• Member Since 31st Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 4th, 2017

Eyvind


I write pony fanfiction, mostly sappy romance stuff.

T
Source

Fluttershy's feelings are a mystery to everyone, even her closest friends. It's not surprising, considering how soft-spoken she is. But when a darkness from her past threatens to consume her, she will be forced to face these feelings head on. Luckily she has Rainbow Dash to support her. At least, she hopes she does.

Awesome cover art by mysticalpha

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 32 )

My interest is grabbed.

3579897 Thanks for being my first comment on my first fan fiction! I'm so happy, I could just... :fluttercry:

Great story so far!
Looking forward to more :yay:

I wonder who Shy'll tell about the voice?

:pinkiesad2: tears were shed. can't wait to read more.

Rarity brings up a good point. Why would that voice stay silent for so long? I guess we'll find out next time.

Really? Auntie Rarity? Please don't do that again, please? That SOOO doesn't sound like her.

3597456 Oh, um, I'm sorry, I'll change it to make it better :fluttershyouch:

ron

Really good.

I'm enjoying this story quite a bit and can't wait to see how it continues.

There will be more coming, right?

3753600 Yes, I'm terribly sorry for the wait, this holiday season was crazy. I'm half way done with the next chapter, so you can expect one shortly.

Wow, you have no dislikes. Well, this story is awesome, of course.

ron

I really liked this chapter.

I'll read whatever comes next. And that "other" Fluttershy story you mentioned in the Authors Notes, I'd like to read that too. Fluttershy is my favorite character.

3796255 Thanks! :twilightsmile:
And it has already been established that Fluttershy is best pony. :yay: 'nough said.

Well.....I like it a lot :3 :pinkiehappy:

4354859 Thank you! :rainbowkiss: Happy readers make me want to write more :yay:

Im not entirely sure what to make of this chapter really, but I'm immensely concerned for Fluttershy. The current final chapter has left me wanting more (than one more chapter to come hopefully) and the earlier ones really got me into the story.

4355928 Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it. :twilightsmile: May I ask what you didn't like about the last chapter? Or any of the other chapters for that matter? I'd like to learn what mistakes I should avoid in my next story. :twilightblush:

AJ been the one pushing Fluttershy instead of RD? ... i just can't... she didn't lost her patience in dragonshy, why would she do it with something like this?

just giving my P.O.V.

4362023 Looking back I realize AJ and RD probably should have switched roles in that argument :twilightblush:

I have some mixed feelings about this story, but the scene where fluttershy battles her demons was very well done.

4387767 Thank you for your honesty and your complement. :twilightsmile: May I ask what in particular you didn't like so I know what to avoid in future stories?

4387956 On a second read through I found myself enjoying the story more then the first time around, so that's good. Here are some good things: Like I said I love the scenes with Fluttershy and her demon self, well done and her demon is consistently malicious in the same way instead of just being generically evil. I loved the flight school flashback which I thought was totally sweet and believable.

My complaints are more nuanced. Your pacing can be off in places, (which is something I struggle with as a writer so I shouldn't judge but), for example Fluttershy goes to visit Twilight and Twilight pretty much immediately diagnoses this as a psychological issue.

This is sort of related to my second critique which is that you and your characters have a tendency to tell us exactly what is happening. For example the line:

She was now avoiding her friend's gaze out of embarrassment instead of shyness, or "Oh not to worry, dear. I knew you didn't mean anything by it."

There is no subtext in either of these statements, you (and Rarity) have both explicitly explained their thought process, which isn't generally how people talk. Now on one hand writing subtext is HARD, probably one of the hardest things to do as a writer mainly because it involves trusting your readers to draw the conclusion you want them to, but regardless it can be annoying.

I like to think of the scene in Jurassic Park where the water glass trembles. Instead of showing us how huge the t-rex is, Spielberg shows us that it is so massive that it can create a small earthquake, without showing us the t-rex, he then lets us fill in the gap about how big the dinosaur is. (Not a perfect analogy, I know)

Also occasionally it's fine to just point things out to the reader, but I've found you do it a little too often, such that it feels like I am having my hand held throughout the story, which I don't like.

Again overall I enjoyed this story, you have some good ideas and some great moments and I'm eager to see where it goes.

4389122 Thank you again for the critique. I never noticed the hand-holding in my writing before. Perhaps I should read through the story once more myself to see if I notice it now that I know what to look for. And I loved your Jurassic Park analogy! :yay: It made it very easy to understand the point you were trying to make.

And I loved the flashback as well :rainbowkiss: It was definitely the most fun to write out of all the chapters.

4362023 I agree, this is a little weird.

Will this ever be concluded?

hmm...I wonder who could the voice be?:applejackunsure::rainbowhuh:

Who's the voice?welp just have to read the book to find out

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