My Little Sister: Dating is Forbidden!

by kekmaster9001

As Long As There's Love, It Doesn't Matter If Big Mac Is Related, Right?

***

“Shining Armour?”

“Y-yes, Princess?”

Shining Armour stepped forward, smiling uneasily as he watched his employer saunter in his direction, a malicious aura following her as she drew nearer.

“It’s alright to call me Celestia, you know? Since you married my favourite niece, we’re family now, aren’t we?”

“Ah,” Shining Armour replied, averting his eyes from Celestia. “Y-yes, C-C-Celestia?”

“We have to talk,” she said in a saccharine-sweet tone.

“A-about what?”

“Your little sister.”

“M-my little w-what?”

His heart stopped beating. Could it be? Did she know about how he had organized the ‘Fillylicker Incident’ during her visit with Twilight? It couldn’t have been.

“Your little sister,” Celestia said, cheeks flushed in anticipation. “I want to know more about her.”

Shining Armour immediately relaxed as he realized that she was not about to punish him for (purposefully) mishandling Fillylicker, but tensed up again upon hearing the rest of her sentence.

“So,” Celestia continued, “as I was saying, I want to know more about my favourite student. She’s so serious around me, really. If I could find out more about her hobbies and interests, I would be able to get closer to her.”

Shining Armour’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. Celestia? Getting closer with her student? They were already close as could be as friends. It could only mean one thing. A lean, mean, millennia-old loving-machine who wanted to get with his precious little sister. Of course he wouldn’t let such a thing pass!

“Sure,” he said impassively. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, first of all, what does she do all day? She can’t possible just be studying.”

Shining Armour paused, and thought. It was true. It seemed as though the only thing which his cute little sister had genuinely enjoyed growing up was studying. Of course, he wasn’t going to say that to Celestia.

“Well,” he started, “do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure? Because once I tell you, there’s no going back.”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Shining Armour took a deep breath. “She goes clubbing most nights, and picks out about ten or twenty stallions who she sleeps with, all at the same time.”

Celestia’s eyes widened with surprise. “Why, I never--”

“That’s not all,” Shining Armour interrupted. “She also does black magic sometimes. On Spike. And she has a terrible addiction to powdered sugar. Snorts it by the bagful. Pinkie Pie tried staging an intervention, but Twilight transfigured her into a cactus and refused to turn her back unless she promised to leave it alone. Also she called Cadance fat.”

“Why, that’s completely unthinkable! I’ll call her up right now,” Celestia said, conjuring up a roll of parchment and an inkpot.

“Stop!” Shining Armour blurted out.

“Hmm?” Celestia’s head turned, cheeks flushed in anticipation. She had seen through his bluff the moment he opened his mouth.

“I-I might’ve been... exaggerating. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything. Even about her lingerie. Just… don’t call her over here.”

“Good.”

Shining Armour sighed, half out of relief, and half out of defeat.

“Oh,” Celestia added, giggling, “I still have to ask you about the Fillylicker Incident after this, so get comfortable.”

She levitated a cushion behind Shining Armour, and gestured for him to sit. It really was a good day. To have a siscon of colossal proportions like the one sitting in front of her, helping her to steal his own little sister from him? Absolute bliss.

***

Pinkie Pie paused, and stared at the sky, before sniffing the air very carefully. Something was off. She hopped into an alleyway, to check if there were any muggings underway. None. She checked the schoolhouse, to see if Fillylicker had returned. It was empty, save for Cheerilee. Apparently, the whole incident had been so traumatizing that her entire class had gone into counselling, a sobbing Cheerilee had told her.

Pinkie Pie was thoroughly stumped. She sat, brow furrowed, deerstalker cap atop her head. Then, it dawned on her. She zipped home to Sugarcube Corner, and burst through the door. Why hadn’t she noticed before? It was obviously Ms. Cake cheating on her husband! Tiptoeing into the back of the store, she braced herself for the worst. However, it never came. Or perhaps, what she found was worse than the worst. She was greeted by a possibly inebriated Mr. Cake, striped panties atop his head giggling to himself as he watched the latest episode of My Little Human.

***

“So as I was saying, Twilight, I think something is way off!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“Sure, Pinkie,” Twilight replied wearily.

“And you know the craziest part?”

“What? I’m still finding it hard to believe that you actually walked in on Mr. Cake wearing a pair of striped panties on his head, but go ahead.”

“Well, I was walking around, and I passed by Big Mac, and the feeling got even stronger. I think something’s changed with the Apple family!”

“Like what?” Twilight asked disinterestedly.

“Like… An orgy!”

“An orgy, huh? Sounds like- what!?” Twilight spat out, unsure of what she had just heard.

“An orgy. O-r-g-y. Y’know, like one of my parties, but with a happier ending!”

“Don’t be preposterous! There’s absolutely no proof of it.”

“Applejack’s been walking around funny lately, though,” Pinkie said in a contemplative voice. “And Applebloom hasn’t been showing up to trauma counselling. Oh! And also, don’t the Apples seem like the type of ponies to do that?”

“Uh-huh. If you don’t have anything logical to tell me, I’ve still got plenty of reports on the magic of love for the Princess that I haven’t gotten around to writing yet,” Twilight said as she trotted over to the door, eager to see Pinkie out.

“Well that’s just it! Don’t you think a report on sibling love would be amazing?”

“That’s not love! It’s just immoral! Out! Now!”

***

Pinkie Pie watched silently from a bush, as Big Mac piled yet another wagonful of little sister memorabilia into the already-towering bonfire of obscene games and figurines. It all made sense now to her. Now that he had consummated his love with his real little sisters, he no longer needed the games to fill up the longing in his heart! She snapped a photo, and zipped over to Twilight’s treehouse, eager to fill her in on her findings.

***

“Applejack, I think we need to talk,” Twilight said in a concerned tone. “I’ve already got the rest of our friends gathered in the treehouse.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?” she asked, confused. “I’ve still got to finish this work.”

“It’s urgent,” Twilight said. “About Big Macintosh.”

“Big Mac? What about him?”

“Well, that’s just the thing. Come on,” Twilight said, “follow me.”

***

“Y’all are saying I what?” Applejack said, outraged.

“You bucked Big Mac, didn’t you?” Rainbow Dash said. “Lucky. And I thought I was going to get his first.”

“I think y’all are misunderstanding something,” Applejack said.

“Well, there’s no other explanation, now is there, darling?” Rarity asked. “After all, you’re that age and you’ve yet to find somepony. It’s only natural to want to do such things, but as your friends, we’re concerned about the fact that you’re siblings. Then again, your love must be so strong, that it transcends society’s norms! There’s just something so romantic about that, that I can’t help but find myself supporting you two.”

“Lookie here, I don’t know what y’all are going on about.”

“If I may,” Fluttershy offered, “I have a second cottage, all the way out on Maresica Island. I support you and your big brother completely. If you ever want to move out and get married, I’d gladly let you live there.”

“I. Am. Not. Bucking. My. Brother!” Applejack shouted.

“There’s no need to be getting defensive now,” Twilight said diplomatically. “I have an older brother as well, and I think he’s great. As a pony, I might disagree with your choice morally, but as your friend, I offer you my full support.”

“Hey, Applejack, when do you want me to organize the ‘Congratulations! You bucked your big brother!’ party?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

Applejack began sobbing.

“Jeez, Applejack, I know you think we’re a bunch of great mares right about now, but there’s no need to get all emotional over it,” Rainbow Dash said as a light blush appeared on her cheeks.

The sobbing intensified.

***