Discord's Home for Cosmic Misfits

by Knowledge

Chapter 5: Wet Politics

Before the adventurers, a frozen pond in a snow covered room. Marble an odd number of columns held up a high ceiling. A frozen waterfall decorated the pond from behind. On both sides, there was a golden bowl elevated off the ground. On the left, there was a gargoyle with a vacant expression near a large bucket. On the right, there was six small buckets. In front of the lake, there was a sign. The adventurers walk up to the sign.

“'Small changes or Big change'?” Fluttershy read the sign out loud.

“What do you think that means?” asked Apple Bloom.

“Given how these rooms are set up. It is probably some puzzle involving what is in the room,” Dinky hypothesized.

The adventurers explored the room. Sweetie Belle stayed near the sign. Derpy investigated the gargoyle, who looked threatening but seemed to be a statue. Dinky and Scootaloo explored the waterfall, which seemed the coolest thing in the room. Apple Bloom, Fluttershy, and Discord checked the golden bowls and the mechanism holding them up.

“This is a giant scale,” Apple Bloom claimed.

“Should we put something in it?” Fluttershy inquired.

“How can we know until we try?” the parasprite said, dispensing his own kind of chaotic wisdom.

“These buckets wouldn't be here if there wasn't a reason, I reckon,” the earth pony argued. “Fluttershy, I am going to get some water from the lake and put it in the bucket. I will need you to carry it up to the bowl.” Apple Bloom carried a bucket in her muzzle and brought it to the water, where she kicked a hole in it to gather some water. Fluttershy was right behind her. The Major raised the bucket up high in her hooves where the pegasus took it and brought it up the bowl.

The bowl seemed to drop a bit and a clicking some could be heard.

“The gargoyle is alive. What happened?” the General said calmly. The adventurers looked to see the gargoyle wake up and in a very mechanical gait pick up a huge bucket. He seemed to be bringing it to the water just as Apple Bloom had.

“We need to fill our side before the gargoyle does!” Dinky exclaimed. Everypony agreed, despite not actually knowing what was going on. It was as if no matter how absurd the puzzle was, they just didn't question it and immediately went to solving it.

At first, Fluttershy and Derpy were the only ones using the buckets, but this was proving inefficient. The gargoyle had already filled his bucket and was beginning his slow accent to his bowl. They changed their strategy to include a conveyor belt of sorts. Dinky, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom took the bottom, while Derpy took two buckets and Fluttershy one up to the bowl. Whenever they took buckets, the three empty buckets would be filled and prepared for them below the bowl. Dinky being smaller than the mares spilled often. Apple Bloom had to insist that she just fill buckets, much to the filly's indignation.

Even with their more efficient system, it seemed the gargoyle would win.

“We are not going to win!” Fluttershy panted, giving up.

“Are you just going to go home? If you are an Element of Harmony, act like one,” Dinky responded. The criticism stung Fluttershy deeply.

“We cannot win unless we try, and we need you to try your best or we will probably have to start all over again, more exhausted than we are now,” Derpy added with smidgen more care than her daughter. Fluttershy noticed now that Derpy was not actually fairing any better than her. The key difference was the sheer willingness to push herself despite the protests of her body. The pegasus remember that Derpy had been severely injured not once but twice in the last hour and had gone through a grueling battle with a gargoyle. Fluttershy also remembered how Derpy claimed to desire to protect Equestria, and was in awe at the lengths she would go in order to do that.

Inspired, Fluttershy looked into herself for a similar conviction to steel her will against the pain and fear she felt. In herself, she saw her many friends. She thought of Twilight and Pinkie who were on a dangerous mission in Fillydelphia investigating foalnappings which changelings were thought to be involved. She thought of Rarity who was working constantly so she would have time and money to socialize with the nobles in Canterlot this weekend. She thought of Rainbow Dash who had to spend a whole day doing what she hated, watching over a library. Fluttershy realized that to some degree all her friends were doing something difficult

As they filled water in the bowl, their bowl descended and the gargoyle's rose, making his slow trek upwards take even longer. At first, it seemed that the gargoyle would win, but as their bowl dropped their pace increased. Eventually the bowl did reach near the bottom and the ponies all started filling it with water on their own, even Dinky who would lift her bucket with some magical strain. When their scale reached the bottom, the gargoyle fell to the ground as if out of power.

His crash caused his bucket to spill its contents which began to boil and spread across the room onto the pond, unfreezing it. The room became warm, and the snow and waterfall began to melt.

“Where is the door?” Fluttershy asked.

“Behind the waterfall,” Dinky and Scootaloo said simultaneously.

“We found it just as the puzzle got triggered,” Scootaloo explained further.

Fluttershy went towards the waterfall and to find that there was indeed a door behind it. It did not make her happy that she had to get soaked in order to the door, but she braved the ice cold water anyways. On the other side, Fluttershy saw that the door was made of an aqua metal and highly decorated with semi-precious gems.

For the fourth time that day, the pegasus put a magical key into a door. Upon twisting it, the door sank into the floor like a ship submerging under water. A wall of water appeared beyond where the door had once been. A male seapony in a toga swam near the entrance. He had no limbs to speak of, so from Fluttershy's perspective, there was no way him to join them.

For what must have been the hundredth time that day, confusion overwhelmed Fluttershy.
There seemed to be no pattern in the ponies that emerged from the “Literal Multiverse.” She had hoped that all of them would be like Derpy, ponies she knows, however vaguely, but different. A seapony, a mythical breed of pony, was the last thing she expected.

The seapony seemed to be inspecting the outside space, but could not communicate due to being in a different medium than other ponies. After drawing some sort of conclusion, he swam away from the door and came back with a rod and a crown. Fluttershy could see him gesture towards her, and being a caretaker of intelligent animals, she guessed that he wanted her to stand out of the way, which she obliged. The seapony then put the rod through the entrance. He swirled the rod a few times, testing the properties of the magic keeping the water in his room.

Satisfied he put on the crown. This caused a sudden transformation in the seapony. His finns turned into forelegs and his gills sealed themselves. Now lacking the ability to breathe under water, he used his forelegs and tail to propel himself out into the room, where he promptly flopped twice while wheezing before regainning his composure.

“Bah!” the seapony took a deep breath. “I always hate that 'out of water' feeling.'” He laugh dryly at his own joke. The immediate impression his accent caused was that of a posh jokester. “Not all people can enjoy a good joke. Cheap distractions aside, can anyone of you equines explain the transformation of my form into a crude hybrid of a Merr and yours?”

The term anyone temporarily lost on the ponies, for whom the proper way of speaking of any creature in the neutral sense was as ponies (i.e. anypony, somepony). “It is the law of Literal Convenience that when a life form is transported from one dimension to another, their very being must change into a parallel self,” the ageless lord of chaos explained.

“Is that why Twilight became a hyumin?” Fluttershy asked. Discord bobbed up and down in a parasprite's equivalent of a nod.

“Well, it is pretty inconvenient to me. This crown only gives me two legs and you walk on four ones. I have to basically drag my rump when I don't have my Kidney to help me.” The seapony acted as if what he said was not at all confusing, then smiled. He picked up his rod in a hoof, waddled out of the waterfall onto the land by the pond.

He holds up the rod horizontally in a grandiose manner and hops. “This is my Kidney!” Out of the rod manifested a chariot like structure. Unlike a normal chariot, it was very small and had no place to put somepony to pull it. “Yes, I have a segway. It is a practical necessity for any *&^^ who works with the land dwellers as often as I did. I call it Kidney because I only need one. I know it must sound strange for a senator being thrifty, but I am no normal senator.” He decided to drive his small self-propelled chariot around the group.

The soldiers quickly found the seapony to be uninteresting. He obviously lacked the physical prowess they had and so far that was what they had needed to accomplish their various challenges. Fluttershy thought he was loud but a little funny. Discord thought the seapony's antics had nothing on his own.

“What is your name and skills?” Dinky asked taking out her notebook which had received a little water damage after spilling water on it during the bucket puzzle.

The seapony raised an eyebrow. “My name, do you mean the name of my species or my title?”

“I don't care which. I just need something to put down.”

This put a smile on the seapony's face. “It is nice to see another person who doesn't care about silly things like titles or caste. Anyways, I am the Senator of *&^*.” Two words confused the ponies. First was person, which they had never heard before. The second was simply unintelligible to pony ears.

“Part of the Literal Convenience is a translation spell that works as long as there exists something in Equestrian language. Names of places often cannot be translated.” Discord explained.

“Do you have a name, other than your title?” Fluttershy asked timidly.

“I do not know what you mean.”

Scootaloo bored at how long this was taking, decided to interrupt. “Look here pal, it is very simple. I am Scootaloo, this here is Fluttershy. The unicorn over there with the notebook is Dinky. My two partners by me are Major Apple Bloom and Private Sweetie Belle, and this is General Hooves. Don't mess with her or you will regret it.” One glance at the Gray Mare of the Northern Equestrian, and he knew what Scootaloo meant. “What is your name?”

“I really do not know what you mean. Other than general, I have no idea what those titles mean. Perhaps if you tell me your caste system, I can tell you in which I would fit.” While the seapony sounded innocent, the humor in his eyes betrayed his disingenuousness.

“Buck this, I will just call you Bob,” Scootaloo swore. Addressing the group, Scootaloo continued. “I say we go back to the hall and figure what those other gargoyles want. Hopefully, they're better at fighting than those last guys.”

“On that note,” Dinky interjected. “Do you have any skills in combat, Seapony Bob?”

Bob analyzed the little pony from vantage on top of Kidney. With a serious face that did not reach his ever joyful eyes, the seapony replied, “That is a good name, hopefully the intent behind it is also. To answer your question, I had some skills with tridents, but as you can see, I no longer use my hands. I must say though, I am confused to how you are holding that notebook with such skill as to make it possible to write with legibly.”

Dinky crossed her eyes inspecting her hooves to see what possibly be wrong with them. Derpy rolled her eye and decided that they had enough of this nonpony. Her duty was to Equestria, not giving basic citizenship education to an off-worlder. “Specialist Scootaloo's plan seems the best course of action. Fluttershy, if you want to keep talking to Bob, I wont stop you. Remember, when we are done playing Discord's little friendship game, I want to you help me make contact with Princess Celestia.”

When Derpy and the soldiers that fought under her left out of the room first for the second time, Fluttershy started thinking. “What does she mean by playing?”

Discord coughed. “So yeah, you probably don't recognize me, Bob, but I am Discord.”

Seapony Bob inspected the little parasprite. “Did you transformed too?”

“No, I am immune that rule, sadly. Oh, and before you ask, you and Derpy will have a chance to meet the Princess, who can grant you citizenship. I know why you want it, though. All it entitles you to is smiling all day.”

“I intend to restart my career here. Something happened on my side where my supporters found me too slow in getting what they wanted and decided that they would do away with the whole thing, me included. Once I have my citizenship, I will use my unique brand of politics to get into the position that gives me the power to accomplish my goals of equality and education for all peoples.”

This intrigued Fluttershy as bit. “I am sorry, but um, we don't have elections.”

Bob cocked an eyebrow. “What do you have then?”

“We don't have anything like that. Just our princesses and the noble ponies.”

“Nobility? And I thought this place was a paradise,” Bob said to Discord.

“For ponies,” Discord corrected. Adopting a scholarly tone, the little lord of chaos explained, “Elections are chaotic, and because of Celestia's battle on all things chaotic, there are none in Equestria. Most of the powerful positions are held by unicorns, while the lower ones are held by those possessing political talents regardless of breeds.”

“I guess my work towards a political system that represents everyone has not come to an end,” Seapony Bob commented with a sigh. To the others, he looked excited for what was to come despite what he said, and something about his sureness in this task reminded Fluttershy of General Derpy.

“We should go check on what they are doing outside,” Fluttershy suggested in a soft voice. Discord and Dinky heard her but Bob was self-absorbed. When they started walking out, he had to put his segway in high gear to catch up.

Author's Note:

I am back from a year long hiatus. If you want me to write more of these stories, I got a lot of backlog writing for this story. It wouldn't be much bother to continue it if you guys want more.