Director Lyra's Tales from the Human World

by Pickle

Lyra's Message

Director Lyra's Tales of the Human World

***To make this easier for you to understand, I have chosen to adress each actor/actress by what they are called in the show.***

The cast's break room was full of actors and actresses that sat in metal fold-out chairs. Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and Soarin sat next too each other and discussed the upcoming Sky Olympics. Spitfire, Ms. Cake, Cheerilee, and Luna talked about their children, often showing off pictures of them. Dr. Hooves, Big Macintosh, and Mr. Cake, each with a beer near them, crowded around a tiny monitor that hung in the corner of the room to watch a soccer game. Derpy sat behind Fluttershy and braided her mane as Fluttershy read the Ponies magazine out loud. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Zecora, Trixie, and Octavia sat in a circle and droned on about boys and bands and movies. Vinyl remained quiet in another corner of the room, reading the classic book, "War and Harmony." Discord and Celestia stood, whispering dirty to each other or breaking the conversation for a kiss. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were the only children working full time on the show, were actually friends off set, but they also enjoyed playing with Spike. Those four were huddled around a deck of cards and played Go Fish. Rarity listened to Discord explain the many different movies and TV shows he had been in.

Bon-Bon checked the clock. It was almost three. "Okay, everypony, may I have your attention!" Unable to tame the cast, Bon-Bon pulled out her megaphone. She pressed the trigger, making a small screeching sound, and repeated into the amplifier, "Everypony, may I have your attention." This time, the cast members quieted down. "Lyra said that she would return from the human world at around three with some big news, so if we could all wait patiently until then that would be great. Thank you."

After a moment, Lyra's office door slammed open and the company's faithful director trotted out, holding some papers in her mouth. She walked over to a podium set up for her and placed her papers on it. Bon-Bon scooted next to Lyra and whispered, "Honey, I got everypony ready. We are only missing a few of the actors."

"Like who?"

"Well, Granny Smith had her hip replacement yesterday so she couldn't make it." Lyra agreeable nodded. "Also, I couldn't get a hold of some of the cameos from previous episodes, but I did get all the leads to show up."

"Okay. Great job." Lyra smoothly kissed Bon-Bon, and faced her cast from her podium. "Thank you all for waiting patiently for me. As you all know, our show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic not only dominates the ratings in Equestria, but also in the Human world." This caused the slightly inebriated colts to start cheering. Blasting her voice over the cheering, Lyra announced, "From this last visit, I have brought back reports about the reception of our show in the Human world. This information will be used to make some necessary... changes to our program in the future. First, does anypony have any questions before we begin?"

A small orange hoof shot in the air. "I've got a question!"

"Yes Scootaloo?"

"So how exactly do you get to the Human world?"

"Scootaloo, as I've told you many times before, I will not disclose that information. Now are there any other questions?" Scootaloo's hoof raised again. "Questions not about how I get to the Human world?" Slowly Scootaloo retracted her hoof. Okay, well if no pony has any questions, where should we start...?" Lyra swiftly read thought the sheets of paper she had as every pony watched with anticipation.

"Here's a good place. The Mane Six. The audience loves you mares; they often squabble over which one of you is the best!" This caused a proud grin to appear upon these mares' faces. "There seems to be only one issue: Rarity." What was a smile on Rarity's face, now morphed into a horrified scowl as she heard her name called. "It's not you. It's just that the Humans don't really see a whole bunch of generosity from your character."

Rarity galloped up to the podium and pleaded, "But Miss Heartstrings, I can't be blamed for something that is obviously the writing staff's problem!"

"And your not. This is just a note that I thought we should all hear."

Rarity sighed in relief and went back to her seat.

Reading her papers once more, Lyra said, "The Cutie mark Crusaders. You all are fine as well." They each hoof-bumped each other. "Celestia and Luna... Oh this is quite funny actually. The Humans interpreted Celestia banishing her sister to the moon for 1000 years as a ploy for Celestia to become the dictator of Equestria!" The entire cast guffawed at this ridiculous claim. "This is a sitcom, not a history show! Those silly Humans..." Lyra didn't even speak anymore about the subject for how preposterous it was.The company finished their laughing before returning to the notes.

"Surprisingly, many Humans really liked some of the antagonists in the show, like Trixie and Discord."

Following this declaration, one griffon swooshed to the podium. "And Gilda!?" Lyra awkwardly cleared her throat, then leaned in to whisper into Gilda's ear. "What!? One of the least favorite characters!" Gilda turned away from the cast and flew out the doorway.

Discord stood up and said, "I'll go make sure she doesn't break anything." Discord then slithered out the door, shutting it behind him.

"Even though the Humans seem to be following the show with positive attitudes, there are some things that have disturbed the Humans." Lyra glanced down at her sheet. "There aren't many, but one of them is that some Humans believe that Zecora is racist."

The Zebra in question rose from her chair and asserted, "What!? My character ain't never been mean to somebody 'cause of their race!"

"No. The Humans think that your character is racist."

"Oh, now I get what chou mean," Zecora said. "But don't them Humans know that Zebras are just a myth, like the Internet or..."

Celestia chimed in on this one. "Like a pony that can live over a thousand years!?" Everypony in the room became engulfed in a pool of laughter.

"That brings me to my next subject. The Humans don't like how Celestia lives forever and rules over all of Equestria."

The chuckling only grew. Mr. Cake, who was the first to catch his breath, asked, "So the Humans actually believe that one pony can just rule over everything forever?"

"Yes. It may sound strange, but they do."

Spitfire exclaimed, "I'm afraid to hear about their form of government then. I couldn't even think about living in a world that wasn't ruled by an egalitarian form of government in which all the citizens of a nation together determine public policy, the laws and the actions of their state, requiring that all citizens have an equal opportunity to express their opinion!"

"Humans are so silly, but we must continue." Lyra read her papers again, and blushed a bit as she read what she had wrote. "Um... Let's move on to a more positive note. Some you that have never even had a speaking role have become increasingly popular among the Humans. This will help provide some of the writers with new material around your characters. For that to work, we will be needing the ponies called to go meet with management services to sign up for future episodes. These ponies include: Vinyl Scratch, Dr. Hooves, Octavia, and Derpy." As each name was called, small congratulations were spoken to the ponies. "Now if you will all head over to management to get that taken care of, that would be great."

The named ponies all stepped over to the doorway and whispered among themselves for a moment. Vinyl then raised a hoof in question. "Excuse me, Miss Lyra?"

"Yes, what is it Vinyl?"

"Well, we don't exactly know where management is..."

Lyra sighed. Lyra thought about the directions to tell them, but then came up with a better idea. "Apple Bloom, would you and your friends mind showing them the way? Afterwards you all can stop by the concessions stand and get a snow cone."

The four young actor's faces lit up. Spike was the first one out the door yelling, "Management's this way!" The others followed suit.

"Would you mind shutting the door all the way, Big Mac?" Big Mac, who was closest to the door, shoved it closed. "Okay, now that the children are out of the room, I can bring up a more pressing matter about the Human world." Everypony stood still, awaiting what sounded like a bomb about to be dropped on the cast. "Recently I discovered that some of the humans that view our show, not only watch it, but they practically praise it. Instead of just quoting the show or posting pictures like the fans do in our world, the Humans spend there time writing alternate plots for the show and draw there own pictures depicting what they want to happen."

Small conversations arose among the cast, each colliding too much with another for Lyra to hear any whole sentence. She heard many ponies saying "so what" and "who cares" though.

"Maybe I should tell you a little more about what I've seen because what these Humans do is sick!" Lyra knocked a hoof against the podium that silenced the crowd instantly. "When I said that they write their own plots and draw their own pictures, I didn't mean anything ordinary. The content of these created fictions are, well... sensual."

Upon hearing that word, everypony in the room had tomatoes for cheeks. "Now I don't want to tell you all anything that may disturb you too much, so I think that if anypony in here doesn't want to hear anything further, they should leave now." Even thought hey were embarrassed, the remaining cast members sat still. "Okay then, prepare yourselves."

Lyra flipped to another sheet of paper and skimmed though its content. Before Lyra could start reading, Luna spoke up. "Why are you telling us all of this Lyra? What purpose does it do us if we know or not?"

"Aw, a very good point Luna. Very simply we will use this information to determine whether or not the Humans deserve to keep receiving our show. So after I tell you all this, I want to get a consensus on what you all think. Thank you Luna for that question. Bonny, dear, would you please get another head count while I review my notes?"

Bon-Bon, who was standing next to Lyra, complied and began to count off each pony. "Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Trixie, Luna, Celestia, Mr. Cake, Zecora, Spitfire, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Cheerilee, Fluttershy, Mrs. Cake, Applejack, and then Lyra and myself." Bon-Bon pivoted towards Lyra. "Including you and I, eighteen ponies are in the room, Lyra."

"Thanks, sweetie, but I won't be voting so just count seventeen."

"If you insist."

"Thank you. So everypony, we now have seventeen of you in here. That means we will need nine of you to chose to let the Humans continue getting our show for the Humans to keep it. Now, let's begin our discussion..."

Thank you.

Comments

[silver]

Your a bloody fucktard, you know that? Theirs quite literally no harm in clopping. Thank you and good night.

[Brony Tom]

This is going to degenerate into a firestorm soooo quickly.

Now, as to the story, it needs some grammatical fixes; for example, there were some capitalization problems (midway through, when Lyra addressed Bon-bon as Sweetie, which made me think Sweetie Belle).

Also, when you are addressing a character in dialogue, use commas before the name, like so:

"Thanks, Sweetie." instead of "Thanks Sweetie."

Watch your spelling; in the first line, you have 'adressing' instead of 'addressing'.

Finally, even though I agree with the sentiment at the end, it seemed a little preachy. Just enough to get on my nerves.

Overall, pretty good, aside from the aforementioned issues.

[Wilhelm]

But, it's in the only in the planning stages....
Looks like someone needs 500g of insane, from Pinkamena.
Good day.

[Mush]

Im gunna sit back and watch this unfold...

[Bual]

Begun, the Flame Wars have.

[GlitchyProductions]

I read clop, I don't see a problem with it.

I'm not going to explain, I read ANYTHING!

-

All jokes aside, if it wasn't for the cheap anti-clop message from the virgin Mary. This story could have been really good.

Because the characters we all know and love are really actors, that opens up a massive opportunity to give the Mane 6 and all of the other characters off-screen personalities and different relationships with family/friends and enemies. For example, Applejack and Big Mac off-screen and in their "reality" are Husband and Wife, while Applebloom is their child. While on-screen and in the Equestria we know, it's the brother and sisters relationships we see while watching the episodes. (It would be rather awkward, yet funny, if Celestia was Luna's mother and Discord was the father.)

I think it would have also been clever if the characters were named by their respective voice actors. For example, Twilight is just a fictional name and her real name is Tara Strong.

If the story were going to be continued, which it possibly isn't because of the Virgin Mary Parade that made this story it would have been a very interesting concept.

[Wilhelm]

334706
I think I will as well maybe chuck a few bits in the make sure the flame doesn't die.
Or I'll just watch.
334710
Much the same with me.
Good day.

[Industrial]

There is really no harm in these, I personally don't read them, and if you don't want CHECK THE FUCKING TAGS

They're there for a reason. As a matter of fact there's plenty of ways to avoid it. Like I said there is no harm in them, no matter what, there will always be an audience for this kind of stuff. It's sort of like watching a drunk man shout random slurs at passerby's, harmless and in the right light: pretty silly. That's my two cents and if you disagree:

27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l33uu3rI8p1qagbwio1_400.jpg

[Wilhelm]

334718
You didn't need to swear, that just makes you seem childish.
And no I'm not supporting his message.
Good day.

[demonoid47]

images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3522-1331416742422.jpg

[Wilhelm]

334731
26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzejyd0c5Y1r3k1m8o1_500.png
Good day.

[Tyrannosaurus_Tux]

They are watching us right now.

Press ctr+w to escape their sight.

[Delicious]

A possible flame war?
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/dis-gon-b-gud.gif

[Wilhelm]

334745
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg
Good day.

[That Awkward Feeling You've Forgotten Something Important]

Make me!

...but seriously, interesting concept. I'd like it more if it wasn't an anti-clop diatribe.

I;m still not letting up on the clop.

[PegasusKlondike]

Good concept and all, you should try to expand on it if anything. I for one believe ponies should be protected from rule 34, but what bronies do behind closed doors, with a bottle of lube, maybe some Barry Manilow playing in the background, an empty wine bottle, four wax candles, a box of Kleenex, the Magna Carta, a guillotine, that strand of Marilyn Monroe's hair they bought on eBay, and some naughty pictures of Rainbow Dash is their own business.

[Wilhelm]

334777
Is that a challenge?
c.asset.soup.io/asset/2478/8156_a613_960.jpeg
Good day.

[That Awkward Feeling You've Forgotten Something Important]

334789

Oh, it's on.

[EpicBG]

i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/144/037/haters_gonna_hate_by_genshihebi-d36bgfk.gif

[Wilhelm]

334797
30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh3bgjjPiw1qzm4kwo1_500.gif
I must inform you, my good sir that the act you wish to persue is lusting over a fictional horse.
Good day.

[bloodredmayo]

I loved this!
The opinions of ponies on the reaction to the show in the real world.
Also, what a great lesson it gives at the end.
(To all you who fap to ponies, remember what you're doing. You're FAPPING to PONIES.)
(Just think about it. )

[Wilhelm]

334799
ponychan.net/chan/arch/src/129951501515.jpg
Good day.

[Pickle]

Hey everypony! LOLOLOLOLOLOL Your comments make me laugh. I'm happy that all of you truly enjoyed my story!
334648 Thanks for those corrections.
I just wrote this for fun. I love it when people take this so seriously. I don't see what's wrong with writing a story about what you believe in... This show has taught me to be tolerant, but it looks as thought that message passed some of you over. I'm just worried that when the ponies find out that we have been writing clop fics about them, they might go on strike!
Hate if you want; this was just a belief of mine.

[Pickle]

Yay! I just got another dislike!!!

[Industrial]

334726 One thing you'll learn about me pretty fast is that I'm extremely childish

[Pickle]

334904 Naw, I laughed at your comment! It was hilarious, cuz it's prolly true. And no, I just wanted to anger peoplez

[Mist]

Just to throw my two cents in the bucket.

The story isn't too bad as far as comedy goes. Though there are a few parts of the story I think you could fix to make it funnier:

1. The start where it explains what everyone is doing. It reads like a List. "So and so was doing this, and so and so was doing that." Perhaps splitting that up a little, and it wouldn't bore the reader with a grocery list of pointless information. Perhaps use it to create a few visual jokes with the characters.

2. A lot of it is predictable. Most of us are familiar with the internet memes that are commonly associated with those characters, so perhaps you could spice it up by evolving them to the next level, or even suggesting things we've never noticed before.

3. Some of the dialogue comes off as awkward. Lyra continually uttering the line "humans are silly" seems rather childish. She could use other words to describe them, and I think it would help keep the joke fresh.

Now as for your message at the end. Believe my friend I'm not a big avid supporter of clop fictions, or even troll fictions at that. But really if you truly don't like them, there's only one thing to do: ignore them. Let them pass by without a thought. When you preach against them, you're unfortunately giving them attention. People all have their thing, and sometimes we may not agree with it, and it may be a bit on the disturbing side, but we have to respect their right to it so long as they aren't hurting everyone.

Honestly I don't see how you can say you believe in tolerance but speak against a group that really isn't hurting anyone. I know where you're coming from though, until recently I spoke against them as well, but it is obvious now that if you want stories that you don't feel are quality or "ideal" to be given attention, the only way to stop them is to not speak against them, and instead promote attention for stories that you DO feel deserve it.

You shouldn't be celebrating people's rejection of your story if you actually feel your message means something. If you're trolling, fine whatever you're entitled to it, but it's pretty pointless really. You'll get a couple people angry at you then what? What exactly have you accomplished? Nothing.

[Pickle]

334945 I don't believe my message means anything. I wrote this story at 2 in the morning and could care less about how this story rates. Not taht I don't care about what people think of my writing, just that I don't like this fic. It was just lazily thought out and written. I didn't put much effort into this. I merely put that ending as a way to annoy readers. I'm taking the fic down after I clean my room anyway, so don't worry bout it. Plus, that was sarcasm in my comment about tolerance. I make racist jokes about the leprechaun that molested me a lot, so I'm not tolerant.

[Mist]

335011 Well then I'm sorry to hear that. All I can say is that I hope one day you'll realize how pointless a life of anger and hatred is.

[Pickle]

335032 ...You think I live a life of anger and hatred?

[Mist]

335045 Well if you feel it necessary to do something to intentionally anger people who have not outwardly attacked you, that's kind of a big sign that you gain enjoyment out of others suffering and discontent.

Like I said, I'm not going to tell you to change, nor am I going to try and figure out why you choose the path you have. That's all on you, and the best part about you being your own person is that I'm not obligated to ask, know or even help you. I just feel bad for you is all.

I'm not going to argue, I just feel bad for you is all.

[NextaPlaque]

pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/131891785863.jpg

Trolling, you're doing it right.

[That Awkward Feeling You've Forgotten Something Important]

334804

I do think you mean fictional horses. Plural.

[Tyrannosaurus_Tux]

334771

Heed my advice.

[NextaPlaque]

Also, the funny thing is that you yourself have suggestive fic posted called "Twilight Needs an Erection."

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/13587/Twilight-Needs-an-Erection%21

[Pickle]

335301 LOL I KNOW! I'M NOT AGAINST CLOP FICTIONS!

[NextaPlaque]

335322

Sadly, It appears Im the only one who gets the joke.

[Pickle]

335396 Yeah. That's why i took the story down. How are you able to see it anyway?

[NextaPlaque]

335403

Magic. *Snort snort.*

[RusselNotSCP]

Bon-Bon checked the clock. It was almost three. "Okay, everypony, may I have your attention!" Unable to tame the cast, Bon-Bon pulled out her megaphone. She pressed the trigger, making a small screeching sound, and repeated into the amplifier, "Everypony, may I have your attention." This time, the cast members quieted down. "will the real slim pony please stand up. i repeat, will the real slim pny please stand up." the entire cast proceeds to stand up."were gonna have a problem here.

yes, i really did think this. no i did not write this comment with a poker face.

"Oh, now I get what chou mean," Zecora said. "But don't them Humans know that Zebras are just a myth, like the Internet or..." "a pony who can live for a thousand years?" Liliana Vess, GabeN, Mark Zucherburg, Chuck Norris, all face palm.

they say all that stuff, saying that they think we know...suddenly The Doctor (tenth) kicks in door, followed by rose, says what a nice place they have, hugs his pony form, informs them of our ignorance then disappears. lyra: can't tell if stayed for to long, or not long enough.

[RusselNotSCP]

334754 i made some popcorn. here.

[Themaskedferret]

Meh cute fic, kinda goofy and cute idea but sort of annoying because the ending felt a bit sharp. That said 2am fic? good stuff.

[Pickle]

433287 Thanks. If you liked this, then you'll like some of my other, better fics. Read Ponytics.

[Themaskedferret]

433324

*Grins* I did actually. I really loved it and am definitely gonna see your other stuffs.

[Hayquill]

So are we to believe that none of their pony fans write dirty fanfics? I don't see how they have such a similar government to us with such different psychology.

[Pickle]

1016524 yeah this is a bad fan fic. I didn't know how to end it, so I just wrote something I knew would piss a lot of people off.

[Hayquill]

1017309 Well, in that case I have no further objections.

[AvoidingFever17]

Spitfire exclaimed, "I'm afraid to hear about their form of government then. I couldn't even think about living in a world that wasn't ruled by an egalitarian form of government in which all the citizens of a nation together determine public policy, the laws and the actions of their state, requiring that all citizens have an equal opportunity to express their opinion!"

Oh trust me
ITS ENDLESS HELL