The Sacrifice
Snow. Everywhere it drifted down lazily, no wind to disturb it in the blackness of the night. White Tail Woods was covered in a crisp blanket of it. Through the darkness a pony emerged. She wore a simple black cloak, the hood drawn up, covering her face in shadow. In her mouth she carried a woven basket, its contents hidden by a small checkered cloth placed delicately across the top. The soft crunching of the snow under her hooves was the only sound to disturb the silence of the frozen woods.
She moved with a purpose, not stopping or deviating from the path she was on. The woods began to thicken around her, and she knew she was quickly approaching her destination.
Finally she reached the center of the woods. There, awaiting her arrival, was a stone altar. Several unlit candles adorned it, though they were nearly lost in the snow. The cloaked mare approached the stone and set her basket down beside it. She gently brushed the snow off and adjusted the candles, placing one at each corner. She then bent down and removed the cloth covering from the basket. Inside it rested a box of matches, an ornate knife, and one gently sleeping pegasus foal.
The mare removed the matches and lit the candles. She then gently lifted the sleeping babe and placed him on the altar, steeling herself for what she knew had to be done.
"Ah'm sorry, sugarcube" the mare whispered in her peculiar accent to the oblivious foal. "Ah don't wanna do this, honest. But Ah gotta if'n we want a good crop this year."
The mare retrieved the last item from the basket, the ornate blade. she raised it, preparing to stab downward, when...
"AJ!"
The mare whipped around, surprised by the sudden outburst. There, standing at the edge of the candles' light, was her sister, Applebloom. Pony feathers! she thought. Did she follow me here?
"What're ya doing, AJ? You were about ta... Pound Cake... Ah don't understand."
Applejack was at a completely loss for words. She had never expected to have to explain her yearly ritual to her little sister, at least not yet.
The silence dragged on between them.
"ANSWER ME!" Applebloom finally screamed, tears beginning to stream down her face. The shout echoed out into the woods, bouncing off trees and snow before dissipating into the cold night air.
Applejack slowly removed her hood, allowing her sister to look into her bright green eyes. They were full of sadness, guilt, and shame.
"Applebloom..." AJ began. "I don't want to do this..."
"Then why!?" Applebloom interrupted. "You were gonna kill Pound Cake! Just like that!" She stamped her hoof in the snow for emphasis. "If you didn't want ta do it, then why were ya about ta!?"
Applejack looked her straight in the eyes, begging her to understand. "If Ah don't kill a foal tonight we'll lose the farm." The way she spoke was like she was explaining to a filly that her favorite pet was sick and had to be put down.
"Wha-What kinda sense does that make?" Applebloom stuttered in response.
"Our family made this arrangement a long time ago. As long as we sacrifice one foal durin' every winter solstice, our crop will never fail" AJ explained. "Haven't ya ever wondered how we're able to grow so many apples every year?"
"But... That's insane!" Applebloom shouted. she took a few steps backwards, suddenly feeling the bile rise in her throat as she realized just how many lives her family had claimed. "So you've been doing this... every year... Does Big Mac know? Or Granny Smith?"
"Mac knows" AJ replied. "He's too soft ta do the deed himself, but he understands the need fer it. And Granny told me she was the one who struck the deal in the first place." She began walking towards Applebloom, taking two steps forward for every one that she stepped back.
Applebloom's nausea reached new heights at the revelation that her whole family condoned these killings. She had been brought up in a house of blood, never realizing the terrible evils that were done in secret. But this was still her family, wasn't it? For every atrocious crime they committed, they did it to keep her warm and fed. Didn't that mean that they loved her still? And what of her? What would she do now, knowing the truth of it all? Would she accept this truth and continue to live in that house of blood, finally recognizing it for what it was? Or would she walk a different path than her sister?
Applejack stopped walking towards her. She needed to hear her sister's answer, yet she was afraid to at the same time. "Applebloom?"
Applebloom froze. She knew now. She knew what she had to do. She knew that she had to tell somepony about these murders. Twilight's library! That was the safest place for her right now. Twilight would stop Applejack. She may even be able to show her the error of her ways. Her conviction was resolute. Even though it would destroy her family, she had to stop this insanity. She had to stop her sister.
As the light of understanding dawned upon her, Applejack saw it as well. She saw the sudden change in her sister's eyes and realized her decision as soon as Applebloom did herself.
They both moved in the same instant. Applebloom turned on her hoof and shot out of the clearing like a speeding bullet, Applejack hard on here heels.
"Wait, Applebloom!" AJ yelled. "Let's just talk about this!"
Applebloom did not bother yelling back. She had to use every last breath she had to run. Adrenaline began pumping its way through her tiny body, keeping her ahead of her sister for the moment. But she knew she wouldn't be able to keep it up for long. She was able to use her size her advantage, ducking through the sparse undergrowth, slowing AJ as she had to push her way through with brute force.
They were still several minutes outside of Ponyville, and Applebloom was beginning to tire. Every breath she took burned her lungs, and her legs felt as if they were on fire. She could hear AJ's hoof-beats behind her. She had given up trying to call out to her. Applebloom guessed that she realized it was pointless. She looked over her shoulder to see how much distance was between them.
Applebloom couldn't see the snow-covered rock, but she could feel the sudden agonizing pain that shot up her foreleg as it struck the hidden protrusion. Her impetus caused her to roll forward and down a steep hill with a riverbed at its base. All Applebloom knew for her last few moments of consciousness was the world tumbling around her, and then nothing.
~ ~ ~
Applebloom awoke to an agonizing headache and a rope hog-tying all four of her hooves. As her senses began returning to her, she realized that there was candlelight around her, and she was lying on an uncomfortable stone slab. Fear began gripping her throat as she realized she had been here earlier this evening. Her fears were confirmed when Applejack stepped into her line of sight. To her surprise, Applejack was actually crying.
"Damn it, AB. Why couldn't ya just accept this? Why'd ya have ta try an' ruin everything?"
"Do ya know what yer doin'?" Applebloom shot back. "Nothin', not even the farm, is worth killin' somepony over. Even if killin' foals did somehow bring the harvest, which still sounds totally insane!"
Applejack brought up the ornamented knife from earlier, tears still running down her cheeks. "Ya just won't accept what we do, AB. Yer makin' me do this."
"No, AJ. Yer doin' this yerself."
Applejack stabbed downward. The forest was silent once more.
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I just felt the need to drop by and mention you've misspelled your story title. Might want to fix that
AJ.
No.
Bad AJ.
You shouldn't kill babies, it isn't nice.
3875809 Well that's not embarrassing at all.
3875824 Happens to the best of us mate, no worries
Could be better. AJ is my favorite pony, but that is beside the point.
I didn't feel anything, no fear, no sadness, nothing. It felt like you wanted to just get the story out instead of setting the emotions.
3875932 Makes sense. This began as a 30 min writing prompt, so the goal here was speed over form. Perhaps I should add that to the description?
......... this story makes no damn sense. not only would a yearly foal murder be suspicious, and the likelyhood of applejack killing one of her own family about as likely as lyra hearstring spontaneously becoming an alicorn, but this ia a world of MAGIC. THEY are the ones that make the crops grow so well, and they get weather from the pegasi.
3875946 Never thought about that. In my defense, many good dark fics have the characters way OOC. And AB does accuse AJ of being insane for thinking killing foals brings the harvest. But I do see your points.
3875963 ....i have far from yet to find a 'good' dark fic of this nature. the moment logic is used they often fall apart. cupcakes with ponies being herbivores, and most slashers with either the mane six being too competent to be so easily killed or the fact that the fucking alicorns would personally take care of the murderer if need be.
3875973 What about Rainbow Factory? That was not only the best Dark fic I've read, but one of the best fan fics in general.
3875946 It doesn't have to. Cupcakes makes no sense, either. Just roll with it.
3875963 I like the premise, and while it was rushed up until Applebloom's unconsciousness, it was still entertaining. Afterwards, however, the pacing issue was more noticeable. There should have been more time passing before she awoke, and it should have been in the barn where they murdered her. Not really any reason to do it on the slab given that she ain't a foal, and AJ coulda been caught easily since AB could have just screamed at the top of her lungs or something.
Anyway, I think AJ and Mac should have been reluctant, and it should have been Granny who forced them to murder her. It all should have been drawn on more, with intricate details, to create a more sickening mood.
Buuut... I'm glad Darklordcomp's little thread got so many of us to write something ^.^
3875982 .............. that is also one o would classify as a bad fanfict if solely for the sake of it not being mlp. it simply uses the setting and characters isntead of creating its own.
also its obviuos the rainbows don't come from the factor tiself. anyone who watched it would see the rainbows come from somewehre else.
3875996 Agreed, it was a good exercise. I noticed the pacing issues as well after I finished it, but I honestly didn't care enough to go back in and fix them. But this did get rid of my writers block that's been hanging around me for the last few days, so now I think I can start working on a story that I really care about.
3876005 Well then I guess we will just have to agree to disagree.
3875973
This. Serial killer, or any violent crime for that matter, is a very unwise career choice when there are literally two demigoddesses of practically unknowable power who have a direct interest in the health and wellbeing of ALL of their subjects.
3875982
Even that falls apart after about two seconds of logical analysis. I mean can you imagine a society that would willingly sacrifice its children wholesale for the production of some unneeded luxury? Any species capable of acts of that nature would never have developed enough to form a civilized society in the first place.
Cloudsdale's government would have been torn apart by an enraged mob of parents and concerned citizens if they actually sided with the factory owners after the first factory worker got drunk and started blabbing to a crowded bar about how they jam foals into rock grinders down at the ol' weather factory. Celestia would show up, stop the mob, attempt to find out exactly why her ponies have suddenly turned into a bloodthirsty horde hellbent on stringing up the city's mayor, city council, the owners and the entire work staff of the Cloudsdale Weather Factory on the nearest convenient light posts. And then upon hearing why, she would turn to the crowd, and go:
3875973
Whilst I agree in general, it isn't always the case. For example, you use that example about Cupcakes; insane sadistic cannibal serial killers, even in the world of omnivorous humans, are insane. Considering how mad Ponka is in general in that story, having an odd diet doesn't sound that unbelieveable.
Wanting to be eaten is a very similar unnatural urge, but there's no shortage of vore even in this fandom. Never underestimate what perversions a person can take to.
Not that I actually liked Cupcakes; I just disagreed with your reasoning.
3876030 I must bring up the holocaust here. They killed millions upon millions of their own citizens, men women and children alike, yet the masses did not rise up against Hitler. A lot even agreed with him. If he had not lost the war, he would have continued doing it unopposed.
If the citizens of Cloudsdale were suppressed or manipulated into believing what was going on was just, then no angry mob would be formed and Celestia would be none the wiser.
3876030 i can imagine that death would be the major trigger. if criminals were careful enoguh they can exist, but in cosntant fear that they will be found out.
would probably think that celestia would take up the executions herself and tell them to go home. she would find it her resposniblityy, and disposing of them her duty.
still good points.
3876054 ... i'll admit i somewhat overthink that whole thing with them. an herbivore owuld have no sense of reward for killing. we get that cause if we killed an animal we get to eat. if a pony or other herbivore killed an animal they would simply be left with a lump of ded matter they have no use for.
it would take an extra large serving of compeltely off the rocker for a heribovre to hunt down and devour meat of any being let alone a fellow pony.
i try not to underestimate it but some things take even me by surprise. and i have my own kinks.
Well....this is way different from what I thought of for that prompt O.o;
Still, not bad. I liked it
FUCK she kills foal's cool
3876821 How eloquent lol
This was based on a SUPERNATURAL episode...wasn't it?
3889884 haha It actually wasn't, but in hindsight I can see how people might think that.
3889913
3889913 Oh ok,,,but still
3896544 Thank you for taking the time to review this. It really helps me a lot.
3896785 a lot of serial killers in our world behave in rational manner. it is that something went fucking wrong in their heads.
either way Dark does not mean Murder or killing. dark means that serious subjects are being acknowledged and or faced. war is Dark, though of course requiring killing. Betrayal is dark. Rape is dark. difficult and morally ambiguous choices are dark.
all the previous have a lot more potential narrative depth than just outright killing people.
my main problem here is thi ritual sacrifice would have absolutely no origin in pony world. beings allow nature to function and it is the Pegasus that bring rain and earth ponies that tend the land, plants, and beasts. neither group would believe in a need of ritual sacrifice because THEY are the ones doing it.
3877332 ain't no time to be eloquent!! What does that even mean!?!