SS 2 - Writing Is Hard. Distraction Time.
AGH, I HATE MY BRAIN, EAT ALL THE TOOTHPASTES, AGH.
Apologies for not updating the story for a month. You may rage in the comments if you so wish. So here's my Distraction Chapter, to distract you till next chapter.
Connery NotEvilGuy in...
SCREW LOGIC
Twilight Sparkle had an unanswered question. A question that had been mind-boggling, and had gone unanswered ever since 2 minutes ago. A question, that if asked to the gods, they would probably scratch their heads in confusion. Or, probably not. The one million bit question...
Who ate the apple pie?
It was a normal day in the town of Ponyville. (Well, as normal as it could get in Ponyville.) Twilight decided that, for this morning, she would make and eat an apple pie.
So she made the pie. Simple, right?
On to step 2, eating the damn thing. Not so hard.
Problem. Where the hell was the pie?
There she was, staring at the empty pan that was just filled with pie literally seconds ago.
Twilight scratched her head in confusion, wondering if she was just hallucinating the whole time. Couldn't be though, she wasn't that crazy yet. Hopefully.
Twilight continued to silently stare at the lack of pie, still trying to get her bearings. It took a few moments for Twilight to finally comprehend that, yes, the pie was no longer there. So she finally said, "Wha-"
"DID SOMEONE SAY EVIL?!" I yelled, popping out of her fridge.
"AAH!"
"Oh hey Twilight! What are you doing here?"
"Wha- I- Th- Connery?! I should be asking that question! What were you doing in my fridge?! You almost gave me a heart attack!"
"Well Twilight, to answer your-" I had to grunt here, because I tripped on a convenient banana peel and landed on my face. "... Well Twilight, to answer your question, I may have mistaken your fridge as my secret base of super evil."
"... WHY?!"
"Geeze, Timmy Turner, calm yourself." I said to her, my ears ringing from all the shrieking. "It was a genius idea I came up with. I've made my super secret evil base to be SO SECRET, that even I can't seem to find where it is. It's only located to places where it is least expected! So, since my evil base is somewhere least expected, and I least expected your fridge..." I paused for a moment, not needing to explain further.
"... You were inside my fridge because you thought you built your secret place inside it?"
"What? No, that wouldn't make sense. I just use that excuse to be able to raid your fridge. 'When in doubt, break into Twilight's house.' is what they all say!"
"... BUT THAT DOESN'T-"
"Anywho, I see that you're in a predicament here. I might be able to help." I gently pushed her aside, and put my face against the crime scene. "Ah... OH! I see... Yes... Intriguing... Oh, most fascinating! ..."
I continued to make noises like this for the past 2 minutes, before Twilight had finally asked me, "What are you doing now?"
"I have no clue." I answered, my face still touching the inside of the empty pan, which made a somewhat cool echo effect. "But I do know what I can be doing!" I dramatically pointed my finger up. "MINION-BOTS! ASSEMBLE!"
In a straight and orderly fashion, my hidden robot army popped out of the fridge, one by one, and marched into the kitchen room. Twilight could only stare as my army pass through her house so casually, while also suffering a minor seizure for how impossibly illogical it is for them to fit in her fridge.
"... How long were you in my fridge?" She asked, recovering from her temporary mind-rape.
"2 weeks now. I'm actually surprised no one noticed. I was hiding behind the vegetable compartment."
"... I never did check behind that..." Twilight whispered to herself.
"Well, I think it's time for Detective Connery on the case!"
(Replace batman symbol with... my face.)
"Detective Connery, Evil Ace Detective, is on the case!" I said, now donning a detective costume.
I look to the side to see Twilight, her mouth gaping, as she raised her hoof for few moments, before setting it down. "You know what? Nevermind."
I shrugged in response, took out an evil magnifying glass out of my ass, and proceeded to inspect every single little detail I could find. The pan, the table, the floor, the unrelated hoofprints on the floor, the unrelated trail of pie crumbs on the floor, that very very suspicious purple hair- "You need a shower by the way." "Hey!" Every single little detail I could find.
"I'VE COME TO A CONCLUSION." I yelled, after I was satisfied with my thorough inspections of staring at the pan for the last 5 minutes. I walked towards the curtains of the nearby window. I could smell the fragrance of apples behind it. "You see, somepony here has eaten your pie. That somepony is still currently here with us this entire time."
"Ok, this is making sense." Twilight said, sighing with relief.
"You see this curtain? Notice the small stain of jam, and the smell of apples near it?"
"Yes! I do!"
"Then by that evidence, we both know what is behind this curtain..."
"Of course! It's the culp-"
"A gigantic chocolate cake is actually behind this curtain!" I fling back the curtain to show the hidden gigantic chocolate cake!
"Ok, and now you lost me."
I took the cake and set it on the table, in front of Twilight. "Ah, but the mystery is not over yet! For you see, there is another clue we have overseen!" I walked back towards the window. "You see this potted plant?" I pointed to the potted plant.
"Uh, yes?"
"It's not a potted plant. It's actually..." I took the fake plant and threw it on the ground. A loud smash and a loud "Oof!" was a result from the broken pot, dirty dirt on the floor, and a certain pink pony. "PINKIE PIE!"
"...I'm not even surprised about that."
"Oh, uh... Hey Connery! Hey Twilight! What-suh... what's going on?" Pinkie stuttered out, while giving a sheepish smile.
"So the mastermind behind all this is actually YOU!" I pointed dramatically.
"W-wait wait! I can explain! See, I'm not actually Pinkie Pie!" She quickly stood up, and unzipped a hidden zipper in her hair, to reveal the most SURPRISING PLOT TWIST! "I'm actually you, Connery NotEvilGuy!" I said, pulling off my Pinkie Pie costume.
"..." Twilight dramatically said, flipping a page of her book.
"LE GASP!" I gasped in reaction to myself. "So you're me?!" I asked me.
"Yes, I was you the entire time!" I admitted to me.
"But wait... if you're me... then that must mean that I'm..." I pull down a hidden zipper from my head, to reveal ANOTHER SURPRISING PLOT TWIST. "Actually Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said, as she takes off her disguise.
DUN DUN- ah fuck it, you already get the point.
"BUT WAIT! If you're actually Pinkie, and I'm actually you..." I pulled out a map and pointed to a random spot, "and Al Pacino is currently somewhere in this region of the universe... Then who was the potted plant?"
We both dramatically turned our heads toward the potted plant near the window. The plant suddenly grew legs of its own, and a mouth! "HAHA, so you found me out! Yes, it was actually me this entire time! HAHAHAHAHA!" It cackled wildly. "But it was all in vain, for you shall never take me alive!"
The plant opened and jumped out of the window, cackling all the while. We knew that it would get away soon, so both Pinkie and I ran out the door, chasing the fiendish plant! "Get back here, you green bastard!"
As we left behind Twilight, she could only stare at the door. She sighed deeply, wondering if she should sleep this experience away from her memory. She glanced toward the table to notice that the chocolate cake from before is still sitting there, with a note on the side. Twilight levitated the note to her, curious.
Dear Twilight,
I'm going to go on an evil adventure soon, and I won't be around for your birthday party. So to make up for it, here's an evil cake I made for you, and some extra bits for your pie. I wish you a happy early birthday. :D
Malicious intents,
Connery NotEvilGuy.
"... Huh. Heheh, I didn't expect that." Twilight giggled. Looking at the cake again, with a hungry stomach, she helped herself to some cake.
THE E-
"Wait," Twilight stopped herself. "Why are you guys still here?" She asked the minion-bots in her house.
"I have no idea. What was the point of us here again?" One robot asked another.
"Plot-inconsistency?" He shrugged.
Yeah, seriously, what was the point of these guys? They never really did anything. They were just... there, for the chapter.
THE END
Stats
Page generated in 0.028 seconds
Total duration
1,141 users online
1,845,068 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hi my name is...
Ok that's fucking hilarious
What the FUCK did I just read!?
3940544 I have little to no idea....My brain is kinda drawing blanks,Of the .45 variety
3940544 Something wonderful and about as majestic as a honey badger.
3940544 The incarnation of what you get if you mix internet and me.
Loads and loads of mindrape.
You're welcome.
Discord would have a field day with this guy.
I love how twilight just give up at the end and just reads
Your writing style reminds me of... well, me when I'm tired. Except you probably think in words, not pictures and feelings, so you can actually write what you think!!!
On a side note I think you somehow just convinced me to start trying my hand at writing/drawing comics to help me write...
3940826 GOODY, If it's anything like mine, it might be worth reading!
You go do it.
3940544
Genius in its pure chaotic state.
Dash capture my face expression perfectly
forums.finalgear.com/attachments/political-discussion/sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting/8717d1355969269-mlfw3019-dafuq.jpg
I just love your style, brormand.
Awesome. Pretty damn funny, actually. Forgetting someone, tho?
3940833 I would but writing while tired causes my grammar to disentegrate in a brilliant explosion of verbs and vowels while all the random events lead to a large meteor falling out of the sky and ending the scenario... I think my subconscious has issues.
On the bright side it results in hilarious metaphors like "He landed with all the dexterity and grace of a drunken elephant being ridden by equally drunken monkeys." The hilarity hits when I reread and realize I wrote that while being completely serious.
Jeez, you must secretly be M. Knight Shyamalalagon.
I see what you did there.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/363/1/e/clapping_pony_icon___twilight_sparkle_by_taritoons-d5pkpl8.gif
Also, ouch, my brain.
KBO.
3941133 Woot! INTERNET BROHOOF /)
3941416 (\ Here you are, my pølse brormand 4 lyfe.
...Omeone bring me a fresh glass of orphan tears with some ice.
AND THE FRESH STUFF TOO!!!
None of that cheap frozen ice, you hear me!
3941779 I need a more elaborate explanation to respond to this with a joke.
3941795 firs i was like whhhat the i was trying to hold in laughter then
Alright...
Enough internet for today, and tomorrow, and maybe even the week-end!
Nice, always good for a laugh.
Random comedy done right. Gotta love it when it happens~
This chapter made zero progression on the storyline, yet curiously provided 100% satisfaction as I read it. Awesome filler chapter. I love Connery's style.
3946651 Is what I do. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
So everything in Coreny's lab got sucked up right..? Even... CAPTAIN DUCK!? DUN-DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
3947442
Ok, Thanks, Bye!
Since you said I could I'm yelling at you for free.
HI DUDE! YOU GOT A COOL STORY HERE BRO AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A NICE DAY! HEART BUTTON!
This story remids me of the nigel m chalmers storys look for it on fimfiction they have a similar writing style
4040727 Heh, kinda funny you say that since I favorited both of his stories. I love crazy main characters since they can do anything not normal and it would be ok!
This reminds me of Scudworth or something from Clone high.
Why aren't you updating the story, it's making fluttershy sad
4108207 BECAUSE I AM A STUPID LAZY FUCK THAT NEEDS TO STOP WATCHING TV AND START WRITING.
KILLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
But in all seriousness, I'm trying. Just be a little more patient with me, and you'll get your sweet tasty taste of Connery NotEvilGuy!
KILLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Don't though. It's a figure of speech. Happy Leprechaun day!
I've...been around people like you too long, how do I know this? Because this chapter made sense. I'm scared
.
4182471 Don't be scared my friend.
Embrace it, for it shall prove ye to be one of the newcomings of life, death, and Pennsylvanian. Also, cheese toast is awesome.
*Transforms into gru from despicable me* MINIONS ASSEMBLE!
Sorry but i stop in chapter 11... too bored, yes, it was funny in the begining, but too many side story, too many flashbacks... In the end is not funny anymore
4708185 Sorry to hear that you got bored with the side-stories and flashbacks. I tried to make them funny, but I guess it didn't matter.
Where did you get that from? It sounds familiar, but I can't place where It's from.
This has more illogic than anything pinkie has done, EVER
Oookay, I'm just going to over...here, and bang my head on this wall, repeatedly.
5218223 Minion bots! Join that gentleman over there in doing whatever he is doing and tell me if it's fun or not. Because I might just join in.
Yes Sir!
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Having fun yet?
No. Ow.
*BANGING HEAD ON THE WALLS!*
DUN DUN-O SHUT UP!!@!#!@#@!$!@#!@@!#!@$@#$%$#^%%$&^%*%$#$@!@#!@^*@#*#@&%#$%
I was laughing so hard I shed a few tears
, that was awesome!
Finally some literature I can understand!