• Published 24th Dec 2013
  • 718 Views, 10 Comments

How Diamond Tiara Stole Hearth's Warming - Shadowmane PX-41



This is just a little story i decided to throw together for the festive season. And if you think that you can do better then by all means, go ahead and try

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The Night Before

On the night before Hearth's Warming, all through the town. Everypony was smiling, no-one found a frown. Ponies were playing and chatting in the snow, and all was festive both to and fro. On the 25 every year for all ponykind, the ponies of Ponyville needed to remind. That this was Hearth's Warming, no time for pain, for this was a time of forgiveness and gain.

But somepony found the happiness quite sickening and after watching them playing, her anger was quickening. Diamond Tiara was her name, a cold hearted filly. Who only thought of misery and being recklessly silly.

"Look at them playing in this miserable snow." She said at the same time her anger did grow, "Hearth's Warming isn't about forgiveness and caring. It's about getting presents and never sharing."

She watched the ponies playing some more, a quite merry action that she did deplore, "Miserable blank flanks, and their parents. I hope that none of them get any presents!"

"Every year i see happiness and joy, an action that only i should have as my toy. I watch them every year, it's really quite plain, but ponies love the snow which isn't good for my mane. They open their presents when the day comes, and sing an annoying somg that quickly becomes, a hearth's warming carol, where do i begin? Every year i hear them sing, sing, sing, SING!!"

And the more Tiara thought of this Hearth's Warming sing, the more Tiara thought, "I must stop this whole thing! I've had quite enough of this happiness now. I must make sure Hearth's Warming doesn't come, but how?"

Then she got an idea, an awful idea. Tiara got a horrible, awful idea, "I know what to do." She said as a gloat, "i'll make a quick Santa Claus suit and a coat." Tiara implied, "What a great little trick, now with this coat, i look just like St Nick. While the ponies are sleeping in bed tonight, i'll give them a Hearth's Warming they'll remember alright!"

You're a mean one, Tiara.
You really are a bitch!
Your crown is full of smugness, your face just has that twitch, Tiara.
I gotta tell you, you're quite an evil, little snitch!

Diamond's sleigh started down to the town, where she stopped at the first little house on the square, and she knew with a tree in the window, Hearth's Warming was there. She climbed onto the roof, with her sack in her muzzle, but getting in and out to her was quite a puzzle. Then it hit her and she climbed down the chimney, it's weird but it Pinkie Pie can do it. She could easily. She silently landed in the dead fireplace, and saw all the presents neatly in place. But more pressing manners she did undergo.

"These stockings." She said, "Are the first things to go."

She slunk on the floor like a snake on the ground, making sure not to alert anypony she was around. Once she came to the presents, she slipped them in her sack, laying nothing but coal on her way back. Once her deed was done she clambered up the chimney, and raced off to the next house being oh so sneaky.

You're a cruel one, Tiara
You've got demons in your soul.
You're youthful and you're wicked. Your stuff was made from coal.
Tiara, you're as charming and fun, as an Ursa Major with a gun!

She came to a string of houses on the 3rd block she swept, and carefully preformed her burglary whilst they slept, "I've gotta say, this is so profitable." She said as she smirked being very despicable, "Maybe i could do this every year, but then again daddy could catch me or somepony might hear. I've gotta keep moving, quickly and silent." She said once she swept another present.

Sweet Apple Acres was her hardest one of all, seeing as there was no chimney or secret entrance hall, "I've gotta be careful." She implied, "If the Apple Family catches me, i'm fried!" She then opened the front door gently, for creaks. And made her way up, past all the storm leaks. Silently tiptoeing on the wood she crept, but stopped as she saw as Applebloom slept, a adequate group of presents under her tree, "I'll take your presents too, blanky!"

She carefully moved in a manner quite shrewd, making sure Applebloom would not hear her intrude, once making it to the tree, she snatched the presents, and silently crept out as the moon wasn't looking pleasant, "Time's running out." She said at the moon, "One more house to steal from, i've gotta do it soon!" The last house was a tree of massive size, a house that Diamond really did despise, The house of Twilight and her pet dragon Spike, a pony that Diamond really didn't like.

"How is she a princess? She said to herself, "The only things she did was for her friends' health." She climbed up the tree very quietly, and saw Twilight sleeping inside the tree. As she looked with anger she slid through the window, making sure not to wake the princess at the get-go. She then looked down on the floor below, at the sight of the presents, she said, "Hello!"

Quietly and carefully, she trotted downstairs, making sure not to wake the princess or any other mares. Once appearing at the tree, she squeed with delight and snatched every present before dissapearing into night.

You're a foul one, Tiara.
You're a misery feasting shmuck!
Your mouth is full of torment, your flank is full of shunt.
Tiara, the three words that best describe you are, AND I QUOTE, "THICK, FAT, CUNT!

As Hearth's Warming Day finally came, Diamond Tiara without sleep or shame, walked into her room and unwrapped the sack, thinking on which presents to leave at the back, "Now we'll see." as she peered into daylight, "We'll see who's got the most presents alright!" Upon looking outdoors, she saw not misery, but only ponies laughing quite cheerfully. They knew they already got what they wanted, families and friendship, a gift undaunted. Diamond Tiara could not believe her eyes, seeing happiness instead of a miserable surprise, "But how could this be?!" She started to get mad, "I took all their presents, they should be sad!"

Then it finally hit her, "Oh my god, i've finally become become the biggest jerkwad! I shouldn't get angry if ponies are happy, in fact it's not long until they get some misery. So i'll let these ponies have their Hearth's Warming, and brush up on my skills, a new year is dawning." And with that, she took back her sack, and dashed towards Ponyville, never looking back. And gave everypony the presents she stole, and made everypony's holidays whole. They now had friendship, happiness and gifts, a magical combo that can fix any rifts.

So i say to you and to everyone's delight, Happy Hearth's Warming to all, and to all a good night.

Author's Note:

Thought i might as well do it, since it's Christmas/Hearth's Warming.

Sorry if it's a little shorter than what you'd expect, i had a limited rhyming dictionary.

I'm also not Zecora, strangely enough.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Comments ( 9 )

I wonder if Silver Spoon is her faithful dog?:scootangel:

Hehe, I just saw the AVGN chistmas special and the foul language here reminded me of that so this made me laugh :pinkiehappy:

SWEET BABY WOONA IN A MANGER!!! THAT PIC IS STRAIT UP TERRIFYING!!!:pinkiegasp:

DT reminds me of Freaky Fred!:twilightsheepish:

Silver Spoon: well she has been NAAAAAAAAAUGHTY! :trixieshiftright:

You're a mean one, Tiara.

You really are a bitch!

OMLuna i just lost my s*** at that point!:rainbowlaugh:

Tiara, the three words that best describe you are, AND I QUOTE, "THICK, FAT, CUNT!

you're KILLING ME!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

I am both relieve and Disappointed Silver Spoon isn't involved.:unsuresweetie:

Of all the Christmas stories that are retold in jest, the story of the Grinch may be the one I know best. Sure there's George Bailey's problem and Scrooge's old tale, but I think Dr. Seuss hits the head on this nail. I was happy to see that you put forth the time to make this a true parody, told only in rhyme. I know it's not easy. Some say it's too much. But you even threw in the song. Nice touch.

I'd go over the story, but there's not much to be said. A lampoon of Diamond is seeping with dread. She's fed up with this season, all the laughter and glee. It's almost as if she's a flat parody. Of course, it's required for a story like this. Even karma can't pass up the jovial bliss. Diamond steals all the presents? And nobody cares? Not one foul complaint from these stallions and mares? You changed Diamond's mind, in your own special way, but only a joke fic could have all be so blasé.

With that being said and all that in mind, let me share how this tale can perhaps be refined. First of all, there's the issue I had with the song. Though the lyrics are crude, something else is more wrong. I'm no stranger to lyrics or the art of the rhyme, and there's one thing I know that I learned over time. When you pair up two words that you happen to know, you have to make sure they don't mess up your flow. Say the sentence out loud to make sure it sounds fair, for bad rhymes make your readers want to pull out their hair:

Why is Diamond a snitch? Does she tattle a lot? Yes, the verb does mean 'steal', but the noun just does not.
She wants to avoid waking Bloom with her mood? Are you sure that you couldn't have gone with 'intrude'?
You seemed to be reaching when you used the word 'shunt'. If you needed the rhyme, why not use a cold front? I get why you chose to put that word here, but it's not an insult. It's not even a jeer.

I find it amusing that the singer's so prickly despite the fact Diamond recovers so quickly. His words would imply that he's blinded with hate. Maybe he should clue someone in since he's out there this late. Diamond lives outside Ponyville? Now that just doesn't fit. And she has a huge sleigh? Tell me, who's pulling it?

The story is brief and all in good fun. In that field, it's successful when all's said and done. Diamond steals all the gifts while some singer complains. Really, that's all that the story contains. Nothing really needs changing in the actual plot, though there are some mistakes I happened to spot. I wrote quite a bit of them down in my notes, but the biggest I saw was your problem with quotes. Look up how they're written and take it to heart. For improving your writing, it's a good place to start.

As a last word of note, one related to cooks, I'd call this story a gingersnap. It's spicier than it looks.

Make the most!

3695619 That, my good sir, was the most epic comment I have ever seen.

Funny lines here and there but needs some heavy edits.

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