She is the Bone of our Swords
[centre]Tobi’s P.O.V[/centre]
We drove onwards, still probing for the malevolent magic that pervaded the entire area. Whatever had happened, it was big, it was awesome and it was good to go. We were just in time for the party, as the party was us!
It was at this point that a piece of paper floated into our midst. Yoshimitsu grabbed it. I pulled it over.
"Hey, what's thi-"
And with that, arcane knowledge poured into our skulls. We watched as this blond chick in armour appeared in front of our minds' eye. The Holy Grail, which apparently granted wishes, floated through our minds as well. Seems totes awesome.
As it finished, we blinked.
"Well." I said, sitting down, eyes wide. "That happened."
"Yeah."
I nodded, gesturing. "I mean, that was freaky as all hell. Plus, we can summon a woman to our side whenever we want."
"Said woman is ridiculously strong."
I nodded. "Too right."
A pause. Then:
"Tobi?"
"Yes?"
"I think we should summon her."
"Awesome. Should I get the supplies?"
Yoshimitsu nodded, already withdrawing the eggs that we'd stolen from a farm. "Ready when you are."
The ritual, as far as we could understand, relied on our own power and gave us the ability to command a 'Servant,' whatever the crap that was. Thing is, the Servant had to be called 'Saber,' which was kind of cool.
But as all people know, it isn't a summoning ritual without the proper materials. We parked the car and quickly got out. The ritual was probably bogus, but it would be some good fun, at least. First, Yoshimitsu-sempai carved a rough pentagram in the dirt beneath us. I then grew a copious bush of marijuana and rolled the leaves into several joints. That done, we picked up the eggs and removed our pants.
"Ready?"
I grinned. "Ready? Ready does not even BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT!"
As a man, we used chakra to stick donuts on above the spaces where our nipples were, and smashed eggs into ourselves. Our bodies were running with yolky goodness. Then, we just did the summon spell while brofisting.
"TOBI AND YOSHIMITSU, MASTER NINJAS AND CRAZY BASTARDS, DO SUMMON YOU, SABER!" We screamed in unison, and the universe complied to serve our request.
In a bright flash of light a figure appeared. It was a girl, clad in a Black armor, with a black visor covering her eyes. She also had a black broadsword in her hand. Every article of clothing was covered in red glowing lines which pulsated slightly.
“Upon your summoning I have came forth, Servant Saber. I ask you, are you my Master?” Her voice was cold and monotone, her face absolutely blank, without even a trace of any emotion. Really freaking creepy.
“Um… wow.”
I blinked, then turned to Yoshimitsu-sempai.
“It actually worked.”
He nodded. “Most odd.”
I turned to her. “Well, I… guess so. Though I prefer ‘partner.’ Is that okay with you?”
With that out of the way, we suddenly felt six familiar magic signatures coming close. So, the Elements of Butthurt were coming this way!
“But introductions will have to wait. Alright, we have a plan. How strong are you?”
She Raised an eyebrow at us.
“I’m immune to any Magecraft lower than A-Rank, considering that this world didn’t show any capabilities to cast anything higher than D-Rank I’ more in line of immune to Magic. I can reverse almost any damage done to me, physically I’m stronger, faster and more durable than any mortal.” The red carvings on her sword flashed brighter for a moment. “And if my opponent will be problematic, I have my sword with me, which will annihilate anything that would be in its way.”
We raised our eyebrows. Yoshimitsu was the first to speak. “That’s pretty impressive, but could you throw this car, with me and Yoshimitsu on it, onto a moving train?” We indicated the Pussywagon, as we had called it, to her.
“You see, there’s something rotten in the state of Equestria, and we want to poke it with a stick and see what happens.”
She looked at the car and nodded.
“That is awesome. Oh, one more thing. Since you are now a partner, here’s the plan. First, you will throw the car onto the train car. Then, using your speed, you jump on. We don’t know what will happen, so we could always use help. Now, there are six on the train who might possess something called the Elements of Harmony. Basically, the Elements are weapons that can be used to seal away beings on the level of gods. So try not to get hit.”
Yoshimtsu chimed in. “The bearers are named… huh, we don’t really care. There’s Purple Smart, Bubba, The Dyke, Fabulous, Pink one and What’s-her-face. We like trolling them, it’s funny.”
I pulled out a blunt. “Once on the train, we are going to get baked. You’re welcome to join in if you want.”
“I need to correct several misunderstandings that occurred here. First, I have Magical Resistance higher than anything in this world, and I’m quite sure that these Elements won’t be able to affect me. Second, what is the current limitation on my encounters with the six hostiles that you described? Should I simple defeat them, or a more permanent solution should be applied?”
I waved my hands. “Nah, we don’t like killing much, unless there’s an r in the month, then it’s fair dinkum. So incapacitate, no permanent crippling injuries, and preferably no major injuries. They’re pretty brave, but hopefully they’re not suicidal.”
Yoshimitsu nodded. “As for the Elements, regard the rainbow Fuck You beam cautiously. It might do nothing, or it might seal you away. Don’t take too many chances, that’s all.”
“Understood.” She nodded. “Shall I send you on the train now, or you would want to wait for the last cart?” She pointed at the train that which’s approach we missed due to the talk.
Huh, we almost missed that.“...let’s go.”
We jumped in and gripped tight. “Ready when you are, ms Saber!”
The sword in her right hand vanished and she crouched a little, gripping the edge of the car. Then, without any strain, she lifted it with one arm. Positioning the vehicle in a more comfortable position she jumped. But calling it a simple jumping would have been an insult, the earth under her feet exploded from the power of her take-off, the basically flew right onto the train with a speed of a bullet and landed without any trouble. Then she places the car onto the roof.
“I think this way was preferable, instead of you simply landing on the roof without any way to insure your position on it.” Her voice was still cold and without even a hint of emotions in it.
I coughed. “Details, details. Now!” I pulled out several joints and handed them out. I then slammed my hands together, and wood coiled and sprang out. It formed a rather crude shelter against the winds.
“Who’s up for donuts?” With that, I walked up my shelter wall and sat down, already lighting my joint with a minor Fire jutsu. Yoshimitsu simply leant against it, puffing on his own.
“Due to my healing factor I’m immune to any and all drugs and alcoholic liquids, so it will be a waste for me to even try.” She said without missing a beat. Then she sat down near us and stopped moving, she was like a statue, we couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or not. “I will keep watch if someone or something will try to remove us from the current position by force.”
I winced. “You have a hard life, miss. Still! Have you met Solaire yet? Guessing you haven’t. Over to you, Sempai.”
Yoshimitsu nodded. “The thing is, we’re in sort of the same boat, you and us. We’re humans who were displaced. Now, we’ve been here for over a thousand years, mostly imprisoned. And, well… we haven’t found a way out of here. But there will be one, I’m pretty sure of that.” He offered her a donut.
“All those who aren’t native to Equestria can do is hope.”
She looked at us for a moment.
“Jessica Soer, my real name, and I was in my version of this world for three days.” Her blank expression was making hard to guess if she actually feeling bad about coming in Equestria or not. “My goal is to come back home, no matter what. I have a family and friends waiting for me, and there is absolutely no way I will leave them behind.” She looked at Yoshimitsu. “Did you met this world’s Unicorn who calls herself Trixie?”
“Nope.”
“Never heard of her.” Absently, I practised a Rasengan, dispelling it with a flick of the wrist.
“Pity, she’s great ally and a trusted guide for me in my version of this land. I would recommend you to find her and take with you, if this world’s version is even a half as good as mine, you will gain a great friend and a reliable ally. Also, you’ll probably have to make her drop her ‘mask’ of arrogance that she uses for shows.”
I shrugged. “We’re always up for companions. We might have to teach her the Chakra power.”
Yoshimitsu explained. “We don’t use magic, we use chakra. Are you familiar with Naruto in any way?”
“Yes, I’m familiar with it, and no, I’m incapable of using Chakra, it requires both body and soul, but my body isn’t actually real so you can see the problem.”
Yoshimitsu shrugged. Again, her monotone voice made incredibly hard to guess if she was sad about the fact or not.
Still pity, we couldn’t teach her anything. Yoshimitsu cracked his knuckles and looked away awkwardly. “A shame. Still! We can help you out very, very slightly.” With a slight crack, he handed her a chunk of soapstone.
“This is white soapstone. Write your name down with this, and others will be able to summon you in order to engage in jolly co-operation.”
I chimed in. “Then again, you ARE a summonable being, so this is just another way through worlds.”
“Thank you, but when I will fade from this world it will be just left behind as this body will fully dematerialize.” She sighed. “Being a Servant is not all that good, I can’t actually take anything with me from here, and any wounds or Enchantments just won’t last, first ones because of my healing factor and the second ones because of my resistance to Magic. I can’t even be teleported or scanned with Magic, and that actually is bad because I need to walk everywhere. My speed compensate for it, but considering that I would need to slow down by a large margin to not leave my allies behind… You can imagine how frustrating it is.”
Yoshimitsu soberly nodded. “Well, regardless. Let’s just say, you’re lucky. We’re so old, we’ve forgotten our names.”
I nodded. “I think mine was Toby, and yours was similar to the name you have now. So keep your name in mind, Miss Jessica.”
“Thank you.” She nodded. “If you’ll ever find yourself in need of a trusted blade, summon me. I didn’t have much fun since I landed in my version of Equestria.” She thought for a moment. “Well, I defeated a full-grown Dragon and was attacked by six civilians. Do you know the… mares that goes by the names Fluttershy, Applejack and Twilight Sparkle? That was the names of the three of the attackers.”
I snapped my fingers. “Ah, those are three of the six Elements of Harmony. They’re on the train now. We know their names, we just forget unless we’re reminded of them.”
Yoshimitsu nodded. “Well, enough thinking for now. It looks as if we have arrived at our snowy, miserable destination.”
He turned to me. “Tobi, modify the Pussywagon so that we can drive through the snow.”
I saluted. “Aye aye, sir!” I got to my job with so much enthusiasm. First, I simply used Wood Release to make a large plow on the front of The Pussywagon. Then, I made several treads for the wheels for the snow.
Fortunately, the ponies below didn’t seem to realise that anything was different. With one last addition, I made a simple seat for miss Saber. That done, I Henge’d a cap onto my head.
“All aboard the Pussywagon!”
“As the only female here I will prefer to go by foot.” Saber stood up and walked towards the car. “Also, I’m not sure it will survive the fall from the moving train, so hold on.” She bent down and grabbed the edge of the vehicle, easily lifting it and changing her grasp so her her claw-like gloves slightly pierced the wood.
And then she shot into the air with insane speed, their departure being hidden by the snowstorm. Landing with crack of ice under her feet she put the car down.
“Lead the way, Masters.” It was the first time she showed any emotions, her small smirk was the reaction to her summoners’ slightly stupefied looks at her display of sheer physical strength and speed.
“Right. Onwards, to adventure!” We started the engine and slammed the little gas pedal town. The Pussywagon shot forwards like a bullet, heading in the direction of a rather malevolent source of magical energy. Whatever it was, it was big and bad. And we wanted to poke it with a stick like we always did.
Saber was running, or better say jumping alongside the car, not even showing any strain from the speed or harsh weather.
“Do you have any information on what we would face?” She asked.
“Nope! That’s what’s fun~!”
With that, I used a henge to turn into David Tennant. “Allonsy!”
Yoshimitsu turned into Reggie. “My body is ready.”
With that, we eventually caught up. I waved at Purple Smart.
“Hola!”
Twilight turned on me. “I know that’s you, Tobi. Just… just stop whatever you’re doing and try not to cause too much damage.”
I pulled out a blunt. “You should probably smoke this, it’s good shit.” I then saw the white stallion and waved to him.
“You’re the guy who was married right? How’s the wife?”
Mr Guard pony just facepalmed (hooved? Maybe?) “Nice to see you as well, Tobi. And yes, Cadence is doing fine, no thanks to you.”
Yoshimitsu crossed his arms. “And here we were, driving our car to help you guys out like the Good Samaritans we are. We could get a little bit more respect-”
It was then that the black smoke could thingy appeared. I fell over backwards. Yoshimitsu merely nodded.
“Alright.” He turned to Saber.
“Right, I think it’s the enemy. Hit it until it stops doing whatever.”
Saber took a stance, black mist started swirling around her sword.
[Burst Air]
She swung her sword down releasing a crescent-shaped blade of black with wisps of red and purple energy. It connected with the ice right under the cloud, creating a big explosion making the smoke dissipate a little, but soon return to its previous density.
“No physical body, but there still should be a soul.” Muttered Saber. “This will be trickier than I expected.”
She crouched down and then shot towards the black cloud, creating a pretty decent crater from her take off. Upon approach she saw a pair of blood-red eyes with green sclera and purple smoke coming from their corners glaring at her from the highest part of the smoke.
Without even slowing down Saber changed her trajectory by pushing herself from the ground, flying right at the eyes.
[Burst Air]
Another energy-blade ripped through smoke without causing any actual damage as eyes just moved to the different place.
“So you can project parts of your body all over the smoke, correct?” Asked Saber as she started to fall.
Suddenly a huge black crystal burst from the ground right under her with its sharp tip aiming to impale her. Without even looking she twisted around it, but from the crystal’s sides a bunch of smaller spikes burst forth, trying to kill the black knight.
Saber’s sword was a blur, cutting down any crystal that came too close for her liking. When new spikes started growing from the ground she just twisted around them or used them as stepping stones, while her sword made short work on the ones that were attempting to pierce her.
Suddenly her world went black.
“Using your own form to cut off my vision?” She effortlessly dodged a burst of black, violet and green Magic. “Not going to work.”
Next burst of Magic she didn’t even bother to dodge, it slammed into a sphere of black, red and purple mist that appeared around the swordswoman, not even budging it. More beams of Magic followed but none succeeded in wounding the knight, each new crystal the burst from the ground was cut down faster than it was even fully formed.
“It appears that you’re out of tricks.” Saber stated. “But I’m just starting.”
It was obvious that to kill that damn thing she would need to destroy all of the smoke, and there was only one attack in her arsenal that could pull it off. She held her sword with both hands.
[Invisible Air]
A gale of wind that burst forth from her blade wasn’t actually an attack, more of a method of relocation fo the enemy. considering that its body was made out of smoke the torrent of air simply sent it in the air as a black stream.
When the black mass was fully relocated, Saber started charging energy into her sword. Excalibur Morgan came to life. The power flowing into it made the red lines glow even stronger. The wisps of black smoke started to flow from everywhere and collect around the blade, covering it in a black miasma-like tornado. When the blade was mostly covered something changed, and then suddenly, with a pulse of energy, it transformed into a blade of pure Magic. It still held the same basic shape but was bigger and a bit wider than the original. The construction itself was black, outlined by thin purple light and it in turn outlined by a glowing red edge, that actually shined bright enough to illuminate several meters of the ice around Saber with its ominous crimson light.
[Excalibur]
And then she swung her sword down.
And the world turned black.
The creature made of black smoke didn’t even feel the pain, it was just suddenly gone, erased by the mightiest sword’s in existence power. The tidal wave of raw unstoppable power covered the sky, tearing the clouds to pieces and annihilating everything on its pass.
It was a good thing that the attack traveled above the group of ponies and two humans, or they would have been destroyed by the attack, but they still felt its presence.
Kill…
It won’t show mercy to anyone.
Slaughter…
The blade demanded blood, no matter whose.
Torture…
It will bask in the agony of its victims, their screams of pain were its music, their pain was its euphoria.
Destroy…
It won’t be stopped, it won’t be denied, the corrupted Sword of Promised Victory will claim its target’s life, no matter what.
Two humans weren’t that much affected, they knew that their new friend wasn’t all sunshine and daisies.
The seven Ponies and one Dragon on the other hand were being torn apart by the sheer level of cruelty, evil, malice, corruption, killer intent and bloodlust concentrated in just one sword. They wanted to run, they wanted to hide, but they knew it was all futile, because the monstrosity that was that warrior wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t rest and wouldn’t die before it will kill them all. The pure horror that they were going through was unbearable for such a peaceful and innocent minds, it was something they just could comprehend.
They just could understand how could there be so much darkness in one being
That was the first time that any being in this version of Equestria felt the true nature of All the World’s Evils.
The titanic wave didn’t stop after destroying the being made of smoke, the little thing didn’t even put any resistance. Was it luck or was it fate, but the next thing on the wave’s path was the Crystal Empire.
The pink shield that was protecting the city didn’t stand a chance and its top part was violently ripped apart, along with the top of the city’s main tower. The Crystal Heart that was laying there for more than a thousand years didn’t ever registered as a worthy target as it was erased from existence by the dark light.
All the population of Crystal Empire saw how the sky turned black for several seconds.
Saber let the flow of Magic stop, as she cut off the blast from going too far. After checking her reserves and noticing that she still had more than enough and her Masters were supplying her with more, refiling her pool, she leaped and landed right in front of her summoners.
“Mission accomplished.” She stated with the same blank tone as usual.
I pushed myself up and whistled. “Wow. Awesome.”
We then turned to the Elements of Butthurt. “And THAT is how you solve a problem.”
Purple Smart pointed between us, then her, then back between us again. “You… what… how…”
I teleported up to her and stroked her face. “This is miss Saber. She’s sort of one of us now. We accidentally summoned her, and look, she was a great help.” I poked her.
“Go on, say ‘thank you’ to the invincible woman who could probably kill us all if we weren’t her summoners.”
Aaaaaand The Dyke tries to attack her like an idiot, but not before I quickly grabbed her tail. She struggled mildly. “Saber, if she gets free, don’t retaliate against her, mmkay?”
“Understood.” The swordswoman nodded.
The cyan Pegasus was released and instantly tried to buck Saber in the face. It was an interesting thing to watch, because the moment her front hoof connected with Saber’s nose there was a cracking sound…
...and The Dyke fell down screaming in pain, her right front leg broken from the impact. The fact that Saber didn’t even twitched only made the picture more funny.
“I’m not quite sure what was you trying to accomplish with that attack, but as my summoners said, the problem was solved and I don’t see any reason for your aggression.” Saber then turned to her Masters. “I’m not familiar with the mindset of this world, and considering that almost the same happened in mine after I killed that Dragon in self-defense I presume that any form of self-defense is considered a crime here and I should have let him kill me?”
I waved her off. “nah Saber, it’s cool. Hopefully there’s some kind of medicine or something. She’ll learn. Sempai!”
He grinned. He then walked over, gripped the bits of leg gently, and then concentrated. Green healing chakra flowed out from his hand, enveloped the bloody bits and pulled them together As soon as that was done, he quickly hit her on the head. “There, I fixed a problem.”
The Dyke got up, glaring at us. “What exactly is she MADE of? That was like hitting a brick wall!”
I waggled my fingers. “We don’t know, we’re not smart like that.” I turned to the rather large city off in the distance. “Anyways, let us go. We have touristy things we want to do.” I then turned to Miss Saber. “Would you mind if we were to desummon you right about now? We don’t want people freaking out more than usual.” I turned to the Elements of Butthurt, who thankfully seemed to have cooler heads than The Dyke, who was currently taking a nap.
“And no sneaky trying to attack her while our backs are turned, okay? You saw how well THAT worked out for you.”
“No problem, and thank you this trip, it was entertaining.” Saber nodded as she started to disappear in the black mist. “Feel free to summon me any time you’ll need.”
With these last words she was fully gone, and we felt the contract disappeared along with the connection and slight drain on our reserves. We turned to our sort of friends (frenemies?) and smiled widely.
“Right, let’s go to this place in the distance. It seems interesting.”
Unfortunately, our frenemies were glaring at us. We drove off with them just… staring at us. Eventually, it seemed to connect that we were criminals and they gave chase.
“GET BACK HERE!”
Yoshimitsu’s P.O.V
As we drove through the streets, I saw Tobi pull his camera out and start taking pictures in between throwing the populace a bit of food. I couldn’t blame him, I’d be doing the same thing. These ponies were clearly starving. They watched us in fear, I guess.
I decided to put them at ease. I transformed myself into a sparkly rainbow globe, flashing light all around. None of them are epileptics, right? Right?
Well, whatever the case we plowed forwards into a rather large group of guards, with that pink alicorn mare. I waved at her cheekily. “Morning, miss. How’s the husband?”
She wasn’t amused. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done just now?” Her voice sounded like she was barely holding back her fury. Her eyelid started twitching.
I looked at her. “We just got here. So whatever happened couldn’t have been our fault.”
Candence shook her head. “Oh no, I just checked it. The Crystal Heart was destroyed by whatever just happened. And I know that the two of you were somehow connected to it.”
Well shit.
As the guards came all around us, I weakly put my hands up. “There is a perfectly rational explanation for all of this. Just give me a moment to think of one.”
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That last sentence
god damn it rainbow, every damn time
don't you ever learn
Well they destroyed the crystal heart. But on the bright side: FUCK YOU THEY"RE NINJAS!! *Poofs away in a cloud of black smoke*
Heh, this is the Chapter of a Broken Heart.
i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/08/20/article-2028107-0D7F38A300000578-905_468x448.jpg
4414000 That pun!
4413864 and it gets funnier ever story or what ever I hear it used in
4413891 I don;t think she is capable of learning not to attack the non-pony
looking forward to more
oh and Caddie? SUCK IT!
hahahaha!
no love for you crystal empire! NO LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!
nice can't wait to see what they do next.
You accidentally a thing
Other than that brilliant chapter
I'm sure there's a jutsu to fix it, but until it is, You know the jutsu I want to see, and I want to see Tobi use it.
That should probably be "mightiest sword in existence's power".
Quickly yoshimitsu think in a excuse!!!!
That Reminds me of a little something
*slowly claps*