Headnote: This is technically not my story. But with permission from the writer, it has been uploaded to my account because he rarely has access to the internet. This was written by my friend, Viktor Night. I am the editor, and general guy in charge of making it pretty and such. Feel free to give advice and criticism (constructive) to me. I'll take everything I can get. I am also writing a story, so feel free to check back to see what I am capable of!
Solaris is an alicorn born to a family that shuns him like a zebra. He is not allowed to go to school, and is a sibling to the one and only Prince Blueblood. He decides, after a fight with his brother, to run away from the trouble that has plagued him his whole life. But trouble has a way of finding you, no matter how far you run. A friendly windwyrm mother and a pair of spatial superbeings promise to protect him until the time is right for him to begin a journey that may change everything about Equestria.
Yuck, another Alicorn OC story, exactly like the usual
Learn how to avoid the wall of text you got here, by reading this. And read the rest of the guide too, it's really helpful, even for an editor.
Avoid Alicorn OC at all cost, you can't make anything decent with them with this level of writing.
And avoid all this sad past BS, it's a nonsense in the MLP universe, or put an Alternate universe tag to show that in this world it's decent to make a ROYAL child suffer for no reasons. Because there is no logical reason to prefer a mortal royal child over an IMMORTAL one, who's way more able to make the familly powerfull than the useless mortal one.
You know It's a really bad a idea to make your OC an Alicorn, right? I mean, unless you want your audience to be like:
31.media.tumblr.com/8cca551bade7d273795c9dead2986800/tumblr_mwym3h6yoC1rj5jxwo2_250.gif
Then I recommend changing that bit.
Be sure to avoid onomatopoeia, and walls of text. You should create a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker in the story as well. Also, consider using italics instead of caps lock.
Hope this helps.
Not even I can support this story.
Alicorn OC, huh? You're already halfway to Gary Stu status! Now all we need is some angst and a dramatic na— Oh.
Oh joy, another angsty, Gary Stu alicorn OC.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/009/196/spy_facepalm.gif
All in all, this is quite bad. An alicorn OC with a tragic backstory, your chapters are barely a thousand words long, and worst of all, your description gives WAY too much detail on why, where, and how this story was published. It should be a synopsis, not a goddamn excuse note.