Ponyville's resident human attempts to adjust to living with Celestia as his roommate while also avoiding Princess Twilight's crazy romantic overtures.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I know this sounds twisted, but I would really love to see Twilight's reaction if anon kills himself in a last-ditch attempt to escape her.
sexual feelings
Just... Amazing
How meta.
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I can just imagine it, Twilight is standing there frozen as she watches the blood pour out of his neck, Celestia, the same. Anon falls to the grass and lets out a last few shuddering breaths. Twilight and Celestia try to save him, but it's too late. Twilight then proceeds to blame Celestia and her friends, locks them up/executes them. And lives the rest of her life as a cruel dictator in mourning.
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well its not entirely their fault, they want to help twilight but they think the only way to do that is by doing what she says and wants, not what she needs. twilight did kinda flip out when she was being told the truth from anon and celestia on the ship, i know i wouldnt wanna make an alicorn thats crazy both crazy and angry at me
I'm not sure what I should feel about the ending. I started to expect it but didn't think you would actually go with something so . . . cliché. Claiming he'll never love a pony but ends up falling in love with the Princess? Sure the build up to it was different than most but the end result was still the same. I was hoping this would be one of those legendary HiE were the human actually doesn't fall in love with a pony. Of course this is in my personal opinion. I may not be so shallow to only like someone for their appearance but I'm certainly not swimming in the deep end to completely ignore it.
4031217 If you want a great HiE that the human doesn't fall in love with a pony (Kindaish) try Diary of a Madman.
Also holds legendary status as the longest fic on FimFiction
Warning: Dark as fuck
4031310 I tried to dip into that story once. After reading for a bit I clicked out and never looked back.
lol
What if rainbow dash says that first part in front of rarity
THAT WOULD BE A DISASTER!
I mean, it would incredibly funny
FINALLY THEY KISS....okay I'm happy now....and if twilight was reading this see would probably be like this ....can't wait for the next chapter and the continuation of the Anon x Cel universe.
4031055 I'd like to see Anon swallow his stone, almost choke to death, and become super-human and defeat Twilight in a magic battle for the ages.
I...really didn't see THAT coming. Good job at the humor!
4031358 Didn't like it? or too long and got bored?
4031477 A bit of the first and a combination of the latter. I like long stories but there's a difference between reading a long story and reading War And Peace.
You tell one hell of a story. The developing romance is spot on and very beautifully told. You My Friend, have a gift. ♡ keep up the GREAT work.
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See my post about this, oh, i dunno, maybe two chapters back...? I brought the subject up first, and honestly it's a little darker but it's what I'd do if pressed with no other option than marrying the obviously insane purple mare.
'Course, I'd probably execute her friends, first. Then myself. Leave a decent sized pile of bodies.
AJ gets a pass, Pinkie may still be a double agent so I'd have to see what she stands for.
The end of this chapter made me dawww so hard I got diabetes.
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I'd probably go for a more psychologically-focused method of destroying Twilight if I was Anon. Something along the lines of looking her straight in the eyes and telling her "this is your fault" and then slitting his throat, but only after telling Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow how betrayed they made him feel.
There's honestly quite a few ways of going about it, but I'd rather see Twilight and her pyscho-buddies spiral into a pit of guilt and self-loathing than have them killed outright.
4031417 Hear, hear.
Good chapter I find myself reading more for twilight scenes then anything else
I will eviscerate you, you smug cunt!
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Oh Gawd the feels!!!!
This fix almost made me accept Celestia parings.
Almost
And that's a resounding success in my book.
Also, the frequent updates continually brighten up my week! Huzzah!
Shit, how did she find out?
4031716 Hear, hear (x2)
Blargh, I think I'm going to vomit...
About time they made up.
Not that i'm complanying or anything.
Where the hell is Spike during all of this?
I cant wait for the next chapter. This one was amazing. Usually Twilight is one my favorite characters but every once in a while I get a story like this which makes me change opinion in the story. It allows me to take the situation and change my mind as the very real scenario is presented and backed up. For now, I cant wait to see Twilight get punished for her delusions. My blood boils at certain parts and then the comedic relief calms me down, keep up the great work.
Diving tip: follow the bubbles. They go up.
General comment: Overall this chapter feels weaker than every previous chapter.
It was reasonable for him to be mean to her in the first few chapters. Now...I don't think it is. Not like this. He already confessed his love for her in the previous chapter when she confronted him over Applebloom's comment, and he responded that children were more perceptive than adults. That changes things.
They've been teasing each other since the beginning, but remember in an early chapter when Celestia said something that was too much, she realized it was hurtful, and she immediately apologized? Yes, they have a rough, playful teasing kind of relationship, but they've genuinely liked and cared for each other through it all. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth that she's been loving and patient all along, they've become affectionally and emotionally involved and he admits he loves her via Applebloom...but he's nevertheless still mean to her to the point of outright insulting her immediately after she saves his life, and doesn't even apologize when he sees that he went too far and it actually bothers her.
...wait. Twilight ate the first one Anon made. Made by him through intense magic, and part of him. She ate it. Something could possibly be done with that. First thought is that, since Alicorns are immortal, it could be that at the time of consumption, it creates a magical ripple both forward and backwaard in time for the one who eats it. So, Twilight had magical ripples of Anon's being-ness sent throughout her past and future selves. Thus...resulting in her obsession with him.
It's a little odd that Celestia's been de-powered but her earth pony magic remains. I suppose she's bene flying, so maybe we could have guessed that meant her pegasus magic was intact, but she has wings. Personally I assumed she was simply flying. I don't think it was ever specified that it was exlusively her unicorn powers that she lost. Rather, it was her alicorn powers, which is the whole reason she's able to visit Equus. By "alicorn powers" I assumed that meant her her combined three-types-of-pony magics. If it's only unicorn powers, why? And does that mean that no unicorn can visit the island?
Anon might have missed it, but none of your readers did. Celestia has a stone too.
...erm, what? What oath did she break? You never actually explained that part.
Celly seems especially whiny this chapter. Up until now she's been very in control of her self. This entire chapter she's been...not. Granted, she has things she's dealing with, but the sudden transition is jarring. The thousands year old immortal who casually marched into a dragon's den to challenge him for his hoard, who even after being de-powered has stood down alicorn Twilight, gracefully flew into half a dozen warships and through it all has maintained her composure is now suddenly whining and crying, laughing uncontrollably at Dash, waking up in a panic over Luna very calmly talking to her, begging and pleading for him to trust her even though they've done the "we trust each other" thing two or three times already...why is she such an all-over-the-place emotional mess all of the sudden?
I'm not feeling it. You summarized the story and are telling us it was spectauclar. You didn't actually tell the story. Show Don't Tell.
This really shouldn't be a revelation for her. As mentioned above, Anon has already admitted he loves her, and by all indications she already knew before he did. It doesn't make sense for her to be shocked by it now.
They've fallen asleep and woken up affectionately nuzzled up together twice now. Applebloom said he loves her and she gracefully and playfully confronted him on it, and he admitted that Applebloom knew what she was talking about. One of those times waking up together, they were awakened in full view of the crew...and weren't embarrased at all, were totally comfortable everyone seeing them like that. Now the folowing day, he says he trusts her and it reduces her to happy tears and she has to ask how long he's felt that way?
No, not buying it. The leadup you've built over the previous chapters does not lead to this particular emotional climax.
Put it all together, change in Celestia's demeanor, unjustified surprise at Anon's already-established feelings, oh by-the-way she used to be an earth pony named Celosia, pparent inconsistency in the handling of her de-powered state, telling us her background was breathtaking rather than actually telling us the background, never explaining the oath-breaker comment...this chapter is not a strong chapter.
It's great that you're pumping this story out so fast, but I think the quality is being affacted. It might be worthwhile to slow down.
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I'd like GMOH to explain some of the other points you've raised but just to let you know, this story is already complete; he's just revising it for the general audience.
Also, just a request: Please put some spoiler tags on the plot related parts on that post.The others might not appreciate you pointing out those facts before they were able to catch it themselves.
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Just because they don't THINK they're the bad guy doesn't mean they aren't actually the bad guy!
And don't give me the "Loyalty" crap. You'd think if that was the case, Rainbow Dash would also be loyal to Applejack and Pinkie, who don't seem to want Twilight to turn Anon's life into a living hell. You'd think she'd be loyal to Celestia, to whom she owes -everything-, literally -everything-, the same as every other pony does. They wouldn't be alive if not for her. Instead, she's being loyal to Twilight, who is /clearly/ insane, and not in the normal way.
Fluttershy should ESPECIALLY be against this if you want to bring up the Elements, this isn't Kindness. The three of them are trying to help Twilight rape an alien! They -know- he doesn't want her, and they've said it - they just don't /care/ what he wants so long as Twilight gets to chain him up and turn him into a sex slave.
They even helped her set up combat against Celestia! They've gone into conflict with Applejack! If the Purple Wings gunners had messed up, they could have destroyed the entire airship, could have killed everyone on board, even a small foal. But Rarity still opened fire. They're not unwittingly bad, they /know/ they are doing wrong and are doing it anyway. They know Twilight's fucking around on the throne instead of helping the citizens. Where's Dash's loyalty to all the innocents of Equestria then? Where's Rarity's Generosity to all the ponies affected by Twilight's psychosis? Fluttershy's Kindness is nowhere to be seen.
It never fails, when there's two very clearly divided sides, Good and Bad, someone always leaps up to defend the villains. They don't need defending, they're villains. Without them there would be no conflict and everyone could get on with their lives. Therefore they are the problem, and they're doing bad things. Poof, bad guys. Evil. Bad. Antagonists. Defending them is flippin' derp.
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I think it's slightly missing the point to argue whether the rest of the mane cast are acting in character. The premise of this story is what it is. The characters here are versions of themselves not precisely taken straight out of the show. That's ok if its being done deliberately, and I'm pretty sure it is being done deliberately.
My complaints about Celestia are not that she's acting out of character as compared to her show equivalent, but that she's acting differently than the she's been established to act in the previous 8 chapters, and there seems insufficient justifcation for it.
Yes, the mane six minus Applejack are all being deliberately Flanderized here. That's ok. Tropes are not bad. It's only when these tools are used poorly, or an author doesn't know he's doing it that it becomes a problem.
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Funny. I wasn't the one who started on their character traits. I was providing a counterpoint to the person who was. That was the point that you missed, good sir.
For that matter, you're looking at things from too meta a perspective with your tropes and whatnot. My counterpoint comes from in-world considerations. Troping is fine from a writing standpoint and an audience standpoint, but given that two sides of a moral fence were brought up in defense of the story's antagonist team, I also spoke from the same ground. That you do not defend the antagonists, the characters, if we consider them from an in-story sense, are doing wrong. The other guy was defending their actions. I opposed his defense. Simple.
Oh Sparkle Butt is not going to be a happy camper when she hears about this.
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Yeah, it's a bit meta, isn't it? Sometimes I wonder what prompted me to write a novel about a guy falling in love with a horse in the first place. Just the thought of it alone causes me to laugh, so I can't help but poke fun at myself for it.
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It's been a while, but I'm fairly certain every point you raised is directly addressed in the next chapter, which serves as the climax of this story arc, save for the first which I think was just a misunderstanding. That interaction between them wasn't supposed to come off as mean-spirited in any way. He was just joking with her, which she realized immediately and which is what prompted her to prank him back.
I will say that you've got a really keen eye. Believe it or not, a lot of readers didn't pick up on some of this stuff the first time.
And yes, as 4032794 said, the story's already been completely written, it's just being revised, which is how it's able to update so fast. There's no way I'd be able to churn out this much content normally unless I was some sort of robot, which I'm pretty sure I'm not. I hope.
4031417 The fic stated that the stone doesn't work for the creator themselves, however it might be different for non ponies, after all something went wrong to create Discord here that Celestia seems reluctant to discuss.
You didn't really need the song at the end. Thanks for giving me a link, though.
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Hmm... My guess is that they both obtained a stone. And that they will give it to eachother in the end.
The hardships they will face will only strenghten the stones.
I think you may need this Rainbow Dash.
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Brilliant, the part where Rainbow recits Twillight's fanfics/clopfics, beyond hillarious!
Seriously, it was jsut brilliant! Twillight by accident happens to insert some of her cheesy nowels into the braclet wich in turn makes Rainbow into a frikking audio player was a stroke of genius!!
This is probably the best story I've read on this site. Good job. Keep up the good work
What was read, can not be unread. Good thing I skipped most of the smut stuff.