//------------------------------// // Death. Yes, death. And Woon. // Story: Moon Loons // by Super //------------------------------// “Well, that shut it up.” Super heaved the small orb up and tossed it aside. “Who knew it had an off switch?” “It probably helped that I hit it. A lot.” Super facehooved. “No, Winter. Beating the shit out of it with a moon rock only made it scream louder.” “How was I supposed to know tha-” “Can I speak now?” Joltixx asked. “And quit spelling my name wrong!” Reaching through the computer, he gave the writer a solid kick to the head. A few hours later, the writer came to, and the story resumed itself from where we left off. “Can I speak now?” Jolttix asked, instinctively flinching as the moon Princess turned towards him. “I... suppose so. What do you think, strange Pegasus?” She asked, turning towards said Pegasus whom was trying to dig a hole. “It’s Super, and I guess so, Jolt.” He replied, looking up from his task. “Just try not to say something stupid.” Jolttix smiled for a moment, but then frowned when he fully processed what his friend had just said. “Heeeeey-” “Hi everypony!” The Waffler shouted with glee as he walked into the small camp they had set up, which consisted of a few rocks in a circle. “You’ll never guess what happened to me! I was out walking around and-” The Waffler immediately froze when he saw Super. “What?” The Pegasus asked, confused at the strange look he had received Without warning, The Waffler suddenly decided now was the best time to break the fourth wall and hide underneath a rock, one which was easily 3 times smaller than him... “Well.” Skyward said, deciding to chip in. “That just happened.” “What’s wrong with him?” Winter asked, putting his ear up to the boulder. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!” “NO!” The rock trembled from the force of their shouts. Somewhere in the Bethesda universe, an entirely unimportant monk-like character fell over laughing, much to the concern of his colleagues. “What the fuck is your problem, man?” Super asked. “You act like you’ve seen a-” “YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD, MAN!” Startled, Super backed away from the rock, slowly. “Jeez, okay I can take a hint. No need to be a dick about-” “NO!” The Waffler slowly slipped out from underneath his hiding place. “I MEAN YOU’RE-” “Can we stop with the caps-talk, please?” All heads turned towards Jolttix, who simply shrugged. “Pinkie Pie told me to say it.” “O...kay then. Getting back on track...” The Waffler, in as calm a tone he could muster said. “You. Are. Dead.” “Fuck, I said-” Then, The Waffler produced a severed head from nowhere. The group stared wordlessly at the head for a long while. “Wait a minute...” Then it clicked. “That’s... me? I’m dead?!” Super asked, his tone surprisingly horrified for a Pegasus that was, not a few moments ago, trying to find a crater to jump into. “Um... that’s... that's some heavy shit.” Jolttix commented somewhat absentmindedly. “I’ve seen, and done, worse.” Skyward said before catching a moon rock to the back of the head. “Nopony likes a showoff, pal.” Winter quickly retrieved his moon rock and then began adding it to his rocket, which at the moment, was only a small pile of the rocks. “Um... sorry?” The Waffler grinned sheepishly before tossing the head away. Again, there was a long silence. “So...” Super began. “Why am I dead, and how come I never noticed it until just now?” “Well... really, it is your fault.” Waffler said, shifting uneasily. It’s not everyday you talk to, or indeed see dead people. Super felt his eye twitch. “....What.” “Well, it happened like this...” - - - - - “Ow... guess that wasn’t deep enough.” Super rubbed his head, sighing. "Hey Super! You'll never guess what I just saw!" Super sighed once more. ‘Greaaaat...’ "Let me guess: A flaming metal ball?" Waffles opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, blinking in surprise. "Uh, yeah actually. How did you know? "Lucky guess..." The Pegasus grumbled. "Is it still-" "On fire? No, not really." "FUCK." Super cried out. "Well, I guess I go back and tell them I'm stickin around..." "Hey Super? You didn't happen to find any Coke around did you?" Super fought the urge to plant his face on the moon surface. "Of course I did! I found a whole bunch because it's so plentiful on the moon. I got too cold, though, so I burned it all! Wasn’t that a great idea?" Super didn't notice it, but Waffle's eye twitched as he spoke. "I found so much, I'm practically made of... Uh, where'd you get that?" "Oh this?" Waffler asked, pointing with his left hoof towards a wiffle bat with a nail driven through it that was somehow being held by his right hoof. "Nowhere. Hey, what's that?" Super looked in the direction Waffler was pointing in- -THWACK- - - - - - Once again, Super’s eye twitched in frustration. “And WHY exactly did you find it necessary to decapitate me?” “Uh....” - - - - - “Well, that was fun.” Waffler looked to the body on the ground. Then he looked to the bloody wiffle bat in his hoof. “Wait a second... I’ve seen this movie before...” - - - - - “So you decapitated me... so I wouldn’t come back as a zompony?” “Well, that was the general idea.” Super couldn’t help but yet again facehoof. “Wait... wouldn’t that make me a ghost?” A flying rock answered his question, as it passed harmlessly through him. “Yup.” Winter said, another moon rock bouncing in his hoof. “You’re dead alright.” He threw this one as well. Super tried to intercept it, which ended in it predictably floating right through his hooves, much to his present company’s amusement. “Well, while this is all very interesting, the whole point of my death was to get me OFF THE FUCKING MOON!” “QUIT TALKING SO LOUD!” Jolttix yelled back. “I’M FUCKING DEAD! I’LL TALK AS LOUD AS I-” “ENOUGH!” Super immediately clutched at his ears. “Ow... Do you have to yell so loud?” The Princess was not amused. “Oh. Um...” “IT IS BAD ENOUGH WE ARE STUCK UP HERE FOR THREE HUNDRED YEARS!” She yelled, shattering the eardrums of many canadians five universes away. “BUT WE SHALL NOT DEAL WITH THEES INCESSANT PRATTLE. EITHER WORK THROUGH THINE DIFFERENCES OR-” “Hey! Psst!” A slight tug at Winter’s foreleg attracted his attention. “Why’s she yelling?” “I have no idea.” Winter replied, turning back to the scene. When the image of the pony beside him registered within his insanity addled mind, his first reaction was a quick double take. “What?” The little voice asked. Winter stared at the owner, mouth agape slightly. “Uh, guys.” “INSUFFERABLE, IDIOTIC, AND FURTHERMORE-” “Guys...” Winter looked to Luna, whom showed no signs of stopping her tirade. “MOST INCOMPETENT GROUP OF PONIES I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF-” Luna’s back was turned to Winter, so she could not see him as he hefted a large rock, and began angling it properly for its task. “IT TOOK ME YEARS TO GO INSANE THE FIRST TIME I WAS HERE, AND WITH YOU IMBECILES I MAY NOT EVEN LAST-” -THUMP- That was the sound of a large stone impacting the back of the Moon Princess’ head, and also the sound made when her body went limp and hit the floor. “DUDE!” Jolttix cried, rushing towards the fallen Goddess. “NOT COOL!” “Well, now that I have your attention...” Winter pointed a hoof towards the pony beside him. All eyes simultaneously fell on said pony. “What?” The little voice asked yet again. “Did I take something and forget about it again?” The Waffler asked, rubbing his eyes with his hooves. “This... changes very little.” Skyward chipped in as he awoke, once again receiving a rock to the back of the head. “Again, no one likes a show off.” “Dude... how did you...” Super looked at the path that the rock had followed, and then to Winter, standing on the opposite side of their fellow Pegasus as he went to retrieve the boulder. “Y'know what? Never mind, this shit stopped making sense in the first chapter...” “Wha... what?” Jolttix looked to the fallen Princess, than to the newcomer, completely flabbergasted at what he saw. “THERE’S TWO OF THEM?!”