynmane thought to himself. It's a pity no one did an amniotic test. Forcing a smile, Feynmane added, "A black hole is an inescapable point in space, where gravity is so strong not even light can escape. Some even theorize it is a hole in space and time itself, and can lead to other places. Of course, most of those people are slightly loony. Feynmane glanced sidelong at one of the guards, an earth pony with an hourglass for a cutie mark. The earth pony smiled sheepishly. "Too much science fiction, I'm telling you," Feynmane said, shaking his head.

"You're kidding, right?" Scootaloo said, in denial. "I've heard you're a prankster, this is a joke, right? right?"

"Sadly, this isn't a joke, although a black hole destroying all of Equestria would be pretty hilarious," Feynmane said, his ear twitching somewhat. Still, we need to get to the particle accelerator, fillies! If Twilight is running another test, in the same spot ... she could open up the black hole!"

End of Chapter

Comments

[shalrath]

So, does the legendary safecracker Richard Feynmane use his front hooves, or his back hooves to open safes?

[Bronio Kröger]

365671

The front edge of the front hoof would be good at picking up vibrations and the horse's prehensile lips would be good at tweaking the dial.

Or maybe I made Feynmane a unicorn, i don't remember. A wizard did it.

[shalrath]

365691

Aha - but how would Mr Feynmann handle an indecipherable combination lock when there are quicker methods available? Ie, prying the wooden panel off the back of a desk and pulling out the documents from the drawers, or in the case of our Equestrian counterpart, simply delivering a solid kick until the drawer goes flying out of the desk.

There's more than one way to open a safe.

[Bronio Kröger]

365709

Aren't they all set to 0-50-0 at the factory anyway?

[shalrath]

365712

At that time, I believe they were.

But even after they all get changed, I'd place money on finding all the combinations on a sticky note near the secretary's desk.

Right next to the solid 5.5 Kg sphere of gold, which was somehow easier to obtain than a new typewriter.

[shalrath]

BTW, do I smell a remake of The Krone Experiment? Heh.

[Silicas]

This story so far has been a fun little read.

I particularly enjoy Twilight's blatant egotism as well as her science obsession which, unlike the egotism and blatant disregard for Spike and Sweetie Belle, is quite consistent with the show and is presented well.

Also, I don't know why the fuck you did what you've done with poor little Sweetie Belle, but something inside me likes it somehow.

Perhaps I need to read more stories tagged [Random].

[Bronio Kröger]

370648

One day I hope my grandchildren live in a world where there is a [Friendship is Witchcraft] tag.

Until then we can only hope.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Any story with a particle accelerator as a major plot point is worth following in my book. Because SCIENCE!

[Skywriter]

I love the bitter little digs against Sweetie Belle. And I'm glad to see Feynman ponified here.