Several ponies all find themselves on the moon for one odd reason or another...
The single stupidest thing you will ever read, a story that manages to take every single reference it can and suck the life out of them like a starved bat-pony.
Includes cameos from Winter Twister (creator of Purple/Blue Skies), Waffles of TheWaffler, Jolttix, as well as a brief usage of Skyward Flame, attributed to Wayofthepen... And some others. If you take any of this seriously in any respect, I pity you. I know I didn't.
Strong language is used, so if you have any aversion to words like "Fuck" or "Shit", you have been officially warned. Also, this was released before the ban on "circle jerk" fics, so please don't taze me.
"Well, this can't possibly get any worse." Super thought aloud as he stared out into the void. A few stars burned in that void, but they didn't offer him much comfort. He shivered, the 'air', or lack there-of made this place feel so cold...
"I fucked up." Sighing, he sat on the ground, about to contemplate his actions...
"And here I thought you'd try and make it all 'sciency.'" Super's ears perked up at the sound of a new voice. He turned his head to see...
"No way."
"Eeyup. We just got here too." Jolt said with a less-than sane grin. "I've been here since yesterday, actually."
Super blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes with his hoof, making sure they were real. When they were still here, he asked the obvious question first.
"What the hell are you all doing here?!"
The group of ponies all shrugged, while simultaneously saying: "It's a long story."
Super stared at them in silence, unsure of what exactly to make of the situation.
'This is it. All of my experience and studies are telling me I must be going completely bat shit crazy...'
"Hey guys?" Winter Twister broke the silence. "I've been wondering this whole time; If we're on the moon, how can we still breathe?"
"DON'T say that, you fool!" Jolttix yelled, startling the Pegasus with a hoof to the back of his head. "You'll start suffocating if you do!"
"Bah, that's just stu-URK." Winter was cut off as he suddenly realized he could no longer breathe.
"I TOLD you!" Jolttix stuck his tongue out in triumph as Winter began choking from asphyxiation.
"I can breathe in space! I can breathe in space!" He shouted quickly with his last breaths as he suddenly went limp and began floating away. Super flew up to his fellow Pegasus and quickly pulled him back to the moon, where miraculously he started breathing again.
"Well, while this is all very interesting, I really need a drink. Now." Waffler said, rubbing his head in his hooves to fight off an oncoming headache.
"Waffles, there is no alcohol on the moon." Jolttix pointed out with a sigh. "I could go for a drink right now too..."
Waffler paled at the realization. "B-But what about moonshine?"
The whole group, even the unconscious Winter Twister, facehoofed.
"Well, what the hell are we going to do?" Super said, rubbing his temples. "Sit here in the void of space for... how long are we supposed to be up here again?"
"That's just it!" Joltixx shouted with triumph, startling Winter awake. "As soon as the Princess realizes she's made a mistake, she'll bring us back, right?"
"Actually no." All heads turned to the source of the new, more regal voice.
"Oh great. We're screwed." Winter shook his head and sighed.
"Ah balls." Super facehoofed again. "So much for that."
"L-Luna?" Joltixx stammered.
Princess Luna gave the group a sheepish smile and a shrug. "In my anger... I kind of... sentmyselfhereonaccident..."
"Oh..." Jolt stared blankly for a moment before smiling again. "That's fine! I'm sure your sister will-"
"Left on a trip to Aeries to meet with the gryphon king."
The group stared in silent resentment, causing the Princess of the night to squirm a bit, mostly from embarrassment then anything else.
"Okay..." Super began, taking in a deep breath to keep from having an outburst. "It's okay... Alright, how long are we supposed to be up here?"
Luna began to fidget more. "Well... I set the spell for... three-hundred years..."
The group just stared in silence again.
Super peered over the edge of the crater they stood on the precipice of. "I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me? Probably not."
"This already sucks." Said Waffler, rubbing his head as the withdrawal began to set in. "I wonder what my hero would do in this situation?"
Somewhere in an alternate univerese...
"I just freebased coke out of a fishbowl! YEAHHHHHHH" Ted Nugent screamed and then died for becoming an internet meme.
Back on the moon...
"How are we supposed to eat? How are we supposed to survive?" Asked Winter, whom was surprisingly concerning himself with real world issues.
"Good to see everypony's confident..." Skyward remarked sarcastically.
"Who the FUCK are you?" Waffler practically screamed at the new arrival, who just shrugged in response.
"The pony from your nightmares!" The strange Pegasus spread his odd metallic wings and laughed. If he was trying to intimidate, it went right over Waffler's head. The rest of the group were too focused on their own problems to care.
"FUCK IT, I'm building a rocket to Equestria!" Twister shouted, a manic grin playing out on his face.
"You don't have the materials." Jolt pointed out drearily.
"Fuck you! I have moon rocks!"
"...might help if you build a brain first..." Super muttered under his breath.
A loud, annoyed snort came from Winter Twister. "This kind of shit wouldn't even happen if you idiots didn't-"
"Well... maybe things aren't all bad." Everpony turned to Jolttix, who now shared the Princess' grin. "The Princess has a lot of magic, right?"
Slow nods came from all around.
"Well, why doesn't she just-" A small clicking noise cut him off, drawing both the groups' ire and attention.
"Hey guys! I found my typewriter!" Super happily exclaimed. The rest of the group just gave him an empty stare as he pressed 'buttons' on what looked like a large rounded moon rock.
"Well, the 'psycho smart' people always lose it first..." Winter remarked, drawing a circle beside his head with his hoof to accentuate his point.
"So true!" Super exclaimed, slamming his hooves down on the 'buttons' with an expression of mad glee on his face. This time instead of a clicking noise, there was a loud beeping. Everypony turned towards Super again, whose face was contorted in confusion.
"I don't think my typewriter ever did that before..." Jolttix and Luna looked over his shoulder, Jolt sharing his look of confusion while Luna's eyes widened in horror.
"I've never seen that before in all my life. What do you think your..." Jolttix looked up to see The Princess frantically galloping away.
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" She shouted loud enough to make the moon shake.
Super turned back to the typewriter, yanking it from the ground with his hooves with a loud grunt.
"Huh. I don't remember my typewriter being so round. Or having numbers on it."
"Round? Numbers?" Jolttix looked at the side of the strange metal balloon Super had yanked from the surface of the moon.
Green glowing numbers were slowly counting down...
23 22 21 20 19
"RUN!" Jolttix screamed. Super watched the unicorn's gallop for a while before chucking the foreign object into space and following the now panicked group of ponies.
A few seconds later, the had moon was enveloped in an odd light, accompanied by a thick grey mist for a few moments before clearing. The only noticeable change was that, for some odd reason, the full-moon that was scheduled for tonight was now a crescent one. Nopony in Equestria contemplated the cause or the meaning of the mysterious change for more than five seconds.
"Well... that was eventful." Super calmly dusted himself off, now somewhat sobered from the sudden blast of moondust and flying moonrocks.
"Nooo! My moon rocks!" Super turned to see a grieving Winter Twister, clutching pebbles that were once his beloved moon rocks, eyes welling with tears.
"They're... *sniff* they're..." Winter's eyes shot up, widening in wonderment. His face wore a maddened grin as he shouted out: "BEAUTIFUL!", immediately dropping the pebbles and rushing over to a new pile of gleaming grey rocks.
"You're serious about that whole 'rocket ship' thing, aren't you?" Jolttix, still reeling slightly from the blast.
"Maaaybe..."
Jolt shook his head, "Well, that didn't take too long. How's everypony else holding up?"
"Not quite into withdrawal yet." Waffler said. "But I can feel the headache coming on..."
"Okay, so that basically means we have about an hour to live." Super again looked down the now enlarged crater. "Still not high enough. Damn."
"Hey guys... where's Luna?"
The pile of moon rocks shuddered, causing the five ponies to slowly turn their heads. A muffled voice was heard, causing Winter to excitedly bounce up and down.
"IT'S ALIVE!" He declared, laughing evilly as suddenly the rocks exploded outward, revealing an unamused moon goddess.
"We are here. We wish to know why thou thought it was best to handle heavy explosive ordinance by pushing buttons on said ordinance..."
Everyone, excluding Super and Jolttix, looked absolutely dumbfounded at the Princess' words, Jolt muttering something about angry beauty...
"In my defense." Super began. "I wasn't in my right mind. Which reminds me, if we're going to stay here for any amount of time, we should probably get a few things to do so we don't go mad with boredom."
"Why doesn't the writer just put us back in Equestria?" All heads once again turned towards Winter. "I mean, he just kinda wrote us up here, hell I don't even remember how I-"
"Stop it!" Jolttix suddenly cried out. "You're not aloud to break the 4th wall, Winter! Horrible things are going to happen!" He began cowering on the ground, holding his head in his hooves and shaking. Everyone stared at him confused.
"What the hell is that even-"
"YOU!" Winter froze, turning to meet the eyes of... Pinkie Pie?
Before Winter could react, Pinkie somehow produced an aluminum baseball bat out of thin air, hitting him over the head hard, complete with cartoon sound effects.
"Nopony breaks the 4th wall around here except for me! Got it buster?" Clutching his throbbing forehead, Winter Twister rapidly nodded in affirmative. Pinkie Pie then produced a small cake tin, sealing herself inside it (despite being several times larger then it's total capacity) as it grew rocket thrusters and launched her into space, back towards the planet 'above'.
Everypony sat in uneasy silence, unsure of what to say.
"Well." Skyward began. "I'm gonna pretend I never saw any of that."
"Agreed." Everypony said in unison, returning to their own problems.
"Right then, so as I was saying..." Super surveyed the rather open (excluding the crater) space that was the moon surface. "I can see a pool table here... maybe a computer there, A T,V set, maybe a water slide..."
"Um..."
"And a liquor cabinet." Waffler insisted.
"Right." Super agreed. "Can't have a party without inebriation. So a liquor cabinet of some kind..."
"I'm afraid not boys." Luna interjected, another sheepish smile plastered dumbly on her face. "Magic is limited on the moon. I can't make things like that here."
"What!? How did you keep from going crazy then?" Jolttix asked, immediately regretting the words.
"I didn't." Luna replied coldly, turning away from the broken, somewhat flustered unicorn. "The moon is supposed to be a punishment. It wouldn't be very punishing if you could just party your sentence away..."
"So what exactly are we supposed to do?" Skyward asked, absentmindedly poking the moon with an oddly serrated wing.
The question caused the group to pause. They were stuck up on the moon for what may possibly be hundreds of years with absolutely nothing to do but pester each-other. Silence was once again shared between the six ponies as they briefly contemplated what life would be like for the next few years...
"Welp." Winter said, breaking the silence. "I'm going to start building my rocket. Scuse me..." Winter said, galloping back to his moon rock collection.
"I'm going to go freebase coke out of a fishbowl." The Waffler declared, trotting off in the opposite direction, leaving everypony wondering how he got those mysterious sun glasses...
"I feel like cutting things." Skyward said, his wings suddenly becoming sharp as knives as he angled himself downward and began cutting into the barren surface, soon disappearing in the tubular hole that was created.
Strangely enough, as he disappeared underground, mysterious text appeared at the bottom of the screen.
Skyward Flame uses Dig!
Too many strange things already having happened today, the group choose to ignore it with the hope it would just go away.
The Waffler, still in earshot, shouted after him. "If you find any Gargle Blaster down there, it's mine!" He said, his eye twitching slightly. "No beer and tv make Waffles go something...something..."
"Go crazy?" Jolt offered.
"Don't mind if I do, RAWAHWAHWAHGRRRR!!!" The Waffler screamed, running in the opposite direction, leaving the remainder of the group confused.
(Somewhere in the Equestrian suburbs...)
"Wat dis?" Perry Piekinski asked himself, looking at his computer with mild confusion. He was on Fimfiction.net, combing through the extensive fanfiction archives for something funny when he found something disturbing.
Moon Loons. The Waffler and several of his friends were stuck on the moon...
...for several hundred years.
Perry gasped. If Waffles was on the moon, what would happen to him? Would he disappear from fanfiction forever? What about Cupcakes asskicking?
"Trixie!" His girlfriend, whom was beside him in an instant, looked upon him with worry.
"What can Trixie help you-"
"No time!" He shouted, knocking Trixie on her haunches. "Grab me shirt!"
Trixie looked at the obviously insane human with a mixture of confusion and amusement before grabbing a tuft of his shirt in her teeth.
What happened next, scientists to this day still argue over.
The roof to Perry's house exploded, as the human flew off into the sky, dragging Trixie by her teeth, a rainbow trail following him as he screamed out one word, a word that echoed from Equestria to Aeries.
"ADVEEEEEENTUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR!!!!!"
(Meanwhile, back on track)
"I'm going to go look for a deeper crater... thank Goddess Winter wasn't able to hear-"
"THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!" A voice boomed and echoed throughout the moon, causing Super to groan in annoyance as he angrily trotted off, muttering something about earmuffs and spell checkers...
Jolttix sighed, then an idea popped into his head when he realized he was alone with the Princess. An idea that made him smile."Well, Luna." He began. "I guess it's just you and-"
"Mr. Strings, please be aware that all other aspects of my magic are working fine, and I would not regret using it to throw you into orbit." Luna stated calmly, glaring warily at the musical unicorn.
"Ehehe... right. You probably just need your space. Pardon me, your highness." He tried to say as politely as he could before scampering off in another direction, doing his best to avoid Luna's gaze.
'Wasn't able to stay sane the last time I was here, and certainly won't with those foals running around...' The moon goddess thought as she sighed, looking 'up' at the ball of green and blue that was Equestria.
A small gleam caused her to jump. She squinted, trying to see what sort of object was heading their way.
'Is that a meteor? I do pray it is not another bomb...' She sighed in relief when she saw it was nothing more then a bit of trash, metal perhaps from a meteor that broke apart long ago.
Then she saw it... move.
'Is that... is that thing blinking at me?'
Luna then became aware of how fast it was moving... and that it was moving straight for her.
"AH!" With a shriek, she gracefully jumped out of the way of the hunk of space debris, landing on her head in a very ladylike fashion. The object hit the moon with force, but caused no tremors and created no craters, save for the small hole in the ground it was now lodged in.
Luna carefully got to her hooves, cautiously approaching the strange object before a strange, electronic voice rang out:
"OhMYGOD, OHMYGOD! I'M IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
About an hour later, Skyward emerged on the dark side of the moon. As he poked his head above the surface, he frowned.
"Must have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque..." Just before the mole-Pegasus returned below the surface, an incredibly bright light shined right next to his hole.
"Hello? Is someone out there? Can you please help me? I'm stuck!"
Skyward froze, turning slowly to the sound of the strangely electronic-sounding voice...
And then he was sure he had finally gone mad.
There was a little white ball with a blue center... and it was talking to him.
“Ah! Finally! Do you think you could... wait a minute. You’re not a person! You’re a horse!” Skyward stared blankly at the talking eyeball, causing it to groan in response.
“Great! Stuck up here with a dumb farm animal... How is that even possible?” That part managed to register within his mind, his blank expression melting into a disapproving scowl as one of his sharpened wings shifted dangerously close to the glowing eye of the object.
“Oh dear... that’s quite sharp.” The object said, at first not quite realizing it was inching closer. Once it had, the small blue ‘iris’ shrunk down to a pinprick.
“Wanna try that again?” Skyward asked, his own eyes narrowing on it’s ‘eye’.
“It talks?!” The eyeball blurted out before it’s pupil shrank once more. “Uhm, yes, that would be lovely, uhm... if you could just pull me out of this hole here...”
Skyward tilted his head to the side in mock confusion.
“Just, you know, uh... grab the handle and pull me up...” The ball said, motioning with its 'eye' thing towards the handle like protrusion growing out of the edges of the sphere.
Skyward stared blankly for a few more moments before turning around and crawling back into his own crater.
“No, No wait! Come back! Please come back!” The eyeball pleaded. Suddenly, the Pegasus’ head popped back up above ground.
“I’m just fuckin with ya. I’ll be right there.” Skyward said, a wry smile on his face as he moved back towards his new friend.
“Oh. Humor. Yes, I see. Ha ha ha ha ha.”
Ignoring the robot, Skyward grabbed the strange handle like part of the eyeball in his teeth, and, with a quick pull, yanked it out of its makeshift socket.
“AHHHHH... oh. We’re okay. Alright then mister... horse... thing. I believe introductions are in order.”
“Sure. Whatever.” The Pegasus said, trotting back to the hole he came from.
“My name is... what are you doing?” The eye ball asked, trying to glance behind itself.
“That’s an odd name.” The Pegasus replied, lining the eyeball up with the hole.
“Oh, not again...” Without warning, Skyward dropped the poor robot down the hole before jumping down soon after.
- - - -
“Space, I’m in space. Space. Space space, watch out space. Space is in me. Space.”
“What the fuck is that thing on about?” Jolt asked, gently prodding it with his hoof.
“Space. Space. I’m in space. Uhoh here comes the space cops. Space cops going to take us to space jail. Space.”
“I... honestly have no idea.” Luna replied, prodding it with a hoof of her own. “It seems to like space...”
In his mind, Jolt saw him placing his hoof over Luna's, looking to her, and smiling. The smile in his mind drifted to his face in real life as he slowly lifted his hoof-
“OHMYGODOHMYGOD! I’M IN SPAAAAAAAA-” The robot’s sudden scream caused both ponies to jump back... with Jolttix falling into the hole Luna had managed to dislodge it from earlier.
“WHY IS IT SO LOUD?” Super asked, returning unsuccessful in finding another method of suicide.
“AAAAAAAAAAA-”
“I DON’T KNOW! MAYBE IT’S BROKEN?” Luna replied, hooves over her ears. “GODDESS, MAKE IT STOP!”
“AAAAAAA- Yep, I’m in space.”
With a sigh of relief, Luna lifted the sphere up in front of the trio, holding it in the air with her magic.
“So. What are we going to do with you?”
“Yup, Space cops. Here comes the space cops. They’re taking me to space jail. Yep we’re going to space jail. Space.”
“It seems to like space. I say we chuck it into orbit.” Super offered, rubbing his temples. “My head was already hurting. Damn caffeine cravings...”
“I say we bury it under Winter’s moon rock collection-” Jolttix offered, then flinched.
“WHAT’D YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOON ROCKS?” A scream echoed throughout the moon.
“WE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR DAMN MOON ROCKS.” Super yelled back in the voice's general direction.
“OH.” It yelled in reply, then fell silent.
“Jolt, new rule.” Super began, shaking his head. “From now on, don’t say anything unless someone asks you to.”
“Fuck you.” Jolt retorted while glaring at his friend.
“Actually, I agree with this.” Luna spoke up from her held silence.
Jolt looked from the moon goddess to Super, before sighing in defeat, nodding at the Princess, showing that he would follow her command.
(And now we take a break to do something silly)
-In an alternate universe, somewhere far far away.... BUT NOT THAT FAR.-
“Ever have one of those days where you feel like something’s just going to go wrong?” Larry asked his friend Bill while stopped out in the middle of the road at night. They were hauling gasoline to the next town over, and figured they could stop for a lunch break..
“Nah.” He replied, taking a swig from a small flask he always seemed to carry around.
And then the truck exploded.
(Now, sort of getting back on track)...
The Waffler continued his long search across the barren surface of the moon. He was having trouble finding a fishbowl. Or coke for that matter.
He looked ‘up’ out into space and... what he saw next he would never be able to explain.
A large flaming ball of metal hit the moon inches from where he was standing. He stared wide eyed at the large Conoco logo slowly melting away from the intense heat of the flames. He had no idea what it was... and yet, it felt strangely familiar to him.
He got a strange feeling urging him to back away several feet, which turned out to be a smart idea as the foreign object exploded into little bits of shrapnel. Luckily, every bit of it missed Waffles, all of it floating out into space where it wouldn’t ever hurt anyone ever again.
Except maybe aliens.
But those aren’t real, are they?
Nope. Totally not real.
(Many lightyears away...)
“No. You can’t do that.” A rather angry looking editor reprimanded the lazy writer. “You already did that once in the chapter. Get back on track. Now.”
With a sigh, the writer then wrote us back to where we should be: on the moon.
(Back on track... again.)
“What the fuck was that?” Jolttix asked, only to get punched in the back of the head. “What the fuck was that for?” Jolttix asked, turning to Super, only to get another hoof to the back of the head.
“We think this is a sufficient punishment for violating our agreement.” Luna said, grinning. Jolt opened his mouth to protest, and then stopped himself when Luna raised her hoof to strike him.
A loud rumbling noise caught everyone’s attention as a part of the stone surface suddenly burst open, revealing the mole-Pegasus and his new friend, still clenched in his teeth.
“‘Ey guysh.” Skyward began through closed jaws. “Yush ‘ever ‘elieve ‘at I...” He stopped when he saw the other eyeball, this one with a strange yellow light.
“Oh great.” The blue one said. “Him. Again.” Dropping the eyeball to the ground, Skyward wordlessly examined the new sphere, despite protests from the old one.
“Space.” It repeated over and over again. He looked to the blue one. Then to the yellow one. Then back to the blue one.
“I kind of like the yellow one better.” He said. “At least that one doesn’t call me names.” He grumbled, his wings flaring in anger.
“Wait, that one actually talks? And knows more then one word?” Super asked, moving closer to the glowing blue sphere.
“Yes, yes I do!” The sphere said in a frantic tones.
“Interesting.” Luna added, standing on the other side of the eyeball. “I wonder if perhaps they are some indigenous species-"
“No, actually, we’re not." The blue eyeball cut her off. "You see, my name is-”
And those were the last words our poor Wheatly every spoke.
Without warning, a large stone boulder found it's landing right on top of the unfortunate robot, crushing it to bits. Thankfully, he went peacefully. Well, as peaceful as any robot ever could, with a few shrill electronic screams and robotic beeps before the light finally went out.
All stared wide-eyed and mouth agape at Winter, whom was dancing atop of the boulder, an expression of wicked glee across his face. When he noticed everypony staring at him, he just shrugged.
“He was evil.” Claimed the Pegasus. “Trust me. One-hundred percent evil.”
“Well, that shut it up.” Super heaved the small orb up and tossed it aside. “Who knew it had an off switch?”
“It probably helped that I hit it. A lot.”
Super facehooved. “No, Winter. Beating the shit out of it with a moon rock only made it scream louder.”
“How was I supposed to know tha-”
“Can I speak now?” Joltixx asked. “And quit spelling my name wrong!” Reaching through the computer, he gave the writer a solid kick to the head. A few hours later, the writer came to, and the story resumed itself from where we left off.
“Can I speak now?” Jolttix asked, instinctively flinching as the moon Princess turned towards him.
“I... suppose so. What do you think, strange Pegasus?” She asked, turning towards said Pegasus whom was trying to dig a hole.
“It’s Super, and I guess so, Jolt.” He replied, looking up from his task. “Just try not to say something stupid.”
Jolttix smiled for a moment, but then frowned when he fully processed what his friend had just said.
“Heeeeey-”
“Hi everypony!” The Waffler shouted with glee as he walked into the small camp they had set up, which consisted of a few rocks in a circle. “You’ll never guess what happened to me! I was out walking around and-” The Waffler immediately froze when he saw Super.
“What?” The Pegasus asked, confused at the strange look he had received Without warning, The Waffler suddenly decided now was the best time to break the fourth wall and hide underneath a rock, one which was easily 3 times smaller than him...
“Well.” Skyward said, deciding to chip in. “That just happened.”
“What’s wrong with him?” Winter asked, putting his ear up to the boulder. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!”
“NO!” The rock trembled from the force of their shouts. Somewhere in the Bethesda universe, an entirely unimportant monk-like character fell over laughing, much to the concern of his colleagues.
“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Super asked. “You act like you’ve seen a-”
“YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD, MAN!”
Startled, Super backed away from the rock, slowly. “Jeez, okay I can take a hint. No need to be a dick about-”
“NO!” The Waffler slowly slipped out from underneath his hiding place. “I MEAN YOU’RE-” “Can we stop with the caps-talk, please?” All heads turned towards Jolttix, who simply shrugged. “Pinkie Pie told me to say it.”
“O...kay then. Getting back on track...” The Waffler, in as calm a tone he could muster said. “You. Are. Dead.”
“Fuck, I said-”
Then, The Waffler produced a severed head from nowhere. The group stared wordlessly at the head for a long while.
“Wait a minute...” Then it clicked. “That’s... me? I’m dead?!” Super asked, his tone surprisingly horrified for a Pegasus that was, not a few moments ago, trying to find a crater to jump into.
“Um... that’s... that's some heavy shit.” Jolttix commented somewhat absentmindedly.
“I’ve seen, and done, worse.” Skyward said before catching a moon rock to the back of the head.
“Nopony likes a showoff, pal.” Winter quickly retrieved his moon rock and then began adding it to his rocket, which at the moment, was only a small pile of the rocks.
“Um... sorry?” The Waffler grinned sheepishly before tossing the head away. Again, there was a long silence.
“So...” Super began. “Why am I dead, and how come I never noticed it until just now?”
“Well... really, it is your fault.” Waffler said, shifting uneasily. It’s not everyday you talk to, or indeed see dead people.
Super felt his eye twitch. “....What.”
“Well, it happened like this...”
- - - - -
“Ow... guess that wasn’t deep enough.” Super rubbed his head, sighing.
"Hey Super! You'll never guess what I just saw!"
Super sighed once more. ‘Greaaaat...’
"Let me guess: A flaming metal ball?"
Waffles opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, blinking in surprise. "Uh, yeah actually. How did you know?
"Lucky guess..." The Pegasus grumbled. "Is it still-"
"On fire? No, not really."
"FUCK." Super cried out. "Well, I guess I go back and tell them I'm stickin around..."
"Hey Super? You didn't happen to find any Coke around did you?" Super fought the urge to plant his face on the moon surface.
"Of course I did! I found a whole bunch because it's so plentiful on the moon. I got too cold, though, so I burned it all! Wasn’t that a great idea?" Super didn't notice it, but Waffle's eye twitched as he spoke. "I found so much, I'm practically made of... Uh, where'd you get that?"
"Oh this?" Waffler asked, pointing with his left hoof towards a wiffle bat with a nail driven through it that was somehow being held by his right hoof. "Nowhere. Hey, what's that?" Super looked in the direction Waffler was pointing in-
-THWACK-
- - - - -
Once again, Super’s eye twitched in frustration. “And WHY exactly did you find it necessary to decapitate me?”
“Uh....”
- - - - -
“Well, that was fun.” Waffler looked to the body on the ground. Then he looked to the bloody wiffle bat in his hoof. “Wait a second... I’ve seen this movie before...”
- - - - -
“So you decapitated me... so I wouldn’t come back as a zompony?”
“Well, that was the general idea.” Super couldn’t help but yet again facehoof. “Wait... wouldn’t that make me a ghost?” A flying rock answered his question, as it passed harmlessly through him.
“Yup.” Winter said, another moon rock bouncing in his hoof. “You’re dead alright.” He threw this one as well. Super tried to intercept it, which ended in it predictably floating right through his hooves, much to his present company’s amusement.
“Well, while this is all very interesting, the whole point of my death was to get me OFF THE FUCKING MOON!”
“QUIT TALKING SO LOUD!” Jolttix yelled back.
“I’M FUCKING DEAD! I’LL TALK AS LOUD AS I-”
“ENOUGH!”
Super immediately clutched at his ears. “Ow... Do you have to yell so loud?”
The Princess was not amused.
“Oh. Um...”
“IT IS BAD ENOUGH WE ARE STUCK UP HERE FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS!” She yelled, shattering the eardrums of many canadians five universes away. “BUT WE SHALL NOT DEAL WITH THEES INCESSANT PRATTLE. EITHER WORK THROUGH THINE DIFFERENCES OR-”
“Hey! Psst!” A slight tug at Winter’s foreleg attracted his attention. “Why’s she yelling?”
“I have no idea.” Winter replied, turning back to the scene. When the image of the pony beside him registered within his insanity addled mind, his first reaction was a quick double take.
“What?” The little voice asked. Winter stared at the owner, mouth agape slightly.
“Uh, guys.”
“INSUFFERABLE, IDIOTIC, AND FURTHERMORE-”
“Guys...” Winter looked to Luna, whom showed no signs of stopping her tirade.
“MOST INCOMPETENT GROUP OF PONIES I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF-”
Luna’s back was turned to Winter, so she could not see him as he hefted a large rock, and began angling it properly for its task.
“IT TOOK ME YEARS TO GO INSANE THE FIRST TIME I WAS HERE, AND WITH YOU IMBECILES I MAY NOT EVEN LAST-”
-THUMP-
That was the sound of a large stone impacting the back of the Moon Princess’ head, and also the sound made when her body went limp and hit the floor.
“DUDE!” Jolttix cried, rushing towards the fallen Goddess. “NOT COOL!”
“Well, now that I have your attention...” Winter pointed a hoof towards the pony beside him. All eyes simultaneously fell on said pony.
“What?” The little voice asked yet again.
“Did I take something and forget about it again?” The Waffler asked, rubbing his eyes with his hooves.
“This... changes very little.” Skyward chipped in as he awoke, once again receiving a rock to the back of the head.
“Again, no one likes a show off.”
“Dude... how did you...” Super looked at the path that the rock had followed, and then to Winter, standing on the opposite side of their fellow Pegasus as he went to retrieve the boulder. “Y'know what? Never mind, this shit stopped making sense in the first chapter...”
“Wha... what?” Jolttix looked to the fallen Princess, than to the newcomer, completely flabbergasted at what he saw.
