3567406 it will only get better man trust me that's not all of the chapter I'm still writing it I will keep this kind of writing up till the end unless its not to liked then I'll reboot the story and I still need some help for my other story it's going to be called The Lone Man I hope I can get you to proofread that to but I'm still working on it so thanks for the help with it man

It's good this far. Tip time: Don't use paragraphs when a character says something. Use comma to separate words, example: "Can I see him, dad?" Try to describe the surroundings with some details. Keep up the good work, and you should get better as you write

I went down to the see Sunny when i talk to her she said, that

appeared there out of no where, so i told he i

What will be in this mysteries Vault

Jesus Christ man get an editor.

3575742 Yeah sorry about that suck at grammar and spelling i don't ask anything from anyone but if they want to edit i'll let them

This story has good potential. The best way to get readers is to find a editor, and proofreader to review each chapter for mistakes.

I am interested... Please, I'm not saying that you suck at grammar, but get an editor. I saw many errors. Consider editing them.

3577962 I will fix the first chapter tomorrow I will try anyway but I'm about to go to work

Is this dead?

3915232 No not dead just working on chapter 2 and its hard to write with school and a job getting in the way

Wait, what the hell was Doc Mitchell doing in Vault 3? He was from Vault 21!
Also, Vault 3 attacked by Legion? What? Have you even BEEN TO Vault 3 in-game? It was populated by FIENDS that slaughtered all the original dwellers when they were trying to contact the outside world.
Also, if Rapahel was a Vault Dweller, why the hell didn't he get a Pip-boy for his tenth birthday?
Good lord, this just raises so many questions...

4006873 Don't worry it hade been a while since I had played it when I wrote planning to fix it, its on my list of things to fix, after a few other things left to fix