One nightmare night after raising the moon Luna gets flashbacks of her history, she ignores it but then the taunting fear creeps back to her that her own sister banished her on account to be honored and to make her seem like the evil one. After a journey into her own sisters dream she starts to believe what she was hearing was true. She goes to her sister to hear her story, but who can she trust?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey! I just did an analytical review on your story! Please check it out if you want some constructive criticism, or if you are someone else who likes reading reviews!
Not bad.
It's We, for the Royal Canterlot Voice, not Thy. But well done. A little confusing, but great premise!
I really think you should work on your grammar and spelling. I found incorrect or missing punctuation, incorrect homophones, and missing capitalization. I also thought that you should work on the actual writing a bit. I didn't even finish reading; it bothered me too much. Try to draw the reader in and make it more subtle. You also changed settings very quickly, so quickly I could hardly keep up. Try to add more details but don't make any more run on sentences. I've found that reading other stories, both good and bad, helps. Then you know what it should and shouldn't look like. But if you fix the technical stuff, it could be an incredible story.