Moon Loons

by Super

Death. Yes, death. And Woon.

“Well, that shut it up.” Super heaved the small orb up and tossed it aside. “Who knew it had an off switch?”

“It probably helped that I hit it. A lot.”

Super facehooved. “No, Winter. Beating the shit out of it with a moon rock only made it scream louder.”

“How was I supposed to know tha-”

“Can I speak now?” Joltixx asked. “And quit spelling my name wrong!” Reaching through the computer, he gave the writer a solid kick to the head. A few hours later, the writer came to, and the story resumed itself from where we left off.

“Can I speak now?” Jolttix asked, instinctively flinching as the moon Princess turned towards him.

“I... suppose so. What do you think, strange Pegasus?” She asked, turning towards said Pegasus whom was trying to dig a hole.

“It’s Super, and I guess so, Jolt.” He replied, looking up from his task. “Just try not to say something stupid.”

Jolttix smiled for a moment, but then frowned when he fully processed what his friend had just said.

“Heeeeey-”

“Hi everypony!” The Waffler shouted with glee as he walked into the small camp they had set up, which consisted of a few rocks in a circle. “You’ll never guess what happened to me! I was out walking around and-” The Waffler immediately froze when he saw Super.

“What?” The Pegasus asked, confused at the strange look he had received Without warning, The Waffler suddenly decided now was the best time to break the fourth wall and hide underneath a rock, one which was easily 3 times smaller than him...

“Well.” Skyward said, deciding to chip in. “That just happened.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Winter asked, putting his ear up to the boulder. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!”

“NO!” The rock trembled from the force of their shouts. Somewhere in the Bethesda universe, an entirely unimportant monk-like character fell over laughing, much to the concern of his colleagues.

“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Super asked. “You act like you’ve seen a-”

“YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD, MAN!”

Startled, Super backed away from the rock, slowly. “Jeez, okay I can take a hint. No need to be a dick about-”

“NO!” The Waffler slowly slipped out from underneath his hiding place. “I MEAN YOU’RE-”
“Can we stop with the caps-talk, please?” All heads turned towards Jolttix, who simply shrugged. “Pinkie Pie told me to say it.”

“O...kay then. Getting back on track...” The Waffler, in as calm a tone he could muster said. “You. Are. Dead.”

“Fuck, I said-”

Then, The Waffler produced a severed head from nowhere. The group stared wordlessly at the head for a long while.

“Wait a minute...” Then it clicked. “That’s... me? I’m dead?!” Super asked, his tone surprisingly horrified for a Pegasus that was, not a few moments ago, trying to find a crater to jump into.

“Um... that’s... that's some heavy shit.” Jolttix commented somewhat absentmindedly.

“I’ve seen, and done, worse.” Skyward said before catching a moon rock to the back of the head.

“Nopony likes a showoff, pal.” Winter quickly retrieved his moon rock and then began adding it to his rocket, which at the moment, was only a small pile of the rocks.

“Um... sorry?” The Waffler grinned sheepishly before tossing the head away. Again, there was a long silence.

“So...” Super began. “Why am I dead, and how come I never noticed it until just now?”

“Well... really, it is your fault.” Waffler said, shifting uneasily. It’s not everyday you talk to, or indeed see dead people.

Super felt his eye twitch. “....What.”

“Well, it happened like this...”

- - - - -

“Ow... guess that wasn’t deep enough.” Super rubbed his head, sighing.

"Hey Super! You'll never guess what I just saw!"

Super sighed once more. ‘Greaaaat...’

"Let me guess: A flaming metal ball?"

Waffles opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, blinking in surprise. "Uh, yeah actually. How did you know?

"Lucky guess..." The Pegasus grumbled. "Is it still-"

"On fire? No, not really."

"FUCK." Super cried out. "Well, I guess I go back and tell them I'm stickin around..."

"Hey Super? You didn't happen to find any Coke around did you?" Super fought the urge to plant his face on the moon surface.

"Of course I did! I found a whole bunch because it's so plentiful on the moon. I got too cold, though, so I burned it all! Wasn’t that a great idea?" Super didn't notice it, but Waffle's eye twitched as he spoke. "I found so much, I'm practically made of... Uh, where'd you get that?"

"Oh this?" Waffler asked, pointing with his left hoof towards a wiffle bat with a nail driven through it that was somehow being held by his right hoof. "Nowhere. Hey, what's that?" Super looked in the direction Waffler was pointing in-

-THWACK-

- - - - -

Once again, Super’s eye twitched in frustration. “And WHY exactly did you find it necessary to decapitate me?”

“Uh....”

- - - - -

“Well, that was fun.” Waffler looked to the body on the ground. Then he looked to the bloody wiffle bat in his hoof. “Wait a second... I’ve seen this movie before...”

- - - - -

“So you decapitated me... so I wouldn’t come back as a zompony?”

“Well, that was the general idea.” Super couldn’t help but yet again facehoof. “Wait... wouldn’t that make me a ghost?” A flying rock answered his question, as it passed harmlessly through him.

“Yup.” Winter said, another moon rock bouncing in his hoof. “You’re dead alright.” He threw this one as well. Super tried to intercept it, which ended in it predictably floating right through his hooves, much to his present company’s amusement.

“Well, while this is all very interesting, the whole point of my death was to get me OFF THE FUCKING MOON!”

“QUIT TALKING SO LOUD!” Jolttix yelled back.

“I’M FUCKING DEAD! I’LL TALK AS LOUD AS I-”

“ENOUGH!”

Super immediately clutched at his ears. “Ow... Do you have to yell so loud?”

The Princess was not amused.

“Oh. Um...”

“IT IS BAD ENOUGH WE ARE STUCK UP HERE FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS!” She yelled, shattering the eardrums of many canadians five universes away. “BUT WE SHALL NOT DEAL WITH THEES INCESSANT PRATTLE. EITHER WORK THROUGH THINE DIFFERENCES OR-”

“Hey! Psst!” A slight tug at Winter’s foreleg attracted his attention. “Why’s she yelling?”

“I have no idea.” Winter replied, turning back to the scene. When the image of the pony beside him registered within his insanity addled mind, his first reaction was a quick double take.

“What?” The little voice asked. Winter stared at the owner, mouth agape slightly.

“Uh, guys.”

“INSUFFERABLE, IDIOTIC, AND FURTHERMORE-”

“Guys...” Winter looked to Luna, whom showed no signs of stopping her tirade.

“MOST INCOMPETENT GROUP OF PONIES I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF-”

Luna’s back was turned to Winter, so she could not see him as he hefted a large rock, and began angling it properly for its task.

“IT TOOK ME YEARS TO GO INSANE THE FIRST TIME I WAS HERE, AND WITH YOU IMBECILES I MAY NOT EVEN LAST-”

-THUMP-

That was the sound of a large stone impacting the back of the Moon Princess’ head, and also the sound made when her body went limp and hit the floor.

“DUDE!” Jolttix cried, rushing towards the fallen Goddess. “NOT COOL!”

“Well, now that I have your attention...” Winter pointed a hoof towards the pony beside him. All eyes simultaneously fell on said pony.

“What?” The little voice asked yet again.

“Did I take something and forget about it again?” The Waffler asked, rubbing his eyes with his hooves.

“This... changes very little.” Skyward chipped in as he awoke, once again receiving a rock to the back of the head.

“Again, no one likes a show off.”

“Dude... how did you...” Super looked at the path that the rock had followed, and then to Winter, standing on the opposite side of their fellow Pegasus as he went to retrieve the boulder. “Y'know what? Never mind, this shit stopped making sense in the first chapter...”

“Wha... what?” Jolttix looked to the fallen Princess, than to the newcomer, completely flabbergasted at what he saw.

“THERE’S TWO OF THEM?!”

Comments

[Jolttix]

You, kinda get me super.... It's scary...

[WinterTwister]

dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

[Flutterbreeze]

I totally understand the sort of mood that would compel a person to write this story. I know the feeling all too well, though I haven't actually published a story quite like this yet...
*recalls flashback of high school years in mind*
No, Metamorphosis Rex was crazy in a different sort of way.
"Like this?"
Yes Pinkie, I mean Pinkamena, I mean... erp?

Anyways, I'll read it because I prefer my brains scrambled to fried.
"How about brains bennedict?"
Yes, that too. You scare me though.

Anyways, I couldn't help but notice one grammar error somewhere in there. I'll find it again once the "Bad Gateway" stuff stops derping around. Until then, let them all eat cake! (honestly, cake always helps)

[Flutterbreeze]

Found it!

"mostly from embarrassment then anything else" <-- chapter 1
Than, my friend. Than.

It's a weird word when you say it alone like that. Than.
Anyways, here I am proving two things:
1. I wasn't just saying that so you'd spend the next 300 years or so searching for an error that didn't even exist.
2. I pay too much attention to... well.. stuff.
I'm not OCD, and I don't have OCD either (the pile of blankets sitting on my pool table for the last week proves it). I'm just... well... I don't even know what I am really. Some say crazy, but that's pretty vague. I've considered bipolar, but that doesn't really fit either. Maybe someday science will figure it out.
SCIENCE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS! WHY AM I SHOUTING?
Ok, I'll stop talking (typing) so you can get on with your crazy story now.

[Super]

923246 You my friend, have made my day. I laughed, not making fun of you or anything... just...

"SCIENCE HAS ALL THE ANSWERS!"

Anyway, I appreciate the feedback. It makes me sad that I can't continue this story since I'm afraid if I draw any attention to it, it'll be removed for "Possible Circle-jerking"

[ultra1437]

I don't know why, but this is hilarious.

[FillyCheeseSteak]

"What's your favorite thing about space? Mine is space."
"Space going to space can't wait."
"Space..."
"Space. Trial. Puttin' the system on trial. In space. Space system. On trial. Guilty. Of being in space! Going to space jail!"
"Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again."
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"Space space wanna go to space"
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"Oh. Play cool. Play cool. Here come the space cops. Here come the space cops."
"Help me, space cops. Space cops, help."
"Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going."
"Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space."
"Space. Space."
"I'm going to space."
"Oh boy."
"Yeah yeah yeah okay okay."
"Space. Space. Gonna go to space."
"Space. Space. Go to space."
"Yes. Please. Space."
"Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!"
"Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!"
"Gonna be in space."
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"Ohhhh, space."
"Wanna go to space. Space."
"[humming]"
"Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space."
"I love space. Love space."
"Atmosphere. Black holes. Astronauts. Nebulas. Jupiter. The Big Dipper."
"Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit."
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"Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!"
"Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look."
"Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer."
"Space space wanna go to space"
"Wanna go to -- wanna go to space"
"Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space"
"I'm going to space."
"Space!"
"Space!"
"Hey hey hey hey hey!"
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Hey."
"Hey lady."
"Lady."
"Space!"
"Lady."
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"Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady."
"Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space."
"Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!"
"Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!"
"Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space."
"I love space."
"Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space."
"Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space."
"Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space."
"Gotta go to space."
"Gonna be in space."
"Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space."
"Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion."
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"Going to space."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space."
"Love space. Need to go to space."
"Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space."
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"So much space. Need to see it all."
"You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes."
"Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space."
"Please go to space."
"Space."
"Wanna go to space."
"(excited gasps)"
"Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space."
"Hmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmm. Hmmmmm. Space!"
"Hey lady."
"Hey."
"Lady."
"Hey lady. Lady."
"Hey."
"Lady."
"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!"
"Space? SPACE!"
"I'm in space."
"I'm in space."
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"There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star."
"Getting bored of space."
"Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space."
"Are we in space?"
"We are?"
"Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!"
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"Earth."
"Wanna go to earth."
"Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth."
"Wanna go home."
"Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home."
"Earth earth earth."
"Don't like space. Don't like space."
"It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth."
"SPAAACCCCCE!"
"SPAAACE!"
"YEEEHAAAAAW!"
"Ah!"