• Member Since 13th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen May 11th, 2014

Dovakiin


...

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About Rainbow Dash being slaughtered by a shark.
Third story.
im sorry for any spelling mistakes. Im on my Galaxy tab S3 but im trying hard.
enjoy :)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 11 )

Um, just, um.
I know you said that you're writing it on your phone, but it's still a pretty bad layout. I don't want to be mean but it makes it really hard to read when it's a whole wall of text. Next time you get a chance to go on a computer I suggest you edit it a lot.
Also, a fic where Rainbow Dash is killed in under a thousand words isn't going to go so well. Just a warning.
But as I do with all new writers, I tell you to keep at it and try to get better.
Take care.

:rainbowderp: : WHAT THE **** WAS THAT, YOU ARE LETTING ME GET EATEN BY A SHARK YOU HORSE TWILIGHT!!!!! :twilightblush::twilightsheepish:

I've read alot of fanfics and your story doesn't present much in anything really and the wall of text almost made me dislike it instantly so i really suggest editing.

Also I really hate fanfics when they kill characters for no reason especially to best pony (to me) so in my judgement I suggest you really rethink your stories in the future and maybe put in a bit more explanation and time.

(Sorry this is harsh but it is true)

PLOT HOLES!

A) Rainbowdash can fly

B)Twilight has teleportation

C) Ponyville is in the center of Equestria no ocean beaches within the area

D) I doubt shark infested areas wouldn't be at least indicated with a warning sign. especially if the beach is public

Also

"Uh....Twi? A little help!" Rainbow said, starting to panic.

"Not now, Rainbow. Ive got to go!" She replied, not noticing what was happening behind her.

Twilight is not an ass the least she would do is turn around to see whats troubling her friend :facehoof:

By god please think before you right, or research or both!

3956516
It's their story. they can do what they want.

Comment posted by Warhawk deleted Feb 19th, 2014

3967111 And this is my Opinion! on the story and it can do whatever it wants.:pinkiesmile:
Sorry i'm being rude here but I really didn't like it. You have to see this from my point of view to understand it but again I think it wasn't good.

I've seen worse tries...:derpytongue2:

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