Without a past, without memories, without a name or even a cutiemark, a mysterious pony appears. Dubbed "Cloudburst" by Rainbow Dash, he quickly adjusts to life in Ponyville, no, in Equestria. Cloudburst sets out on a journey to find out where he came from, and to get used to living as a pegasus. never could he have imagined in his wildest dreams... just how deep the paths he was about to embark on would go.
But it would certainly be a time... that he would never forget.
--
Hey all. so this is my first proper Fimfiction and also is the first one I started writing. I've been working on it on/off for a while.
I probably won't be able to update on a periodic regular basis but if i can get back into actually writing it again I could upload every week or couple of weeks.
I have been things planned for this story that stemmed from a romantic fantasization of Rainbow Dash and my OC, so I hope I can keep the drive going to see it through.
(Also, in loosing my phone on Christmas eve, I have also lost with it my story outline for this. i am 90% sure it is somewhere in my house so hopefully I can get it back at some point.)
I am really nervous about this as i automatically assume nopony will care about a story with an OC >.< but let's give it a shot!
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Main proofreaders:
Mixtrak
Cro_the_Stray
ch 3 proof read by Dartrunner
Yeah, I'll bite. Show me what you've got!
3980731
*nervously waits* >.<;;
also you have a pretty icon
Can't wait for more! He sounds like a time lord. Oh well, I guess i'm a
. I'll be waiting for more... in this corner. Hmph.
4 dislikes? People are crazy.
3992276
call me arrogant but that's EXACTLY what i was thinking! mostly because there's only 3 likes
3985094 Danke schön (Thank you very much in German, if you didn't know); and I'll get back to you when I'm done with reading, though that might take a bit...
The whole learning to fly thing felt rushed as heck.
I think it would be better to devote more time to it then 'he just flapped his wings and learned how to fly'.
The fact that the newly dubbed "Cloudburst" is constanly mentioning the freindlyness of everypony sets off a few early alarm bells in the back of my mind.
Making me think that this might turn into a misanthrope story.
A bit early to assume this, but I am paranoid about this sort of thing and this has such good potential.
That's all I really have to say about it.
4075688
Yeah i can agree about it being rushed. i might edit it somewhen. that part didn't get much added to it in proof reading.
what do you mean a "misanthrope" story?
4088136
A story that is always pointing out humanitys flaws, always saying: "humans r evil!!!1" and stuff like that.
4090175
Nono, not gonna be anything like that.
::SPOILERS::
http://sta.sh/06t62st1twb
^ rest of my reply is in there
4090267
colourbox.com/preview/3924847-123365-the-newspaper-crisis-averted-and-coffee.jpg
Other than that, you have piqued my interest with those things you spoiled.
4090303
I'll work on the rushed flight thing. definitely a good pointer, thanks. I completely agree
I like it so far!
Pretty good from what I have read. A few mistakes that I can point out if you want.
I do look forward proof-reader more of this story if you will let me.